Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Part of the reasons I'm so terrified of taking the next step into understanding myself, is because of the sort of 'fad' being trans seems to be becoming. I don't know if any of you guys are on Tumblr, but the community there seems really into claiming they're trans. Not saying many of them aren't really, but the fact that it's to a point that where if you aren't trans, you actually are susceptible to hate.

This may all sound really stupid or ignorant, but when you see people who (at least, as far as you know) were totally fine with their gender before suddenly deciding to be male-- it kind of gets to you. You know, the ones who 'chose' to be trans, or ask you to call them by male pronouns but yet flounces around their female body with no issue?

I'm not sure if I'm just very narrow minded with it all, or what. But it all feels really fake to me, and makes me extremely nervous to talk to my friends about my issues because I just recently got the courage to confront them (I grew up very sheltered, and was actually pretty unaware of the idea of the possibility of transitioning until my later years of high school, and by that point, I was so used to living as a female, it's all kind of surreal to me that there was a solution)... and I'm terrified of people accusing me of just doing this because I want to seem 'cool' or what not, like I've seen people do. Especially since I wouldn't really be the conventional male, enjoying still a numerous amount of tasks that are seen as feminine (sewing, fashion, make-up (not necessarily for me, I like doing others)).

I really do feel as if I'm being stupid or rude with saying all this... but I'm mainly wondering, am I the only one who sees this? Did any of you have these sorts of fears with coming to terms with yourselves?

Quote from: Apollo on March 08, 2012, 10:46:44 AM
You know, the ones who 'chose' to be trans, or ask you to call them by male pronouns but yet flounces around their female body with no issue?

What do you mean by this part?

Quote from: Andy8715 on March 08, 2012, 10:51:44 AM
What do you mean by this part?

I guess this may be me being a jerk, just-- this was only something that kind of got to me the other night, when I saw someone I follow (who identifies as male/trans) basically flashing everyone their breasts and everything. I guess dysphoria hits everyone differently, I can be rather comfortable with my own breasts in the presence of people I know, but posting it on a public site where I try to at the very least present myself as androgynously as possible?

I dunno, it really just rubbed me wrong.

Whenever I see things like that, I start feeling really nervous and questioning everything about myself. I guess this thread is kinda me asking, is this sort of stuff at least normal? Am I just over-thinking or something? Yeah..

Some people are more comfortable than others with the body they were given.  I myself am comfortable being unbound in my home, but only around my mom, dad, brother, sister, and brother's bff, if anyone else comes over I put on a binder and when I leave the house I always wear a binder.  Some guys I know won't even take their binder off in front of their girlfriend.

What I think is important is to only concern yourself with how you feel. These people on other sites have nothing to do with your identity. If you know this is how you feel and what will make you comfortable living in your own skin, then that is what matters. You don't know what these people on Tumblr are feeling, or how they identify. You can't possibly know that. It doesn't matter whether or not they actually identify as trans, or how comfortable they are with their bodies. They are the only people that have to worry about that. Just because someone is more comfortable with their body as it is does not make them any "less trans", and it does nt invalidate your identity.

+1 to Henri

Although I do understand the OP's prospective.  I have a friend who transitioned for a bit and then de-transitioned for some silly reason.  That's her own deal of course but I felt a bit like it devalidated my own experience it others eyes.  They looked at her and asked me just why I was putting myself through so much when clearly it's easy to de-transition and just be a girly boy.  NO THO

The thing is with so few examples out in the world of exactly what a FTM is, when it's not taken seriously as some it hurts our overall image.  Although whose to say who is serious and who is just going through a stage?  It's not my place to judge and I really try hard not too.     

First of all, your post indicates that you're living a life that's deeply entangled within the influence of other people's opinions. If you want to be a guy, what do you care what other people think about your transition? Just be yourself.

