Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am 19 and a guy. I have known for several months now for certain that I should be a female and am one at heart. But, I just can't bring myself to transition because I would hate myself forever if I did it and it was painfully obvious that I was once a guy and would not be seen as a girl. If I can't pass as a girl, then I pretty much would rather live as a guy. I'm decent looking as a guy, but I have no idea about as a girl. I just don't want to live my life out worrying about passing and looking like what I feel I am, I would rather just "act out" the rest of my life as a guy in that situation. Maybe this sounds selfish or stupid, but I just don't want to stand out, I want to blend in with the crowds of girls and not worry about anyone else. I don't have to be hot or anything, just average looking enough to blend in.

So for any post-ops (or anyone on HRT for several months) do you feel happy with how you turned out? I don't mean mentally, just physically (I know mentally is most important, but that's not the point to this question) and what age did you do it at? If you want to post pics, feel free.

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 03:06:44 PM
I just don't want to live my life out worrying about passing and looking like what I feel I am,

Neither do I, so I don't. Some people obsess about this, I can't imagine worrying about -discovery- every day. My advice is try to get over this fear rather than trying to hide from it with surgery.

BTW this is called internalized transphobia, fear of being trans... It's a very common thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transphobia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transphobia)

I was in a very similar place to you when I was 18 and one thing that terrified me of transition was forever living as somebody who would be visibly a "->-bleeped-<-" to other people. However, I transitioned at 19 and now 24 and post op, I couldn't be happier, mentally or physically how I turned out. Even during the days of not totally passing, people tend not to react anywhere near as badly as you would imagine, and you will discover that accepting yourself and in turn others accepting you as you are, as a female is the most important thing, and passing is only secondary. However, I appreciate that at your stage, the prospect of looking like a "man dressed as a woman" is terrifying. However, with a few makeup techniques and the right clothes, you needn't look awful!

What I can say is - it'll probably turn out a lot less terrifying than you anticipate, and hormones can work well at your age - the main thing is to be sure of yourself.

As for hormone effects, here's me at the start of transition at 19, pre-hormones.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fa2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ak-snc6%2F188543_503337328033_223200848_106881_286_n.jpg&hash=798b03ffc1b4c3d78c3eb2d683250a106a93d9cc)

And me at 23 (1 year ago from now)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fa2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ak-snc3%2F30283_521958151753_223200848_984361_5833349_n.jpg&hash=021fa8308ef0415e9c65a6f34373b79575666111)

Hormones should improve and clear up your skin and make your features finer - so a thinner nose and jawline, and change the fat distribution with the skin around the eyes to make them look more 'open'.

Stephe, yeah I think that's probably right. Im perfectly fine with other people being trans, I just don't want to be if it means I won't pass or fit in.

Assoluta, you are very pretty. If I could look like you I would be happy haha :)

Yes, I am satisfied.  Very satisfied, actually.

And I never thought I would ever be able to pass.

And in addition to my avatar picture that was taken on my wedding day, just a few months ago, here are a couple of pictures of me pre-FFS.
http://sandrazee.blogspot.com/2010/02/before-and-after.html (http://sandrazee.blogspot.com/2010/02/before-and-after.html)

I would caution you about internalizing the woman that you say you are and just "act out" being a guy.  I did that for 55 years and it came very close to killing me.  You may be able to find some help if you go to a gender therapist.  They could help you identify your feelings and your situation and perhaps give you pointers on how to proceed if that is truly your wish.

You *can* do it if you really want to.

-Sandy

Assoluta and Sandy

You know, you're both so beautiful, it could be a sin?

Quote from: spacial on February 01, 2012, 06:36:18 PM
Assoluta and Sandy

You know, you're both so beautiful, it could be a sin?

I hope so!

-Sandy

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 03:06:44 PM
I am 19 and a guy. I have known for several months now for certain that I should be a female and am one at heart. But, I just can't bring myself to transition because I would hate myself forever if I did it and it was painfully obvious that I was once a guy and would not be seen as a girl. If I can't pass as a girl, then I pretty much would rather live as a guy. I'm decent looking as a guy, but I have no idea about as a girl. I just don't want to live my life out worrying about passing and looking like what I feel I am, I would rather just "act out" the rest of my life as a guy in that situation. Maybe this sounds selfish or stupid, but I just don't want to stand out, I want to blend in with the crowds of girls and not worry about anyone else. I don't have to be hot or anything, just average looking enough to blend in.

