Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So... Are there any other genderfluid people here? Does one ever get used to it?

All I can say...: "What we can't feel - we (ultimately) can't understand"

Though I do wish you best of luck,
Axelle

I'd describe myself as gender-fluid, but at the more viscose end of the scale :). Things keep moving around, but they do it slowly. I experience myself as female, but not as inherently feminine (or masculine).

I guess the best thing is to 'get used' to not having a rigid definition of yourself, if that doesn't fit the reality. If you can enjoy your fluidity (since it's part of what makes you you) then there's less shock to the system when things appear to move about (or so I keep telling myself ::)). And maybe 'moving about' is an illusion - maybe it's more that we have a field of gender sense that we inhabit, and it's just our attention that moves around.

Thanks for the responses.
Everything else (except my body) has been fluid for years, so one would think I'd already be used to it extending to my gender. But I'm not. I really hope it settles. For some reason, I want it to settle as male. :/ That doesn't make much sense.

I did for a while, but have settled at the fairly fem end of the spectrum, at least for the moment.  This could change again though, so I am relaxed about the whole thing.

Karen.

Quote from: Edge on April 11, 2012, 05:51:14 AM
...I really hope it settles. For some reason, I want it to settle as male. :/ That doesn't make much sense.

Sure it does - everyone wants stability. We just don't necessarily get it (or what we think of it as).

I did move around slot now not so much, the area I move around it has shrunk for me being on hormones helped to balance me as has living as me, some of the things I wanted to do when I was in extreme gender places I knew I'd regret once I had done it because It meant denying a different part of who I am.  I still move around but mostly between neither & both (& all) with mostly even(between M&F) not more  with times of slightly more fem but not more Man - any more.

Fluidity doesn't necessarily imply we're changing all the time, either - it can simply mean that we know we can change, we know it's not set in stone. Sometimes a waterfall, sometimes a lake :).

I think I'm not so much genderfluid as gendersquishy. :D

I wonder if at the other end of the scale is 'gendergaseous'? Hmm, that sounds wrong somehow :).

New question: How do I explain to a gender therapist that I am fluid? When I told him I was born female, he automatically assumed I was male. When I brought up the fact that I used to be female, he said being transgender is not a choice. :-\ I know it's not a choice. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on.
Also, he explained about male brains and female brains and I could see how androgyne brains could be formed. But what I can't tell is how genderfluid brains are formed. Does anyone know scientific ways of explaining this?

I'd explain that there is a difference between something being a choice, and something being constant. From what you've said it sounds like they aren't familiar and/or comfortable with individuals breaking the binary boxes. I've found that even people who can accept trans* struggle with fluid, non-binary identities because they do more to disregard gender norms than what they are comfortable with. Fluid identities make people question how inherent gender is, how much of it is socially created vs. innate, why does it matter. These questions are uncomfortable, even for the initiated, but extremely so for those who aren't ready to ask themselves "Why am I a (_GENDER_)?" and "Why couldn't it change or be (_DIFFERENT GENDER_)? Personally I see gender as a blend of identity and social response, which is both innate and shaped by who we are (identity), what we do (activity), what we show (expression) and what we say (labels). Some may change or be related to choice, while others are what we feel inside and what we MUST do to be ourselves.

I identified as genderfluid before I started transitioning, with a ration of about 90%male and 10% female (AFAB). Now I tend to put myself forward as male gendered and focus on my gynandromorph sex because I can prove my body is non-binary and explain it quickly (~5min) . I still struggle with gender in private, holding onto female parts of myself because I fought so hard to be seen as male I don't want to risk losing that by doing "womanly" things. It's not a great fix, but my hope is that by teaching  how natural non-binary sexes are I can get people to question their gender assumptions. Thus far, it's kind of working, but it's a long road to walk.

Genderfluid is certainly and interesting way to express oneself living in an androgynous life mode inasmuch as we all start out in one mode and morph into another. I was all male at one point though was conscious of an underlying female side. Who knows? It may stem from having both X and Y chromosomes! Then there was an epiphany phase when I wanted more than anything to be a complete female, I morphed backwards and forwards purging my closets and my mind. I can relate to MtF and Ftm equally and find it most comfortable living within the androgynous zone. That to me is genderfluid!

