Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Well me Girls and Boys,
Auntie Cindy has been talked into her advice column.

I have a team of helpers to discuss your most depraved  intimate , blackmail problems.

The advice is free.

The answers may not be  >:-)

Cindy, the whip, James

Ooh! Spanking!!  ;D

Auntie Cindy, please, I promise to be good!

Crack

Awww.    Down home Under advise.  Always good.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81) Sis!

Dear Aunty Cindy,
  I hope you can advise me.  I am in Hobart.  Should I have a sexual relationship with someone from Launceston, as he is obviously from the family that live in the North of the State?   I am concerned that my family will think I should choose a partner from the family that live in the South.  What should I do? 

Yours sincerely, Noreen Bogan.

I've been bad! I stepped on a crack, didn't look both ways before I crossed the street, and threw a rock at a squirrel. What do I get?! Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: justmeinoz on April 11, 2012, 05:34:55 AM
Ooh! Spanking!!  ;D

Quote
DINGO:
And after the spanking, the oral sex.

Hi Cindy, thanks for starting this, I am sure that some of the people that really need it will be using your wisdom.  Thanks and aloha.

Jennie

Quote from: justmeinoz on April 11, 2012, 06:24:34 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,
  I hope you can advise me.  I am in Hobart.  Should I have a sexual relationship with someone from Launceston, as he is obviously from the family that live in the North of the State?   I am concerned that my family will think I should choose a partner from the family that live in the South.  What should I do? 

Yours sincerely, Noreen Bogan.

Dear Noreen

Sexual relationships in Tasmania are now limited to Tassi Tigers, there are far too many inbreeds of other creatures.
Cold showers are suggested, in fact any sort of shower is recommended for people of either family.
Aunty C

Quote from: Devlyn on April 11, 2012, 06:28:49 AM
I've been bad! I stepped on a crack, didn't look both ways before I crossed the street, and threw a rock at a squirrel. What do I get?! Hugs, Devlyn

You need to find the squirrel and place it in your knickers for two hours, then check for remains of nuts.

Aunty C

Quote from: Jamie D on April 11, 2012, 05:41:33 AM
Auntie Cindy, please, I promise to be good!

Crack

Too late, bring the CRACK branding iron. Now bend over >:-)

Aunty C

Dear Aunty Cindy,
    What is this shower of which you speak?  Is it something you have on  The Mainland?
Noreen.

If you center that CRACK branding iron, the A in crack goes right over the crack in the A! Hugs, Devlyn

Dear Aunty Cindy,

I have a date with a guy next week, is it cheap and sleazy of me to sleep with him on the first date? Or should I make him work for it?

Hugs,
Kelly

Quote from: justmeinoz on April 13, 2012, 07:05:46 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,
    What is this shower of which you speak?  Is it something you have on  The Mainland?
Noreen.

In Tassie this is called rain. Go to a store buy Omo sprinkle over body and stand outside anywhere in Tasmania for 10 mins and get soaked. If you catch cold and die this is a positive in evolutionary terms.

Love
Aunty C

Quote from: kelly_aus on April 13, 2012, 08:03:30 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,

I have a date with a guy next week, is it cheap and sleazy of me to sleep with him on the first date? Or should I make him work for it?

Hugs,
Kelly

You need to make him work for it. Giving him a glass of water would be sufficient.

Aunty C

Quote from: Devlyn on April 13, 2012, 08:00:51 AM
If you center that CRACK branding iron, the A in crack goes right over the crack in the A! Hugs, Devlyn

Dear Devlyn,

Please take up a study to determine which end of the body the A should be.

Aunty C

Dear Auntie Cindy;

Since you are from the land down under, does that mean we need to do the opposite of any advice you give us here in the states?

Dear Aunty Cindy

I'm rather tall with long blonde curly hair and fairly well developed breasts and I'm planning to do a bit of gardening over this spring and summer

Should I wear a bikini and a pair of cute pumps with maybe a festive tropical sarong about my waist? Would a large brimmed floppy hat and beach tote be fashionable? Also what color lipstick and nail polish do you think would work to tie it all together?

Your's truly,

         Jungle Betty

Quote from: JoanneB on April 13, 2012, 08:41:55 PM
Dear Auntie Cindy;

Since you are from the land down under, does that mean we need to do the opposite of any advice you give us here in the states?

Since the average American can't pass wind without instruction, what hope is there for any of them to take notice of my stunning advice?

Aunty C

Quote from: V M on April 13, 2012, 09:07:21 PM
Dear Aunty Cindy

I'm rather tall with long blonde curly hair and fairly well developed breasts and I'm planning to do a bit of gardening over this spring and summer

Should I wear a bikini and a pair of cute pumps with maybe a festive tropical sarong about my waist? Would a large brimmed floppy hat and beach tote be fashionable? Also what color lipstick and nail polish do you think would work to tie it all together?

Your's truly,

         Jungle Betty

Dear Jungle Betty,
You are obviously a big boobed slut. I suggest a large paper bag would be suitable attire.

Aunty C

Um, well ja now fine auntie, where can I learn to be a really good "big boobed slut" um, 'cause I see guys are just going for those and, auntie, ah um, you see I'm not doing so good with all this, with men and stuff, ah... you know then, hey.

So, I was ma thinking you can advise me with a real noice website that has then all this stuff I need to learn, hey. And please auntie, ah... I'm a bit shy and stuff, so you will not tell anyone, hey.

Thanks auntie,
Annonymous
PS: oh, and sorry for all the bad spelling, hey...

Dear Aunty Cindy

I was painting my toe nails and noticed that not all my toes are the same length  :-\  Could this be a sign of maladjustment?

Thanx much

           Canberra Martha

Dear Canberra Martha,

This is a clear sign that you have only just evolved from an ape. Avoid trees or you will be swinging through them.

Aunty C

Quote from: Axélle-Michélle on April 14, 2012, 06:19:47 AM
Um, well ja now fine auntie, where can I learn to be a really good "big boobed slut" um, 'cause I see guys are just going for those and, auntie, ah um, you see I'm not doing so good with all this, with men and stuff, ah... you know then, hey.

So, I was ma thinking you can advise me with a real noice website that has then all this stuff I need to learn, hey. And please auntie, ah... I'm a bit shy and stuff, so you will not tell anyone, hey.

Thanks auntie,
Annonymous
PS: oh, and sorry for all the bad spelling, hey...

I of course will keep this secret, what makes you think you are not a big boobed slut? It seems perfectly obvious from your avatar.

Aunty C

Dear Auntie Cindy,

Can an ethical vegan, in good conscience, use a leather cat o' nine tails, as either the dom or as the submissive?

Quote from: Jamie D on April 15, 2012, 02:46:07 AM
Dear Auntie Cindy,

Can an ethical vegan, in good conscience, use a leather cat o' nine tails, as either the dom or as the submissive?

Your diet should have no influence on how you play with your pussy. That you have nine of them shows you are a freak.  BTW Jamie D, ethical and good is an oxymoron.

Aunty C

LOL!!! This thread is amazing. XD

Dear Passage,

Are you Back?

Aunty C

Um, oh oreight then, well ahhh, so the foist fing with that avatar as you call it seems them just fine, hey? Lecker, and hey thanks loads auntie.

Now I was till thinking that because of I want a high standard of guy in my life, it is a problem because of that edamocation I peaked out at not so high a level, hey. You know then, loike um std. 6 are what it's called - heck or was called, I mean what the f**k can I remember, hey. Ah, sorry for using bad words, but hey you know then...

Now it is what I need to ask. How must I now fruther this my edamocation, or you feel having right soize breasts is be just fine for the higher loike kind of guy the? Craiky that spelling, I'm so sorry, hey you know then.

Man, auntie it can be so hard for a wemyn - you know then, ne. You do, hey?

Now thanks again hey, and for the big patience ne, that you have, well ja now fine.

Vallerie, vallera, hopsasa, ha ha, um - I'm annonynous really of cours hey, just so happy hey :)

Dear Aunty Cindy,

I am a prostitute independent contractor and my pimp broker is keeping all the money I get from my johns contracts.  Can I hire some one to kill sue him to get the money back?

Street Walker

Quote from: Cindy James on April 15, 2012, 03:35:38 AM
Dear Passage,

Are you Back?

Aunty C

Dear Aunty Cindy,

Yesh. :P

- the Passage

Hey auntie,
ach soory to give you so much think work here, but I now have this new wery bad problem with when I put on my sexy panti-hose, hey.

Now, what has girl to do here? Put the nikers I mean you know panties on top of it, or under it, or can we just go sonder that stuff then? Cause it actually says panti-hose and am sure they don't mean panti as in like panting, the guys do when they see all the way up there, hey :)

So, you see we really do need advise on this stuff - also just to be save, hey.
Now my friend says - no panties! Like the hose panti is just fine, and to put this other stuff in it if we have a problem with leaking, hey you know then...

Thanks auntie, and sorry for giving you so much work here, ey.

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on April 15, 2012, 09:31:15 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,

I am a prostitute independent contractor and my pimp broker is keeping all the money I get from my johns contracts.  Can I hire some one to kill sue him to get the money back?

Street Walker

Dear Street Walker,

I would have thought you would have to pay the johns ;D

Aunty C

Quote from: Axélle-Michélle on April 15, 2012, 10:26:45 PM
Hey auntie,
ach soory to give you so much think work here, but I now have this new wery bad problem with when I put on my sexy panti-hose, hey.

Now, what has girl to do here? Put the nikers I mean you know panties on top of it, or under it, or can we just go sonder that stuff then? Cause it actually says panti-hose and am sure they don't mean panti as in like panting, the guys do when they see all the way up there, hey :)

So, you see we really do need advise on this stuff - also just to be save, hey.
Now my friend says - no panties! Like the hose panti is just fine, and to put this other stuff in it if we have a problem with leaking, hey you know then...