What you're saying is as ridiculous as a guy refusing to come out as gay because he's afraid he's going to have a bunch of fruit-flies stalking him and asking to go shopping with him.

being an active lesbian can make a female think she is TS when she isn't. 
I think this may happen more with teenage girls as they are still going through puberty and are more susceptible to hormonal influences of lesbianism.


pop singers get lots of attention when they crossdress or appear to be TG so impressionable young girls could juts be influenced subliminally by this.

we need more research into what makes FtMs but as most of the researchers are gay and penophiliacs they aren't much interested in people with vaginas - which is why they call MtFs effeminate homosexuals.

well, I am not on tuble but as a nerd I have experience the thing in the manga comunety.
in a way its very easy to be trans there cause people already crossdressing* (dressing up as characters of the opposite gender as yourself)
and when you crossdress also its easy to refern the person as a "he" or "she" cause the person is in a role of some character.

but yeah, in some way I experienced alittle people wanting to be a boy, for small reasons, which had to annoy me in a point where I thought they might not be serious about it.

So I understand the felling, but as it said again we are no god to jugde how other people wanna life there life.
I would go so far and say, people who identify as male yet may not have top surgery or whatever, probably know what there going into as the choice they make for there own body and as long there satified with themself and care for there life, I will care for my.

on second mind,
if people simply dont identify as male but just trying to "be cool", they would end it pretty fast, its just way to complicated being trans if your not serious about it.

I was watching a guy on Youtube and he said he came in contact with someone who had been following his transition and told him that he got T without going to therapy and that this person didn't want surgery or anything (not that it makes you less of a man for not wanting it) but the guy asked this person if he had any plans for future transition.  Come to find out it was just a butch lesbian who wanted to take T for a little bit to make herself look more masculine yet keep some of her female appearance and the guy was just shocked.

Every guy is different and some are perfectly fine with what they have.  It's just redefining what it can mean to be trans and that's fine.

However, I hate to sound blunt but when it comes to those who think transitioning is a "cool" thing to do or is just trying to do it to look more masculine or whatever reason similar to my above story....well how they chose to destroy their lives doesn't affect me a bit and it shouldn't affect your life.  You know what's best for you.

Quote from: Apollo on March 08, 2012, 10:46:44 AM
You know, the ones who 'chose' to be trans, or ask you to call them by male pronouns but yet flounces around their female body with no issue?

Those ones. They bother me a little bit. It's illogical, really... we're not all entitled to dysphoria, after all. However, if they go, "Oh, woops! Guess I'm really a girl after all" - and there's a lot of them - then it would negatively affect the community. Not to mention being feminine as a transguy or masculine as a transgirl reflects poorly on the community as-is; at the very least, it doesn't help our brain-body-difference theory's credibility in the eyes of the unlearned.

I haven't noticed the 'fad' to be very popular, but I'll be glad if it never is. :)

Quote from: Apollo on March 08, 2012, 10:46:44 AM
You know, the ones who 'chose' to be trans, or ask you to call them by male pronouns but yet flounces around their female body with no issue?

yes, this I dont understand.  I can understand effeminate trans guys, guys who like nail polish, makeup, dresses.  But I absolutely cannot understand the effeminate trans guys who show off their female assets in a feminine way, like trans guys in a corset not binding underneath.  I saw a video of a trans guy who is talking about he is starting T in a week or two and he had long feminine styled hair, makeup, womens clothing, and no binding at all. I just didnt understand it.

like I said, I understand being feminine, but I just dont get the trans guys who "love their boobs" etc

Quote from: Kelly J. P. on March 08, 2012, 05:47:40 PMNot to mention being feminine as a transguy or masculine as a transgirl reflects poorly on the community as-is; at the very least, it doesn't help our brain-body-difference theory's credibility in the eyes of the unlearned.

Are you really saying that feminine trans guys and masculine trans women reflect badly on the community? Feminine trans men and butchy trans women cannot be help responsible for the ignorance of cis people. If someone uses my (male) femininity to dismiss the entire trans* community as fake, that's not on me; that's on them. To say otherwise is sounds a lot like gender policing.

w/r/t the whole 'fad' thing, I agree with what everyone else says; even if someone else is faking being trans, it doesn't make your identity less valid. :)

Quote from: Elijah on March 08, 2012, 05:54:24 PM

I saw a video of a trans guy who is talking about he is starting T in a week or two and he had long feminine styled hair, makeup, womens clothing, and no binding at all. I just didnt understand it.