So for any post-ops (or anyone on HRT for several months) do you feel happy with how you turned out? I don't mean mentally, just physically (I know mentally is most important, but that's not the point to this question) and what age did you do it at? If you want to post pics, feel free.

I'm 36 and I've been on hormones for about 9 months now and I'm more than happy with the way things are going so far.. I had a job interview the other day, one that I was attempting to go to in 'guy mode'.. Here's a question for you, have a look at the pic below and tell me how many people referred to me as male..

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FrfIaP.jpg&hash=c5d2f0283a1497754270e636ddc8c431a79b483a)

The answer is, only 1, the person who was interviewing me - and even he gave me a few puzzled looks.. I'm not a stunningly pretty woman, but I do successfully blend in.. And I know you were asking about the physical side of things, but the mental part is important too.. You need to have confidence in your identity..

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 05:58:54 PM
Stephe, yeah I think that's probably right. Im perfectly fine with other people being trans, I just don't want to be if it means I won't pass or fit in.

Blending in or 99% passing as I call it is -very- different than requiring being 100% passable in any situation or nothing. I blend, pass most of the time but if I'm read, I'm not ashamed of my past. It just is. Makes life a lot less complex, at least to me, being this way. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look nice and blend in as a normal woman. Most people with some work can pull that off.

Yeah, the way I see it I only have 2 options:
1) Transitioning and hoping to pass and become what I really want to be
2) Skipping the whole thing and living rather unhappy for the rest of my life

At this point, things are just escalating. I'm extremely depressed and I don't think I've physically spoken to anyone this last week, I just go to my classes then back to my dorm without speaking. I've become extremely antisocial and I know if I don't do anything I'm either going to end up completely cut off from society or extremely depressed.

I guess I had better see a gender therapist ASAP and figure all this out one way or another. A month ago I had the first thoughts I might be trans, a week and a half ago I thought I was almost for sure trans, and now I'm absolutely certain and depressed because I feel like either way everything is going to turn out terrible. I'm probably just assuming the worst and being pessimistic, but if I transitioned and I didn't pass at all, I would probably hate myself for life because I would be better off never doing it.

I don't know, guess I just need some hope and a few inspiring words is all haha

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 08:19:46 PM
Yeah, the way I see it I only have 2 options:
1) Transitioning and hoping to pass and become what I really want to be
2) Skipping the whole thing and living rather unhappy for the rest of my life

At this point, things are just escalating. I'm extremely depressed and I don't think I've physically spoken to anyone this last week, I just go to my classes then back to my dorm without speaking. I've become extremely antisocial and I know if I don't do anything I'm either going to end up completely cut off from society or extremely depressed.

I guess I had better see a gender therapist ASAP and figure all this out one way or another. A month ago I had the first thoughts I might be trans, a week and a half ago I thought I was almost for sure trans, and now I'm absolutely certain and depressed because I feel like either way everything is going to turn out terrible. I'm probably just assuming the worst and being pessimistic, but if I transitioned and I didn't pass at all, I would probably hate myself for life because I would be better off never doing it.

I don't know, guess I just need some hope and a few inspiring words is all haha

It's not going to be terrible and I've never met anyone who "couldn't pass at all" with some work and effort. Just be realistic about what you needs through all this and YES try to find a gender therapist!

I think younger girls think that passing is the most important thing in their transition.  Even to the point that they would't do it if they couldn't pass.  It is very different for myself, and older girls I suspect.  Being happy with myself is more important on how pretty I am.  I am happy for all the young girls trying to be as good as they can be.  It is just different having lived a lot if life and accepting who you are.

Samantha

I'm 1 year and ~ 8months on hormones (HRT), I'm into my 5th month post-op with Dr. Sanguan at PIH, on 20. Sept 2011 in Phuket.