Thanks auntie, and sorry for giving you so much work here, ey.

Dear Axelle,

Do yourself and the guys a favour. Wear the panti-hose as a stocking mask.

Hugs
Aunty C

Dear Aunty C,

I was at the pub earlier and these little weedy looking men were giving me a hard time.. Is it OK for me to beat them to a bloody pulp next time I see them? Or should I just wave my wang at them?

Hugs,
Kelly

Quote from: kelly_aus on April 16, 2012, 01:58:33 AM
Dear Aunty C,

I was at the pub earlier and these little weedy looking men were giving me a hard time.. Is it OK for me to beat them to a bloody pulp next time I see them? Or should I just wave my wang at them?

Hugs,
Kelly

Dear Kelly,

As long as you bash them in a lady like manner, this is socially acceptable, at least in the primitive parts of Adelaide that you frequent.

Hugs

Aunty C

Dear Aunty Cindy,  one of my children, young Sebastian,  has revealed he is a  Collingwood supporter. 
Is this condition treatable, and will it result in a diminution of his intelligence? 
Should we ban him from all family functions until he comes to his senses, and is it legal for me to cut him out of my will if he does not? 

Gentlewoman of Carlton.

Quote from: Cindy James on April 16, 2012, 03:13:42 AM
Dear Kelly,

As long as you bash them in a lady like manner, this is socially acceptable, at least in the primitive parts of Adelaide that you frequent.

Hugs

Aunty C

Dear Aunty C,

Is a brick in the bottom of my handbag considered lady like?

Hugs,
Kelly

PS: No comment about the places I frequent - Hyde Park is far from primitive..

Quote from: justmeinoz on April 16, 2012, 03:25:41 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,  one of my children, young Sebastian,  has revealed he is a  Collingwood supporter. 
Is this condition treatable, and will it result in a diminution of his intelligence? 
Should we ban him from all family functions until he comes to his senses, and is it legal for me to cut him out of my will if he does not? 

Gentlewoman of Carlton.

A Collingwood supporter? OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

Quote from: justmeinoz on April 16, 2012, 03:25:41 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy, on of my children  has revealed he is a  Collingwood supporter. 
Should we ban him from all family functions until he comes to his senses, and is it legal for me to cut him out of my will if he does not?

Gentlewoman of Carlton.

Dear Gentlewoman of Carlton,

Anyone supporting Victorian AFL teams are one nut short of a jockstrap. In your case the entire family exists on a dubious genetic background and are probably best kept for a mutant breeding colony.

Hugs

Aunty C

Quote from: kelly_aus on April 16, 2012, 03:27:11 AM
Dear Aunty C,

Is a brick in the bottom of my handbag considered lady like?

Hugs,
Kelly

PS: No comment about the places I frequent - Hyde Park is far from primitive..

Mmmm all tip and no iceberg.

Hugs
Aunty C

Dear Aunty Cindy

When's a good time to let the cat out of the bag? I've been keeping this cat in a bag for a few days now and believe it has become rather pissed off all growly and such

thnx - Lumberjack Sue

Quote from: V M on April 16, 2012, 04:42:55 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy

When's a good time to let the cat out of the bag? I've been keeping this cat in a bag for a few days now and believe it has become rather pissed off all growly and such

thnx - Lumberjack Sue

Dear Lumberjack Sue,

Once you have your pussy in the bag you need to calm it down. Vibration of the pussy can be quite calming.  It may still growl and there may be some yelling. This can generally be ignored. Otherwise the pussy may be calmed in a very cold shower. This seems to work for the primitive pussy creatures in Tasmania.

Aunty C

Dear Aunty Cindy,

Why does the title of this thread provoke an image in my mind of a locked glass cabinet, behind which is a well-worn implement of discipline, and underneath a slogan which reads:

I try to warn them, I try to plead,
That to be naughty there is no need,
Yet still I must, with expression solemn,
Employ 'Aunty Cindy's Agony Column'

Dear Aunty Cindy,

As a follow up to Lumberjack Sue's question, how do I get the cat back in the bag after it's gotten out?

Hugs,
Kelly

You are a poet,
who didn't know it.
I'm the lash on the site
Who stimulates the thoughts
That we should have naught.

In confusion you will scream
Is Aunty Cindy's Agony Column
What it seems?

The poetry is forgot, as Cindy views Sephirah's bot,
And lash is raised in total joy

As Sephirah become Cindy's sex toy.


Hugs
Aunty C

Quote from: kelly_aus on April 16, 2012, 04:58:20 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,

As a follow up to Lumberjack Sue's question, how do I get the cat back in the bag after it's gotten out?

Hugs,
Kelly

Dear Kelly,
You have the IQ of a turtle, a very small turtle, in fact one one those small turtles that are too small to be called turtles, they are known as s'eltrut, you should take a holiday to Tasmania, hopefully you can bag a pussy on the way. If not you can join in the mutant breeding program that is lead by that famous Tassie Scientist, JustmeinOz. Whose main claim to fame is as the first Tasmanian to have a television award, after starring in "Dancing with Amoebas" which is bound to be a great Aussie contribution to the world culture.

I hope this letter  of support has helped your future  career.

Hugs and Love

Aunty C

Dear Aunty Cindy,
  Whenever I ask one of the girls in my Geography class if I can look at her map of Tasmania, she hands me a Mercator Projection of the island state, and when I mention dyke she gets all huffy and tells me to look under N for Netherlands.  What is a gay girl like me to do?

Cartographically  Frustrated.

Quote from: Cindy James on April 16, 2012, 04:49:43 AM
Dear Lumberjack Sue,

Once you have your pussy in the bag you need to calm it down. Vibration of the pussy can be quite calming.  It may still growl and there may be some yelling. This can generally be ignored. Otherwise the pussy may be calmed in a very cold shower. This seems to work for the primitive pussy creatures in Tasmania.

Aunty C

You had me in stitches!!! Haven't stopped laughing for two hours now. Uhmm......am I normal ?? :o Is there something wrong with me? I think I am going .............hysterical! :-\

Quote from: justmeinoz on April 16, 2012, 07:10:36 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,
  Whenever I ask one of the girls in my Geography class if I can look at her map of Tasmania, she hands me a Mercator Projection of the island state, and when I mention dyke she gets all huffy and tells me to look under N for Netherlands.  What is a gay girl like me to do?

Cartographically  Frustrated.

Dear Frustrated,

If I remember correctly, there is a Dutch story about a person who put their finger in the dyke's hole to prevent leakage. You may be onto more than you think.

Hugs
Aunty C

Quote from: Maegan on April 16, 2012, 02:26:20 PM
You had me in stitches!!! Haven't stopped laughing for two hours now. Uhmm......am I normal ?? :o Is there something wrong with me? I think I am going .............hysterical! :-\

Dear Megan,

Whatever delusion makes you think you are normal?  It is also a fact that normality is vastly over rated. At least that is what my psychiatrist keeps telling me.

Hugs
Aunty C

Quote from: Liam Erik on April 16, 2012, 03:15:30 PM
Y'all are goofy. ;D

Dear Liam Erik,

We cannot all be the same Disney character, you have spent too long playing with sheep. New Zealanders have similar problems.

Hugs

Aunty C

Quote from: Cindy James on April 17, 2012, 03:20:57 AM
Dear Liam Erik,

We cannot all be the same Disney character, you have spent too long playing with sheep. New Zealanders have similar problems.

Hugs

Aunty C

That reminds me of the motto of Oklahoma...

"Where men are men and sheep are nervous."

Just thought I'd get in on the action here.  I don't need any advice.  I got plenty of vice.  Enough to share, but I think Cindy has that nailed down pretty well.

-Sandy

Dear Aunt Cindy:
Why am i afraid to ask you a specific question ?

Dear Aunty Cindy:

Why can't I seem to find a girlfriend?  I'm a good person but no woman seems interested in me?  What am I doing wrong?  How can I find a nice woman to settle down with?

Yours truly,

Mr. Malachite

Aunty Cindy,

I have a date on Friday, should I wear the slinky black dress or the boring grey dress? I'm torn..

Hugs,
Kelly

Quote from: Amazon D on April 17, 2012, 07:32:30 AM
Dear Aunt Cindy:
Why am i afraid to ask you a specific question ?

Dear D,
A very rare sign of intelligence?

Aunty C

Quote from: Malachite on April 17, 2012, 07:49:23 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy:

Why can't I seem to find a girlfriend?  I'm a good person but no woman seems interested in me?  What am I doing wrong?  How can I find a nice woman to settle down with?

Yours truly,

Mr. Malachite

Dear Malachite,
With my short experience of men's chat lines you are probably starting conversation rather than demanding sex. Wearing a paper bag over your head can be useful too. If you bump into things you forget to make eye-holes.

Hugs
Aunty C

Quote from: kelly_aus on April 17, 2012, 07:52:45 AM
Aunty Cindy,

I have a date on Friday, should I wear the slinky black dress or the boring grey dress? I'm torn..

Hugs,
Kelly

Dear Torn or is it Kelly, making your mind up seems to be a serious problem, you don't even know your own name.

Hugs
Aunty C

Dear Aunt Cindy,
  At the Uni Philosophy Club meeting at the pub tonight, I became involved in an ->-bleeped-<-fightintense discussion regarding free will and determinism.  Is deciding not to strike the idiot debater opposing me with a beer jug an example of Existentialism or moral cowardice?

Socrates Sister.

Can one chip in, only once here aunty?

Sister of Socrates... you obviously have not understood yet that the more you "know"... the more you will know - you know NOTHING.