Erm, can you link me to this video?
I'm kind of curious now to see how ridiculous this is.

QuoteYou know, the ones who 'chose' to be trans, or ask you to call them by male pronouns but yet flounces around their female body with no issue.

This also bothers me. I've seen people call themselves transmen, are extremely effeminite, then wear makeup, women's clothes, shave their body hair, and are comfortable with female names and pronouns, etc. Basically that's just a effeminate women. I think it's the reason a lot of the trans community has trouble being understood, because of people like that.

But then again. I think the trans community includes all gender variant people. So in a way it's supposed to be confusing. It's like the trans community is a massive blob of scribbles and everyone including ourselves want it to be a nice straight line that is easily identifiable and pleasant to look at.

Quote from: JasonRX on March 08, 2012, 06:17:02 PM
Erm, can you link me to this video?
I'm kind of curious now to see how ridiculous this is.

Sure here you go.   :)

http://youtu.be/vYRLksgbXms (http://youtu.be/vYRLksgbXms)

I thought about posting the link initially.  I should have lol.


OOPS my bad Jason I read that wrong lol I thought that was to me but I'll keep up the link anyways.

Quote from: Malachite on March 08, 2012, 06:20:17 PM
Sure here you go.   :)

http://youtu.be/vYRLksgbXms (http://youtu.be/vYRLksgbXms)

I thought about posting the link initially.  I should have lol.


OOPS my bad Jason I read that wrong lol I thought that was to me but I'll keep up the link anyways.

It's alright.
I still enjoyed the link you posted.
:]

As Susans members, we all know that anyone who transcends their birth gender for any reason is welcome here. (Announcements Section) We should not judge others based on their presentation not meshing with our own. Hugs, Devlyn

^ I agree Devlyn. Some identify as A, and have female bodies taking T.  They like the blend of two.  No one should be judging them.

I agree with Elijah, and many of you. I understand there are different ways to be a transguy, and its okay to be a femme transguy...But to flaunt your girly parts, really gets me. I feel like these type of people give us a bad name, in a way that people will look at us like we are a joke.

But don't let it effect how you feel, and who you are.
Be you, be confident in who you are.

Quote from: Elijah on March 08, 2012, 07:44:47 PM
thank you.

Here is the guy that I was talking about.. I just cant comprehend it.

I thought you had to had a certain amount of time of documented real life experience before you get T?
Like presenting as the gender?

Quote from: Elijah on March 08, 2012, 07:44:47 PM
thank you.

Here is the guy that I was talking about.. I just cant comprehend it.

Pre-T video1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pLEoQFmzO0&feature=channel_video_title#)

Yeah...I just got really confused there.

Look at the second video. Skip to 2:38. He got his hair cut and switched out his clothes. People go about transition in different ways.

http://youtu.be/HsqGEtIhM4A (http://youtu.be/HsqGEtIhM4A)

ok, that makes more sense now

This topic hits home for me, because through no choice of my own I am almost entirely unpassable. I have baby features, a high voice, and I know I'd probably be someone who is potentially labelled as a "trender" for that. I don't "flaunt" my female parts or whatever, but everyone looks different and behaves differently. Maybe it doesn't make sense to some people, but that doesn't invalidate what they're doing.

Yeah I definitely think it's partially a fad, especially with like, tumblr.

Everyone has their reasons for transition, and really they're all just as valid because people can do what they want. I just wish people didn't assume that every trans person is going to be gay, behave more like their birth sex than the one they're transitioning to, into a lot of trendy subcultures, etc.

Quote from: mic on March 08, 2012, 08:35:29 PM
I thought you had to had a certain amount of time of documented real life experience before you get T?
Like presenting as the gender?

That is not a requirement anymore.  That was a ->-bleeped-<-ty requirement anyway.