I'm VERY satisfied - there is no need for any secondary procedures and I have been healing pretty well also.

I feel complete, bar for my smallish breasts... 38A.

I am now dilating only with 4 - 4.5cm vibrator (with veins and all :-) so width is no issue, - after a bit coaxing.
Depth is just over 4 1/2 inch and well within natal female range.

So again, am I satisfied? Oh yes, I am!

Axélle

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 08:19:46 PM
Yeah, the way I see it I only have 2 options:
1) Transitioning and hoping to pass and become what I really want to be
2) Skipping the whole thing and living rather unhappy for the rest of my life

At this point, things are just escalating. I'm extremely depressed and I don't think I've physically spoken to anyone this last week, I just go to my classes then back to my dorm without speaking. I've become extremely antisocial and I know if I don't do anything I'm either going to end up completely cut off from society or extremely depressed.

I guess I had better see a gender therapist ASAP and figure all this out one way or another. A month ago I had the first thoughts I might be trans, a week and a half ago I thought I was almost for sure trans, and now I'm absolutely certain and depressed because I feel like either way everything is going to turn out terrible. I'm probably just assuming the worst and being pessimistic, but if I transitioned and I didn't pass at all, I would probably hate myself for life because I would be better off never doing it.

I don't know, guess I just need some hope and a few inspiring words is all haha

When you look at the choices like that, perhaps it isn't such a complex a matter as it seems. I don't know what you look like, but chances are that at 19, you stand a good chance of passing even if you're tall or large etc. I know how it feels right now, I remember the first day out 'dressed' and I was on my way to a changing room to 'change back' to go home, and some guy on the phone to someone stopped his conversation when he looked at me and said "what the ->-bleeped-<-, some ->-bleeped-<-ing ->-bleeped-<- just walked past!". I never thought I'd be one of those people marginalised and labelled as a freak. I grew up as a white male, and had never known discrimination or marginalisation in such a way. I remember changing and looking in the mirror and crying, so daunted by the prospect. Was this what the rest of my life would be? Would it be one big huge trial? But something inside me compelled me to go on, to transition - I had to do it. If you feel the same, or similar, listen to that voice, it will help and guide you, and give you the strength and self assurance to be yourself, whatever that may be.

Even at the very worst, and you were totally unpassable, the option would be to be accepted by others and hate yourself, or mocked/hated by others but accept yourself - which do you think would eat you up sooner, if transitioning is what you want to do? And in any case, it's far less likely than you think that you will be ridiculed in such a way.

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 03:06:44 PM
I am 19 and a guy. I have known for several months now for certain that I should be a female and am one at heart. But, I just can't bring myself to transition because I would hate myself forever if I did it and it was painfully obvious that I was once a guy and would not be seen as a girl. If I can't pass as a girl, then I pretty much would rather live as a guy. I'm decent looking as a guy, but I have no idea about as a girl. I just don't want to live my life out worrying about passing and looking like what I feel I am, I would rather just "act out" the rest of my life as a guy in that situation. Maybe this sounds selfish or stupid, but I just don't want to stand out, I want to blend in with the crowds of girls and not worry about anyone else. I don't have to be hot or anything, just average looking enough to blend in.

So for any post-ops (or anyone on HRT for several months) do you feel happy with how you turned out? I don't mean mentally, just physically (I know mentally is most important, but that's not the point to this question) and what age did you do it at? If you want to post pics, feel free.

You know, I would strongly advice you to start crossdressing in private, first buying clothes, skilling yourself in applying makeup, trying different hairstyles or wigs, learning how to walk in heels, and so on. If you got the guts, make a night out on the clubs, or even better, several nights out. Begin with gay clubs where you can feel safe and can handle the situation, as oblivious straight guys may after all come on to you if you go to straight clubs, which might create some problems pre-transitioned. :P

Take your time. That way, you will be able to know whether you will truly be passable and comfortable as a female and you will also know that you actually did give it a try, in the case that it would not be what you hoped.

in any case, please do not forget that the facial surgeries nowadays are so refined that they can make any male face look good.
Given, some faces will never be able to look passable, but it will atleast look loads better.

