Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: Artemis on February 10, 2012, 07:38:40 AM Return to Full Version

Title: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on February 10, 2012, 07:38:40 AM
Monday I will have my first meeting with a gender therapist, it's only to determine if I'm put on the waiting list for more meetings later but still... I'm totally overwhelmed, nervous, scared? I can't eat, I need to pee every few minutes, my butt feels ice cold no matter what I do, even my balls and penis decided by themselves to hide all the way inside >:-) There are millions of scenarios running through my mind right now and I can't stop thinking  >:( I can't sleep, and I want to sleep because I'm so very very very tired?
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Catherine Sarah on February 10, 2012, 08:08:34 AM
Hi Artemis,

Congratulation on a mighty leap forward. Be thinking of you on Monday.

If it's any help, try to relax, get some sleep, and hone in on the things that relax you. Music, colour, light, smell, touch, whatever. When that sense of peace comes, along with it also arrives clarity of vision and a sense of understanding.

Be open to your therapist, no prepared speeches, just a lot of raw "I feel ......" You'll start to understand who the REAL you is. Let us know how it goes.

Thanks for keeping in touch. Be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: JenniferR on February 10, 2012, 08:35:22 AM
Hi Artemis,

As Catherine stated .... you need to calm down & relax, and find a way to get some rest. Remember, this gender therapist has as much interest (future work) in properly evaluating you as you do in giving them the raw & honest feedback for a proper diagonsis.

My advice, for what it's worth, be as open and honest as you possibly can. Don't hold anything back. The therapist will not judge you and will take everything into account that you say in order to make the best possible evaluation. The therapist is there to help you.

Let us know how it goes and congrats on making a big step.

Jenni
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on February 11, 2012, 01:39:28 AM
POST MOVED https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,115451.new.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,115451.new.html)

Sorry for doing this but I got very nervous about posting this in the public part of this forum so I hope no-one minds that I moved this post to the hidden parts?
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on February 11, 2012, 03:53:58 AM
Just one thought to add: Even if I would transition and lets assuming I could pull it off, I would still be a girl with autism...?

I don't know... transition might make my life easier, it might make it harder?

To say "I have autism" could make being stealth easier? It could cover any that could be perceived "maleness"?

However... My autism also makes it impossible to become a normal girl...?

Transition will not change who I am; Transition doesn't solve any of the many other problems, but it could change the way they interact and how they are perceived. Transition would allow me to be myself, with all my other problems ;->

I'll also very aware that male privilege has often helped me? And I often needed help? I tended to be very aware how some people where treated differently then others? How girls/women where often treated unfairly: ignored, marginalised, etc. I'm also aware of how I was treated because I didn't fit in? Coming out as trans* would only make that aspect so much more difficult? But then again, my autism developed in me just like it does in girls, different from how it develops in boys... (this was the main reason why nobody noticed it before). But this also means that most of the help that is available to me isn't focused on the actual problems that I experience.

I'm even considering moving to a place where people are more tolerant? But I would then loose my already small support network and would have to rebuild it from a much more difficult starting point.

(I also have this habit of painting very bleak and dark pictures of the future... usually reality turns out much better then I think it will be ;->)
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Catherine Sarah on February 11, 2012, 06:56:12 AM
Thank you Artemis, for a most intelligent reply.

Quote from: Artemis on February 11, 2012, 03:53:58 AM
Just one thought to add: Even if I would transition and lets assuming I could pull it off, I would still be a girl with autism...?
Perhaps! unless the HRT programme interacted with your autism, and produced a different result. Regrettably there is insufficient research in the TG medical community to prove much these days.

Quote from: Artemis on February 11, 2012, 03:53:58 AM
I don't know... transition might make my life easier, it might make it harder?
Only you could tell in time to come. My wish is, that it would make life easier. This is based on the experience that is often reported by post operative 'girls' just after surgery; the elation of not having to perform any longer in the gender they were ascribed by medical/physical notation, but now being able to fully parttake in the gender of their preference.

Quote from: Artemis on February 11, 2012, 03:53:58 AM
To say "I have autism" could make being stealth easier? It could cover any that could be perceived "maleness"?
Possible.

Quote from: Artemis on February 11, 2012, 03:53:58 AM
However... My autism also makes it impossible to become a normal girl...?
I wouldn't think so! My understanding of autism is, it's neurally generated. It's primarily a communication dysfunction.(with all due respect), not physically generated. Perhaps I'm 100% wrong.?

