Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have my FFS in less than a month and I know it will change a lot.  I have no idea if I'll pass after it.

I hate leaving my house but today I had to go to the very very crowded high-end grocery store Wegmans near my house.  It's always always crowded with swarms of people.  The worst is having to pass a girl or woman my age.  It is humiliating for me because I know I am a woman and I know I could be prettier than her and I feel tremendous amounts of anxiety, jealousy, and agony going anywhere.

My transition is in its earliest stages.  Today is my 2 month anniversary.  I've been on estrogen for 2 months and its done absolutely nothing.  I still look like a caveman.  God my jaw is so masculine... So I'm having my FFS really soon and it could not come fast enough.  I just want to look normal.  Serously, as a man I am ugly.  The FFS combines some plastic surgery procedures that I feel will make me look better in general- nose job, chin aug, and cheek implants. 

I have a receding hairline that will need to be fixed and then I have to worry about my hair - I want long hair so I'm going to go to a salon that does extensions but I want to dye my hair first and tint my eyebrows... I've found a salon that seems to be okay and an eye doctor that seems to be okay.... this area though is just full of conservative ->-bleeped-<-heads and bigots and its very stifling and uneducated.... I Cannot wait to get the f**K out of Pennsyltucky.  Seriously.

My lease is up in August.  I DEFINITELY plan on getting out of here.  I have no idea where but I want to go to a progressive town or a city where I can just not deal with the suburbanites!!!!

i hate my life... i f'n hate it.  im like a beautiful sorority girl trapped in the body of this man and i want out of this body NOOWWOWWW

I know how you feel but give it time. Things WILL get better as you progress in your transition. I wish you the best with your upcoming FFS.

Thank u Britney

You're welcome :P

hehe you sound like a beautiful sorority girl with that attitude :D! Hang in there - in a few months you'll be walking through Wegmans with your head held high and with the swarms casting envious glances your way!

x

Don't become obsessed ....

If your goal is to become prettier than all other girls, you will fail (and bring you a lifetime of surgery after surgery to fix every "flaw").

You also have to realize these things take TIME. Lots of time... years and years and years (just for the hormones).

If you focus solely on how pretty you are compared to other girls all the time... you will really make your life unhappy :/

I don't think anyone naturally focuses on other people to bring their own emotions down on purpose, but when we look around us and see how literally every woman, even some young transpeople who haven't even been on hormones, looks "more female" than us, it's the entire crowd that brings us down. Also, make sure to have your surgeries with a specialist, travel across the states if you need to for this specialist, make sure not to have your surgeries with a quack doctor who has no results in his galleries to show you. Overall, I've seen plastic surgery create tremendous revolutions in people's faces, Trans or not, and as long as you have studied your chosen procedures wisely on how they will effect your face, the chances of them being successful, and choosing a doctor without a bad track record (research at RateMD. com, on the forums here, or with your chosen state's medical board.), then your look should really improve triplefold. I very rarely believe there's a masculine face out there that cannot realistically benefit from procedures to make the man at least look softer and more alike to the females his age, though I have seen a few cases that I don't believe can be realistically changed. Just make sure your making the right choice for your facial frame, and if you are, then I think this change will be something that if done right and by an experienced surgeon, will make a tremendous change in your life and self-worth for the better. It will feel amazing just to fit in and feel normal by appearance, not just by therapist-fueled-confidence.

Quote from: sysm29 on February 21, 2012, 01:55:36 PM
I have my FFS in less than a month and I know it will change a lot.  I have no idea if I'll pass after it.

I've been on estrogen for 2 months and its done absolutely nothing.  I still look like a caveman.  God my jaw is so masculine... So I'm having my FFS really soon and it could not come fast enough.  I just want to look normal.  Serously, as a man I am ugly.  The FFS combines some plastic surgery procedures that I feel will make me look better in general- nose job, chin aug, and cheek implants. 

You've only been on Estrogen for 2 months and you're going to have FFS in less than a month? If you're gonna do it, you're gonna do it. But I hope you aren't having BA with the FFS. Estrogen for 2 months is nothing. No one really has results after 2 months. You should show us a pic of you. But good luck to you on your surgery. I wish you the best of luck!

QuoteI have a receding hairline that will need to be fixed and then I have to worry about my hair - I want long hair so I'm going to go to a salon that does extensions but I want to dye my hair first and tint my eyebrows... I've found a salon that seems to be okay and an eye doctor that seems to be okay.... this area though is just full of conservative ->-bleeped-<-heads and bigots and its very stifling and uneducated.... I Cannot wait to get the f**K out of Pennsyltucky.  Seriously.

Go on Dutas. You would be amazed how well it works.