Although I doubt that you have impossibly masculine features, as you would most likely not even have given the transition-scenario a thought, if that were the case, according to your reasoning.

Hon, it is one of those things that you have to do. If you are starting at 19, you are likely to have a pretty good result. Hard to say really without seeing what you look like now of course. It is a leap of faith, but it is also one you can try and back out of if you don't like it. The only thing I can tell you for certain is that the longer you wait, the worse it will get for you. It will build and build until you can't go on as you are. The age you reach that is different for everyone, but if it takes years, the result you will get at that point is not likely to be better than what you can achieve right now.

I myself only dreamed of being passable. I was an overweight, middle-aged suburban dad that looked like this:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1124.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fl567%2FMelodyMaia%2FIMG_4454JPG.jpg&hash=d8cdd685333eecb7e276b931b4515c6ce6a0e911)

and now I'm the princess  ;D

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1124.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fl567%2FMelodyMaia%2F331741_280341635362330_100001594860106_771297_1305704984_o-1.jpg&hash=92aba0abcf97fc3f39b6b3b0578a020892bd5cb6)


I pretty much pass 100%. Most people don't believe me if I tell them I'm trans. Still got some weight to shed though, sigh, but I've lost 70lbs so that I can get SRS. Dr. Bowers will be performing it this Tuesday, so I'll have to get back to you on the post-op side of your question  ;)

Re: Post-Op, are you satisfied?

I thought this thread was about the SRS operation (post op) and if the surgery worked out or not regarding the physical workings of the new genitalia?

I'm not post op and have been in transition and full time for about 12 years. The operation scares me as I want it to work properly orgasm wise and for it to be successful. I assumed this thread was about the satisfaction of the actual operation.

Pass ability is a different subject altogether and there are people who have had surgery who pass and those you have also had surgery and don't pass.  Also some who haven't had surgery look totally female, so the SRS post op operation isn't about passing.

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on February 02, 2012, 11:32:06 AM
Re: Post-Op, are you satisfied?

I thought this thread was about the SRS operation (post op) and if the surgery worked out or not regarding the physical workings of the new genitalia?

They said a lot of things like "I just don't want to live my life out worrying about passing and looking like what I feel I am, " which isn't asking about post op functionality. Maybe they should start another thread and ask this more direct question?

Quote from: Stephe on February 02, 2012, 11:42:40 AM
They said a lot of things like "I just don't want to live my life out worrying about passing and looking like what I feel I am, " which isn't asking about post op functionality. Maybe they should start another thread and ask this more direct question?

I also understand that too! I sometimes worry that I'm not good enough to have the operation even though I can't stand my genitalia. I have had many years living as female but still sometimes think I'm not up to a certain standard even though I seem to go through life most of the time un read.

Wow, this got a lot of replies quickly, so I'll try my best here...

Assoluta: you are exactly right, I definitely should be looking at personal happiness before anything, it's just hard to make a blind leap like this knowing there is no going back if I hate the results.

Melody: that gives me a lot of hope, you are really beautiful :)

Naturally blonde and stephe: I meant with overall everything, and assumed that most post-ops would be almost done with the whole transition or very close to it. And I also said that people who were several months on hormones could answer. The title is more to bring post-ops in here to read and answer, and I tried to keep it fairly short and purposely didn't say anywhere about the SRS persay to keep it open to the full transition and overall results of HRT, SRS, etc. but I can understand how it's misleading haha sorry :P

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 02, 2012, 12:00:30 PM
Wow, this got a lot of replies quickly, so I'll try my best here...

Assoluta: you are exactly right, I definitely should be looking at personal happiness before anything, it's just hard to make a blind leap like this knowing there is no going back if I hate the results.

Yes, this was what worried me too, but to some extent it is a leap of faith - I made it because I was fed up of the confusion and it leading to nowhere. But as Bishounen says, you can make this leap of faith less daunting by being gradual - perhaps presenting as female in one place, first indoors, then maybe in a gay/trans friendly place, and by actually being out there and doing what you know is right in your mind will bring a lot more resolution one way or the other, rather than trying to think your way out of it.