Quote from: Artemis on February 11, 2012, 03:53:58 AM
Transition will not change who I am; Transition doesn't solve any of the many other problems, but it could change the way they interact and how they are perceived. Transition would allow me to be myself, with all my other problems ;->
Most probably true. However, being the eternal optimist I am, I would leave room for some positive progress toward 'normalism' (whatever that may be), by virtue of the fact you feel more comfortable with yourself.

Quote from: Artemis on February 11, 2012, 03:53:58 AM
I'll also very aware that male privilege has often helped me? And I often needed help? I tended to be very aware how some people where treated differently then others? How girls/women where often treated unfairly: ignored, marginalised, etc. I'm also aware of how I was treated because I didn't fit in? Coming out as trans* would only make that aspect so much more difficult? But then again, my autism developed in me just like it does in girls, different from how it develops in boys... (this was the main reason why nobody noticed it before). But this also means that most of the help that is available to me isn't focused on the actual problems that I experience.
From my experience as a non autistic individual (with all due respects, in the most humble context) I feel I can equate the feelings you have expressed in the foregoing statement, a fairly generalised perspective of most TG's be they male or female. Again, I may be 100% wrong.

Quote from: Artemis on February 11, 2012, 03:53:58 AM
I'm even considering moving to a place where people are more tolerant? But I would then loose my already small support network and would have to rebuild it from a much more difficult starting point.
Disregarding the question mark, this maybe a pertaintent move. However, my thoughts in this regard, including my own personal belief; support is imperative and tantamount to a successful transition for anyone. This isn't a Robinson Crusoe event.
Quote from: Artemis on February 11, 2012, 03:53:58 AM
(I also have this habit of painting very bleak and dark pictures of the future... usually reality turns out much better then I think it will be ;->)
Worse case scenarios aren't unrealistic. they in fact, prove you have considered/expecting the worst, hoping for the best. Which is a realistic approach, considering the circumstances.

Trust this sheds a more productive outcome to your desires. I hope it has assisted in some small way. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are coping. In the meantime, be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa hugs
Catherine
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on February 11, 2012, 07:21:22 AM
Thank you Catherine for your kind words, I needed that :)

It also kind of helps just getting this out of my mind?
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: rachl on February 11, 2012, 09:42:14 AM
Quote from: Artemis on February 10, 2012, 07:38:40 AM
Monday I will have my first meeting with a gender therapist, it's only to determine if I'm put on the waiting list for more meetings later but still... I'm totally overwhelmed, nervous, scared? I can't eat, I need to pee every few minutes, my butt feels ice cold no matter what I do, even my balls and penis decided by themselves to hide all the way inside >:-) There are millions of scenarios running through my mind right now and I can't stop thinking  >:( I can't sleep, and I want to sleep because I'm so very very very tired?

I'm in a similar position: my first meeting is Wednesday (which was rescheduled...it was supposed to be this past Friday...*sadface*). I'm really looking forward to it, but I'm not really nervous or apprehensive. It's also a gateway meeting (a counsellor at my University), where I suspect that I'll just be referred to a psychologist/psychiatrist with more specific training in gender identity issues. I'm a little fortunate that the area has some really good resources for a city of its size (about 200,000). I'm viewing it as a nice opportunity to talk to someone about these things (I've come out to one very close friend, and we talk a lot about it) and to start the official road to (I hope) transition.

Although I've had to wait 3 weeks between making the appointment and the meeting, it's given me some time to do a tonne of research and get some of my thoughts and feelings in order. So while I was initially irritated, it's been for the best.

I hope you have a great experience :)
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: MyKa on February 11, 2012, 01:51:38 PM
Congrats on the meeting, how exciting!!!! I think we were all nervous as hell our 1st session, hell i know i was. Going into a strange place talking to a stranger about something that haunts me everyday. It's the first step in the right direction and i wish you the very best of luck. Be honest with them, being a male or female therapist. I had to find a female therapist i cannot talk to a male about this. The therapist with help guide you in the right direction. I love my therapist now, i've been seeing her for around 4 years now and there's nothing i wouldn't tell her. She's like my 2nd mother. I have one qa's for you: what do you mean you have to go on annother waiting list after your 1st appointment?
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on February 11, 2012, 02:26:44 PM
Quote from: MyKa on February 11, 2012, 01:51:38 PM
I have one qa's for you: what do you mean you have to go on annother waiting list after your 1st appointment?
There is a waiting list, there aren't enough therapists for GID so they have a 6-7 month(!) waiting list and this first appointment is just to see IF you're put on the waiting list. I know, it totally sucks: When you're finally ready to deal with this issue they let you wait another half year. It's just not right? But that's the way it is.

