Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've been pretty vocal on here about how as a cisgendered woman I think a lot of transgender mtf are way too hard on their appearance. 

I take the train twice a week here in Brooklyn and there have been so many times I've wanted to take a few pictures to post on here of cisgender women that have masculine features etc.  I have many of my own.

It got me to thinking about the difference in development of confidences and insecurities.   As cisgender girls I think the experience is different because even as children adults will compliment little girls on things they think are pretty.

For example.  I personally think I have a huge nose.   But so many people have told me that I have the cutest nose.  One time on a website someone said I had a nose job and I was ecstatic.  So it helped to sort of offset my own insecurities.  I've also thought I have a really bad smile.  I envy women that have those tilted up corners and nice teeth.  I always feel like I have a very rounded boring smile.  Then people told me that I have a lovely smile so I sort of got over it and accepted that if others think I do then I probably do.

I've been told I have beautiful eyes.  And being so tall I also for years was complimented on my legs.  So if I went out to a club or dressed up for dinner I would wear miniskirts and opague black stockings to emphasize them.  (Now not so much since I've turned into a slob but hey)  I'd also lavish make up on my  eyes to really emphasize them.

What I was thinking about you ladies is that perhaps you might want to change your approach in asking for advice about your appearance.

Instead of saying "What doesn't look passing"  ask people to give you honest feedback about your best features.

I would imagine if you grew up as boys that most people would not be so forthcoming about how pretty or attractive your features are.  Most people don't do that to boys.   My second son gets complimented on his eyes all the time and others have said my boys are "handsome" but that's about it.

So what arsenal of attributes do you really have at your disposal?


I have a gut.  I've never been one of those girls that had a flat stomach.  You think about passing.  But oh my,  I cannot tell you the number of times I've been asked "So when are you due?"   Then I'd reply "Ten years ago but thanks"   It's so embarrassing.   So I've learned over time to wear spanx and to emphasize the positive and try to play down the negative.

I suspect that if you are so focused on what's "not passing" you can lose sight of some of the gorgeous features.

You can see this a lot in cisgender women,  you can tell when a woman will emphasize her cleavage if she's got great boobs or show off her arms if they are toned.

For example I would imagine a few of you have toned arms because it is easier for a male than a female.  A cisgendered female that had rocking arms would be showing them off all over the place.   But maybe a transgender female would cover them up because to her they seem masculine.


I know I'm not really aware of all the issues that go with this so I apologize if I'm speaking out of turn but I'd be curious to see what responses pictures would get if they asked "What are good features about me."

I'm wondering if people are completely unaware of how attractive they really are because they didn't get that support or feedback growing up.

Just a thought.

  I agree with you about MTF's being to hard on themselves and each other, you are your own worst critic is the old saying.

The RR train is good if you got one.

I generally advise others to take a good look around while they are waiting on line at the supermarket, that place where real women can be found.

Quote from: Asha on January 06, 2012, 05:20:53 PM

  I agree with you about MTF's being to hard on themselves and each other, you are your own worst critic is the old saying.

To quote the great philospher Kermit, "It's not easy being GREEN"

Well mixie, i was totally unaware of my "cutes" or "beuty" features till i  launch myself into the LGTB community and got that feedback from  gay and transexual women...and in time to time from some  online cisg  friends women...because in internet  women are less  complains to  say that to guys.  So i thoug in at least  the most of cultures and countrys what you say can be truth.

And yes..i all the time try to remeber to me what  things are my "best"  ..but sometimes i realice what my "best" features...are sometimes the most  masculines..and i wonder what is the point to  a transition...of course my GID come and back in waves.... maybe i just have a borderline  issue , who knows.

An of course   another problem , do the transition  screw some "good features" like the muscle tone...i will be less strong and toned  whit a anti androgen

I find this thread ironic considering how I had hotly debated the value of appearance as one of the decisions factoring in whether to transition or not for some people.

Like I mentioned in another thread, we dont need to beat ourselves up or feeling guilty about wanting to look beautiful.
Nature designed human beings to select the best looking people to sleep with and to produce the next generation. Even babies respond better to gorgeous looking than ugly looking people when presented with a variety of pictures.

