Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I got all dressed and looking good but I just couldn't leave my driveway. I am so bummed I couldn't leave. :(  has anyone ever done that too?   

I think it takes a little practice for some. False starts.

I heard someone say that it was easier to leave at night, when people can't see too clearly. Or they would walk around in the back yard (if they have one) or stand on the front doorstep for a few minutes. If you couldn't leave your driveway, what does that mean? Did you get in your car while it was in the garage, back into the driveway, and freeze? Or were you out there on foot? I think it makes a difference. What was your goal? Maybe you took on too much all at once.

Baby steps. Perhaps you'll be able to follow through next time.

Of course, I've never been in the same situation, so here's a grain of salt, on me!

I appologize I didn't make that clearer. My car was parked in my driveway. I walked outside and got in it. However I couldn't start it to leave.   

Hm. Where were you going? What if you made up your mind to just drive around the neighborhood or once around the block, just to start? Once you get back to your own driveway, you can decide whether to go farther out. Maybe just focus on starting. Once you start, it's easier to keep it going. Think small.

The thing is I have already done that before. I have even been out durring the day before, getting my nails done and in close contact with the public.

I've had moments like that, times when after I'd been out en femme and then suddenly I have an attack of the willies and I freeze. Eventually, the moments pass.

Quote from: JS04011027 on March 03, 2012, 09:56:53 PM
The thing is I have already done that before. I have even been out durring the day before, getting my nails done and in close contact with the public.

Hmm. Then you're farther along than I thought. Have you any idea why you're suddenly getting stuck, or is it a complete mystery?

Even so, the baby steps idea could work...

I think we all have a freeze, panic attack moment. Just don't let it get too you. I do think it is important to give it another go and not to dwell on it.

I've been as far  as blaming my shoes. Oh my heels are too high to drive, I cannot go out. Ahhhh, why not take my heels off as every other woman would :laugh: Subconscious just plays with you.

Next day no problems. And they do disappear after a while.

Hugs

Cindy

Thanks guys! I'm going to go with the excuse my mind knew if I left, some bad life altering situation would have happend.      Yeah that's what I am going with as an excuse.

"I'm going to go with the excuse my mind knew if I left, some bad life altering situation would have happend.      Yeah that's what I am going with as an excuse. "

Yes it could be you had a psychic moment and not a psychotic moment.

I think we have all had a case of the jitters before. It is easier to go out after dark. I have also gone somewhere and then was afraid to get out of the car and go in. I started doing my grocery shopping enfemme at night when few people were in the supermarket. After a few outings it becomes easy and exciting.

I went out last Saturday en femme for the first time. I was meeting some people in a LGBT friendly part of town I had never been in, at a very busy bar that i had never been to, which was quite an ambitious undertaking for the first time out (i'm bigender and my girl mode has a lot more brass than boy mode has LOL....). There were moments of sheer terror (like after i parked the car but before i got out, when i started thinking too much about what i was doing), and when i had to walk two blocks to the bar - past a sidewalk cafe - in heels. You feel like every eye is watching you (the "spotlight" effect), and you start second guessing what you are doing.

Once I realized that no one was in fact watching me i was able to relax and enjoy the evening. No one said anything and i didn't catch anyone leering at me. I was just a girl out for a nice evening with friends. After an hour i had almost forgotten that i was dressed fully as a woman and I was just having fun.

My suggestion is to think of scenarios where you'll feel safe and start out exploring those. Remember the safety rules for girls too - no walking alone at night, stay in well lit areas, hang onto your purse and keep it zipped up, etc.

Quote from: JS04011027 on March 03, 2012, 09:33:57 PM
I got all dressed and looking good but I just couldn't leave my driveway. I am so bummed I couldn't leave. :(  has anyone ever done that too?   

I still remember the day


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JS

As you can tell from our other sisters here there is a commonality, and this has happened to me several times, may well happen again. I believe JulieC has it right some psychic event saying this isn't the right time. When going out driving I ask for God's white light in the universe to protect me, and it works. I haven't had a bad moment yet & hope it stays that way in the future.
Be confident, strong & safe.
Hugs
Jamie

First time I went skiing it took me hours just to get a few feet away from the lodge and it was all I could do to get up the bunny hill rope-tow without falling and having people run into me as I lay there helpless.  By the time I was hitting my peak in my mid 30s I was doing double-black diamonds at A-Basin, Park City, Heavenly, Squaw, and Winter Park doing my best not to just run over and obliterate the slower more helpless skiers.

Hey, at least this time you made it out of the house - how many even get that far?  Few I'll bet.  Next time you'll turn it on, drive around - eventually go through a dive-through at 3am - 1000 mile journeys and single steps and all that.

My first time out... well I went all out. I figured that if you're going to do something, might as well do it big. I left the house. Then drove to Walmart. I sat there for 10 minutes in my car. Then, I just said to hell with it, and went shopping. I was in a skirt, blouse, etc. I did better than I thought. but I was scared the whole time.

You'll get out there eventually, you just have to get to the mindset where you throw caution to the wind and say "I'm doing this for me, I don't care what other people think."

Hey I have an idea......
Lets turn this into a what I did the first time out post so maybe somebody, myself included may find an idea of something they can do to go out of the confines of their "cell" for the first time!

Went hiking out at the Coast and in the Redwoods.  I was 16.

this is just a "gut feeling." sometimes you just get nervous automatically, and it's your bodies way of protecting you. it does make you feel doubtful or even question if you should leave the house, but just trust that the anxiety is there to make you more aware and will allow you to better escape any real danger. it's just a sensation that you are experiencing, it's normal, and it will pass. the only one experiencing the sensation is yourself, no one but yourself.

I am 56 years old. Been going out enfem for years. I was thrilled because I had a friend who was a former Drag Queen performer. And he taught me all I needed to know about going out enfem. I was lucky. I would of still have gone out because of all of the work it takes to get ready. Now that I am older I am at a cross road as to when I should stop because of my age. But as when I first went out I went and had the time of my life. And I still do. So don't waste all of the work make up etc. When you get where are you going you will meet plenty of new friends. PinkPenny

I really liked the comments Arch made as in Baby steps !  ;D :P hey dear , I bet every one of us here on this board has experienced the VERY SAME thing . I know I did years ago. Friend of mine spent all day re doing my hair , I hate wigs. I got to a lesbian bar and then , I went cold . Couldn't get the nerve to go in . Months later , I did . I felt so alone inside for not coming out sooner . I'm Full Time now . I went for therapy and discovered I was a transwoman from childhood .............. ;) ellen