This first meeting is mostly to weed out the people who have other issues and don't need a GID therapist? Otherwise everyone that applied would be put on a much much longer list and then most would discover at their first meeting that they don't have GID and needed to be somewhere else while the people who really need to see a GID therapist would needlessly have to wait even longer.

I just hope that is clear that I'm not going into this unprepared, I did my homework, I know and understand all the implications of what I'm asking, I also know that I can't go on without their help, I don't know where the journey will end but I really want to start as soon as possible moving forward, not standing still or maybe even moving backward?

What I really want is to start on the lowest, slowest HRT next week but I understand that any HRT is at best only given the green light after at least 3 formal sessions, but often only after 6 sessions, which could be anywhere between 9 to 18 months from now... and that would really suck.
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: MyKa on February 11, 2012, 02:56:04 PM
Wow, that sounds crazy. Here they go by the Harry benjamin guidelines and never had a prob getting a appoinment. Once again i wish you the best!!!!! Long distant hug!!!!!
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Jamie D on February 11, 2012, 06:14:15 PM
I just want to say Artemis, you are not alone in your feelings, experiences, and concerns.

I tried "hiding" my breasts by maintaining too much weight.  In the long run, it hurt my health.
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: kerrianne on February 12, 2012, 12:42:37 AM
I was writing out a long winded reply to you Artemis (cuz that's my nature) but having read a bit more of your own replies in this thread all I will say is this - congrats for taking that step and I think things will go fine. Just be yourself and don't try to worry about how it will all play out. One step at a time.

I remember telling my therapist that I just wasn't organized or together enough to put together a long range plan for transitioning and she told me she actually liked my way ("uh, yeah that spiro has helped so much, can we try a bit of estrogen now though?") because it seemed more natural.

Just feel your way, trust your instincts and try to stay honest with yourself. When I started down this road I could not imagine ever ever ever being where I am today. It wasn't because it's not where I wasn't supposed to be (I've never been in a more right place) but because fears, doubts, worries, judgements, lack of self esteem, confusion... all that crap was clouding my vision. And truly, because of that, the only way for me to make this journey was one foot at a time. Okay, then the fog got lighter and I started running, but you know. lol :P
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on February 12, 2012, 01:54:48 AM
Quote from: Jamie D on February 11, 2012, 06:14:15 PM
I just want to say Artemis, you are not alone in your feelings, experiences, and concerns.

I tried "hiding" my breasts by maintaining too much weight.  In the long run, it hurt my health.
I wish I had the courage to answer to anyone who points out that I have breasts "That's what one gets if they have two X chromosomes!" and then just walk away letting them process that information all by themselves.  >:-)

I don't think I ever will :'( :shy: ::)
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: kerrianne on February 12, 2012, 02:46:44 PM
Artemis.
One of the biggest hurdles I had to overcome was worrying about what other people were thinking, what they might do, say, etc. My mantra was, and still is, Dr. Suess "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." and Dr. Wayne Dwyer's "It's none of my business what others think of me."  I know it's not as simple as that, that people can cause you real trouble, but I needed to get ahead of my own brain of worry and guilt first. We are ALL entitled to be free, to be ourselves. People around us will tell us that we are upsetting them but too damn bad for them. Why should we put our own selves in a prison so others feel more comfortable? But to be free we have to be strong, believe in ourselves, and find our allies and friends wherever we can.
Remember, you don't owe (most) people an explanation. Especially if they are rude.

You have a great attitude and I think you seem to understand how transitioning will help you. When I started coming closer to myself I found I had a lot more incentive, clarity, and strength to concurrently deal with my other issues. Just becoming who you really are, stepping into your true nature, opens up the rest of your world and you seem to have eyes wide open and are ready for unfurling your wings at last. There are going to be fears, missteps, hurts, and confusion along the way, but I think when you start moving into your centre you handle the adversity better and better. Just keep your eyes on the prize (a happy whole you) and treat yourself with love and gentleness, through the great parts, and the hard parts.

You're going to really blossom honey. I can see that. :)

Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on February 13, 2012, 05:35:15 AM
So I had my meeting and it was very intense. I slightly rewrote my life story that I posted it here and gave it them to read.

