Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've had a a desire to be a girl since I've been about 8 or so. I've stayed up multiple nights just laying in bed wishing I was a girl. I've also tried to get a feminine voice and such which probably sucks because I've never recorded myself or use it in front of anyone. I just don't know what to do really. My dad was a Army Ranger for 22 years and doesn't agree with it at all, so the way i was raised it just seems like I shouldn't do this. However the desire to be a girl has never gone away and I can't ignore it. I'm just kinda stuck right now I suppose.

Many here understand your situation.

You know when you feel somebody put to much sugar and spice in your snail shells a puppy dog tails.

I agree with the therapist idea,
tell them you need to see a therapist, tell them that something is wrong and that you want to get fixed, let the therapist tell your parents what is going on, they are trained to do that sort of thing,
you are never stuck,
society and others just make you think that you are stuck.

Get "diagnosed" with Gender Identity Disorder. Most people hold a professional diagnosis far more valuable than what comes from the heart on these matters.

That's what I assumed, but I'm currently unemployed and have no insurance so I gotta look around and get this going.

Many therapists will see you without insurance and will charge on an ability to pay basis. I saw my therapist for 40 dollars a visit.

The word 'disorder' in GID bothers me.    People hear 'disorder' and negative mental health issues come into their minds.

Well I will do what I can and find a therapist. In the mean time I'm just conflicted about it because of the way I was raised. My mom passed away two years ago and I could kind of talk to her. My dad on the other hand feels like he has failed as a dad and think it's gross and disgusting. So I can't to him about it at all. Which leaves no one else, but me and whatever help I can find. He also says I'll lose him If I do decide to be a girl. It's just hard to deal with and that's why I'm finally taking action. I have already been looking a therapist recently because I really need help. I've tried posting on some forums and stuff also. I'm just at a fork in the road and got to start living my life how I want to, whatever it may be.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on January 30, 2012, 05:08:20 PM
Many therapists will see you without insurance and will charge on an ability to pay basis. I saw my therapist for 40 dollars a visit.

Holy heck!!!

Wish I could find a person to see me for that. I'm looking at about $100 a visit for the few people I've asked.

Quote from: LivingInGrey on January 30, 2012, 07:23:01 PM
Holy heck!!!

Wish I could find a person to see me for that. I'm looking at about $100 a visit for the few people I've asked.

Ditto! And they are backlogged!
  Joelene

Mine was/is(stayed with it, even after the letter) @ $50 a session, but I consider finding her lucky. If you look for a local lgbt/trans community group, they may be able to help you find someone. Just my $.02 : )

I think you might try to imagine your life as a girl if you can. What do you see? Good? bad? What are you doing? Does it make more sense somehow? I'm trying to think of how you might approach it. I think for me it just boiled down to wanting to live an authentic life and have people see me the same way I felt on the inside. It's hard to explain. I now pretty much tell people, as dismissive or trite as it might seem: "I transitioned because it made more sense to live my life as a girl than a boy. It...just...makes...more...sense." I can tell you that the feeling of "wanting" to be a girl wasn't a familiar feeling, I wasn't comfortable with that feeling growing up at all. I didn't like feeling like an f ing freak, I can tell you that. I wasn't longing to be wearing girl clothes, I was longing to be like every other guy I knew. I felt like gender stuff pretty much made me so different and not in a good way. This was growing up from like 5th gradeish to like teens. Then I just learned to live with it and learned to be "me" no matter how I felt. Um, I'm kinda rambling, sorry! Be you, whatever form you means...girl...boy...etc. Just strive to live honestly and give yourself a foundation to build a happy life :) Meghan

Ever since I can remember I was obsessed with femaleness, of which dressing was only a part. The obsession has always presented in me like a wave breaking on the beach, only to break again in a few seconds. I did not know who or what I was, but I wasn't a normal male. On top of my internal shame and confusion, I always felt my body was unmasculine, hairless and too soft and round, with too small a penis. I was uncomfortable with both boys and girls, and was never able to shed a feeling of "wrongness." I felt like a "nonentity," which is a common self-perception of transsexuals.

At this point in my life, finally, I know I'm a "girl" because the idea of having to live as a "boy" any longer makes me tired and angry. I hate to see my male version in the mirror, because it represents so much pain and wasted time. I look upon living in the female gender as finally being able to relax and simply be a person.

:) Lallie

I'm living in boy mode as of January 30th, 2012.

I'm really stressed and I hope I can go back to December if I could.

I'm pretending to be someone I'm not and it is not going too well.

My boy mode feels less natural, more artificial, and less fulfilling than my wonderful time as a girl.

As a girl, I was happier, healthier, less stressed, and more sensitive to peoples' emotions.

Now, I feel miserable, short of breath, stressed and insensitive.

My body can't physically take the stress of a traditionally male role.