It is just how life is

Oh MsDazzler!

ugly or beautiful according to what and whom? Do you have some sort of standardized beauty scale or what?
Humans have been around for a little while, wouldn't you think by now we shouldn't have "ugly" people any longer if your theory of beauty evolution were truth?
People are suffering from lookism and sexism and that is the reason people are beating themselves over if it makes any sense to transition or not.

Some people have pleasing looks but stuff they say is so ugly! How do you establish the average beauty score in those cases?

Quote from: envie on January 06, 2012, 08:12:35 PM
Oh MsDazzler!
Some people have pleasing looks but stuff they say is so ugly! How do you establish the average beauty score in those cases?

You don't.

I say stuff that is unfavorable on this board. If I told people what they wanted to hear would I be better liked? Probably.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on January 06, 2012, 08:14:20 PM
I say stuff that is unfavorable on this board. If I told people what they wanted to hear would I be better liked? Probably.

Actually you rather stay truth to yourself with stuff you say which is something to be admired!
True, you can be at times a bit insensitive but rarely just plain mean.
However you don't seem to care about others critics which is either a strength or ignorance.
I guess your friends will know this better and either treasure you or despise you!

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on January 06, 2012, 08:14:20 PM
You don't.

I say stuff that is unfavorable on this board. If I told people what they wanted to hear would I be better liked? Probably.

Not speaking for others,  but you know I adore you Mahsa.   I don't think what makes you "less liked" is your "honesty"  I think sincerely its because you come across as someone who doesn't love yourself very much.  And then you assume that the truth is everyone feels this way about themselves.  That's projection.   Not honesty.  It seems to me that your entire confidence relies on your looks.  And that is not a good thing for anyone to have to deal with.



I've  seen and I'm sure I'm not the only one, many physically beautiful people turn ugly on a dime because of the way they treat other people.  In a photograph anyone can be stunning.  In person, not so much.


Also I want to address what envie said about sometimes your best features are the masculine ones.  I guess that's exactly what I'm saying.  My height would be considered a masculine feature.  But I stand out because of it and it makes me special.  I suppose if I could create the perfect Mixie,  I'd cut off a few inches.  But then I wouldn't be Mixie.   Many people think it's a boon to be tall.

Everyone has their opinions.

But beauty is confidence.

Quote from: mixie on January 06, 2012, 09:01:46 PM
But beauty is confidence.

thank you!

Quote from: mixie on January 06, 2012, 09:01:46 PM
  I think sincerely its because you come across as someone who doesn't love yourself very much.

I am the poster child of narcissism.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on January 06, 2012, 11:19:58 PM
I am the poster child of narcissism.

Kia Ora Elle,

::) And narcissism is a mental disorder, go figure.... ;) ;D

Metta Zenda :)

Mixie, You are right. we are way too hard on ourselves. And I don't think that will change anytime soon.

Quote from: Zenda on January 06, 2012, 11:51:18 PM
Kia Ora Elle,

::) And narcissism is a mental disorder, go figure.... ;) ;D

Metta Zenda :)

A mental disorder about me.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on January 07, 2012, 12:51:18 AM
A mental disorder about me.

Kia Ora Elle,

::)  :icon_yes: all about you, who else 'could' it be about ?  ;)

Metta Zenda :)

Yes, we are too hard on ourselves.  But at times, I feel it's a must.

In reference to asking others what passes and what doesn't... I've never participated in those threads and I never will.

Quote from: Zenda on January 07, 2012, 12:56:23 AM
Kia Ora Elle,

::)  :icon_yes: all about you, who else 'could' it be about ?  ;)

Metta Zenda :)

*insert catty gay celebrity here* ()()

Quote from: Keaira on January 07, 2012, 12:45:58 AM
Mixie, You are right. we are way too hard on ourselves. And I don't think that will change anytime soon.

