Susan's Place Transgender Resources

What is more important to you? To be YOURSELF or to PASS?

My friends, colleagues and many people else always tell me you 'could' be fully passable if you wanted to but you EXAGGERATE in your ways too much.

They say:

1. I dress like a prostitute and wear too slutty clothes.
2. I wear too flashy make up like lady gaga.
3. My high heels are way too high like a drag queen. 
4. My body language are too exaggerated as a ->-bleeped-<-. (which I am)
5. My walk they say is the worst cos I force to walk like Naomi Cambell on the streets.

It's true I was always hurled by insults on the streets by people calling me ->-bleeped-<-got etc...however I was very happy to dress as I want but the looks of people and insults were getting too much so 1 day I said, I'd dress exactly as my friends wanted me to dress, and SURPRISING I didn't get any disapproving looks or remarks on the streets but I felt like I'm another person and not really the real me.

Yes I could passable but I am NOT happy BUT when I wanna dress as I want I feel more comfortable and HAPPY BUT I GET INSULTS and my happiness gets mixed with anger and frustration.

Am I the only one in this situation? If you would be me, which would you choose? Not passing but be happy mixed with some frustration or pass and have peace of mind from annoying people but feel suppressed uncomfortable and not really you?

Well, you have discovered the price of being full-on 100% you. And that is clearly a flamboyant, flashy-dressing not as passable girl. Lady Gaga is completely herself, probably all the time. But no one will really ever take her seriously because she is so flashy and flamboyant. If you want to be like that, go ahead, but you WILL get mocked and teased. Or if you want to be taken seriously, dress a little less flashy, wear slightly more demure makeup, and wear a little shorter heels. If you can't make that small compromise and be happy, then getting by is going to be very hard for you. Sometimes you have to tone it down a notch, even if it feels less real. But then again, do whatever you want. Just expect teasing and mockery if you are the over-the-top sort.

go whit a  club and smash they head whit it?  xD

Well is a no easy solution to your problem, maybe you can just go  like your firends say and in the night when go to party dress as you want, my girlfriend used to do that

Quote from: Emi on January 03, 2012, 06:01:55 PM
go whit a  club and smash they head whit it?  xD

Well is a no easy solution to your problem, maybe you can just go  like your firends say and in the night when go to party dress as you want, my girlfriend used to do that

In fact I need to dress in the 'normal mode' when I go to work or when I go meet my female friends or boyfriend but when I'm alone I dress as I want. OMG why could I not be like Lady Gaga who could wear all ->-bleeped-<-s she wants without people not suspecting at all she that she's a ->-bleeped-<- while me, if I make a single wrong move they already start suspecting there's something fishy with me.

Just be you. If being really flamoyant is you, that's okay. Me? I don't think I'm that way. I want to wear what I normally do. Jeans, nerdy t-shirts, that kind of thing.

Lady Gaga passes? That's news to me. Last I checked there were plenty of ->-bleeped-<- jokes going around about her. She's just a dancing, singing joke, not really a woman if you ask me ....

And if any cisfemale dresses like Gaga, they're going to get similar looks I'm sure. Women are extremely catty about other women and their style.

Coming from someone who hasn't presented as a girl yet, I can't say I've ever had any similar experiences, but I can say this - sometimes other people might have a point worth considering.
You may not like what they are saying, but it seems like you get these comments about your appearance quite often.

Now, I don't know what you dress like or how you present yourself, but based on what I read, I would try to meet people halfway. Be it that their requests are reasonable, of course.
Like for instance, your colleagues can expect of you to come to work without your meat suit. That all depends on what type of work you do really.

Just how much more important is it to you what others think of you than to dress like you want?

I too find it difficult to stifle my mannish instinct to dominate all I survey with flashiness. Luckily in a Australia we have a long and proud history of self defacement and forced low esteem. That helps me a bit.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on January 03, 2012, 06:43:36 PM
Lady Gaga passes? That's news to me. Last I checked there were plenty of ->-bleeped-<- jokes going around about her.

True, her gender has been questioned many times.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on January 03, 2012, 06:43:36 PMShe's just a dancing, singing joke, not really a woman if you ask me ....

Why is she not really a woman?

I don't care to keep up much on celebs so I could be totally wrong, but I thought Lady Gaga was a woman and the rumors were just rumors?

Quote from: Hermione01 on January 03, 2012, 07:00:29 PM
Why is she not really a woman?

She's not a woman in a maturity sense.

What is more important to you? To be YOURSELF or to PASS?

I would have to say that both are equally important  :) 

It sounds like your friends are trying to help you because they care and I can appreciate their honesty even though it may not be what you want to hear

I'm not really into Lady Ga Ga, but I understand that many of the young folks love her and her flamboyance and like to emulate that  8) Every era has their heroes, enjoy it while your young

You may find that as you get a bit older, your tastes may change  :)  What is fun and exciting today may become something you look back at and laugh about later

Maybe you can find a nice balance between being yourself and passing  :)

Hugs

- Virginia

Well, I loved being flamboyant, flashy, attention-grabbing when I started dressing - but after transitioning for real and on hormones, the longer I have grown into my role as a woman, I have started toning down that kind of look, especially during daytime and for work.

But for the bars and parties hell yea, I still do that look - don't let anybody stop you from dressing the way you want. If it gets you clocked, oh well, it is a small price to pay for the joy to dress in what makes you happy.

She's not a woman in a maturity sense.

Really?  She's 25 years old, a multi-multi-multi-millionare, internationally famous and led in record sales the last two years and was one of the top five touring acts in those years?

So, what had you accomplished by 25?

Like a lot of people who grew up on media you seem to be incapable of separating the public persona from the actual person.  So Lady Gaga is not mature, nor is she immature - she's a fictional creation of Stefani Germanotta, who seems (from an inside showbiz perspective) wise far beyond her years.

Quote from: tekla on January 03, 2012, 09:12:21 PM
She's not a woman in a maturity sense.

Really?  She's 25 years old, a multi-multi-multi-millionare, internationally famous and led in record sales the last two years and was one of the top five touring acts in those years?

So, what had you accomplished by 25?

Like a lot of people who grew up on media you seem to be incapable of separating the public persona from the actual person.  So Lady Gaga is not mature, nor is she immature - she's a fictional creation of Stefani Germanotta, who seems (from an inside showbiz perspective) wise far beyond her years.

Which is what the OP is trying to mimic. I don't have star power like she does so whatever opinion I have of her is all of a sudden discredited. I forgot I need to have more money and fame before I can share an opinion that a few people have on the persona she is portraying, which coincidently is causing the poster grief (from what it seems, anyways)

Trying to copy real people always fails, trying to copy fictional characters is a recipe for disaster.

Very true.

At any rate, 'immature' is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.