I jumped into boy mode last month to "prove" to my family and non-accepting friends and non-accepting psychologist that I'm "not" transsexual, after being persuaded to do so.

Now I'm in school taking computers (okay), gym (I walk the treadmill and do the bikes along with very light (5 lb.) dumbbell lifting), education (lots of females in this class), and Auto Lab (What persuaded me to take this? I should be in Cosmetology or something like that.)

I now owe 2000 dollars for classes I really don't even want to take and now may have to work at a place I may not even like to pay this off.

I applied at my college (alright) as well as White Castle (I was a vegetarian until early January. At spirit, I still am a sympathetic girl and I REALLY want to be a vegetarian, but how many MEN wimp out on beef?). I was sick of being told I didn't eat "real" food.

I'm hoping I get the FIRST job NOT the SECOND.

It's NOT WORKING.

If your soul is a girl, then BE A GIRL. DO NOT LET ANYONE PERSUADE  YOU TO DO OTHERWISE,

Yup.

Well I've found a therapist for $60 a session. Cheapest I could find that doesn't take insurance. I go to her on Friday. My mind is going insane with everything right now. My job situation and me wanting to go to college and this gender thing. I'm 23 and haven't really done anything with my life and I've only had two jobs. 2 years of work experience is not much to go on. I think maybe I've been living in denial of my feelings. I guess I was just dealing with it by ignoring it, not thinking about it, and trying to pretend it doesn't exist. I'm thinking my mind or me just couldn't bottle up anything anymore and this month has been crazy because it just exploded lol. Thanks for all the responses so far.

I agree - find a reputable therapist, do some soul-searching, and get in some good experimentation.  Try makeup.  Try girl clothes.  Play around with it.  Have fun.  If you like it and it seems like it's for you, go for it.  I took baby-steps - it took me a year and half of exploring my gender identity before I decided that transition was the only workable solution to the issues that I had with my biological sex.

Quote from: Happy Girl! on January 30, 2012, 06:25:16 PM
The word 'disorder' in GID bothers me.    People hear 'disorder' and negative mental health issues come into their minds.

I agree, Happy Girl!

I don't think I'm have a mental "disorder."
I sometimes even doubt I am "dysphoric."
Perhaps everybody should be just like me!

Quote from: LivingInGrey on January 30, 2012, 07:23:01 PM
Holy heck!!!

Wish I could find a person to see me for that. I'm looking at about $100 a visit for the few people I've asked.

my doc was 60 a visit. We did my therapy through skype. She was very good at her job

Quote from: ~~BebeLyss~~ on January 31, 2012, 05:20:45 AM

I jumped into boy mode last month to "prove" to my family and non-accepting friends and non-accepting psychologist that I'm "not" transsexual, after being persuaded to do so.

Actually, you "jumped into boy mode" because you "got saved" as a Christian and then proceeded to tell all of us that you'll be praying for us because our paths are leading to hell:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,113518.msg866101.html#msg866101 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,113518.msg866101.html#msg866101)

QuoteIf your soul is a girl, then BE A GIRL. DO NOT LET ANYONE PERSUADE  YOU TO DO OTHERWISE,

Interesting statement considering 3 weeks ago you went onto my youtube channel and told me and my friends and family how you were crossdressing to fill a void in your life and since you accepted Jesus you needed to tell all transgender people to repent and come to Him before it's too late.

You went from MTF, to Christian who saw it as a sin to go to MTF, to MTF FTM (without transitioning first), back to MTF all in 18 days.

You can't say that stuff and expect us to forget about it and if I were you, I would make it a job to find a therapist. I'm not saying that to be mean...i really think you would benefit with a general psychiatrist.

Quote from: Annah on January 31, 2012, 09:51:45 PM
SNIP

Interesting statement considering 3 weeks ago you went onto my youtube channel and told me and my friends and family how you were crossdressing to fill a void in your life and since you accepted Jesus you needed to tell all transgender people to repent and come to Him before it's too late.

You went from MTF, to Christian who saw it as a sin to go to MTF, to MTF FTM (without transitioning first), back to MTF all in 18 days.

You can't say that stuff and expect us to forget about it and if I were you, I would make it a job to find a therapist. I'm not saying that to be mean...i really think you would benefit with a general psychiatrist.

Sometimes we all experience trouble and confusion.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

From "The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

Quote from: ~~BebeLyss~~ on January 31, 2012, 05:20:45 AM
I applied at my college (alright) as well as White Castle (I was a vegetarian until early January. At spirit, I still am a sympathetic girl and I REALLY want to be a vegetarian, but how many MEN wimp out on beef?). I was sick of being told I didn't eat "real" food.