Quote from: henri on March 08, 2012, 08:40:24 PM
People go about transition in different ways.

This.  Some people wait until they've been on hormones a long while before coming out and presenting as their true gender.

Quote from: henri on March 08, 2012, 08:40:24 PM
Look at the second video. Skip to 2:38. He got his hair cut and switched out his clothes. People go about transition in different ways.

http://youtu.be/HsqGEtIhM4A (http://youtu.be/HsqGEtIhM4A)

He looks pretty cool, he already looks masculine without starting T so no probs with passing for sure.

I get confused by some peoples choices as well, but personally, I don't feel it's my job or duty to make the trans* community look good or valid. People are individuals and should be treated as such. My transition is my own and frankly, I could give a flying cupcake what someone else is doing. If they want to be in dresses and on T, whatever. I really don't care. I'm my own person and HATE feeling like I have to prove something to the trans* community or to anyone else.

Quote from: JasonRX on March 08, 2012, 01:33:03 PM
First of all, your post indicates that you're living a life that's deeply entangled within the influence of other people's opinions. If you want to be a guy, what do you care what other people think about your transition? Just be yourself.

THIS!
do what works for you and you alone.

I'm disappointed by the amount of people here who seem to be deciding what being a true trans man is. I also don't think trans men like this are what confuses other people, I doubt when the average cis person thinks about trans guys they imagine a very feminine person in their head, I think it's more likely to be someone like Thomas Beatie or some really masculine guy. I may not understand why some trans guys are really feminine, wear make up etc but it's not my place to say they are trans or not, it's theirs.

Also i'm not convinced it's become a fad at all. I think the reason there are so many trans* people on tumblr is because they attract each other, the reason I joined tumblr was because of the amount of LGBT people there. They aren't all over tumblr though, depending on what your interests are and what you reblog etc you may not even be aware of the trans* people on tumblr.

I think a lot of this comes down to dysphoria and how you see yourself, some guys have little or no dsyphoria about certain parts of their body and don't see it the way we do.

It's not necessary to be either masculine or feminine to be either a man or a woman. It's a little dangerous to read other people's 'validity' as trans people in terms of how their gender presentation jibes with our own, because there's the whole range out there - and I mean, the whole range. I think the only way to know how serious someone is about being transgender is to get to know them personally - and before that, why not give them the benefit of the doubt, because I'm sure you'd want it from others.

Keep in mind that the internet is a viable tool to reach out to others, and many people use this to their advantage. Tumblr is a popular website. There's not a lot of people that haven't at least heard of it, and many are making blogs every day. When concentrated in one specific place, especially a popular website, the numbers can seem overwhelming. However, it really works out to still being a very low percentage of the population. Take Youtube for example, when concentrated in one place, the numbers seem to be HIGH.. but in reality they aren't nearly as high as it seems. Do I believe that some people are gender confused? Yes. I do, but time will tell for each and every person out there whom is questioning it. People grow and learn more about themselves every day. They may feel differently than other people, and may think that being trans is why... They will soon discover what is right for them, and who/what they are.

Do what you think is the best decision for you. Don't worry about what others say or do; just know that the decision you make is what is best for you.

I wish I were happy in the body I was born in, or I was born in a male body.. either way would have been easier. Transitioning isn't an easy decision, so for someone to go through it - in most cases- means that they have thought it through. If they made a mistake, then I can almost bet that it is a mistake that will soon be discovered after beginning transition. I do believe that those numbers are smaller than the numbers of people that actually are what they think and say they are. As long as YOU are sure, it shouldn't matter if anyone else is.

My apologies if this is rather choppy or incomprehensible.. it is now nearly 10 am and I have not went to sleep yet lol 

Quote from: Apollo on March 08, 2012, 10:46:44 AMI'm terrified of people accusing me of just doing this because I want to seem 'cool'

I must be living in a closet. If being Trans is a new way to become cool then sign me up. Be yourself.

I think this might be a good topic for the show tonight. This is something I've already given some thought to. I think there is this perception that there is a very small portion of the population that is trans, and it might seem like there are more now than there used to be and that might make people question if all of them are "sincerely" trans or if it's a trendy thing.