More than satisfied, I have a good life and I love it.
33 years hrt, 28 years post op.

I live in a fairly large city.  Like 1 million plus people, inc the suburbs.  What I eventually realized as I went out is that nobody gives a ->-bleeped-<- about my appearance as much as I do.  Once I realized that, the rest came easily.  The satisfaction comes from being happy with what you end up with - not the idea that you could end up with something better, you know?  I've accepted that I will always be XY and I will always have to deal with that - but I can take steps to minimize it's effect on my life/presentation/psychology, and, thanks to modern medicine, I'll be able to get pretty far in that minimization.  Satisfactory for me.  Will I be the perfect beautiful rock chick snarky lesbian that I'd like to see myself as - no.  But how many genetic girls hit exactly what they want to be?  How many men?  I think it's about working what you have and being satisfied at a certain point before perfection - whatever perfection is.

My hopes, prayers and love to all.

Definitely satisfied.I'm 18 years post op everything works down below and I look good for my age(55).I'm no Miss World but I'm attractive and look younger than 55.

Quote from: Melody Maia on February 02, 2012, 09:39:30 AM
Hon, it is one of those things that you have to do. If you are starting at 19, you are likely to have a pretty good result. Hard to say really without seeing what you look like now of course. It is a leap of faith, but it is also one you can try and back out of if you don't like it. The only thing I can tell you for certain is that the longer you wait, the worse it will get for you. It will build and build until you can't go on as you are. The age you reach that is different for everyone, but if it takes years, the result you will get at that point is not likely to be better than what you can achieve right now.

I myself only dreamed of being passable. I was an overweight, middle-aged suburban dad that looked like this:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1124.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fl567%2FMelodyMaia%2FIMG_4454JPG.jpg&hash=d8cdd685333eecb7e276b931b4515c6ce6a0e911)

and now I'm the princess  ;D

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1124.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fl567%2FMelodyMaia%2F331741_280341635362330_100001594860106_771297_1305704984_o-1.jpg&hash=92aba0abcf97fc3f39b6b3b0578a020892bd5cb6)


I pretty much pass 100%. Most people don't believe me if I tell them I'm trans. Still got some weight to shed though, sigh, but I've lost 70lbs so that I can get SRS. Dr. Bowers will be performing it this Tuesday, so I'll have to get back to you on the post-op side of your question  ;)

That's really amazing! Can't wait until I'm a princess. If you can do it then so can I.

Did you get face surgery or is that all hormones?

Quote from: Cadence Jean on February 02, 2012, 07:08:18 PM
I live in a fairly large city.  Like 1 million plus people, inc the suburbs.  What I eventually realized as I went out is that nobody gives a ->-bleeped-<- about my appearance as much as I do.  Once I realized that, the rest came easily.  The satisfaction comes from being happy with what you end up with - not the idea that you could end up with something better, you know?  I've accepted that I will always be XY and I will always have to deal with that - but I can take steps to minimize it's effect on my life/presentation/psychology, and, thanks to modern medicine, I'll be able to get pretty far in that minimization.  Satisfactory for me.  Will I be the perfect beautiful rock chick snarky lesbian that I'd like to see myself as - no.  But how many genetic girls hit exactly what they want to be?  How many men?  I think it's about working what you have and being satisfied at a certain point before perfection - whatever perfection is.

Cadence, if that's really you in your super-cute profile pic then I'd say you were as near perfection as makes no difference! 

I have massive bouts of depression that i never had pre op. When i stay home and watch tv or lounge around the house i feel fine but i am so scared about venturing into public anyone.

It seems passing has become more than an obsession with me in the last few months. A couple of months ago ago in class quite a few students were laughing and making crude jokes and even took pictures. I told the instructor and she put a stop to it fast and i have no issues at least that i can hear or see in school. But what that incident did is reinfoce my fear of never passing and always being laughed at.