Also, you want to get out of Pennsylvania? Oh my god. This has been the most friendliest state I have ever lived in as a trans person...and I pastor a church right in Lancaster. I haven't had any bad experiences here. This state has been one of the most opened in terms of personal relationships, jobs, church and sexuality, etc than any other state I lived in (Florida, Kansas, Missouri, Virginia, Tennessee, and Maryland)

QuoteMy lease is up in August.  I DEFINITELY plan on getting out of here.  I have no idea where but I want to go to a progressive town or a city where I can just not deal with the suburbanites!!!!

Where at in PA do you live??

Quote from: sysm29 on February 21, 2012, 01:55:36 PM
I have a receding hairline that will need to be fixed and then I have to worry about my hair - I want long hair so I'm going to go to a salon that does extensions but I want to dye my hair first and tint my eyebrows...

Ok, I can speak from experience here.  Be very careful with extensions.  If you do any sort of physical exertion they can be very problematic.  I had $450+ of extensions that started loosing because the bonds started to deteriorate because I had to work on our floors upstairs and my hair was just drenched.  They clumped together and then started sliding off.

FFS can help your hairline, but it may or may not be enough.  For me it was the main FFS driver and while my hair is much better than before I still bought a hairpiece to cover this thinning I had.

hey well your lucky your getting ffs very soon! lots of people cant even come close to affording that . and just think of your surgeries and hormones as a goal to be happy within your own particular body and stop stressing over societys notion of gender and gender roles . screw them :P  not everyone fits the cliche model nor should they be expected to be . i try to think of myself as a person not as " male" or " female"  just like someone should treat me differently based on race , i feel i shouldnt be treated differently based on sex

Quote from: Rabbit on February 21, 2012, 03:25:46 PM
Don't become obsessed ....

If your goal is to become prettier than all other girls, you will fail (and bring you a lifetime of surgery after surgery to fix every "flaw").

You also have to realize these things take TIME. Lots of time... years and years and years (just for the hormones).

If you focus solely on how pretty you are compared to other girls all the time... you will really make your life unhappy :/

This post is incredibly true.  I've fallen into this trap as of late, but I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that, while I may not be the prettiest girl out there, I'm still very pretty and am much better off than I was say... a year or two ago.  At a certain put, you have to realize that you've done what you can do for yourself, and just try to embrace what you DO have.

Obviously this doesn't apply to you just yet because you've still got a lot of changing to do via hormones, but if you keep this in mind, it will make for a much happier transition!

Where at in PA do you live??
[/quote]

The Lehigh Valley - omg its so suburban everythings crowded too many teenagers and college students, it makes me so nervous to do anything around here... this isnt exactly Manhattan

Quote from: sysm29 on February 21, 2012, 07:16:07 PM
Where at in PA do you live??


The Lehigh Valley - omg its so suburban everythings crowded too many teenagers and college students, it makes me so nervous to do anything around here... this isnt exactly Manhattan

Are you in therapy right now?

For what it's worth, if you're in a college town, you should view that as a very good thing: college towns tend to be very progressive, as are college students (there's obviously a causal relationship here). I'm in a very conservative pocket of Ontario, Canada, but the town has this really weird tension between the conservative outskirts (farming communities) and very liberal city-centres due to the universities/colleges.

give the hormones time to work , when I was first starting on hormones I did not pass all the time , cause I did not have enough fat in my face but as I progressed thru my transition , I got more and more feminine and passing became a lot easier.

I also got lucky cause I had AIS in that my androgen receptors never really worked that well so I never masculized.

Quote from: Rabbit on February 21, 2012, 03:25:46 PM
Don't become obsessed ....

If your goal is to become prettier than all other girls, you will fail (and bring you a lifetime of surgery after surgery to fix every "flaw").

Great advice. SOOOOOOO many MTF post about how they "want to be pretty" but not many saying "I just want to be seen as a woman, even if it's an ugly one"...

Actually if someone wants to 'pass', being attractive would just make you stand out more and likely pass less.

Quote from: Stephe on February 22, 2012, 12:41:06 AM
Great advice. SOOOOOOO many MTF post about how they "want to be pretty" but not many saying "I just want to be seen as a woman, even if it's an ugly one"...

Actually if someone wants to 'pass', being attractive would just make you stand out more and likely pass less.

im in the boat that id rather be pretty and stand out as an " obvious "transgender in public than pass and look ordinary / unnatractive

if i had to pick

hair extension will be the worst thing to get as the longer hair will draw glances from every other female and then they will see the maleness of the rest of your face - an dbody/clothes?   then the extension take serious work and you will be constantly worried about them coming out in embarrassing moments.

better idea would be to cut off the male hair to a nice short bob and get a nice ordinary wig that looks like an ordinary woman's hairdo so you can blend in while you wait the years for the E to kick in.

presumably you have no beard shadow to add to the maleness?  if you have then thats #2 priority.