But this is another way to look at it. If you acknowledge that there can be a wide spectrum of gender identity and different degrees of disphoria and so forth, and I think most people here acknowledge that, then it makes sense for the number of people who choose to act on their feelings to increase as options through medical science increase and as awareness increases. We all have to work within the limits of science and I can imagine that some people might be somewhat disphoric about their bodies but not enough to want to act to change it given the limits of their options at a certain point in time whereas someone who was more disphoric might be willing to go to greater lengths, greater expense, suffer through more surgery, side-effects, etc.

So it wouldn't surprise me as time goes on that more people would identify as trans as the medicine expands options and makes transitioning more viable to more people, less expensive, fewer unpleasant side-effects, etc.

Thanks for all of your input!

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one a bit bothered by some of the things, and I understand that there is a wide spectrum of gender and I do respect their pronoun choices regardless. It's just something that always made me second guess myself, and the fact that I've never seen such a large community of trans people before, and the random switch over I've seen a lot of my friends take. It kind of baffles me sometimes, and seeing quite a few of these friends later decide that they are fine with their assigned gender, or in the case of one-- she started on T and got a legal name change before realizing she was actually very uncomfortable with the entire thing.

I know I'm dwelling a bit too much on others opinions, and it's something I'm working on trying to ignore, but I'm still very uncertain of myself and sometimes wonder if I am just one of those confused people like my friend mentioned above. It's just all very scary for me, and then me seeing how some people throw around the word trans-- it makes it an even more scary thing for me.

i dont think there is a "trans fad" i think there is a "trans visibility fad" which i hate. i like trans guys helping trans guys with videos and blogs but i hate guys who put themselves out there and they are horrible representations of trans people.

Quote from: dalebert on March 10, 2012, 10:49:18 AM
I think this might be a good topic for the show tonight. This is something I've already given some thought to. I think there is this perception that there is a very small portion of the population that is trans, and it might seem like there are more now than there used to be and that might make people question if all of them are "sincerely" trans or if it's a trendy thing.

Personally I think transsexual/transgender folks are still a very, very small portion of the population. What makes it seem like there are more now is because of the internet. We can all flock to websites like this or have our own tumblr blogs or youtube accounts to tell the world about our experiences. And everyone who is or is questioning is finding these sources on the internet.

I will say that there could very well be a small "trend" in the teenage population only because teenagers are very impressionable. There's also scientific evidence now that teens brains are different in such a way that they're more geared toward experiences than logical thought process. So a teen who is having any kind of gender or sexuality issues might stumble on all the trans info now available or have a friend who identifies as such and immediately think ... hmm maybe that's me ... I'll try that out for awhile. Even the scientists agree that by making quick decisions, teens develop experience and knowledge so I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing for a young person to explore their gender and feelings but I'm on the fence on how far it should go. That is one thing I've always been torn about. In hindsight I might have even said yes to an early transition and HRT intervention, but that's tempered with the knowledge I have now so still a toss up on that and it's one of those things that if you start when you're 14 and by 20 figure out that's not who you really are, you're kinda screwed.

I remember when I was that age I only knew I was "different". I didn't know transsexualism existed or any of that because I didn't have the internet to turn to. It wasn't until I was almost out of high school that a therapist gave me a GID diagnosis and even then I was like WTF and it convinced me I just had a mental disorder (which screwed me up for years). Now I keep seeing stories of children as young as 6 being diagnosed as trans and personally I think that could be really detrimental. There could be a lot of non-trans kids out there who simply like dressing or playing with toys from the opposite gender. Small children are even more impressionable than teens - they look to the adults to tell them what's up with the world. Imagining back to when I was 6, if someone would have told me I was a wizard with magical powers I would have happily gone along with it. So if a psychologist comes along and tells a 6 year old boy who fancies dresses and dolls he's now a girl, I'm sure it wouldn't be too far of a stretch for him. That said, I think some of the "trend" might be happening on the psychologist's end as well.