OT but...

to me this really isn't a gender thing.
I present as male more often than female in this moment. and before transition when i was male all the time I was and still am a vegan.

if its something you believe in do it for yourself. not for what other people tell you to do.

its not "wimping out" on beef. it actually takes a lot more strength to live that way and to fight the urges.
but to answer that rhetorical question. I know quite a lot of men who wimp put on beef persay.

sorry but. it bothers me that people can think its feminine to be vegetarian/vegan. it really has nothing to do with gender at all.
I hope you can someday see it that way as well.

anyway...back on track...

Quote from: ~~BebeLyss~~ on January 31, 2012, 05:20:45 AM

I applied at my college (alright) as well as White Castle (I was a vegetarian until early January. At spirit, I still am a sympathetic girl and I REALLY want to be a vegetarian, but how many MEN wimp out on beef?). I was sick of being told I didn't eat "real" food.

You shouldn't let others bully you into eating something you don't like. I was a vegetarian for a long time but recently in an effort to put on weight (for my boobies) I've added meats back into my diet to give me a bigger range of food. However I still won't eat any red meats because I just don't like the taste. Even as a guy I would never eat things like beef or steak and I never got any jiff for it, at the most people would be like "omg how can you not like steak???". Seriously if you don't want to eat meats you shouldn't be forced into it because it's "wimpy" and people will think badly of you.

If you let people bully you into eating something you don't want to eat because they tell you it's not "real" food, then it follows that you can be bullied into not presenting as your trve gender identity because you won't be a "real woman". I've had that comment particularly from my mum but have I let it stop me? No, because I am just as real of a woman as any other.

Yeah, they should write their memoirs!  It would be a bestseller.

Quote from: Beverley on February 01, 2012, 05:11:12 AM
Quite a journey....

Beverley

I think it would be better to reframe the question into "How can I tell if I AM a girl and WANT to transition?".  It used to get me furious when people asked me if I "wanted to be a girl" - implying I am a boy who has a mere 'desire' to be a girl.

Quote from: Beverley on February 03, 2012, 06:51:02 AM
The problem is that people genuinely do not understand what being trans is like. Lucky them! So they phrase the question as they do.

Beverley

Yes it's true - it's this kind of use of language that perpetuates the misunderstanding - "wanting to be a girl", "changing gender through surgery", "used to be a man" etc... Rephrasing such statements would provide a more accurate portrayal of the truth of the matter.

Quote from: Assoluta on February 03, 2012, 06:43:18 AM
I think it would be better to reframe the question into "How can I tell if I AM a girl and WANT to transition?".  It used to get me furious when people asked me if I "wanted to be a girl" - implying I am a boy who has a mere 'desire' to be a girl.

This has often bothered me as well  :)   I never 'wanted' to be a boy, girl or trans person, I just wanted to be me and as a child actually believed I was a girl and would grow up to be like my mom and sisters  :icon_chick: 

But then came the fateful day when they pointed out that I was different and was expected to be like my dad  :o  I was heart broken and didn't understand and they couldn't seem to understand why I would think I'm a girl

Now I just wish I would have known it was possible to transition at an earlier age

Quote from: Beverley on February 03, 2012, 06:51:02 AM
The problem is that people genuinely do not understand what being trans is like. Lucky them! So they phrase the question as they do.

Beverley

Quote from: Assoluta on February 03, 2012, 06:59:44 AM
Yes it's true - it's this kind of use of language that perpetuates the misunderstanding - "wanting to be a girl", "changing gender through surgery", "used to be a man" etc... Rephrasing such statements would provide a more accurate portrayal of the truth of the matter.

Both really good points  :)

I just ask myself"What male in his right mind would want to be a woman, especially when you were born in 1946?"     I have to be a female, who only wants to shed the male shell forced upon her by society.  I can't emote maleness.    Male courtship seems awkward and weird.  Female courtship feels more natural.    Dirty white tee shirt and beer or pretty dress and high heels.   Dirty white tee shirt and a beer or pretty dress and high heels.   Pretty dress and high heels.   The older I get the harder it is for me to make male choices and the more natural female choices are.    Where is my purse and is my lip stick smeared and is there a run in my stocking.   Go girl. 

This is how I know I am a woman and not a man.

Quote from: Eve of Chaos on February 01, 2012, 12:20:10 AM

*snip*

sorry but. it bothers me that people can think its feminine to be vegetarian/vegan. it really has nothing to do with gender at all.
I hope you can someday see it that way as well.

anyway...back on track...

This is the second thread I've seen in the last ten minutes where vegetarianism and/or veganism is associated with gender in some way. I have to concur that I think it is not really a gender thing so much as simply a matter of choice and/or personal ethics; I think I actually know more men than women who eschew meat/dairy.

However (and isn't there always a however)...

I do think that in some cases, an individual preference for/against meat may be connected in part to hormonal balance. One ciswoman friend of mine normally doesn't care much for red meat, but often develops a craving for beef steak cooked rare right around "that time of month". You can almost calibrate your calendar by it.