In the end, I now have another appointment in 3 weeks...

I'm not really sure what to make of this, I will just have wait and see what happens, I guess?

It's very anti-climatic, which I expected it to be, but still.

Besides it's impossible to explain once life story in only one session? It takes time to just feel at ease, it takes time to open up.

I might be handling this too well? That I don't show enough confusion, not enough "disorder", not enough obsession, not enough fear? Maybe I'm keeping to much inside? I don't process stuff like other people do :( I was confused when I first noticed this months ago but I researched it, I know what I have, I know what and who I am, I know how I would like to treated it at least for now.
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Catherine Sarah on February 13, 2012, 05:43:35 AM
Well done, Artemis,

Meetings from here on in can only get better. Keep in mind a good therapist should guide you through your feeling, it shouldn't feel like an interrogation session. Hope your next session is more productive.

Keep smiling and be safe,well and happy

Lotsa huggs
Catherine
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: veritatemfurto on February 13, 2012, 03:31:50 PM
Hey Art! Great to hear you made it through the hardest part and obviously they had enough sense to realize that you cant be waiting another six months to do something about it  :) 

When I find a place to go to for my second letter I think I'll just print out all my thread starters I still have from TGTS-Youth and now Susans to bring the therapist up to speed since my diagnosis letter... not good at repetitive re-writing, but that's just me. anyways congrats and HUGS
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on February 15, 2012, 02:14:27 AM
Thank you all for the encouragement.

Does anyone else have difficulty explaining yourself towards a male therapist?

I was talking about what I was going trough with a female friend and later with her and her husband and she then noticed that I was much more personal, less distant with her alone then with her husband present.

This gender dysphoria is quite hard for someone with autism  ::)

I think I have learned to put up this neutral/male screen whenever I don't feel at ease? I've noticed before that I tend to react to stress (e.g. unknown environments, unexpected changes, too many people around me) by redrawing: My behavior becomes more neutral, which probably appears "male", but the me inside becomes silent and on the outside my responses become defensive, deflective, etc.

Push me even further, I tend to redraw even more. become a shadow or ghost, someone who is and isn't "there". Push me too far and think I will just zone out, slipping in to catatonic or just automated behavior.

I think this might, at least partially, be a defense mechanism? My experiences with opening up to men where mostly negative. The dynamic of communication with men, with a few exceptions, tends to cause much more friction and stress then communication with other women? [See what I did there?] It's like I have this strong reflex to wanting to hide and protect myself when I'm with men which I don't have when I'm with women?
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: veritatemfurto on February 15, 2012, 02:42:18 AM
The therapist I saw for my diagnosis letter was a guy. He was the tall bearded type and I had an uneasy feeling for the first few sessions. When I realized that he was there to help me and that holding back would only prolong the process, I was able to settle in and open up.

Now I'm ready to start the confirmation letter process, and my only option that I know of is another male therapist in my immediate area. I was worried at first, but thanks to others recommending him, I'm actually looking forward to meeting Dr Dave.
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Jeneva on February 15, 2012, 08:57:13 AM
Quote from: Artemis on February 13, 2012, 05:35:15 AM
I might be handling this too well? That I don't show enough confusion, not enough "disorder", not enough obsession, not enough fear? Maybe I'm keeping to much inside? I don't process stuff like other people do :( I was confused when I first noticed this months ago but I researched it, I know what I have, I know what and who I am, I know how I would like to treated it at least for now.
Why should you show disorder or obsession?  You've accepted that you are trans.  Once you full accept that and aren't fighting it mentally why shouldn't you be "normal".  My therapist has remarked several times how when we first started she had certain notions of how a trans person should behave, but she has found that I'm making her reevaluation all of those and in a good way.

This condition isn't really a mental "illness", we're just categorized that way for now.

Quote from: Artemis on February 15, 2012, 02:14:27 AM
Does anyone else have difficulty explaining yourself towards a male therapist?

I was talking about what I was going trough with a female friend and later with her and her husband and she then noticed that I was much more personal, less distant with her alone then with her husband present.

This gender dysphoria is quite hard for someone with autism  ::)

I think I have learned to put up this neutral/male screen whenever I don't feel at ease? I've noticed before that I tend to react to stress (e.g. unknown environments, unexpected changes, too many people around me) by redrawing: My behavior becomes more neutral, which probably appears "male", but the me inside becomes silent and on the outside my responses become defensive, deflective, etc.