Judging by your 'high standard of discussion' I should think you would not know your arse from your elbow at this stage. So don't go and pretend you are an intellectual female - your are an un-knowing one, as most all the rest of us are.

Aunty Cindy will surely have some more on your obvious lack of Socratic insights.

I wish do you luck with your further intellectual enquiries as the more you will know, the more you will know about less and less - until, as is in your case, you know almost everything about nothing...

Somewhat concerned...

Dear Aunty Cindy,

I's feelin' mighty disappoint 'cause my holiday was cut short due to a skunk infestation I's don't know what the problem is but them's critter is good eatin' but the park ranger shut my BBQ down

Now that's just a waste of good gator meat not to mention the other critters I hunted at the park

Regards

           Swampland Lucy

Quote from: justmeinoz on April 18, 2012, 05:33:27 AM
Dear Aunt Cindy,
  At the Uni Philosophy Club meeting at the pub tonight, I became involved in an ->-bleeped-<-fightintense discussion regarding free will and determinism.  Is deciding not to strike the idiot debater opposing me with a beer jug an example of Existentialism or moral cowardice?

Socrates Sister.

Dear Socrates Sister,

Only a Tasmanian could claim to be Socrates sister, considering he died 2000+ years ago.

As Axelle mentioned: Socrates did say

I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.

But also: Worthless people live only to eat and drink.

So besides being an ignorant bitch you are a worthless one as well.

Hugs and Kisses

Aunty C

Quote from: V M on April 19, 2012, 03:36:45 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,

I's feelin' mighty disappoint 'cause my holiday was cut short due to a skunk infestation I's don't know what the problem is but them's critter is good eatin' but the park ranger shut my BBQ down

Now that's just a waste of good gator meat not to mention the other critters I hunted at the park

Regards

           Swampland Lucy

Dear Swampland Lucy,

Eating skunk makes you smell like skunk, please move downwind. However playing with pussy cats makes you smell like fish and then the park ranger may become interested.

Hugs

Aunty C

Quote from: kelly_aus on April 16, 2012, 03:27:11 AM
PS: No comment about the places I frequent - Hyde Park is far from primitive..

Ye, named after the sophisticated Mr. Hyde.

                    - Dr. Jekyll

Dear Cindy:

I own around 3 times as many pairs of pyjamas as I do actual clothes. And around 4 times the amount of slippers as I do actual shoes. Does this qualify me as a shut-in?

Jeatyn

Dear Aunt Cindy,

Where could I find a stunning woman such as yourself to take home?  I'm getting tired of playing video games and watching anime by myself.



Yours Truly,

Mr. Malachite Otaku

Dear Aunt Cindy

I've just stubbed my big toe, it's agony.

What do I do?

Yours Hopping

PP

Dear Aunt Cindy,

I have a man-shaped stain in my heart.. How do I remove it? Can I bleach it out, or should I try drinking my body weight in Coopers Sparkling? Or would sparkling white be a better option for that?

Hugs,
Torn or Kelly - I'm still not sure..

Quote from: LordKAT on April 19, 2012, 11:19:55 AM

Ye, named after the sophisticated Mr. Hyde.

                    - Dr. Jekyll

Dear Lord Kat,

  My column has suffered some access problems. This doesn't seem to be a problem  for most Kats.


(hugs BTW haven't heard from you)


Aunty C

Quote from: Jeatyn on April 19, 2012, 03:24:33 PM
Dear Cindy:

I own around 3 times as many pairs of pyjamas as I do actual clothes. And around 4 times the amount of slippers as I do actual shoes. Does this qualify me as a shut-in?

Jeatyn

Dear  Jeatyn.


You own clothes? You have clothes?

Another contribution to Wikipedia is needed.

Hugs Aunty C

Quote from: Malachite on April 29, 2012, 03:51:06 AM
Dear Aunt Cindy,

Where could I find a stunning woman such as yourself to take home?  I'm getting tired of playing video games and watching anime by myself.



Yours Truly,

Mr. Malachite Otaku

Dear Mr Malachite.

Women like I are easily found on millionairebitch.com. If you cannot access it guess what. I doubt you have the brains to guess.

Love and Hugs

Aunty C

Quote from: Pica Pica on April 29, 2012, 04:01:47 AM
Dear Aunt Cindy

I've just stubbed my big toe, it's agony.

What do I do?

Yours Hopping

PP

Dear Hopping,

This is basic First Aid,  take a sharp knife and cut the carotid arteries, you will feel no pain. BTW before you do this you need modify your estate will to give me  access to your pathetic accumulation of wealth. This easiest done by sending me your bank account details. BTW include the relatives as well.
In return My Burial Kit is very good, buy one and get two free spades, if you give me the details within 24 hours I will double the gift.

Four spades for the price of one, and, if you return from the dead I will refund your money.

And a fork

Hugs Aunty C

guys we better watch ourselves these bitches women are mental  and were out numbered :icon_nervious:

Dear Aunty Cindy. 

It appears I have become addicted to deep fried Mars bars.  How can I overcome this?

Fat in Tassie.

Dear Auntie Cindy,

Do you serve a red or white wine with "Whitchery Grub Pizza"?

Quote from: Jamie D on April 30, 2012, 04:14:53 AM
Dear Auntie Cindy,

Do you serve a red or white wine with "Whitchery Grub Pizza"?

neither you serve methylated spirits

Quote from: justmeinoz on April 30, 2012, 04:11:16 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy. 

It appears I have become addicted to deep fried Mars bars.  How can I overcome this?

Fat in Tassie.

Karen's dentist:"Yes!"

Dear Aunty Cindy

I'm feeling a bit bothered by somebody, should I knock him sideways? *Sigh* Also me bum itches rather often, is there a cure for that?

Johannesburg Fria

Quote from: Justin 21 on April 30, 2012, 04:17:56 AM
neither you serve methylated spirits

That will make you go blind

Quote from: V M on April 30, 2012, 04:24:50 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy

I'm feeling a bit bothered by somebody, should I knock him sideways? *Sigh* Also me bum itches rather often, is there a cure for that?

Johannesburg Fria

Scratch it ...

demurely.

Franky, I'd rather be knocked sideways than knocked up.

Quote from: justmeinoz on April 30, 2012, 04:11:16 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy. 

It appears I have become addicted to deep fried Mars bars.  How can I overcome this?

Fat in Tassie.

Dear Fat Tassie,

I'm glad to see you admitting your weight problem. I think a regular  good tucking would help in that respect it uses calories.

The easiest way to overcome your addiction is to deep fry your Mars Bar at the bottom of the pan, under at least 12 inches of boiling oil. Dunk you face in an eat when boiling. Doing this several times may generate a negative response.

Damn, sorry forgot you are a Tasmanian. Cut your arms and legs off and go for a swim in the sea, preferably with an anchor around your neck.

BTW you now owe me $2000 for my free advice, pay up soon or I will use your legs to break cricket bats.

Hugs Love and Have  Wonderful day

Aunty C

Quote from: Jamie D on April 30, 2012, 04:14:53 AM
Dear Auntie Cindy,

Do you serve a red or white wine with "Whitchery Grub Pizza"?

Dear Jamie have no problems any one answering advice not condoned by Aunty C will be given free open heart surgery. I was in fact going to offer to help. I have lubed the chainsaw and flushed the hose pipe stent. Now, your payment options. Upfront and cash.

Hugs and Kisses Darling

Aunty C

Quote from: Cindy James on April 30, 2012, 04:40:36 AM
Dear Jamie have no problems any one answering advice not condoned by Aunty C will be given free open heart surgery. I was in fact going to offer to help. I have lubed the chainsaw and flushed the hose pipe stent. Now, your payment options. Upfront and cash.

Hugs and Kisses Darling

Aunty C

Outback shamanism!!

... and they said healthcare in America was bad!!

Quote from: V M on April 30, 2012, 04:24:50 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy

I'm feeling a bit bothered by somebody, should I knock him sideways? *Sigh* Also me bum itches rather often, is there a cure for that?

Johannesburg Fria

The best approach to the itch is to stick a steel pad up your your bum and to realise this is a monthly event. This is quite normal for TG idiots. Oh don't use it for cleaning the dishes afterwards. Clean the dishes first. Waste not want not.

Hugs and best wishes
Aunty C

Quote from: kelly_aus on April 29, 2012, 04:04:29 AM
Dear Aunt Cindy,

I have a man-shaped stain in my heart.. How do I remove it? Can I bleach it out, or should I try drinking my body weight in Coopers Sparkling? Or would sparkling white be a better option for that?

Hugs,
Torn or Kelly - I'm still not sure..

I still have this issue.. Any advice?

Quote from: Jamie D on April 30, 2012, 04:45:40 AM
Outback shamanism!!

... and they said healthcare in America was bad!!

Dear Jamie,

Your health care plan has been reviewed by your insurance company and Cindy Surgical Pty Ltd.  We are pleased to offer you a new plan based on our competitive rates and our concern for you health. We have neither but is sounds good. The chainsaw was being lubed, sharpening is extra, see the print in section  92. 2 .13. It's quite clear, and we have reviewed the terminology by a lawyer who once worked for us. We are happy to be up front and friendly, to prevent any complaints.

Know what was your problem?

Hugs and Happy hacking

Aunty C.

Dear Aunt Cindy,

Please solve my previous issue for me in a pithy and vaguely humorous manner or I will be forced to both brand you with the 'Slacker' iron and have you flogged..

Hugs,
Torn Kelly

Dear Kelly,
I feel great sympathy for you, Yawn.  I had meant to reply to your pleading post but The Voice came on the telly and I had to puke at the rat->-bleeped-<- idiots who go on such shows. So I forgot you, easily done of course.

