Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So here it goes... I married a MTF and I love her to death she means atthe world to me... Any ways her mom has never been very supportive of her and always tells her you need a hair cut. How do I respond to that to stick up for her? 2nd question there are a lot of times I try to be there for her emotonally but I feel like she shews me away by saying you don't know what its like to be me or I just don't get it. What should I do and how can I get on her level??? Question 3 we recently got married and at home I call her my wife.. When I talk about her on here what's her title? Wife, spouse or significant other???  ??? ??? ??? ??? :-\

Three questions in one. Heavy!Here is my three cents worth.

As for the haircut, maybe continually suggest to your monster-in-law that she should take part in a charity head-shave, and how a shaved head would really suit her.  If you annoy her enough she will either finally get the message, or stop talking altogether.  Could it be any worse than the present situation?

All you can do is tell your girl quite firmly that you love her, will be there for her regardless, and are not going anywhere. Ever. No matter what she says or does. 
If she still is not convinced refer her to Aunty Karen and I'll tell her to pull her head in.

Title? you could go with "love of my life", because that is what she sounds like. :)

I hope I can find your twin sister some day. 
Karen.

Thanks so much Karen! Yes she is the love of my life. She just thinks sometimes because I am not transgendered that I don't get her. Which I do get her I've done my research and read books. I have even gone with her to her hormone appointments and to see her counselor...  What else can I do to show her I am in this for life and I want to give it my 100%

Just be there, unflappable and steady.  She should get the message eventually.  If not, then I'll post her and tell her off!  ;)

Kaz.

Ah see Meinoz is much nicer then me.  I'd tell her mother to get over her self or get the -f- out.

@ question 2.  Do what you do for any girl.  don't try to fix it, listen, and give her time.

@ question 3.  She's your wife.  she's a she.  and you don't need to make it any more complicated.  Honestly?  if you use anything special like saying gender neutral "This is my spouse"  That will hurt her.   I know you don't mean to do it, but it's says, to her, that you don't think shes a girl.



God I hope I'm not running you over with how I say things :P  it's jsut there are things like, shes a lesbian, not a strait guy.

But thank you for supporting her :)

First I am over joyed to hear you love her for who she is and support her.

1. Tell her mom " well I like it! " while you rub your wifes hair in front of her, then give her a kiss on the cheek!

2. Just listen, don't try and level, you wont!  just listen, be calm, its not easy. My wife trys as much as you do, trust me we know your supportive emmotionaly.

3. She's your wife. :)

Just keep doing what your doing, in reading books and joining her to her appointment.

As for the haircut, eh tell the mother in law to mind her own biz.

The emotions of a tg are insane. My wife has been on hrt for about 5 months and sometimes I have to drag something out of her to find out she watched some tear jerker. I have come to accept the moods as her version of pms, and just listen. I try to not take anything to personally.

We also have a hard time with the "terms" sometimes I introduce her as my wife, others as my partner, but usually I just introduce her by name like I would have had she been presenting as my husband.

Thanks everybody for your advice! I love her soooo much but once again she's always saying that I don't get it and that I don't understand the way she feels... I try to be involved and help inject her estradiol and I try to understand her feelings more. I make her feel wanted by having her paint my toes or doing my make up... Mandie I do the same things treat her moods as if she's pmsing lol and when we are both at the same time there is hell to raise lol... Mandi do you to have kids or plan on having any? My wife does not want kids period. She is highly afraid they'd get made fun of or not be accepting with having 2moms...

Quote from: Nikki59s~Girl on April 12, 2012, 11:55:43 PM
Thanks everybody for your advice! I love her soooo much but once again she's always saying that I don't get it and that I don't understand the way she feels... I try to be involved and help inject her estradiol and I try to understand her feelings more. I make her feel wanted by having her paint my toes or doing my make up... Mandie I do the same things treat her moods as if she's pmsing lol and when we are both at the same time there is hell to raise lol... Mandi do you to have kids or plan on having any? My wife does not want kids period. She is highly afraid they'd get made fun of or not be accepting with having 2moms...

We have 4, 2 girls, and 2 boys..Our oldest is also hitting puberty..can we all say raging hormones? So far we have not dealt with any issues of other kids..the soccer moms are a bit wigged out because they do not know how to explain it to their kids but  we told our kids when she started hormones, and they are all pretty cool with it.

