Susan's Place Transgender Resources

First and foremost, I'm me.  Mostly human.  Mostly harmless.

AMAB.  Nik, Niki, Niko, Nika, all me.  I identify as female... or male... or androgynous... or none of the above.  Gender Fluid is the term that I've embraced and am most comfortable with under the transgender umbrella.  My current gender depends on so many different factors that I won't bore you with even a short list. 

I've been on HRT for six months now and my body image is finally starting to match the mental image I have of me.  The last few months have been some of the happiest of my life. 

I started out 'cross dressing' almost 25 years ago, traveled through years of denial and guilt and depression until I finally accepted that my gender didn't match that on my birth certificate all of the time.  At first, I thought I was transsexual, but that didn't fit quite right.  After a lot of introspection and self-analysis, I came to realize that I wanted to be male and female and etc.  I am comfortable as a man and comfortable as a woman, but I'm most comfortable when I have the option to be either, both, or neither. 

I live in a small town between nowhere in particular and somewhere not all that interesting.  I'm very open about being transgender, and I have had less problems here than when I lived in larger cities.  People tend to mind their own business here.  It helps that I'm a wonderful person, too.   ;)  I go out as female and male and anywhere [insert relational modifier].

I've had plenty of bad times, really bad times, and incredibly terrible times.  Rape, violence, discrimination, objectification, to name a few that stand out most in my mind.  I am not a victim.  I am not a survivor.  I am a conqueror!  Fear is the mind killer...  I've grown through (I was going to say past, but they're still in my mind) these things and others, again, through introspection, self-analysis, friends, and family (especially my mother). 

Ten years ago, my mom asked me if I were transsexual.  I was pretty deep in denial and guilt at the time and said that I wasn't.  She said that she would love me no matter what I am. It wouldn't change WHO I am.  I've since come out to her and she was right, she does love me.  :D  Sure, there were a lot of questions, but they were the right questions:  about gender, not sexuality. 

My insight:  Don't let ANYONE tell you what you can or can not be.  Not even your therapist.  Especially not your therapist.  Get a new one if you need to.  Don't blindly accept what they say, think about it, analyze it, and decide if it is right for you.

The world is special to me because, in anything, beauty can be found.

p.s. fire engines are not always red.

Hi Niko! Welcome to the forums, It is good to see you around.

Hello to you, too, and thanks!  :)

Hi Nikorniki,
Welcome to the most warm and friendliest family on the Web, bar none. Thank you for that introduction. You are a well seasoned and experienced traveller in this community.

The insight you shared below is profoundly on the mark. I wasted a substantial number of years, wading through the "professional" rubbish heaped on me, about homosexuality and transvestism. Nevertheless, you are right. If you listen to your inner voice, you are bound to make it without too much collateral damage.

Quote from: Nikorniki on January 07, 2012, 04:07:56 AM

My insight:  Don't let ANYONE tell you what you can or can not be.  Not even your therapist. Especially not your therapist.  Get a new one if you need to.  Don't blindly accept what they say, think about it, analyze it, and decide if it is right for you.

I hope to see more of you here. Hope you enjoy your stay here. In the meantime, be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

@Catherine

Yeah, a bowl of alphabet soup after someone's name doesn't make them automatically correct.  Sure, they've spent years being educated and trained in their field, but it doesn't mean they learned and retained anything. 

The worst ones are the ones who can't seem to separate gender and sexuality.  *big hugs* 

Thank you for your warm greeting and have a great day!  ^.^
Nika

Hi Nika, it's nice to meet you! As soon as I saw the title of your thread, I said, "Oh, Lawdy! We got us a closeted fire engine lover." Turns out I was right. See you around, hugs, Devlyn

Hi, Devlyn!

The lime green ones really get my fire burning hot! ^.^

Fire engines in Hawaii are yellow. Welcome NikorNiki. :)

Hi NikorNiki :icon_wave-nerd: Nice to meet you. :)

Jennifer

@Felix Oooh, yellow fire engines sound rather exciting! 

@all Thank you for your warm welcomes :)

Hi, NN, nice to have you here.

What about this fire engine?  Manchester Pride 2010- rainbow fire engine (http://www.flickr.com/photos/spinneyhead/4937392647/#)

@rosetyler That engine is spot on!  <3