To overcome your grief you need to take up some positive positions. Kneeling  naked  on all fours in Hindley Street may be a useful addition to your income. Wearing a large paper bag over your head will double the income, It did for me.
With your experience you could apply for the debating part of master  shefff, this may give you satisfaction.

BTW aren't you related to that Tasmanian retard who pretends to be French, you and I know her French studies are well focussed, she is a cunning linguist.


Hugs and Love

Aunty C

Dear Aunt Cindy,

After reading your recent response I am unable to refrain from laughing hysterically.. Should I just roll with it or should I stick something in my mouth?

Hugs,
Kelly

Dear Kelly,

I'm told that something thick and tube like feels pleasant in the mouth. This was the basis of cucumber sandwiches. Ideal for a polite afternoon snack to help you keep coming for the evening, strike; of course polite has no concept for you darling.  Never fear there is a Fire Station in Angas Street where you may be able to practice cleaning out tubes. I was amazed by the variety.


Hugs
Aunty C,

Must potter off to church, seemingly the bishop is going to play the organ. How cute.

Dear Aunty Cindy

I live in a fairly large apt. complex. I have a TV and an electronic keyboard in my apt. But for some reason I like to go out to the lobby of the apt.s and play the out of tune piano there and then watch the lobby TV rather loudly

While I do these activities I stick my fingers in my ears, pick my nose, pick at my skin that is starting to look like a staff infection, bite my finger nails and wipe my hands on the furniture

Some of the other tenants seem to be a bit disturbed by this. One lady in particular named Virginia won't touch anything or sit on any of the furniture. She also tells me I'm disgusting and my parents never taught me anything

How do I deal with such a bitch?

             Nose picker Pruit

Dear Nose Picker,

I hadn't realise that a boogy had learned to write. You are obviously something that crept out of a latrine, please crawl back.

Hugs and Love

Aunty C

Dear Aunt Cindy,

It seems that after I slept with a guy he's decided that he's gay.. Is it something I did? Or is he just one of those typical, undecided guys who has no idea?

If it helps, my 99% accurate gaydar would indicate that he's mistaken..  >:-)

Hugs,
Kelly

Dear Kelly,

I feel deeply and caringly for your fragile emotions. Will you have to pay the farmer for psychotherapy of his goat? Or can he sell it off for a curry dinner. I realise you are an excellent chef but sleeping with the ingredients is poor form. Oh knowing you, you didn't sleep. No doubt the goat is worn out and not too tender.  I'll avoid Jogan Rosh for a while, it may bring back sad memories.
BTW goats have long tongues,  what are they like at kissing and that other cunning stunt that long tongues are good for?

Hugs and Happy Therapy

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunt Cindy,

Thank you for your thoughtful response.. But my emotions are far from fragile.. In fact, it's all I can do to stop myself rolling around laughing.. Silly boy has managed to annoy a fair few of his friends as well.. It was all a somewhat painful learning experience., but I've come out the other side of it stronger and happier..  ;D

Hugs,
Kelly

Dear Aunty Cindy

I recently joined the Unicycle Parade Troupe, we work the public holidays and the circus circuits Well!!! *Humph* The leader of the troupe seems to have a problem with me wearing short skirts that expose my knickers

At first I thought maybe they clashed in color with the whirligigs that I attach to my breasts, but I'm certain that my undies and whirligigs are quite well color coordinated so I don't know what their problem is

How do I deal with such abuse on the job?

          - The Great Kristina of Moscow

Dear Kristina'

This a typical sign of jealously directed against big titted tarts, such as yourself. The easiest way to deal with this is to mount your vibrator on the unicycle instead of the seat. This will give you a warm glowing feeling.
And make unicycle riding in Moscow a rare pleasure

Hugs

Aunty Cindy

Dear Miss Cindy,


I need some of your lovely abuse advice again.  How can I tame my kitten?  He seems to want to play when I don't want to. Any tips on this situation would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you in advance!  :)


Yours truly,

Fuzzy head

Dear Malachite,

Strange name, sounds like something that grows in a cave.

Training your pussy takes time. Many, but not all, train their pussy with sausage. This can teach your pussy to come when asked. However other find a verbal approach to their satisfaction, a good tongue lashing can do wonders. Or so I'm told.

In your case you may require to discipline your pussy.  I do have a dungeon class room where I can help perverts like you.  I do this out of fundamental christian love, and a tax free income.

If you need my services, and you do, deep grovelling and large cash donations are in order. This is the same as any other fundamental christian service.

Yours in anticipation of causing pain

You will pay for the Miss BTW. Oh you will pay

Hugs and best wishes

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunty Cindy,

My boyfriend, Bruce Wayne, found my black skin-tight leather jump suit.  He now wants me to wear it.

I don't want to, because if I do he will know I am Catwoman.  What can I do?

Selina Kyle

Dear Aunty Cindy, I have become attracted to my next door neighbour.  If we have sex, would it be classified as adultery? 
Seeing as he is from Launceston and they really are not human like us, does it count? Well, they aren't related anyway.

Shagbag.




 

Quote from: Cindy James on May 27, 2012, 03:23:15 AM

You will pay for the "Miss" BTW. Oh you will pay.

Malachite is from the South!  "Miss" is considered a polite salutation.

All the schoolmarms are called "Miss."   >:-)

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on May 27, 2012, 10:11:05 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,

My boyfriend, Bruce Wayne, found my black skin-tight leather jump suit.  He now wants me to wear it.

I don't want to, because if I do he will know I am Catwoman.  What can I do?

Selina Kyle

Dear Selina,

That he wants you to wear it is probably a suppressed desire to wear it himself. This also accounts for the total Bat thingy.  Obviously some sort of pervert. Dress him up in your black skin-tight leather jump suit and give him a good lashing, better still make him give you a good lashing, see above post. Make sure this is on film. I hear Bruce is good for a few dollars.

You of course can wear the Bat costume because you are also a pervert with a thing about animals.

Hugs and Love

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: justmeinoz on May 28, 2012, 03:33:33 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy, I have become attracted to my next door neighbour.  If we have sex, would it be classified as adultery? 
Seeing as he is from Launceston and they really are not human like us, does it count? Well, they aren't related anyway.

Shagbag.

Dear Shagbag,

What do you mean human like us? Tasmanians are at best a fungal growth on the face of the tassie devil and have few if any human qualities.  As you have a neighbour which of you dug into the river bank first?

Your desire to partake in the incestuous relationship with the bizarre freak of your neighbour is very understandable in your situation. You may also decide to mount a hollow log. This may provide better post coitus conversation.

Hugs and Love

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Jamie D on May 28, 2012, 03:49:26 AM
Malachite is from the South!  "Miss" is considered a polite salutation.

All the schoolmarms are called "Miss."   >:-)

Dear Jamie D,

I of course appreciate your comment.  As usual about as useful as a wart on the end of a penis, and just as attractive.

I am MISTRESSS, you ignorant toad. After a good flogging I will release you so that you can continue your education. Shouldn't be difficult you next lesson is how to spell cat, there is a c at the beginning and a t at the end and an a somewhere.

Try hard and you may even manage to breathe.

Goddess the Help I get

Hugs and Love for a Sweet and Wonderful life

Aunty Cindy

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.genitalwartscures.net%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F05%2FGenitalwartscures.jpg&hash=818493cf5c9f0e4ac7fed0c806e0690710de4823)

I strongly suspected your need for such products.

Are you the wart of the creature attached to it?

Hugs and Kisses

Aunty Cindy

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.myownbeeswax.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2011%2F09%2Ftoad.jpg&hash=92383cf415ed50e6773c4757a3d0136596233e5d)

Ribbit

A self portrait!

Quote from: Jamie D on May 28, 2012, 03:49:26 AM
Malachite is from the South!  "Miss" is considered a polite salutation.

All the schoolmarms are called "Miss."   >:-)

A lot more than just schoolmarms. I get it about twenty times a day, mostly from kids, its how they address all us old women.

Quote from: Cindy James on May 27, 2012, 03:23:15 AM
Dear Malachite,

Strange name, sounds like something that grows in a cave.

Training your pussy takes time. Many, but not all, train their pussy with sausage. This can teach your pussy to come when asked. However other find a verbal approach to their satisfaction, a good tongue lashing can do wonders. Or so I'm told.

In your case you may require to discipline your pussy.  I do have a dungeon class room where I can help perverts like you.  I do this out of fundamental christian love, and a tax free income.


Mistress Cindy you must please forgive me.
If you need my services, and you do, deep grovelling and large cash donations are in order. This is the same as any other fundamental christian service.

Yours in anticipation of causing pain

You will pay for the Miss BTW. Oh you will pay

Hugs and best wishes

Aunty Cindy

MISTRESSS Cindy please forgive me.  "Miss" from my little land is a sign of respect.

Dear Aunty Cindy!

Could you give me some advice on how to attract a straight member of the same sex or a gay member of the opposite sex?

- Little Panda

Quote from: Taka on May 28, 2012, 06:11:54 PM
Dear Aunty Cindy!

Could you give me some advice on how to attract a straight member of the same sex or a gay member of the opposite sex?

- Little Panda

Dear Little Panda,

Your best bet is to walk around naked carrying a placard saying 'I need a Root'. This a mating tactic used in Tasmania with little success because most Tasmanians can't read.

You strengthen your chances by holding a large vibrator and a tube of lubricant.

If you don't attract a mate, you will be locked up anyway and I'm sure you gaol buddies will assist you.

Hugs Kisses

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunty Cindy,  my family are becoming quite concerned about my brother.  It appears he has developed an addiction to Meat Pie Floaters.  I could understand if he was a Croweater, but he is from Queensland.  Is there any hope for him?