Guess what?  It's your job to change it.  Not anyone else's.  For SURE I could try to have a tummy tuck, or spend hours trying on different kind of tummy controllers.  I could spend hours, days, weeks in a gym (I did it didn't make a dent.  I'm perpetually cursed)  or I could say "Who gives a flying feck.  Am I really the sum total of the fat cells in my gut?  Is that what makes me a woman?  Or is obsessing about it what makes me less of a woman."


The great irony here,  AND I HOPE YOU ALL HEAR IT.


You have achieved the greatest level of personal dignity, honesty and empowerment.   I mean seriously, how hard is it for me to put aside and say "Ok I have a fat stomach,  ok I have a weak chin,  ok I tower above most people."   Those things are about a thousand times easier than putting aside being raised as a completely different gender.  Listening to your inner soul throughout all those who said "No you are mistaken"  "Oh you should dress this way"  "This is who you are supposed to be!"

You fought through ALL THAT?  And now at the gate of your true self you're going to be taken aback by a few hairs,  or a whole shadow of hairs?  You're going to obsess over your voice or how your forehead sits?

It makes no sense!  You have already accomplished a sense of empowerment that eludes most women I know until they are way into their adulthood, 50s and 60s.  But here you all are,  knowing yourself, being yourself.  In spite of every obstacle and obsession you have come into your own and you are going to stop now?

Sometimes you all remind me of Artax  in the Swamps of Sadness in The Neverending Story.   You have ran across plains with the wind at your back,  you have climbed mountains with crooked knees and fallen in the face of brutal winter and got back up again.  You have saved others, been inspirations and beautiful beyond measure.  And yet.  because some redneck looks at you sideways and makes a nasty comment you believe that the redneck has clocked you and seen you and outed you.  Don't you understand that he would do that to anyone?   

Do you even realize the level of beauty and wisdom that it takes to say "This is who I am."  And to be yourself in spite of every obstacle?

I sometimes feel like Atreyu watching you all.   And I'm sure those that love you feel the same way.


Bastian and Moonchild scene (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImWigsbUJIQ&feature=related#)

If it were that simple, I wouldn't worry about my voice. Or Rhyno about her appearance. Or Mahsa.... Well I'm still trying to figure out her issue.
We just want to blend in and live our lives, not be constantly made fun of for being ourselves. Which is what happens. or worse. We want to be seen for who we are and be the best we can be. Sometimes we can get really obsessive about the smallest detail. I agree with you 110%. And it can get really bad if we start comparing ourselves to what magazines are telling us about beauty.

Quote from: Keaira on January 07, 2012, 05:29:22 PM
If it were that simple, I wouldn't worry about my voice. Or Rhyno about her appearance. Or Mahsa.... Well I'm still trying to figure out her issue.
We just want to blend in and live our lives, not be constantly made fun of for being ourselves. Which is what happens. or worse. We want to be seen for who we are and be the best we can be. Sometimes we can get really obsessive about the smallest detail. I agree with you 110%. And it can get really bad if we start comparing ourselves to what magazines are telling us about beauty the art of "airbrushing".

Kia Ora K,

::) I just made a small alteration to your post...I hope you don't mind  ;)

Metta Zenda :)

Quote from: Keaira on January 07, 2012, 05:29:22 PM
If it were that simple, I wouldn't worry about my voice. Or Rhyno about her appearance. Or Mahsa.... Well I'm still trying to figure out her issue.
We just want to blend in and live our lives, not be constantly made fun of for being ourselves. Which is what happens. or worse. We want to be seen for who we are and be the best we can be. Sometimes we can get really obsessive about the smallest detail. I agree with you 110%. And it can get really bad if we start comparing ourselves to what magazines are telling us about beauty.

I remember being in 4th grade and greatly envying this girl Heather who gorgeous long blond curly hair.  All the teachers favored her.   I had "dirty blonde hair" and felt ugly.  Thank god for Miss Clairol.    But maybe...........you know you are making me think of something.   Maybe growing up as boys you had no idea how much pressure is put on girls from day one to be pretty and look good.  Some girls had that luxury.  They were gorgeous skinny Playboy Centerfold type gals.  For the rest of us it wasn't realistic.