I am affraid to go anywhere in public because everytime i hear people laughing or whispering i assume it is about me and start crying and run home.

i seemed to have alot more self confidence pre-op then i do now, but seeing as how i kinda did things in a weird order maybe the only one to blame is myself
6/11 HRT
7/12 SRS
12/1/12 got M changed to F on drivers license
4/13 legal name change(hopefully) was unable to do this beacuse of LONG divorce and court wouldnt allow until divorce was final. Now im broke and dont have the $1000 to do it right away and have to save up.

I am overweight at 202-210 and 5"7 and probably wont be loosing anymore (started above 300 at 6/11). So i guess my answer is.. i am satisfied with surgery and results but not satisfied with my life.

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 03:06:44 PM
So for any post-ops (or anyone on HRT for several months) do you feel happy with how you turned out? I don't mean mentally, just physically (I know mentally is most important, but that's not the point to this question) and what age did you do it at? If you want to post pics, feel free.

I am 10 year post-op and to be truly honest I wouldn't trade places even with a genetic girl. I have it made, all of the equipment and none of the hassles. I came across a picture of myself about 17 years ago at the grand canyon before I transitioned and if you asked me then if I would ever make a convincing woman I would have said hell no. But with time (and of course money) all things are possible.I think for me the key thing was letting go of the old me and seeing how the new me was going to turn out. Eventually I gave myself permission to just be me. That's the hard part, a life without crutches.

I am very happy with myself, although if I had to do it again I would know alot more shortcuts. I am in agreement with Candence.  You have to care about yourself and not worry about what other people think.  Really to be honest, people do not really care, lol  I know everyone wants a good outcome, but it is you that you have to satisfy.  I have tats all over my arms. Not because I want to stand out, but because I like them, but do you think that doesnt make me stand out?  I do not care what ppl think..I do what I want for me, no one else.  Generally speaking if a guy is attractive as a man, then he will turn out attractive as a woman.  You just have to research the surgeons.  This is something I had to do and was not because I would only do it if i turned out passable.  You also have to know what to do to accentuate your looks as a female.  Some just do not have a clue.  It takes practice and experimenting. Also, it doesnt matter how good you look, if you talk like a guy, you will be made.   

well i was scared outta my mind but i just tried not to think of it and just do it! i knew thats what i wanted and it was amazing ... i would do it all over again.... sexually i am very pleased(oh definatly) lol, and it seems like even though some people know your transgender its like a switch that goes off in there head and you can kind of tell that things just got SO much easier to deal with. it was definatly painful but thats why they have the painkillers lol... and trust me i didnt say no to them ! all in all i give it 10 / 10 .

the only downfall i had about the whole surgery is the dilation ...gawd i did not wanna spend all my time dilating 4 - 6 times a day ... but i ended up finding it relaxing ... i found i was excited when i got the chance to just go to the bedroom and have a relaxing moment to myself and i didnt realize that you end up only doing it once a week in a years time so i really dont even notyice it when i have to do it. its like riding a bike you just get used to it.

27years post op, but the first 2years after my surgery I was a bit dissatisfied due to some complications which did settle down (girly problems) but Im now very satisfied, no regrets, surgery was necessary to complete my transition to become the woman I am now, life is great, Im now a married woman to a guy who fully excepts me as a woman and living life fully as a woman.

Quote from: Michelle Hayden on December 09, 2012, 03:28:37 PM
Generally speaking if a guy is attractive as a man, then he will turn out attractive as a woman. 

Gosh I don't know about that, not always the case, I was 1 ugly looking guy lol, but thankfully I transition into a glamous attractive woman, well my husband seems to think so, Im now 55, I feel and look as a woman in my 40s, I dread to think what Id look like now if I didn't transit, probably old balding and very unhappy. Im more content, happier and satisfied now as a woman.
p

ill play devils advocate and say if you're worried about caring about passing, being feminine, having a male past, etc... unless you are really feminine right now I would not attempt trans

meaning, if you can NOT transition... don't

I felt the same way as you, now I am overly concerned with passing, looking feminine, etc .. it drives me Cray Cray

then again, you are 19, and when I was 19 I wanted NOTHING to do with anything feminine and fought my feelings to trans