Concerned, of Hobbit.

Dear Hobbit,

Geez bloody hobbits in Tassie now, when will it end.

That you have a brother shows that your parents definitely over bred. That he has an addiction is of course no surprise. You do need to tell him to eat the pie floaters and not inject them. Considering he is in Queensland there is bugger all hope for him anyway, and the gene pool will be saved.

Hugs and Kisses

Aunty Cindy

Dear MISTRESS Cindy,

Lately I have found myself to have an addiction to soda.  How can I break that addiction?



Signed,

Mr. Malachite

Dearest Aunty Cindy -

Ever since I read your reply to the Tasmanian She-devil. concerning Meat Pie Floaters, I have had, frankly, an unnatural fascination with what purports to be the "Australian National Dish" (present company excluded, of course).  Is this truly the pinnacle of the Australian culinary art?

I have had Fish & Chips in London
Paella in Marbella
Sauerbraten in Munchen
A jibarito in San Juan
Mole pablano in Baja
Skyr in Reykjavik
Even haggis in Glasgow

but I have never had a Meat Pie Floater.

If I am adventurous enough, I will try to make one this weekend.  But how drunk does one have to be to enjoy it?

Quote from: Malachite on May 31, 2012, 06:31:39 PM
Dear MISTRESS Cindy,

Lately I have found myself to have an addiction to soda.  How can I break that addiction?



Signed,

Mr. Malachite

Dear Mr Malachite,

Snorting meat pie floaters will cure any addiction, but may start another, see answer to Tassie Devil

Hugs

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Jamie D on June 01, 2012, 01:09:25 AM
Dearest Aunty Cindy -

Ever since I read your reply to the Tasmanian She-devil. concerning Meat Pie Floaters, I have had, frankly, an unnatural fascination with what purports to be the "Australian National Dish" (present company excluded, of course).  Is this truly the pinnacle of the Australian culinary art?

I have had Fish & Chips in London
Paella in Marbella
Sauerbraten in Munchen
A jibarito in San Juan
Mole pablano in Baja
Skyr in Reykjavik
Even haggis in Glasgow

but I have never had a Meat Pie Floater.

If I am adventurous enough, I will try to make one this weekend.  But how drunk does one have to be to enjoy it?

Dear Jamie D,

I find it beyond comprehension that you would be capable of making anything but a mess. Taking that into consideration a pie floater should be within you abilities.

Generally people are hanging onto the pavement so that they don't fall off, when eating one out doors. Eating outdoors means you have less mess to clean up when you sober up.

As you correctly mention, I am the National Dish, and I'm available to be eaten any evening, I even supply a paper bag with suitable openings for my lucky partners to wear so that I don't have to look at their foul countenances.

Hugs and Love

Aunty Cindy

¡Ay, caramba!

Dear Aunty Cindy.  Is one's partner changing the football team they follow grounds for divorce?
My sister in Malbourne is faced with the situation of her husband, who she loves dearly, changing his team from Geelong to Essendon?  What is your advice regarding invitations to the family Christmas dinner?

Mrs Sherrin.

Dear Aunt Cindy,

I am being attacked by frogs. They sneak in the windows and doors and when those are closed they still get in. They come in all colors, even rainbow ones. I am not certifiably insane, they are REAL.

How can I end this onslaught of frogs?

Skaredy KAT

Quote from: justmeinoz on June 02, 2012, 07:07:53 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy.  Is one's partner changing the football team they follow grounds for divorce?
My sister in Malbourne is faced with the situation of her husband, who she loves dearly, changing his team from Geelong to Essendon?  What is your advice regarding invitations to the family Christmas dinner?

Mrs Sherrin.

Dear Mrs Sherrin

It is most unusual for a Geelong supporter to change sides, as they are so dumb they don't know their arse from their face, which do in fact look similar. As grounds for divorce, I think it unlikely that anyone who married a Geelong supporter ever had the marriage consummated so divorce is not necessary.

I would invite them to Christmas dinner, once trussed and roasted and covered in gravy they may be edible.

You do have a strange family, which of course comes as no surprise given your genetic failings.

Hugs and Kisses
Aunty Cindy

Quote from: LordKAT on June 02, 2012, 03:20:45 PM
Dear Aunt Cindy,

I am being attacked by frogs. They sneak in the windows and doors and when those are closed they still get in. They come in all colors, even rainbow ones. I am not certifiably insane, they are REAL.

How can I end this onslaught of frogs?

Skaredy KAT

Dear Skardey Kat,

Whatever leads you to believe that you are not certifiably insane?  This seems to be a rather grandiose statement given that you are obviously a complete loon.

It is also quite disrespectful to refer to French people as frogs. They are more widely known a toads.

I strongly suspect that given your level of hygiene that you are being attacked by fleas. If that is so you may be reported for cruelty to fleas.

Hugs and Love.

Aunty Cindy

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fanythingbutperfect.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2011%2F09%2Fjenesaisfrog.gif&hash=1ae59a0b7ed4c119f6ba5354c2884fe0f9310e7f)

Your self portrait is very realistic. I can see the family resemblance.

Oui, oui.

Dear Mistress Aunty Cindy,

I have been wondering this for a long time. Is it true that everything twirls the other way Down Under?

Love and hugs,
-Andy

Dear aunt Cindy,

I told my neighbor about all those frogs and he told me to go to this restaurant where he works and eat the cuisses de grenouilles. Do you think this would work? What kind of cure is it?

Skaredy KAT

PS, They are REAL!

Quote from: Andy on June 04, 2012, 08:13:57 AM
Dear Mistress Aunty Cindy,

I have been wondering this for a long time. Is it true that everything twirls the other way Down Under?

Love and hugs,
-Andy

Dear Andy,

Aunty Cindy has not been able to log on to give her valuable and needed advice.

Stand naked on a mirror and have a look.

Hugs and Kisses

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: LordKAT on June 06, 2012, 03:31:18 AM
Dear aunt Cindy,

I told my neighbor about all those frogs and he told me to go to this restaurant where he works and eat the cuisses de grenouilles. Do you think this would work? What kind of cure is it?

Skaredy KAT

PS, They are REAL!

Dear Lord Kat,

I think they are coming to you as benevolent frogs. My psychic sense gave me an insight into your childhood, which forever made the frog kingdom adore you. As so I see in my crystal balls:


Lord Kat is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of "a house of ill repute" and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw Lord Kat and asked what he wanted.

He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"

Of course the Madam said "No".

Lord Kat said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber - THAT'S the girl I want."

Since Lord Kat was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my Mum and Dad are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute Kats. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease.

Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.

In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the prick who ran over my FROG!"


Oh Dear

Love and Kisses

Aunty Cindy

For real :o

Quote from: Cindy James on June 06, 2012, 03:41:10 AM
Dear Andy,

Aunty Cindy has not been able to log on to give her valuable and needed advice.

Stand naked on a mirror and have a look.

Hugs and Kisses

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunty Cindy,

Does the Coriolis Effect apply to Peyronie's disease?

Dear JamieD Smart Arse,

And yes it will be smarting, a nice new 'Smart Arse' branding iron is on order.

What goes up doesn't go around. At least as far as Peyronie's is concerned. Which explains your pitiful sex life..

Hugs, Love and Kisses.

Aunty Cindy

OUCH!

Dear Aunty Cindy,

Why is life such a bitch sometimes?? I've been trying to work that one out for years now, but I can't!  :'(

Please help.

Maegan

Dear Aunt Cindy,

Quick thought............

That's it. So, do you think you can help?

Quote from: Maegan on June 08, 2012, 08:02:38 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,

Why is life such a bitch sometimes?? I've been trying to work that one out for years now, but I can't!  :'(

Please help.

Maegan

Dear Maegan,

Life is a bitch because if it wasn't it would have to be something else. Quantum theory of life allows us to understand this. At any time point bitch is transient to none bitch but of course this transient is only transient if we don't think about it. If we think about it it is no longer transient and the bitch effect fails. This is of course a similar problem to schrodinger's cat if you think its a bitch or not a bitch it can of course be the opposite but only if you don't examine it.

schrodinger's cat was of course locked up in a box, you may like to try this yourself and become maegan's cat and we can modify your quantum existence.

Hugs and Kisses

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Brooke777 on June 08, 2012, 08:56:14 AM
Dear Aunt Cindy,

Quick thought............

That's it. So, do you think you can help?

Dear Brooke,

You have forgotten to take your medication again haven't you? I sincerely doubt that a person who has a single brain cell can ever have a quick thought. In your case the definition of thought has to be considered an abstract principle. You are indeed living proof that if enough amoebas can use a keyboard for long enough period of time then a comment will eventually be produced.

Love and Kisses

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunty Cindy, I have a neighbour who plays music loudly.  What should I retaliate with?  The choice is 'Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs Live at Sunbury' or ' Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs live at Melbourne Town Hall'?  I am inclined to go with the Melbourne concert because it uses the Town Hall pipe organ, giving a touch of class.
Which would you choose? and should I consider running it through my guitar amp for authenticity. 
Or just get a rifle?
Annoyed of Mt Nelson.

Oh dear Aunty Cindy, I seem to have made a horrible mistake... I meant to spend my free time tonight polishing off my ice cream and putting polish on my toes. But instead, I was so depressed that I mistakenly put polish on my ice cream and polished off my toes!
I love that pink, but but tastes just awful with chocolate... >_<

What should I do?

Quote from: justmeinoz on June 09, 2012, 04:13:04 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy, I have a neighbour who plays music loudly.  What should I retaliate with?  The choice is 'Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs Live at Sunbury' or ' Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs live at Melbourne Town Hall'?  I am inclined to go with the Melbourne concert because it uses the Town Hall pipe organ, giving a touch of class.
Which would you choose? and should I consider running it through my guitar amp for authenticity. 
Or just get a rifle?
Annoyed of Mt Nelson.