It wasn't possible.  So we could either get used to the pressure or suffer because of it.  Perhaps what is really going on here, is being thrown in to the deep end of the ocean and freaking out about all the pressure.


Down here,  most cisgender women exist in a bell jar.   Otherwise we'd be dead.   Some of us have killed ourselves or gotten sucked into drugs, eating disorders, depression etc.

The rest of us have learned that the pressure is only as strong as you let it be.   You must ignore it or you will spend a lifetime in a  world of pain.



Read up ladies

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bell_Jar (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bell_Jar)

QuoteBeauty Worship Cult

How I look is important
because what I say is not
Worse than being mortal
I am woman
I bleed
I age
I give birth
to life's imperfections
Imperfection is sin
if I cannot be perfect
be beautiful
I should rather be invisible
or paint on product perfect
luminosity to hypno-trip
I must divide
and conquer
with my ephemeral eternal;
physical presence
because my internal
intellectual under-glow radiance
is immaterial to
prescribed visions of
exalted angelic faces
of supermodel saviors
trying to keep me in line
behind the cosmetic counter
Capitalist controllers
the guardian of my beauty value
I am sanctioned and separated by
deliberately disorienting
depictions of my body
down casting my soul into
body bondage
Enslaved to the doctrine of image
Bound to the beauty book
like some divine pronouncement
I am ordained the omnipotent
queen of beauty bounty
briefly before reality renders me
flawed and shamed
into seeking salvation in a bottle
I am made up like a mascot
my material much too mass-ive [sic]
for marriage or money manifestation
Starvation is the only purification
into skeletal sanctity
My skin-shell is my protection
is my passport
into the sacred realm of obsession
with
the formulated female form
Soceity's vested interest
In woman as object
If I am not a textbook beauty
then what will save my soul
from the profane sin
of unregulated ugliness
or the condemnation of mediocrity
What am I
if I am not beautiful

Quote from: mixie on January 07, 2012, 05:49:23 PM
I remember being in 4th grade and greatly envying this girl Heather who gorgeous long blond curly hair.  All the teachers favored her.   I had "dirty blonde hair" and felt ugly.  Thank god for Miss Clairol.    But maybe...........you know you are making me think of something.   Maybe growing up as boys you had no idea how much pressure is put on girls from day one to be pretty and look good.  Some girls had that luxury.  They were gorgeous skinny Playboy Centerfold type gals.  For the rest of us it wasn't realistic.

It wasn't possible.  So we could either get used to the pressure or suffer because of it.  Perhaps what is really going on here, is being thrown in to the deep end of the ocean and freaking out about all the pressure.


Down here,  most cisgender women exist in a bell jar.   Otherwise we'd be dead.   Some of us have killed ourselves or gotten sucked into drugs, eating disorders, depression etc.

The rest of us have learned that the pressure is only as strong as you let it be.   You must ignore it or you will spend a lifetime in a  world of pain.



Read up ladies

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bell_Jar (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bell_Jar)

I think that for many of us, it is because we weren't raised as girls. So were pretty envious of any girl. By the time we transition there is just so much we have missed out on. Many of them might seem somewhat trivial to a cis-gendered woman but for us, It's something we may never get the chance to do or experience. And by that time too, Testosterone has done quite a lot of damage. So we try really hard to either undo that damage, cover it up or draw emphasis away from our problem areas. So the fact that some of us were pretty manly-looking men only doubles or triples the pressure to look passable.

I'm still not saying that you don't have a valid point. I'm just trying to help you see why we can be hypercritical of ourselves.

If I could learn to accept my body as it is... why would I be transitioning?

   It really is hard to find our masculine features as beautiful when society enjoys making fun of queer bodies by emphasizing them in humor and such.
It's pretty distorted. Thanks for this thread, it's a hard mountain to climb. I attempt to feminize my masculine features as much as i can.
I can't really do that with my facial hair yet lol, even though i saw a woman with a full beard come into my work recently. It was quite lovely.
Goodness i need to start LHR.