Shes very lucky to have you :)

Quote from: Nikki59s~Girl on April 08, 2012, 10:19:57 PM
So here it goes... I married a MTF and I love her to death she means atthe world to me... Any ways her mom has never been very supportive of her and always tells her you need a hair cut. How do I respond to that to stick up for her? 2nd question there are a lot of times I try to be there for her emotonally but I feel like she shews me away by saying you don't know what its like to be me or I just don't get it. What should I do and how can I get on her level??? Question 3 we recently got married and at home I call her my wife.. When I talk about her on here what's her title? Wife, spouse or significant other???  ??? ??? ??? ??? :-\

1) Nikki's mother telling her she needs a haircut is her mothers way of disapproving of the transition. She may be grieving also over the loss of a son who she thought she did everything in the book to raise him right. She needs to realize Nikki is her daughter and things will not change. Nikki needs to sit down with her mother and explain things to her why she needs to transition. Telling the mother to f off is not the best thing to do and could start a war. In reality it is Nikki's job to deal with his mother and not yours to get sucked into.

2) Nikki is going to have mood swings, depression and be very emotional at times. You both have to learn how to handle this together and don't take things personally

3) Nikki would be considered your wife now. You married her when she was male and now you are both a female couple. You fell in love with the person and not the gender. The outside shell of the body may be changing, but the inside is still the same person you fell in love with.

Best of luck to both of you :)

At least you talk to your mother-in-law, my SO's family think she's studying for a post degree and is unaware she has dropped out and is transitioning.

It's wonderful that they are part of this, even if dissaprovingly. They will come round when she blossoms into a beautiful lady.

SereneaExpat I sure do hope that her mother does come around. I mean yes we have the support of my grandparents, aunts and uncles, my mother and her sister but it's like thats not good enough for us. I'd seriously would very like more respect from her mom on her transitioning because I'm very supportive of my lovely wife. You know if I wouldn't have met my wife I'd end up still focusing one being a victim of a crime and be very depressed. My wife has helped me soooo much in every way and showed me the true meaning of being in love! She's amazing. Like I said if only her mother would be supportive and quit asking me questions like about if she really wants to go through with this and her mom says well your her wife you have a say you can stop her if you want. It gets me so upset and then I don't want to say anything to my wife because I know it would bring back memories from her past and she would become very depressed, but you know what I can't keep any secrets from her I tell her everything. I know one thing no matter what me and her have each other for ever and ever. She is my one and only true love!

For all the questions, listen to her, both her words and her other ways of communicating.  Different people want their spouses to react differently to people who aren't getting it - she may appreciate a firm correction by you to her mom, or she might just want you to ignore it - it's hard for us to know, and she may or may not tell you directly.

As for support, respect her and treat her well, without putting conditions on it.  It sounds like you'll do fine there.

As for the title, what term makes her face light up?  That's the term.  :)

Quote from: Slanan on April 25, 2012, 12:04:57 AM
As for the title, what term makes her face light up?  That's the term.  :)

That's what I go with with my guy!  ;)

Thanks I always call her my Wifey! ;D

I am so proud of my self I did make a huge improvement! Last night me and my wife Nikki went over to her parents house to drop some stuff off. Anyways her mother said to her when are you going to get a haircut it looks disgusting. Nikki then said I just did the other day and I spoke up and said yeah she did by my cousin and I like it a lot. Then in the kitchen while Nikki's mother was standing in there I went up to Nikki and started playing with her hair and said to her I really love your hair it looks super sexy! The look on her moms face was priceless!!! I am so proud of my self for sticking up for my wife for once it was very rewarding! Thanks soooo much everybody for your advice! It just shows that I actually do use everyones advice that I read!!!
~hugs~ ;D ;D ;D ;D :police: :police: :police: :police: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

Awesome! It's so great that you are there for her and are her defender when she needs it! *hugs* ;D

Quote from: LoveInMyEyes on April 27, 2012, 11:43:38 AM
Awesome! It's so great that you are there for her and are her defender when she needs it! *hugs* ;D

Thanks so much LoveINMyEyes! It was the best feeling ever to stick up for my wife! She told me that she was very happy and didn't feel like she was in this alone and felt like we were a team! I don't know what got in to me. I usually keep my mouth shut because I'm one whoe is afraid to speak up. Now everything that I usually say to the inlaws go back to my sister inlaw and I bet I will now get a talk from her. It was worth it though! I love my wife I'd to anything just to make my wifey happy!