Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was wondering if it was possible to be on HRT, live full-time but still present male at work?

Being "out" at work scares me more than family and friends.

Thoughts?

I'd have to imagine it would leak back to work somehow, eventually...

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on March 23, 2012, 12:07:44 AM
I'd have to imagine it would leak back to work somehow, eventually...

I'm sure people would start wondering after a time but if I can avoid it, I'd be happy.

Yes, it is possible. However, could you be happy balancing, essentially, 2 identities? A dear friend of mine was living like that for 2 years and she wasn't very happy.  It is your life to live as you see fit. if this works for you, then let nothing hold you back. Good Luck. ^_^

I've known people who have done it. So, yes, it can be done. Like Keaira said, it's up to you. Sooner or later, you'll not be able to hold it together, though.

If you are not going to stay long term it may not be worth worrying about.

Karen.

Quote from: Rach_A on March 22, 2012, 11:58:16 PM
I was wondering if it was possible to be on HRT, live full-time but still present male at work?

Being "out" at work scares me more than family and friends.

In January 2011 I was ready to start HRT, but I wasn't comfortable with telling friends, family or work yet.  Changing at work was especially hard to fathom back then.

I was ready for treatment though so I started that process, and I was prescribed hormones in March 2011.

Around this time I came out to my family, which was actually a little earlier than I was planning to tell them.  This then allowed me to be full-time outside of work whilst being on HRT.  In the short term this helped me considerably as I was able to start resolving the major problems in my life.

As others have said, it does create difficulties in the medium term.  I feel very drained at the end of a 5 day week as it's emotionally exhausting to flip back and forth so much.  It's hard to tolerate presenting as male at work when I don't do it outside of work, and I feel like I'm lying to my colleagues which is hard to cope with.  But whenever I get more than a weekend off work it's so great as I get time and space to be myself without having to keep to any male obligations.

So yes, I've found it difficult to sustain this way of living.  I'll be changing at work in a month's time, so that's 13 months of being on HRT, full time but male at work.  I'd say it's very much on the cusp of what I can tolerate as I couldn't keep this up for say another year, but of course everyone's different.  I have noticed this theme in other people's stories - where they feel the need to change at work sooner than they were originally expecting to.  That's certainly the case with me, as I originally told my doctor that it would be longer than this when I'd change at work.

My advice is to do what you feel comfortable with.  Don't feel obligated to change at work before you're ready.  There's no set order to transition in.

Sorry if this sounds to simplistic, but can you call it full time if you aren't really full time?
I always thought you wouldn't be able to count it as RLE if you weren't living as a woman 24/7.
I know that there is an out in the WPATH if you can't present as female for certain reasons but this wouldn't apply in my thinking unless the employer wouldn't allow it.

From the WPATH Standard:

The duration of 12 months allows for a range of different life experiences and events that may
occur throughout the year (e.g., family events, holidays, vacations, season-specific work or school
experiences). During this time, patients should present consistently, on a day-to-day basis and
across all settings of life, in their desired gender role. This includes coming out to partners, family,
friends, and community members (e.g., at school, work, other settings).

Health professionals should clearly document a patient's experience in the gender role in the
medical chart, including the start date of living full time for those who are preparing for genital
surgery. In some situations, if needed, health professionals may request verification that this
criterion has been fulfilled: They may communicate with individuals who have related to the patient
in an identity-congruent gender role, or request documentation of a legal name and/or gender
marker change, if applicable.

I'm 8 months on HRT and I'm not out at work. (I've told some of my friends at work about my transition, but no one else knows.) I present as a very feminine gay guy, and that seems easy for them to understand. I wear some jewelry and I'm growing my hair out... No one even bats an eyelash. I think my slow transition gives people around me a chance to get used to my changes. And I've told my friends not to expect me to come to work wearing any makeup, a dress and high heels; at least, not anytime soon. My boobs have grown a lot, as expected, but I can wear baggy shirts to hide them. This is not how I plan to live for the rest of my life but, for now, I will keep this up until I'm ready to be out full time.