Nice attempt to bring some reason into people's minds Mixie but for someone to be helped they must want to help themselves in order to receive help.
Half of the thread is being used to fight against your well meant suggestions and observations. If people only used this amount of energy to start
loving themselves, show some appreciation for the lives they have and the chance to be truth to themselves they would be much better off.
But they don't...

Quote from: envie on January 07, 2012, 10:45:34 PM
Nice attempt to bring some reason into people's minds Mixie but for someone to be helped they must want to help themselves in order to receive help.
Half of the thread is being used to fight against your well meant suggestions and observations. If people only used this amount of energy to start
loving themselves, show some appreciation for the lives they have and the chance to be truth to themselves they would be much better off.
But they don't...

Actually I know I am luckier than some, Testosterone didn't give me an adams apple to worry about, my voice really didn't change all that much, I'm 5'5, not overly hairy and I am beginning to look more like the women on my Mum's side than I ever did. A bit of time, practice and make-up and laser and I think I might be just fine. All of these things I am happy about. I even like my nose. the only things I nitpick are my hairline and maybe my huge Cheshire cat-like smile if I grin. But they are things I can live with.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi688.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fvv246%2FKeairaElisabeth%2FIMG_0919.jpg&hash=9f389f7333e32bf00720e3d99a0040cf6e6040c2)

See?

I'm pretty optimistic about my ability to pass. I just dont get an accurate 'gauge' on how well I pass right now because I'm at work all the time and I have to deal with the jerks/ idiots/ who wont let go of the past, mine specifically. 

Quote from: Keaira on January 07, 2012, 11:16:47 PM
Actually I know I am luckier than some, Testosterone didn't give me an adams apple to worry about, my voice really didn't change all that much, I'm 5'5, not overly hairy and I am beginning to look more like the women on my Mum's side than I ever did. A bit of time, practice and make-up and laser and I think I might be just fine. All of these things I am happy about. I even like my nose. the only things I nitpick are my hairline and maybe my huge Cheshire cat-like smile if I grin. But they are things I can live with.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi688.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fvv246%2FKeairaElisabeth%2FIMG_0919.jpg&hash=9f389f7333e32bf00720e3d99a0040cf6e6040c2)

See?

I'm pretty optimistic about my ability to pass. I just dont get an accurate 'gauge' on how well I pass right now because I'm at work all the time and I have to deal with the jerks/ idiots/ who wont let go of the past, mine specifically.

Chicha!  Hot Tamale!  Looking good in that pix.  Don't nitpick.  Flaunt the positive.


Torn I really like your hair!  Did you get highlights?   And you look good too!  I do know it's hard.   And I do know it's much harder than being cis with masculine features.   But I've been so so tempted to post a few pix of my friends.  You all wouldn't believe they are cis and they are not very attractive.  I haven't seen anyone on here that I"d say wasn't attractive, so on the one hand,  although you do have some masculine features, they are attractive masculine features.   To me so far everyone is ahead of the game.

Envie,  great points as always.   Thank you!

Quote from: mixie on January 08, 2012, 07:15:17 AM

Chicha!  Hot Tamale!  Looking good in that pix.  Don't nitpick.  Flaunt the positive.


Torn I really like your hair!  Did you get highlights?   And you look good too!  I do know it's hard.   And I do know it's much harder than being cis with masculine features.   But I've been so so tempted to post a few pix of my friends.  You all wouldn't believe they are cis and they are not very attractive.  I haven't seen anyone on here that I"d say wasn't attractive, so on the one hand,  although you do have some masculine features, they are attractive masculine features.   To me so far everyone is ahead of the game.