Dear Annoyed of Mt Nelson,

If you had a brain you would have realise that brute violence is a far better way of settling an argument than petty retaliation.  The easiest way to deal with your neighbours is to obtain a machete and use it to hack their arms off. This gives a good cardio-work out, brings peace to the brain (if you had one) and is guaranteed to make your neighbour perfectly h armless.

Yours in Peace and Quite. Bless the babies and kittens.

Aunty Cindy   

Quote from: PrincessKnight on June 14, 2012, 12:04:19 AM
Oh dear Aunty Cindy, I seem to have made a horrible mistake... I meant to spend my free time tonight polishing off my ice cream and putting polish on my toes. But instead, I was so depressed that I mistakenly put polish on my ice cream and polished off my toes!
I love that pink, but but tastes just awful with chocolate... >_<

What should I do?

Dear PrincessKnight,

What a cute name; makes me vomit.  You are obviously another complete fruitbat who can't tell her arse from her tit.  I suggest you drink copious amounts of nail polish so that when they autopsy you, every one can have a good laugh.

Best wishes and live well

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunty Cindy,

I'm thinking about getting a tattoo on my butt.  Something bold, yet classy.

(The brand marks have healed nicely, BTW.)

Any suggestions?

Dear Jamie D,

From all accounts anyone tattooing your arse will need to wear a gas mask, and will also be extremely desperate for finances, as any sane person wouldn't tattoo your arse with a barge pole.
As for what tattoo to receive I suggest large letters saying ' THIS IS MY BUM NOT MY FACE' this will be useful to you and people in the ER department when they have to work on you.

Sweet dreams and Hugs

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Cindy James on June 16, 2012, 02:50:52 AM
Dear Jamie D,

From all accounts anyone tattooing your arse will need to wear a gas mask, and will also be extremely desperate for finances, as any sane person wouldn't tattoo your arse with a barge pole.
As for what tattoo to receive I suggest large letters saying ' THIS IS MY BUM NOT MY FACE' this will be useful to you and people in the ER department when they have to work on you.

Sweet dreams and Hugs

Aunty Cindy

Thank you, Aunty, but I was thinking of something more along these lines:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F_OCX7oCe_UG0%2FTMKGn24gFuI%2FAAAAAAAAAgM%2FmarF9O7z8cY%2Fs400%2Fdaddy%2Bbutt%2Btattoo.jpg&hash=68b7860b8d6c9da006eb64e03ec23a3a0bfd1420)

Dearest Aunt Cindy -

Is it true that a bellringer can catch an STD from the clapper?

Quote from: Cindy James on April 12, 2012, 07:43:34 PM
You need to find the squirrel and place it in your knickers for two hours, then check for remains of nuts.

Aunty C

Aunt Cindy,

This is the funniest thing I've seen lately! I've just gotten here and have asked many questions, been given a lot of advice, and have offered some support as well in return for the wonderful words I have received here. I am a person in need of more laughter and light...what have you to offer beyond a squirrel in the knickers and checking for remains of nuts? Does he or she with cracked nuts have a shell of a time?

Quote from: Dawn Heart on June 19, 2012, 04:09:08 AM
Aunt Cindy,

This is the funniest thing I've seen lately! I've just gotten here and have asked many questions, been given a lot of advice, and have offered some support as well in return for the wonderful words I have received here. I am a person in need of more laughter and light...what have you to offer beyond a squirrel in the knickers and checking for remains of nuts? Does he or she with cracked nuts have a shell of a time?

pssst ... don't encourage her

Quote from: Jamie D on June 19, 2012, 02:41:42 AM
Dearest Aunt Cindy -

Is it true that a bellringer can catch an STD from the clapper?

Dear Jamie D,

So pleasant to hear from you again. How have you managed to type with your arms in a strait jacket? I'm extremely concerned about you, YAWN, Ooops sorry, where was I.

I'm not too sure why you are so interested in telephones and bell ringing? Is this some sort of latent sexual fantasy concerning playing with your clacker?

As we know Australia uses 8-digit local phone numbers preceded by a 2-digit STD area code.

02 Central east region (New South Wales, Australian Capital Territory)
03 South east region (Victoria, Tasmania)
04 Mobile telephones (Australia-wide)
07 North east region (Queensland)
08 Central and west region (Western Australia, South Australia and Northern Territory)

If you are trying to contact me for an 'encounter'  I can assure you have have plenty of rocks in my garden to look under.

Good Luck with the therapy

Hugs

Aunty Cindy   

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-4bQLVHbi6K4%2FTqjbGkZ0NFI%2FAAAAAAAAAxs%2F52GqSSvfVlA%2Fs1600%2Fstraightjacket.jpg&hash=202e80265669d8eed9512dc6b4c42e27cc4348ea)

I get by with a little help from my friends

Quote from: Dawn Heart on June 19, 2012, 04:09:08 AM
Aunt Cindy,

This is the funniest thing I've seen lately! I've just gotten here and have asked many questions, been given a lot of advice, and have offered some support as well in return for the wonderful words I have received here. I am a person in need of more laughter and light...what have you to offer beyond a squirrel in the knickers and checking for remains of nuts? Does he or she with cracked nuts have a shell of a time?

Dear Dawn Heart,

It is so nice to meet a newbie, " Sue, can you pass the bucket I need to vomit"

(Oh of course, another Jamie D clone.  Goddess if JamieD could mate with something with a higher intelligence than a taxidermists rat, things would improve around here.)

now where was I?

Sorry darling I was just looking through your life history.  It didn't take long of course.

You appear to have fantasies about squirrels and cracked nuts.  This is totally normal for a person who has the mental function of a drunken blow fly.  Oh dear sorry, that means you have achieved one of you life challenges. You aimed to have the mental function of a drunken blow fly.

Congratulations.

Where is Donald Trump when I need him to congratulate another tosser.

Best wishes and Have a very happy life.

Love

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunty Cindy,

There are so many video games coming out but I can't decide which ones will get my money first.  How can I make that decision easier?




-Lonely Gamer

dear aunty cindy
help me help me please my dog just ran out the door with my balls i need your help in catching him  :D

Oh dear god, Aunt Cindy.

I was unaware we had this magnanimous service drawn form eons of your knowledge and experience.

Well you see, I had this annoying little problem that has vexed me for years. I've been to an absolute plethora of GP's, Psychiatrists, Gynaecologists, Neurologists, boiler makers and the like. The one who I thought came the closest to solving my little problem, was my car mechanic, bless his little soul.

I have come to you in desperation to find a cure for it. Can you help? before I eat myself to death with chewing gum??

Yours desperately

Catherine

Quote from: Malachite on June 19, 2012, 05:05:16 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,

There are so many video games coming out but I can't decide which ones will get my money first.  How can I make that decision easier?




-Lonely Gamer

Dear Malachite,

I'm so glad that you have managed to resolve you avatar with your personality. You do look a miserable bastard and it suits you.

Your panache for video games does need guidance.  I strongly suggest that you concentrate on the ones for under fives. A is for apple with a nice picture, B is for bat, I realise you will get confused what a bat is, but that is the fun of learning :-*, C is for confabulation, see it gets easy with time, D is for debt, yes you owe me for my advice, please send your pay pall account number for I use B to cause C.

hugs you beautiful little turkey

Aunty Cindy.

Quote from: Justin 21 on June 19, 2012, 05:10:16 AM
dear aunty cindy
help me help me please my dog just ran out the door with my balls i need your help in catching him  :D

Dear Justin,

I'm so pleased to meet another total tosser. You have obviously tried very hard to keep one thought in your head today, which is a 100% improvement from yesterday.

If your dog runs away with the balls, you have to distract it and throw it the stick.

If this destroys your ability to breed we can all be thankful.

I hope your dog has a large appetite for all of humanities sake.

Yours in Servitude and desire to please

Aunty Cindy

thank you so much
oh by the way i was threatened with a branding iron and a cat of nine tales when i joined up a couple months ago i'm still waiting will someone be along soon?  ;D it's getting kinda boring waiting

Quote from: Catherine Sarah on June 19, 2012, 05:12:30 AM
Oh dear god, Aunt Cindy.

I was unaware we had this magnanimous service drawn form eons of your knowledge and experience.

Well you see, I had this annoying little problem that has vexed me for years. I've been to an absolute plethora of GP's, Psychiatrists, Gynaecologists, Neurologists, boiler makers and the like. The one who I thought came the closest to solving my little problem, was my car mechanic, bless his little soul.

I have come to you in desperation to find a cure for it. Can you help? before I eat myself to death with chewing gum??

Yours desperately

Catherine

Dear Catherine Sarah,

It is so nice to see you back,

(Sue, I've filled the last bucket and I have another wanker on line)

Now where was I,  my precious?

Oh yes you are the tart with clutch problems.

You need a good mechanic who knows how to grease the nipples and manipulate the clutch so it is easy on the gear stick. Once you get the clutch correct the gear stick will slip around quite  freely. You have to be aware that a new clutch has to be broken in by some heavy riding followed by some delicate corner work.

In your case I suspect you are more the B trailer type, so very heavy work and extreme pressure on the clutch components may be needed.

I have to admit your avatar is very striking; what exactly did you strike your face against,? And can you do it several more times?

I'm so glad you are back, you have cured my constipation.

With Love and knowing your Guardian  Angel is Close.

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Justin 21 on June 19, 2012, 06:11:46 AM
thank you so much
oh by the way i was threatened with a branding iron and a cat of nine tales when i joined up a couple months ago i'm still waiting will someone be along soon?  ;D it's getting kinda boring waiting

Dear Justin,

So much thanks for your reply. If I ever get another negative response from a slave, your dog will be chasing fingers.