this is me at 24
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm9.staticflickr.com%2F8074%2F8268569352_a9ed6861c1_z.jpg&hash=b9c08d574b887864a155b5678431ccd51546d0ab)

and 27... do I look like my sister? OMJ I never thought about that!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm9.staticflickr.com%2F8199%2F8250751523_528755f156_b.jpg&hash=c4683715c273a34f7f1c8c358a909e824488d630)


now I obvy pass, but I beat myself up over being a ->-bleeped-<-... but then again I've only been fulltime for like 8 months
I don't know if getting a vag will help or not, but my Dick has really stared to cause me anxiety lately, along with my hairline, and my small butt, and my big head (girl hats don't fit me), my height!, and my wide waist, wide chest, my silly fake boobs, and my FFS surgery scars, and my voice, and my big hands, and my big feet, and my lack of socialization as a female, and my overt awareness of having once been male and trying to make sense of it. oh and don't forget having facial hair cause blonde hair is still prickley, and my concern over whether or not new friend will like me or not when or if they find out I have a penis.  and dating, that ->-bleeped-<- sucks ! s

if you don't have to trans, don't

however... if given the chance to do it again? would I still trans? yes, but I would have done it earlier :-) because I feel like if I would of had less time developing a male persona I would be happier, at least thats what my brain says LOL

or maybe I'm just a crayzy person?

I'm with you oZma, I wish I had done this earlier. However up to only a short while ago when I started transition, I fought my trans feelings tooth and nail. Even though I fought them I was miserable and hated my life.

27 post op and happy. hunting for nerd men...yummy

Quote from: MaidofOrleans on December 12, 2012, 06:20:01 PM
I'm with you oZma, I wish I had done this earlier. However up to only a short while ago when I started transition, I fought my trans feelings tooth and nail. Even though I fought them I was miserable and hated my life.

Same here. But I didn't fight them per se. I knew they were there, I knew I couldn't get rid of them. I just stayed inside and didn't go out because I was just so disgusted with myself. Now when I don't go out, it's because I don't have the money, lol!!

Quote from: oZma on December 12, 2012, 06:10:28 PM
ill play devils advocate and say if you're worried about caring about passing, being feminine, having a male past, etc... unless you are really feminine right now I would not attempt trans

meaning, if you can NOT transition... don't

Absolutely. I always told myself that I would not transition if I didn't pass even in boy mode until I just flat out got suicidal. Luckily I started getting ma'amed constantly in boy mode.

Transition is a HUGE psychological step. I think those who have not done it yet see the ones that do and think "Wow their lives are really working out for them, I want to hurry up and transition too so I can be like them!" I thought this! But I'm so glad I had things like clothes, savings, steady income (unemployment), friends, family, part-time experience, passability, my own hair, a little bit of confidence, and a plan. Most of this stuff fell into place without really trying to make it happen and if it hadn't, I probably would be much worse off than I am now.

It's much different living as a girl, too. It really is a mans world. Finding employment is much harder, the streets are much more dangerous, women are more catty, men are much less honest and will give you the run around (ever try to get your car worked on as a girl?), and the standards to fit into a box is much more rigid (being proper and demure, for example). I wouldn't change it for the world, but in reality I was very naive before I transitioned and I don't think many trans women realize that being a woman is actually more difficult until they DO transition. If I could psychologically go back to being a guy and not caring about the world, and just do all the heavy lifting I would, tbh. But the reward of living guilt free is worth it all 10 fold.

Don't ever transition because you think it'll be easier. Life will NOT be easier. It'll just be more psychologically acceptable.

All that said, I will get back on topic. I'm looking forward to SRS when I can afford it. The thing between my legs just disgusts me and is embarrassing to look at. I'd rather have flat skin, or even a very mangled vagina than to have what I have now.

Quote from: Alyx. on December 04, 2012, 01:36:54 AM
That's really amazing! Can't wait until I'm a princess. If you can do it then so can I.

Did you get face surgery or is that all hormones?

Oh wow, haven't been on this site forever and I see someone actually asked me a question on this thread. No, I didn't have FFS. What you see is the result of hormones, weight loss and genetic gifts that made me passable pretty easily.