Push me even further, I tend to redraw even more. become a shadow or ghost, someone who is and isn't "there". Push me too far and think I will just zone out, slipping in to catatonic or just automated behavior.

I think this might, at least partially, be a defense mechanism? My experiences with opening up to men where mostly negative. The dynamic of communication with men, with a few exceptions, tends to cause much more friction and stress then communication with other women? [See what I did there?] It's like I have this strong reflex to wanting to hide and protect myself when I'm with men which I don't have when I'm with women?
I wouldn't link any of this to autism.  I suspect it is fairly common with a certain set of transpeople.  I'm reluctant to talk to a male therapist.  Supposedly at the VA in Johnson City we have an expert, but when my therapist asked about calling him and seeing if he had a private practice to help non veterans too I completely shut her down.  I did that because an older male authority figure like that would be very hard to open up to because just as you said, when I did open up  to an older male authority figure I was just told to never talk that way again and MOCKED for years in private.

I also don't think the shadow/ghost/robot reaction is necessarily autistic because again there are certain groups of transpeople that coped that way. 

Both of those are very familiar to me and as far as I am aware I am not autistic.  Those are just artifacts of your transsexuality.




***********EDIT**************
Or if that was TL/DR basically you are fine, don't worry that you have to fit some certain mold.  We are all different and faced different situations and coped different ways.  Don't worry about being abnormal because there is no normal. 
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on February 16, 2012, 12:35:04 PM
Quote from: Jeneva on February 15, 2012, 08:57:13 AMWhy should you show disorder or obsession?  You've accepted that you are trans.  Once you full accept that and aren't fighting it mentally why shouldn't you be "normal".
I didn't realize it myself? Now that you mention it, I do think that I have indeed accepted this situation and I am now looking for a solution to problem in a calm and rational manner. I am not in a panic. While I much rather would not be in this situation, now that I find myself in this particular situation, I'm handling it the best I can: I'm no hiding from it, I'm not denying it is there and I'm not exaggerating the extend of it.

Quote from: Jeneva on February 15, 2012, 08:57:13 AMI also don't think the shadow/ghost/robot reaction is necessarily autistic because again there are certain groups of transpeople that coped that way. Both of those are very familiar to me and as far as I am aware I am not autistic.  Those are just artifacts of your transsexuality.
... This would also explain why my autism became much less a problem after I started to realize my gender identity? While I'm resolving this long term cognitive dissonance caused by this internal/external conflict my autism has vastly improved...

Also, some here might not understand this, but my religious convictions give me comfort? Like an atheist once wrote: "Faith and reason are the shoes on your feet. You can travel further with both than you can with just one."

I am convinced that one day god will make it right: One day, there will be an exquisite house, painted white and surrounded by a beautiful garden, with a wide veranda where at sunrise that tall, beautiful, delicate girl in her white summer dress, who is enjoying her morning tea, while reading her book and playing with her calico cat, will be me. My (maybe irrational) conviction in this image seems to sustain me when nothing else seems to make sense any more?
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: kerrianne on February 16, 2012, 01:40:24 PM
Good for you Artemis. Yeah, I was worried about seeming too "together" when I went to see my therapist but a good therapist reads between the lines. In fact it's not always a bad thing to seem like you know what you are doing, at least IME. My therapist had more confidence in me being able to handle the challenges because of the strengths and knowledge I did show. They know you are there for a reason.

As for talking to a male? Frankly I'm not sure I could. I guess if I had to. But I don't trust men and I feel immediately off balance and closed down around them generally. I have a male GP but he's a good guy and I've known him and trusted him a long time and I will have a male gyno because he's the only game in town, but whenever I can I prefer to have female practioneer for anything. I just open up to other women a lot more freely. I think it's very valid that we may have trouble with men. Most cis women I know prefer to deal with women.

So even if you are presenting at male, honour that your spirit may need specific things and if you can try to take those paths. At any rate, being closed down, or guarded or defensive, around men is not an unusual thing for women, trans or cis.
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on February 18, 2012, 04:04:41 PM
I have been talking to a lot of people lately about my GID? Both online and offline.

My mother doesn't really want to understand.