I'm having problems finding good help. Most seem to keep passing out. Bloody wimps.

Yours in the delight of flowers

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunt Cindy,

I found that cat of nine tails that Jamie has been looking for, but then the LSD effect went away and I lost it. I have tried to look in the same place and through the same eyes but it seems that I can't even get the same eyes. Have you any advice on where or how to find that runaway cat? I don't want Jamie to be bored forever as his body parts may wear out from the constant use while waiting.

Lost KAT

Dear Aunt Cindy,

I can't think of a question!  What should I ask?

Oh wait..  that was a question, wasn't it.  Never mind!

BlueSloth

Quote from: LordKAT on June 19, 2012, 07:28:08 AM
Dear Aunt Cindy,

I found that cat of nine tails that Jamie has been looking for, but then the LSD effect went away and I lost it. I have tried to look in the same place and through the same eyes but it seems that I can't even get the same eyes. Have you any advice on where or how to find that runaway cat? I don't want Jamie to be bored forever as his body parts may wear out from the constant use while waiting.

Lost KAT

My Dear Lord Kat,

So interesting to talk to you again. I'm sure I must of before,  because all the parasites communicate with me.

As to your on going delusions, I have told you to stop smoking the kitty litter, particularly after you have urinated in it.

Oh and by the way the long brown one's are not cigars.

Hugs Kitty

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: BlueSloth on June 19, 2012, 07:16:27 PM
Dear Aunt Cindy,

I can't think of a question!  What should I ask?

Oh wait..  that was a question, wasn't it.  Never mind!

BlueSloth

Dear BlueSloth,

Welcome and I can understand and appreciate your problem.  I can also wipe my bum which is as intellectually challenging as your thought process.

You must live in a very small cage, which we are all thankful for because it is essential that you are kept isolated.

You do seem to be a waste of insecticide.

Love and best wishes

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Cindy James on June 20, 2012, 05:14:51 AM
You must live in a very small cage

I don't yet, but thank you, it's good advice!  I'll try to find somebody experienced in keeping exotic pets who can provide accommodations like that.  I suppose somebody with one of those nine tailed cats would know how to handle their pets.  Let me know if the elusive creature ever turns up.  :)

Hi Aunty Candy, I mean Cindy. I have a friend, we'll call her Cindy, I mean Candy. My friend Cindy, I mean Candy has a branding iron fetish and goes around telling everyone she's the only sane one. Is there any hope for my friend Cindy, I  mean Candy, Candy? I mean Cindy. Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 25, 2012, 08:52:44 PM
Hi Aunty Candy, I mean Cindy. I have a friend, we'll call her Cindy, I mean Candy. My friend Cindy, I mean Candy has a branding iron fetish and goes around telling everyone she's the only sane one. Is there any hope for my friend Cindy, I  mean Candy, Candy? I mean Cindy. Hugs, Devlyn

Dear Deviancy,

I think your friend what's her name is suffering from sort delusional fetish disorder. It sounds like acquired unclassifiable sexual sadism injury enhanced, known as AUSSIE. This is  very dangerous syndrome but is curable. The patient need to spend time on tropical beaches being massaged by good looking guys wearing those tiny bathing suits, I think they are called budgie smuggler by some. Sure getting warm in here Mmmm. To assist in this you send large amounts of money to what's her name so she can afford such therapy.

Without therapy her exploits may be enhanced, she is quite capable of organising an AUSSIE hit squad

She sounds a very charming woman.

Have I met her?

Yours thinking of kittens and puppies.

Aunty Cindy

I had considered the AUSSIE diagnosis, but this girl is showing signs of being Wild Australian Chick Kink Obsessed or WACKO. She may also have gone Nearly Undetectable Transgender Status, or NUTS. As for knowing her, I have sent her picture to the wall mounted viewer in your bathroom, or loo, dunny, privy, whatever you have. Hugs, Devlyn

Wow she is gorgeous!!

Are you sure I haven't met her?

Aunty Cindy (WACKO with a trace of NUTS)

Yes, she is a looker! Hugs, Devlyn

Aunty Cindy,


Please tell me the secrets to being a winner in life.  I could really use them.  Thank you in advance! :)





- Mr. Nowhere

Quote from: Malachite on June 27, 2012, 06:33:18 AM
Aunty Cindy,


Please tell me the secrets to being a winner in life.  I could really use them.  Thank you in advance! :)





- Mr. Nowhere

Dear Mr Nowhere,

It is obvious that the winners in life are low brained, ignorant self serving tossers who usually have a law degree and study politics, although it is unclear to Aunty Cindy what there is to study in politics.  Lawyers are of course important, if we ever run out of toilet paper then lawyers come into there own, and we can have one in each toilet. They can then do the job they are trained for.

So to advance in life you need to study 101 Dummies in animal cruelty, followed by an intermediate degree in ripping of money to the poor and disabled; remember high marks are given to those who can do both at once.

If you study hard you should have your first fortune by your mid twenties. If not marry into a a wealthy family, be careful here as being TG can be a big advantage, blackmail is a very good way of ensuring a profitable outcome from divorce settlings. Do not marry into any family with the second name beginning with of K. Blackmail seems to be a terminal problem and not conducive to a long life in those relationships.

Make sure you have a good and strong Will and Testament, in which  your off spring and relatives realise that they get nothing when you die. No matter how. This is very important, some people call this a life insurance policy.


Hugs,

And remember,

Blessed are the poor. They have to be because you ripped the rest out of them.

Falling to sleep to the chant of Nuns singing my praises.

Aunty Cindy

Dear aunty Cindy can i volunteer for the Aussie hit squad. I'm sick of shootin' feral pigs in the bush and would love to do some city hunting  ;) :D

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 27, 2012, 06:22:51 AM
Yes, she is a looker! Hugs, Devlyn

I think you misspelled that Devlyn.  I thought it was hooker, not looker.

Aunty Cindy,

You continue to make me laugh with your special brand of humor. I love your thoughtful replies and was wondering what I have to do to get spanked while being told how good I am when I'm bad? A nice smooth massage between slaps with some tittilation works wonders!

Quote from: Justin 21 on July 02, 2012, 06:12:37 AM
Dear aunty Cindy can i volunteer for the Aussie hit squad. I'm sick of shootin' feral pigs in the bush and would love to do some city hunting  ;) :D

Dear Justin,
Since you shoot feral pigs, your mission is to find a certain Ms. OBrien, ferret lover; she lives close to a city and she has been marked for termination for dastardly insulting her gorgeousness.

She can be branded with the Big C as a lesson to all other Vet Nurses who dare to cross me.

Sweet dreams

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Dawn Heart on July 02, 2012, 03:57:33 PM
Aunty Cindy,

You continue to make me laugh with your special brand of humor. I love your thoughtful replies and was wondering what I have to do to get spanked while being told how good I am when I'm bad? A nice smooth massage between slaps with some tittilation works wonders!

Dearest Dawn Heart,

How delightful to meet yet another complete pervert.  I seem to attract them like wasps to golden honey. A rather apt analogy I believe.

You also appear to be delusional. Why do you have any perception that there is anything good about you? The only good I can think of for you is to use you to break in a new cat o'nine tails. Made from real pussies of course.

Yours in Joyous Merriment

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Dawn Heart on July 02, 2012, 03:57:33 PM
Aunty Cindy,

You continue to make me laugh with your special brand of humor. I love your thoughtful replies and was wondering what I have to do to get spanked while being told how good I am when I'm bad? A nice smooth massage between slaps with some tittilation works wonders!

Be careful what you ask for ...

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg296.imagevenue.com%2Floc24%2Fth_103620161_16_123_24lo.jpg&hash=ae1701178a75c4c69b23593f441b247c1f0d0e33)

dearest Aunty Cindy i've packed my bags, cleaned my rifle and fired up the branding iron, i shall depart in the morning. oh and if i happen to see jamie D may i please unload a few rounds into his ass  :)

JamieD,

I told you not to post your home movies.

Goddess, getting help today is like milking zits for a living.

Oh! sorry dearest that is what you do for a living.

A good job; keep at dearest, I know you get enough for a nice meal after every two thousand or so.

And of course someone has to do it and we are all glad it is you.

Hugs you gorgeous Bufo you.

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Cindy James on July 03, 2012, 03:13:04 AM
Dear Justin,
Since you shoot feral pigs, your mission is to find a certain Ms. OBrien, ferret lover; she lives close to a city and she has been marked for termination for dastardly insulting her gorgeousness.

She can be branded with the Big C as a lesson to all other Vet Nurses who dare to cross me.

Sweet dreams

Aunty Cindy

Someone sounds grumpy.  She must need those anal glands expressed.

Come on over, Justin.  Never mind the dog.  He just likes to nip.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thegreenhead.com%2Fimgs%2Famerican-werewolf-in-london-lifesize-2.jpg&hash=121802ac2c8062a4b130d4190a46c2d3ee90facf)

The ferret is the one you have to watch.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mvcsc.k12.in.us%2Fmvhs%2Fstaff%2Fdsumpter%2FWebsite%2FWebsites%2Fblack%2520footed%2520ferret%2Fweb_files%2Fcopy_of_attack_ferret.jpg&hash=2c1c9fb576148080052adfc6038fcf85e9796a8f)

Dear Aunt Cindy.

There is this gal down under that seems to be very into me.  She is sending someone to keep an eye on me.  She is cute, but what do I do.

CVT

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on July 03, 2012, 06:52:07 AM
Someone sounds grumpy.  She must need those anal glands expressed.