Envie,  great points as always.   Thank you!

lol. Well I joke that I am such a Tomboy, my body just grew that way. :P

In that picture you remind me of Selma Blair


(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcartobid.info%2Fsites%2Fdefault%2Ffiles%2Fwallpaper%2FSelma-Blair-Hair-pic-4.jpg&hash=e8ce7734db6f1613d3a9960317cf8d1310c60038)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.starpulse.com%2Fpictures%2F2008%2F11%2F12%2Fpreviews%2FSelma%2520Blair-ALO-034752.jpg&hash=8c96db3b1b6016dabfbdbf4a42ca16910b4032d1)

Quote from: mixie on January 08, 2012, 12:22:09 PM
In that picture you remind me of Selma Blair


(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcartobid.info%2Fsites%2Fdefault%2Ffiles%2Fwallpaper%2FSelma-Blair-Hair-pic-4.jpg&hash=e8ce7734db6f1613d3a9960317cf8d1310c60038)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.starpulse.com%2Fpictures%2F2008%2F11%2F12%2Fpreviews%2FSelma%2520Blair-ALO-034752.jpg&hash=8c96db3b1b6016dabfbdbf4a42ca16910b4032d1)

I can see that. Thanks! ^_^ As a guy I was also compared to Johnny Depp. lol

Maybe I should look at her for hairstyle ideas. :D

Of course it's been 10 months on HRT So it will be interesting as to how much my face changes in the next few years.

Mixies posts and the posts of resignation regarding peoples looks are kind of hitting close to home but not in a way you might suspect.

I have a 2 years younger sister. While going through puberty she was teased about her hairy legs or being skinny or about her small breasts.
One of my uncles was even comparing her breasts with having zits on the chest. At the time I was a kid who didn't know anything different
but these things stayed in my memory.
Today my sister is a woman who can't leave the house without shaving her legs, armpits etc. and for a while spraying bronze spray over her body. Make up in her face of course,
and still battling with low weight and "small" breasts.
People who meet her for the first time can't believe how good looking sister I have but she sees herself still as not acceptable. Only recently I've seen some but still very minimal
acceptance of her physique. She is in her 30's and this kind of focus on particular parts of her body and what others might think about it ruined her life. She is still only on the the bare beginning of self acceptance that is so fragile it can reverse any moment.
I just recently sent that uncle to hell for trying to comment on my big nose, my wardrobe etc. We haven't spoken in 15 years and only after 2 conversation I told him his comments are not welcome and he can get lost.

So, it is not about accepting your body as male and not transitioning but it is about accepting the woman you are transitioning into. I am not transitioning into Cindy Crowford or Heidi Clum but becoming my own woman. It is a transition to oneself regardless of how that woman or a man might look. That is the kind of self acceptance that mixie is trying to explain. Once you have accepted yourself you will gain the confidence which in turn brings the beauty with itself.
Hence, confidence is beauty, as mixie said.
Trachea, breasts, forehead or hips are just not the body parts that contain all the personal value that each and every one of us has.

Yes, I have large brow, receding hair line, long nose and large trachea. Do I care? Yes! Does it change who I am? No!
What I can improve on my appearance I work on. What is there to remain manly I will accept as there is no use of breaking my head over what can't be changed.
But i am not going to do a darn thing just because my neighbor or my uncle might say so!

Quote from: Sarah7 on January 08, 2012, 06:25:27 PM
I'm sure plenty of you think I'm horrible or that it's terribly sad that I feel I had to do all that to myself, but the truth is I'm a very happy artificial construct. My dysphoria is fleeing in terror before my medical and surgical interventions. I am hardly a supermodel, but I can look in the mirror these days and see a girl smiling back at me. The girl that I am and always was. That was hiding under that mask of flesh and bone. That I was passable before most of the work I've had done on my body is entirely irrelevant. Passing is about other people. I care about how I see myself.

No you are not horrible person. As you say, "passing" is about other people and you have done all the interventions for yourself. Now the suggestion is that all the work you have done so far could be used for acknowledgement of some accomplishment and less beat yourself over what is still left to do. A glass half full or half empty? The amount of water in the glass is still the same but your perception could be the positive or the negative. Now focusing on your accomplishments would lead you to the glass half full perception. hope this helps!

Wow, I have tears in my throat at what envie and Sarah have shared.  I would think cutting has such a close similarity to the pain of not being right in your own body.  Cisgender or trans.

When I gave birth one of the things they told us about was the feeling of "wanting to come out of your own skin" wanting to flee, get up, leave this bag of bones behind, run from the pain, run from all the everything, the snide comments but crappy uncles and the feeling of wanting to rip it all away and start afresh.  Like a whale beaching. 