My father begins to get what the problem is, why this is so hard. I explained it like this: It's like we are secret agents, spies behind enemy lines: We have this secret life inside: Who we really are, our nature, everything we desire, our  preferences, our needs and desires. All most all of which we need to keep hidden in our public life. In our public life we need to pretend, we are forced to play the role everyone expects us to be, wear the clothes of this role, and pretend to like the things we find revolting, love that which we hate, hate that which we love and pretend to be revolted by what we wish we had. Who can live like that? We are always alone because the real person inside can't come too close to anyone. Given enough time and anyone forced into such a situation will break: They either kill themselves or go insane. Who can live their whole life living as someone else? Either we find a happy neutral place in between or we switch sides. As far as I can see there are no other options?

I also figured out something else: When I was young I liked clothes with flowers, butterflies, etc? I hated the sports clothes in the boy section. I understood that for some strange reason beyond my comprehension I would get in trouble if would wear the clothes that I wanted? So I always insisted on getting neutral clothes: just one plain color, no text, no graphics. I can still remember how happy I was, to the surprise of my mother,  when I got to a blouse with a colorful pattern? What I saw and she didn't was that the pattern almost looked like branches with cobalt blue and lavendel flowers? Sadly I didn't get the wear it very often because of the negative reactions of other people.
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on March 08, 2012, 03:28:27 AM
Like I said, these first meetings where only to get on the (6-8 month) waiting list...?

So, there is nothing mentally wrong with me... I'm not a psychopath, not a sociopath, not delusional, etc... Which makes my dysphoria kind of real? Just part of the way I that I'm put together, developed to the person I am.

Personally... I'm still struggling with my feelings, options, desires, (dis)abilities, and necessities...

My dysphoria is very simular what I feel when faced with something that violates of my conscience? The very idea "being male" is in conflict with my conscience? I know at the most core level of my being that it is wrong. Not guilt because I did not cause this, but in some way my very existence the way I am right now is in conflict with my conscience.

Anyway... I'm on the waiting list... It's going to be a very long 6-7 months...

Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Catherine Sarah on March 08, 2012, 04:59:20 AM
Hi Artemis,

Good to hear the news. At least that is one box you can tick. I'm still somewhat sad at the fact the system is happy to waste more of your time without doing something practical about assisting you.

I hope this time passes quickly for you and you are able to make as good a use of it as you can. Perhaps just asking questions and telling us how you are coping could help. Anyway,

be safe, well and happy.
lotsa huggs
Catherine
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on March 08, 2012, 05:40:51 AM
I wish they could at least give me some baseline hrt while waiting?
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Jayne on March 08, 2012, 08:47:20 AM
Quote from: Artemis on February 15, 2012, 02:14:27 AM


Does anyone else have difficulty explaining yourself towards a male therapist?


I've only spoken to a male therapist so far so I don't know if i'll have a difference between male or female therapists.

I've noticed that I find it more difficult talking about it with people who've known me as male for a long time, the less time i've known someone the easier I find it to discuss stuff.
I do find that certain subjects are easier to talk about with women such as my attraction to men & the revulsion I feel when considering being intimate with a man whilst i'm a man (revultion may be too strong a word to use but I can't think of another one right now), from discussions with women about this I get the impression that other women are more comfortable discussing attraction with other women but this doesn't apply to every woman I know.

I'm having my first meeting with my gender therapist in 15 days, as it's someone i've never met I think i'll find it easy to discuss things, so may be able to offer some insight into this in 2 weeks.

i'm a little bit nervous about the meeting but more exited than anything, i've had to wait over a year for this appointment & it can't come soon enough
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: veritatemfurto on March 08, 2012, 12:41:43 PM
Quote from: Artemis on March 08, 2012, 05:40:51 AM
I wish they could at least give me some baseline hrt while waiting?

I hear spearmint tea will work as a T blocker lol

(although I hate the taste of spearmint)
Title: Re: Next week I'll have my first meeting with a gender therapist...
Post by: Artemis on March 21, 2012, 02:11:23 AM
Quote from: veritatemfurto on March 08, 2012, 12:41:43 PM
I hear spearmint tea will work as a T blocker lol

(although I hate the taste of spearmint)
I hate it too, however... I could find the active ingredient so I bought a box of those and tried it.

Which gave me a huge scare* because my urine turned pink/red/orange. I only calmed down after I tested the pH of my urine with and (two days later) without... as far as I can tell it seems to be a harmless side effect much like after eating some red plants e.g. biets). I wish I had done more research before trying it out. I was really scared.

Anyway... The big surprise... My breasts are actually feeling fuller? I seem to bump into things more often.
And I feel more at peace or calm then without. Could be a placebo effect, I don't know.

YMMV, my weird genes gave me a natural A cup breasts so it might just be how my body reacts to it.