I am now post-op nearly a year and it all works and looks good. I don't think I could ask for more really.

Can I ask for something?
Does you feel natural down there?
I have misgivings that after op it will be artificial for me, reminding me what I am and never become natural. 

Quote from: Medusa on December 27, 2012, 05:51:26 AM
Can I ask for something?
Does you feel natural down there?
I have misgivings that after op it will be artificial for me, reminding me what I am and never become natural.

That's kind of a hard question to answer, because I have no idea what you would think "natural" feels like.

However, for me, I do feel "normal".  I feel that what I have now is what should be there.  The dangly bits are gone and in it's place is something that feels so normal now that I hardly notice it.

That is the one thing that I was not quite prepared for following surgery.  I no longer think of my gender any where near as often as I did before.  And I think that is what people feel who have been born into their proper gender feel.  Normal.  So much so that their gender is merely one facet of their existence and not a major one at that.

I used to feel that getting dressed as myself and putting on my proper clothes as something magical.  My underwear almost glittered with its aura.

Now, panties are just underpants.  A bra is just a bra.  I strap it on and go on with my life.  No big deal.  (And it's one of the first things to come off at night!)

It's just normal.

And that is what I think other people feel.

It's just *normal*.

-Sandy

Quote from: Medusa on December 27, 2012, 05:51:26 AM
Can I ask for something?
Does you feel natural down there?
I have misgivings that after op it will be artificial for me, reminding me what I am and never become natural.

No it doesn't feel natural. Natural to me is a synonym for pain and horror and despair. I've spent the majority of my life fighting against a body that seems to want me to suffer endlessly. The less natural my body feels, the more it feels like it belongs to me. Like it is really a part of me. My medications, my surgeries, even my tattoos and my piercings... they are expressions of my identity on my flesh. Acts of reclamation.

I understand that my perception is... shifted as a result of a pretty nasty chronic pain condition on top of the transsexualism thing. But for me, post-op, I feel like my body is more my own than it ever has been before. Natural I don't care for, but this feels right.

Quote from: Sarah7 on December 27, 2012, 08:45:43 AM
... Natural I don't care for, but this feels right.

Here here!!

Quote from: oZma on December 12, 2012, 06:10:28 PM

now I obvy pass, but I beat myself up over being a ->-bleeped-<-... but then again I've only been fulltime for like 8 months
I don't know if getting a vag will help or not, but my Dick has really stared to cause me anxiety lately, along with my hairline, and my small butt, and my big head (girl hats don't fit me), my height!, and my wide waist, wide chest, my silly fake boobs, and my FFS surgery scars, and my voice, and my big hands, and my big feet, and my lack of socialization as a female, and my overt awareness of having once been male and trying to make sense of it. oh and don't forget having facial hair cause blonde hair is still prickley, and my concern over whether or not new friend will like me or not when or if they find out I have a penis.  and dating, that ->-bleeped-<- sucks ! s

if you don't have to trans, don't

however... if given the chance to do it again? would I still trans? yes, but I would have done it earlier :-) because I feel like if I would of had less time developing a male persona I would be happier, at least thats what my brain says LOL

or maybe I'm just a crayzy person?

OMG!! I'm not the only one with these same thoughts!! :)

Yes! Trying to develop a male persona was what my life was previously...I felt I never fit in...I felt I was always trying to be one the guys..ugh! wish I wouldn't had! Some of that persona is still their!!

It was much easier to let go of trying to be a guy and to just be myself!! I'm not trying to be anyone but me!! It's still difficult though at times, because I feel I'm still this guy because of whats in between my legs!!! UGH!!

I'm hoping many of my fears are in my head like I think it is with you...obviously none of the things that are causing you anxiety are noticeable....I know that's easy for me to to say but harder for you to see for yourself.

If I were to be honest with myself...the only manly thing about me is my PENIS!! with my hairline coming a close second. All my other features are simular or in even better proportion then a cis female.....but that's not what I see!!!

Shelly

Kia Ora,

Re: Post-Op, are you satisfied?

::) Can't complain....

Metta Zenda :)