I went full time at work within 3 months of starting HRT. There was a rumor that I was on hormones 3 years ago shortly before I got laid off, that rumor returned shortly after I did. So I stopped holding back. HR knew what was going on because I told them I was going to transition right from before I started HRT. I had their support, so I stepped out of my comfort zone and took the plunge.

Quote from: Pamela Kay on March 23, 2012, 08:48:26 PM
Sorry if this sounds to simplistic, but can you call it full time if you aren't really full time?
I always thought you wouldn't be able to count it as RLE if you weren't living as a woman 24/7.

Yes I agree with that.  I wouldn't tell my doctor that I'm full-time in order to get SRS more quickly.

But I would say that there is a concept of being full-time outside of work.  It doesn't mean much in terms of WPATH but it means a lot to me :)

The 2 identities thing is indeed very disruptive.  Sometimes I feel like I forget who I am because of it.

Quote from: Mrs. Tina Johnson on March 23, 2012, 10:00:18 PM
I think my slow transition gives people around me a chance to get used to my changes.

I like the above comment though because being trans is a very visual thing, and different.  Going slow, I'm learning the hard way, is good for you and those around you.  You get time to plan and get comfortable (find your style) and others you intact with day to day get time to adjust and get comfortable.  So while juggling the 2 identities may create some problems, it may be part of solving others.

Quote from: Laura26 on March 23, 2012, 05:06:56 PM
My advice is to do what you feel comfortable with.  Don't feel obligated to change at work before you're ready.  There's no set order to transition in.

It is possible but can be emotionally draining after a while. Much like the strain of a life of faking being a guy with the occasional cross dressing relief leads to exploring your trans side more. While I am not 100% Joanne outside of work, for the past year or so it is coming closer and closer to that, even in the middle of red-neck country where I live. There is probably only 2-3 degrees of separation between anyone I see and someone I work with. Imagine my angst when I learned, after moving in, that the people behind me are cousins and uncles to the woman who runs all the DOD background and security checks for my employer! I can never truthfully say I have a dull life  :o

Over the past 4 months or so at work I tend to think about and examine the "what if I did?" question more and more. Something that was the furthest thing in my mind 2 years when I first started HRT. I know it is a direct response to how happy I feel being out and about and accepted as Joanne as well as feeling tons better about myself as a person.

I think that "full time outside work" is useful in gaining experience to live as a woman.

My situation wasn't quite the same, but initially I presented as a girl to people I didn't know too well. So I was living a half-male, half-female life as well.
But soon I realized that I really hated going back to male mode, and that pushed me to become full-time. Which isn't really a bad thing!

Like Laura26 said, do what you feel comfortable with.
I did exactly that. I didn't live full-time when I wasn't comfortable doing so yet, and I went full-time when I became uncomfortable with not being full-time.
That meant I went full-time before I had even seen a gender therapist or begun HRT, and some people here attack those who go full-time before doing either of these.
But they aren't worth paying attention to.
It worked for me, I was comfortable with it, and I felt very happy. That's what matters! :)

Quote from: Pamela Kay on March 23, 2012, 08:48:26 PM
Sorry if this sounds to simplistic, but can you call it full time if you aren't really full time?

Does it matter?

I'm not close to full time outside of work or out at work yet but will be in a few weeks.  Not trying to say what's right for everyone, just trying to figure things out for myself.

Thanks

Pam

Thanks everyone. I just wanted to know if it was possible.

FYI, I wasn't trying to use the term in the most scientific/medical definition. I was just wondering if it is ever done.

Quote from: Rach_A on March 22, 2012, 11:58:16 PM
I was wondering if it was possible to be on HRT, live full-time but still present male at work?

Being "out" at work scares me more than family and friends.

Thoughts?

Possible: Yes.

Practical: Well... that's something you'll have to decide for yourself and your own situation.

Yes it's possible, still doing it  ;)