How to cut your bangs perfectly (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwz6UuS6yh8&feature=related#) just get some clip in extensions like this person

my electrologist tried the clips in last year...cost her $500...nice wigs can be had from $50.

I'm not sure what the advice is in other places but I was cleaning my room today, safety helmet, gas mask and a sirens needed :laugh:. And I found my first file on my treatment and is says very clearly FFS and BA are not recommended for a minimum of 18 mths on HRT, and a second opinion should be sort. Not sure what that means whether is is two plastics or therapists.

I think you have lots to do, practising, lasering, waxing, enjoying yourself.

We as a group do forget to smell the roses on the way. They may not smell nice but it isn't a race and we need to take time to appreciate how we are going, what we are achieving and how we are coping. Sometimes I surprise myself. I suddenly realise how good I feel compared to a previous time and it does me wonders.

JMO

Cindy

  Yeah I know what you mean i'm still living part time as a guy and I HATE it. 

  & I also live n PA so I know what you mean regarding the ignorant population here. I live in a very small town outside of Pittsburgh and like anything out of the ordinary stands out big time here lol. Most of the people here think homosexuals and transsexuals are the same thing and usually say something like "Oh...so...your gay? Why didn't you just say so!"   :eusa_wall:


    I'm soooo moving out of this state.  ::)

   

Quote from: Cindy James on February 22, 2012, 01:42:57 AM
I'm not sure what the advice is in other places but I was cleaning my room today, safety helmet, gas mask and a sirens needed :laugh:. And I found my first file on my treatment and is says very clearly FFS and BA are not recommended for a minimum of 18 mths on HRT, and a second opinion should be sort. Not sure what that means whether is is two plastics or therapists.

I think you have lots to do, practising, lasering, waxing, enjoying yourself.

We as a group do forget to smell the roses on the way. They may not smell nice but it isn't a race and we need to take time to appreciate how we are going, what we are achieving and how we are coping. Sometimes I surprise myself. I suddenly realise how good I feel compared to a previous time and it does me wonders.

JMO

Cindy

isnt it just up to the idividual ? i dont plan on going on hormones at all and an going to get FFS

Quote from: mementomori on February 22, 2012, 02:20:46 AM
isnt it just up to the idividual ? i dont plan on going on hormones at all and an going to get FFS

If you are not going to take hormones, it's not really an issue.. But if you are, it's best to give the hormones a reasonable time period to make their changes before you have surgery - lest you have FFS or a BA  first and then discover that you need revisions to your surgery due to changes from HRT..

Quote from: kelly_aus on February 22, 2012, 02:34:09 AM
If you are not going to take hormones, it's not really an issue.. But if you are, it's best to give the hormones a reasonable time period to make their changes before you have surgery - lest you have FFS or a BA  first and then discover that you need revisions to your surgery due to changes from HRT..

oh ok that makes sense , kind of like if you get cheek implants then hormones produces even more fullness there and it ends up looking too much ?

Quote from: Cindy James on February 22, 2012, 01:42:57 AM
I'm not sure what the advice is in other places but I was cleaning my room today, safety helmet, gas mask and a sirens needed :laugh:. And I found my first file on my treatment and is says very clearly FFS and BA are not recommended for a minimum of 18 mths on HRT, and a second opinion should be sort. Not sure what that means whether is is two plastics or therapists.

I agree on any plans for mega FFS or BA but it's pretty well known that HRT will not change your nose or chin. If those are -real male- looking I don't see any problem dealing with either of these before 18 months of hrt as they aren't going to change.

Quote from: sysm29 on February 21, 2012, 07:16:07 PM
Where at in PA do you live??


The Lehigh Valley - omg its so suburban everythings crowded too many teenagers and college students, it makes me so nervous to do anything around here... this isnt exactly Manhattan

Lehigh Valley is Philadelphia Suburbia!! Try living in Lancaster. I'm surrounded by Amish people and horse drawn carriages ;)

Quote from: lilacwoman on February 22, 2012, 01:39:13 AM
my electrologist tried the clips in last year...cost her $500...nice wigs can be had from $50.

I have to say, every wig I have seen for 50 dollars....well...looks like a wig!

Quote from: Annah on February 23, 2012, 08:46:18 AM
I have to say, every wig I have seen for 50 dollars....well...looks like a wig!

Which still looks better than really bad hair :P

i know how you feel hunny, sorry hopefully your world change's after FFS :) (for the better that is).