I'm constantly surprised by myself every day, but I would say I've gotten used to the surprise...

Interesting question. I think I go variously more feminine to more masculine depending on the situation. I'm not sure if that is the exact meaning of the term either.

--Jay Jay

Genderfluid, to me, doesn't mean feminine to masculine. It means female to male (or male to female or whatever combinations) in terms of personal identity. It is not a choice. I don't see why anyone would choose this personally.
I mean, right now, I identify as being male and that makes me feel happy. I would love to say that I'm male and be happy. (That wasn't a choice. It just happened.) But when I was eighteen and nineteen, I identified as female. As much as I want to come out as male right now, if I change back to female, I will be hated for being a stupid fake (by myself as well as everyone else). I don't want to be hated.

Quote from: Edge on April 10, 2012, 10:04:06 PM
So... Are there any other genderfluid people here? Does one ever get used to it?

What is there to get used to? It's not a situation thing so much, as it is how you are thinking.
It is others who may not get used to a genderfluid persons way of thinking.
Take the situation out of the equation. It is just a natural way of thinking, as thinking is for anyone.

Don't overthink situations into something that you think you should be reacting to in a certain manner.
Does this make sense to your question? I'm not sure what you mean by 'getting used to it'.

Ativan

No, that doesn't make sense to my question, but thank you for trying.
I was asking more if I, as a genderfluid or bigender person, can ever get used to having a changing gender. By get used to it, I mean stop doubting myself. It may be natural, but it is very confusing and is currently causing me a lot of problems emotionally.
I suppose part of it is accepting that it's ok to have two (or more) genders.
I kind of feel different from androgynes though because my genders feel more like two separate genders (although there is only one me and I sometimes feel both at the same time) than one mixed gender. Right now, I feel kind of like Loki. :P (The shapeshifting mythology one, not the Marvel one.)

Sounds like Bigender to me. That is something I can't quite understand, it's not who I am.

Good time for Riven to jump in here, if they are around?

Ativan

It sound to me like you have 2 genders what ever they might be.
weather you are fluid depends on weather gender changes  fast enough that you don't feel any where inbetween then you are bi-gendered if you feel
places between or you sometime stop in the middle then you are fluid - just my understanding

Oh I think mine is both Kinkly. It changes between male and female and both, but there are a lot of combinations that it goes through. I hate the times when I feel in transition and I can't figure what the fridge I am until it settles. Then I get confused because, at the time it settles, I will feel one thing. Then it changes again and I wonder if I was right before or if I'm right now. Then it changes again and I wonder the same thing. And so on and so forth.
See, when I feel male, I really identify as male and prefer it to any other (including bigender or genderfluid).
When I feel female, I mainly just feel confused nowadays, but also reluctant to give it up.
When I feel like both at the same time, I will strongly identify as bigender because that's what it feels like.
When I don't know what I am, I feel lost.

Yeah, I'm also genderfluid - I actually didn't mention it that much during assessment 'cause GID is complicated enough :P I did tell them I ID'd as male side of androgynous though - I know my body needs to be male, and I feel more at home in a male role than I did a female one, but in terms of how I actually identify... I don't, really. I just keep a larger than average wardrobe to accommodate however masculine or feminine I'm feeling that day :P

There is kind of an ebb and flow for me in terms of how I feel.  It's maybe not as much on a male/female axis as on a gender/not gendered axis.  It's been more toward the "not" end lately, so I haven't been keeping up with this forum as much or worrying much about my presentation.  (Which is kind of nice really.)

I came out as genderfluid this past February, and I've been so much happier since.

The way I look at it is this: You wake up in the morning. How do you feel today? Whatever you feel, honor those emotions and present accordingly, to yourself and/or others. Wherever you may end up, the current moment's a good place to start.  :)

Best of luck to you.