Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It's a horrible choice to have to make but I think some of us make that choice.  It's not like we can say, oh, okay, whew! so now we can just be men... It's giving up a dream that hurts so much, but for many of us, it's just something we have to do.

I feel incredibly left out of the community but it's just how things are.

I'll have plastic surgery to make me look better as a man - I desperately need a rhinoplasty and a chin augmentation, BADLY, and then maybe I can finally get a job.  I think that's more realistic than keeping this charade go on any further.  It's just not going to happen. 

I need a job, I need hobbies, I need to just accept that it's not going to happen, and I need to move on.  The only other option is the George Washington Bridge and those bastards put up railings because too many people were exiting off of it. 

What's so painful is when life becomes so heartbreaking that you would gladly choose to die over living anymore.  I need to try and make this guy work out.  I'm just way too dysmorphic about my face to ever transition right now.  The hormones are not working out and they didn't work out after a year because I never was supposed to be on them. 

Sometimes I want my facial hair back too to cover up the bottom half of my face, which I hate so much.

It's not that I am a man, it's just that I am.  Does that make any sense at all?  There's got to be more people like me out there.

That sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

We each must do what we need to and is available. Sometimes some of us forget that.

I, for one, am 100% behind you on this one. I think you're doing the right thing for you.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't be here. You are still part of our community and I know will be welcomed here as we all are.

:icon_lol:

Sometimes you gotta go with what Spacial says. This is one of those times. Figuring out the path can be difficult, we're here to try and help. Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: sysm29 on December 31, 2011, 01:47:56 PM
It's a horrible choice to have to make but I think some of us make that choice.  It's not like we can say, oh, okay, whew! so now we can just be men... It's giving up a dream that hurts so much, but for many of us, it's just something we have to do.

I may never get SRS because of the cost and my health status, but I won't be happy continuing to try and live as a man. 

Quote from: sysm29 on December 31, 2011, 01:47:56 PM
I'll have plastic surgery to make me look better as a man - I desperately need a rhinoplasty and a chin augmentation, BADLY, and then maybe I can finally get a job.  I think that's more realistic than keeping this charade go on any further.  It's just not going to happen. 

What is keeping you from getting a job now, if I may ask?  Do you think people don't hire you because of your face, or you can't bring yourself to go out to apply, or what?  Sorry if I missed you explaining this elsewhere.  I don't see any problems with your face.  You are a handsome guy.

Quote from: sysm29 on December 31, 2011, 01:47:56 PM
I need a job, I need hobbies, I need to just accept that it's not going to happen, and I need to move on.  The only other option is the George Washington Bridge and those bastards put up railings because too many people were exiting off of it. 

Is the bridge option because you can't stand living as a man any longer, or because you can't stand living as you are now?  I have very low self-confidence myself, and just a thought, but it might be helpful for you to see a counselor about this.  We often view ourselves with grey colored glasses and think everyone sees us this way.

I went to a support group where a trans women is on HRT but does nothing to transition otherwise, she worked in construction and looks it.
She said: "when i go to bed at night, I know who I am."

We all have a hard battle. Many of us come close to losing it and so we transition. However, it seems to me that continuing to fight that battle, no matter how painful it can be, makes you even stronger than those of us who transition simply because you continue to face your dysphoria. But in the end, you know who you are. Nothing can change that. *hugs* And we'll be here to keep cheering you on.

Yes, its ok for some of us to stay men.  I was happy and content  living as a man. I didn't need to look it to know who I was inside. Infact I never planned on transitioning at all, never came to mind. Everything was fine up until recently some changes in my life occured and that happiness and content ended. But yes it is possible and ok to stay a man and have an enjoyable life.

Re: Is it alright for some of us to stay men?

Yes. Transition isn't for everybody.
With your expectations, you may not be happy with the outcome of transition anyway.

I don't know your story, and I am not about persuading someone into or against transition, but I'm going to say this anyway...

Giving up is not the same as trying and failing.  Failure is a result of giving all you've got (trying) and unfortunately not succeeding; giving up seldom requires any preceding effort and is a decision, not a result.  You've got one life...one life.  If you're waiting for a drop of rain in a drought, you're going to have a sad realization later in life at all the time that passed by; meanwhile you remained the same, if not worse.  I get the impression you're wishing for a miracle, or else you're not interested.  You are overwhelming yourself with bridges you've yet to even cross.  We've all been where you are in some way or another, and others just as bad as you may think you've got it.  Without self-confidence, without self-esteem and without self-motivation... I can most certainly tell you it will not matter which path you decide to walk, it will not offer happiness.  Discovering who you are, regardless of outer appearance or whatever else, is imperative to a happy life.  So, if perhaps staying a man is who you feel you are, so be it...but I am inclined to believe otherwise judging by your posts.

Nonetheless, your choice is your choice.  Only you can know what you want.  I wish you the best on whichever path you choose.

Have you ever heard of detransitioning? some people have done that after regretting having crossed the gender line - usually those who have a deep crossdressing desire and those who regretted their SRS

All that matters is that you are happy with who you are, in whatever form that may take.

I suppose I could continue living as a man, saving myself a lot of pain, effort, medical risks and expense, and I almost certainly wouldn't kill myself. But right now I'm afraid of the outcome of the decision and that it might be wrong, and it is affecting the quality of my life.

You know who you are, that is what really matters.  If you were in a diving suit or similar, no one would know who they were working along side unless you told them. Your current suit is just a bit more human shaped is all, and true friends won't be put off, but offer understanding and support.

I have a good friend who decided against physical transition and has kept their female body.  They now work to change society instead.  I have included a link to an interview with her. ( she still uses female pronouns to suit her name).
           it is    www.abc.net.au/rural/content/2010/s3059890.htm (http://www.abc.net.au/rural/content/2010/s3059890.htm)   

Sharon is an absolute inspiration and a joy to know.

Karen.

When I hear of people detransitioning, it saddens me. Such a waste of all those $$$, energy expended, pain, etc on HRT, FFS, society, etc.

Think Samantha Kane heh

There's nothing at all wrong with remaining a man. The challenges can be very great, but can't they be great as a woman, also? Some people make that choice, and, you know, it doesn't have to be a choice made forever. Life is full of surprises, and let me tell you that you have no idea at 27 years of age where it might lead. There might come a time later in life when you know it is time to transition, and there is nothing wrong with waiting, if that's what you want. It's even possible to get so wrapped up in life that you don't even notice the years ticking by as a man, till one day you wake up and think, "Hey, what am I doing? Where am I going? What was I thinking?" It's all determined by what you decide you are going to do right now.