Well I saw a therapist today and think it went pretty well. I'll be going back to same one. There's still a lot of tension between my dad and I, but we'll get it worked out eventually. Didn't learn much from the first appointment. It was just to get to know each other better. I do feel better that I went and I'm in a much better mood. I just don't know what to think of all this. One side of me thinks it's gross and disgusting. Partially due to my dad making me feel guilty about it. The other side of me wants to be a girl and says there's nothing wrong with me. I just gotta fight through all of this and with the help of a professional hopefully all will be well.

Good job! :D  You took another step on the long hard road to self-discovery.  I wish you the best on it. :)  It's one helluva ride, but totally worth it!  As for being at odds with yourself, I think I can relate - for the longest time I felt weird, ashamed, guilty.  Eventually I realized that wasn't me, but what society had put into my head.  That nagging little voice is still there - some days loud, some days quiet - but I'm getting pretty good at ignoring it or telling it to shut the ef up so I can go about my business. :)  Do what is right for you - not what is right for others.  After all, you get to live with yourself - not them - for the rest of your life.

Quote from: Shadowtrail on February 03, 2012, 10:06:01 PM
Well I saw a therapist today and think it went pretty well. I'll be going back to same one. There's still a lot of tension between my dad and I, but we'll get it worked out eventually. Didn't learn much from the first appointment. It was just to get to know each other better. I do feel better that I went and I'm in a much better mood. I just don't know what to think of all this. One side of me thinks it's gross and disgusting. Partially due to my dad making me feel guilty about it. The other side of me wants to be a girl and says there's nothing wrong with me. I just gotta fight through all of this and with the help of a professional hopefully all will be well.

I can agree with you to a certain extent, Assoluta.  It's hard to get someone to sit down and let you explain terminology and semantics with them, unless they do hold a genuine interest in sex and gender and transness.  I guess wanting to be female would be more accurate for myself.  Biologically, my sex is male.  I'm not a biological female and never will be.  I AM a woman, and always have been - well, a girl when I was younger. ;)  I find it easier for me to simply say "I'm becoming a woman" to peeps who are not in the know, rather than give a lecture for ten minutes on the differences between sex and gender.  It's similar to the computer industry - I can explain how a certain computer has multiple cores, X number of FPU's to each core, how many stages the pipeline has, and that means it's fast.  Or I can just say, "It's really fast."  I think it really depends on the audience that you're speaking to.  I'm all for more education in the right setting!

Quote from: Assoluta on February 03, 2012, 06:59:44 AM
Yes it's true - it's this kind of use of language that perpetuates the misunderstanding - "wanting to be a girl", "changing gender through surgery", "used to be a man" etc... Rephrasing such statements would provide a more accurate portrayal of the truth of the matter.

Quote from: Cadence Jean on January 31, 2012, 09:26:03 PM
I agree - find a reputable therapist, do some soul-searching, and get in some good experimentation.  Try makeup.  Try girl clothes.  Play around with it.  Have fun.  If you like it and it seems like it's for you, go for it.  I took baby-steps -.

Totally agree..

I started out the same way, by experimenting.. it took me years of playing to discover this woman inside of me... Start slow...  I started with pantyhose.. and grew from there, gradually trying different pieces of girls clothes.  I started with pantyhose.. then i wanted to wear panties under my pantyhose.... etc.....

For too long I felt like I had to be struck by lightning to know I was meant to be a girl. I came to realize that is nonsense, you just have to want to be a girl. I blame other TS girls that I met back when I was going to local TG events and getting to know the scene. Those particular folks tried to make it look like they were "chosen". And, I agree, that it chooses you, but these people were a bit much.

The unfortunate(from a clinical standpoint) thing about humans is that we are all individual. Gender identities, and identities at all would not exist if we were all cookie cutter stamps of each other, so everyone will feel differently about gender role, presentation, and so forth.

I always looked at the physical side of transition as body modification rather than anything else, and wish that the medical community would as well, it would lift the stigma of mental disease from the transgendered community.

Even though I have major issues about the "gatekeepers" to body modification, personally, went the gender therapist route vs. informed consent, because I will be changing my actions, voice, and other things about my life as well as my physical body, and it is what the people prescribing HRT, performing surgery, and the people paying for the Rx want to see.

I am a person that has always seen the wrong body in the mirror. That being said I really feel for the people who want to change physically, but don't have the feeling that it is something that they have "known" from childhood.

I'm not saying it is a great idea for someone to be able to go out and get srs on a whim, but arn't we reinforcing gender stereotypes if we define what it is to "live as a woman" and have a minimum levels of lifestyle before some services can be rendered?

Gender therapy will really help if you are transitioning "mentally" as well, but too many folks just want the physical, and get discouraged by some less progressive GTs, which I think is sad.