Envie, one look at your nose is a reminder.  Most of us are wonder if you have a Cyrano de Bergerac in profile, because you have a cute dainty nose, almost too small for your own face IMO but alas like me,  you had those voices in the past.


Darlings listen to Annie Lennox.  She's captured the essence of screaming out of your skin better than anyone I know.


Eurythmics - Beethoven (I Love To Listen To) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbuMXyzouJQ&ob=av2e#)

thanks mixie,

my nose is rather narrow but became long after the HRT melted away all the fat on my face. So my nose kind of stayed where it was while the surrounding area went down.
It is just so different for the people who know me from before the transition that to them it sticks out.
Here is a pre transition photo for comparison.

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ahpOPdS2sAA/TwooMpmKGxI/AAAAAAAAADg/swlrQRFM1NU/s400/old%252520photo.jpg

(not sure why the photo embedding is not working for me)
I'll have to watch the Annie Lenox video few times before I get it. English is not my first language so I have to catch up on song lyrics.

It's a good point of view, and I thank you for posting it.

But I must add this: the great majority of trans women, by definition, have a lot of things they (almost) absolutely need to change to look acceptable, contrary to cis women. Both tend to focus on the bad aspects of their physical appearance, but in our case, part of it is justified in most cases. However, we tend to hate our bodies so much that it's likely that we can't pinpoint what's truly bad and what's actually okay.

Also, (speaking for myself but I imagine I'm not alone) trans women, having lived as male for years, might have less of a "sense of style/beauty", or a lower ability to judge a female appearance. Also, the depressing elements from living as what you are not might have, like in my case, induced a type of strong introversion that would have had the effect of ignoring one's body; of "not seeing what you don't want to see", making a person not only too critical on themself, but even unable to discern what looks good or not on them.

And lastly, because we have lived for so long in a body we hate and might feel our youth/childhood/teenage has been "stolen away", as well as because there are a few masculine things about our bodies we can never change, I feel it may be justified for us to sort of try to overcompensate.

The key to taking good decisions, I think, is having neither toxic, self-produced negative opinions nor sugar-coated , almost false statements about how everything is perfect. I see both around here: beautiful girls complaining a lot about minor things they still look pretty with, and people saying "passable but nothing more" girls look FABULOUS and have ZERO ISSUES.

It looks like it's hard for us to neither fall in the "I'm super ugly and will never pass" trap nor ignore fairly important passing issues and expose ourselves to big pain should we ever be clocked for something we didn't know.

I feel like I've just rambled on for way too long, and haven't said much useful...

Anyhow, thank you, mixie.

I have my issues, but I try to keep a positive mindset. But I often feel like the ugly girl in the family. ^_^

I never did cutting, but I did tell myself I hate you every day in the mirror. Growing up I got teased about my short height and the one ear that sticks out. Ironically, The short height has worked out for me. I also got teased for being really sensitive, I cried a lot when I was younger. Especially if my dad yelled at me. But one  day when I was about 11, I exploded in school. I flat out refused to do any work. So I was sent to a Psychologist. My parents never told me what they found out and I don't even remember the meeting. But I do know my parents knew I was dressing as a girl at that age too. But I also spent a lot of time growing up with 2 female cousins. I think we were almost as close as brother and sister. They've grown up to be quite pretty. As I got older, the differences between us started to go beyond clothes and hair length. And I kind of just shut down after that. I barely remember my teenage years, beyond the anger, running away and fights at school. Most kids thought I was gay. I didn't know what I was. But gay didn't fit right. I just know I envied the girls in my schools who's puberty was so much better than mine. And I kept that all to myself.
But anyway, a few years ago, my Dad got remarried. Just before he did, I came out to him. he was great about it and is very supportive, But now I have 3 step-sisters and they are all pretty. For various reasons, I sometimes feel I was replaced. Why have a transsexual daughter when you can have 3, 'normal' girls?
Like I said, I know I have a lot going for me. But I feel like I need to out-shine the girls in my family to get noticed. And I don't even have a clue on how to do that.