Come on over, Justin.  Never mind the dog.  He just likes to nip.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thegreenhead.com%2Fimgs%2Famerican-werewolf-in-london-lifesize-2.jpg&hash=121802ac2c8062a4b130d4190a46c2d3ee90facf)

The ferret is the one you have to watch.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mvcsc.k12.in.us%2Fmvhs%2Fstaff%2Fdsumpter%2FWebsite%2FWebsites%2Fblack%2520footed%2520ferret%2Fweb_files%2Fcopy_of_attack_ferret.jpg&hash=2c1c9fb576148080052adfc6038fcf85e9796a8f)

Dear Aunt Cindy.

There is this gal down under that seems to be very into me.  She is sending someone to keep an eye on me.  She is cute, but what do I do.

CVT

I'll get you my pretty and your little ferret too.  don't worry about any lasers shining into your place tonight  :)

Justin Hon.  Catch ...

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.adrianswinscoe.com%2Fblog%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F04%2F655111542_bcb108ae52.jpg&hash=b96ba1069820f310312f16448632e8dd3880117a)

hey Mrs O'Brien I'd say bite me but you probably would then i would have to get a rabies test  :P

Dear Aunty Cindy.
Will it be immoral of me to lure homophobic or transphobic religious tract sellers in so that I can tie them to the bed and give them a flogging?

Madame Lash.

it's only immoral if you don't invite Cindy to join in  >:-)

Quote from: justmeinoz on July 09, 2012, 04:14:21 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy.
Will it be immoral of me to lure homophobic or transphobic religious tract sellers in so that I can tie them to the bed and give them a flogging?

Madame Lash.

Dear Madame Lash,

There is a great danger in such activity. Unless the knots are tight they may escape and throw holy water on you. This is a waste of good Whisky. The greater danger is, unless you develop your technique you may develop muscles in one side of the body rather than being symmetrically;  you could end up looking like a cross between Bluto and Popeye. Sadly I see from your avatar that this has already occurred.  However your deformity may also be due to Tasmanian genetics; a comical phrase given the gene pool in Tasmania; Mendel would have peed himself.

I'm also concerned that you may be developing loving instincts. I was under the belief that the ritual mating rites of Tasmanian's involved the binding of the spouse to the bed so they couldn't escape the horror of Tasmanian love making.

Yours with lovey dovey thoughts.

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Justin 21 on July 09, 2012, 04:21:13 AM
it's only immoral if you don't invite Cindy to join in  >:-)

Darling Justin,

As a hit man you have proved a total failure. Mrs O'Brien, The Ferret Queen, as she is known on the Lash Network, is unbranded and breeding her stock of 'were ferrets' previously only known in Southern England. Nasty little critters that run up the trouser leg and inflict damaging and physically changing wounds on the victim. Fortunately I do not wear trousers so I am protected.

In your case your only hope is to tie your trouser legs tightly closed, wear a garland of garlic around your head,  and perform John Cleese's funny walk so that one foot is only ever on the ground at one time.

This will not help, but will be highly amusing to all who observe you.

Hugs, Kisses and Dreams of Christmas

Aunty Cindy

dear aunty Cindy i am sorry those damn were ferrets came outta nowere i was lucky to escape with my nads attached.
next time I'm calling in my privet air force of mutant hawks and owls, that should take care of them while i get the job done
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FMGsbe.jpg&hash=13553e8bbda71f168580e2ce6c447184ba864f93)

Dear Justin,

How much bird dung will it take to bury you?

Yours in concern for the environment.

Aunty Cindy

dear aunty Cindy i told you i'd get her
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FzUrjo.jpg&hash=92e64e5abb943a5b3d1a80a4abf8da997825f1e2)

Thanks Justin,

My 1,000 children loved it.  Tastes like chicken.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsteamykitchen.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2008%2F06%2F643568081_ef9e56a8e82.jpg&hash=55321e6151cb6b0f55c54778a33f362383d2373e)

Little ferret, furry ferret. Chew chew chew.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.pxleyes.com%2Fimages%2Fcontests%2Fnatures%2520cotton%2Ffullsize%2Fnatures%2520cotton_4a2fd7b61922d.jpg&hash=cdaf0c35e50f648fa578b2cf65af74b55a0f7d18)

you killed my favorite bird now its war

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F6BENF.jpg&hash=09a48e743314c46fccc730d336a11267cb1b6996)
an eye for an eye a ferret for a bird

ahh there's nothing better thana glass of fresh ferret
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FwCwDO.jpg&hash=eb29b38d373524c88a62e18a9105be22e2f5ad99)

Stay out of the woods with your girlfriend. Evil Ferret Queen Laugh

Ferret Chainsaw Commercial - Uncut (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yfLD6E_5W8#)

Now Now Children,

Let us direct our hatred to something common.

I have a problem with people who practise Origami.

I'm not sure why, but  its got something  to do about paper.

And people with talent.

Let us have our collective brain cell reflect on that.

You two are of course excused. I did say collective.

So Justin fold me  paper into a rifle.  Janet fold me a piece of paper into a ferret.

I need judges

A totally unbiased Aunty Cindy,

Go Janet Go!

Ooops


go justin go

Oops who is hacking into my computer?

It must be JamieB, the Dark Knight.

Dear Aunt Cindy,

I was wondering if it was OK to go all hardcore butch b!tch on a skinny ass pre-op girl who won't date me because I'm pre-op too? The hypocrisy involved makes my blood boil and steam to pour from my ears.. As an aside, it also tears my heart apart..

Hugs,
Crazy Kelly

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm7.staticflickr.com%2F6036%2F6307410774_98db8e9523.jpg&hash=a09651dc6d23365cb28c1b33d8d8c84b62a977ac)

I win.  Ferrets rule!

that looks like a dog
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F6urlW.jpg&hash=06bd34f6110a8e1c83587448311f03218fe8ada7)
mine is better *pokes tounge*

Hmmmmmmm

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm5.staticflickr.com%2F4029%2F5137468326_7d619c336b.jpg&hash=d143240a94583622a5dd2e7f6b32eb845b922159)

I'll see your gun and raise you a tank.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffc08.deviantart.net%2Ffs28%2Fi%2F2008%2F077%2Fe%2Fd%2FPaper_Tank_by_NexiiM.jpg&hash=5a752f468749ca445572b7b43c97ad72c143ec1f)

Kelly you can borrow this if you want
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F4DukR.jpg&hash=c2708f9258932e5f45351b8c65d8e254e6298bcf)

oh and Aunty Cindy my dog just came back from the vet. look what Mrs O'Brien did to him
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FDg1Mu.jpg&hash=e95d9afb6d23825abc5199ca32a0daf5c8178bfb)
now i have to send him to rehab

Mrs O'Brien
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F6TU9V.jpg&hash=54eaaa4b2ea68e30767a9bb4673100dbb3784df9)
suck that :laugh:

Oh  Please Kelly.

And your puppy needs to be neutered like his owner.

Nice Justin

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.philebrity.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F04%2Fdeath_star.jpg&hash=1223832508a9c37e1446087e4969b9cadc5ef27f)

Oh and watch that hand ...

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm1.static.flickr.com%2F143%2F332026161_280eafddb1.jpg&hash=8b7b460a769330f548910eccd225af3fe5e2457a)

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on July 09, 2012, 07:01:56 AM
Oh  Please Kelly.

Please what?

Sorry, but hypocrisy makes me mad..

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FCHKew.jpg&hash=90f48a2e423b54aafc581d2a18b63e0863159ee7)

transformers roll out

Ah'right, everyone just settle a bit  :police:

OK I'm sorry Mrs O'Brien
here these should prove it read the last one
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FppdPy.jpg&hash=344b367b6c66bc5ce2b2eb40bd1a763deab0aa9b)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FPUCsV.jpg&hash=d17cbc25b708738265f2a636a347af6e84341b00)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FRSFkj.jpg&hash=31c6e06407be1187d87d431c1faa8d5b33541872)

I'm quite sure that everyone still loves everyone, but let's try to remember that this is Aunty Cindy's Fiasco, sarcasm, abuse Agony Column and not a personal attack free for all

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F_EYMAdo4Ms84%2FSriEGpXUHLI%2FAAAAAAAAEeE%2FVQIErWi19Ik%2Fs400%2FLOLferret6x.jpg&hash=69536f714ffc1821308e15db1f782a643376018e)

Quote from: V M on July 09, 2012, 08:21:25 AM
I'm quite sure that everyone still loves everyone, but let's try to remember that this is Aunty Cindy's Fiasco, sarcasm, abuse Agony Column and not a personal attack free for all

And whom is attacking whom?  And it most certainly not free.   :laugh:

When the cat is away, the mice will play.

My My,

Some feisty exchanges when I'm not looking.

Naughty people.

Dearest Aunty Cindy -

Dare I ask?  What is the penalty for thread hijacking?

Quote from: Jamie D on July 10, 2012, 03:19:15 AM
Dearest Aunty Cindy -

Dare I ask?  What is the penalty for thread hijacking?

A good question grasshopper!
Have you been smoking the dog food again; you are not usually so perceptive ?

I shall have to think of some grovelling tasks. Of course suggestions are welcome ;D

Aunty Cindy

By way of suggestion:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F_V6x-lCTdhEM%2FTFbxxgIP9rI%2FAAAAAAAAAEo%2FAcrUlUqATi4%2Fs1600%2Fbranding%2Biron%2Bc.jpg&hash=674c71906b4754486aa26d203553678a39d275ce)
Personalized branding iron

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.pri.org%2Fthumbnail.php%3Ffile%3DFlogging_whip_810536686.jpg%26amp%3Bsize%3Dtpl4028_article_small&hash=b650d99bc2a76abb338ce8d0caaa3a6a1f86af9d)
Cat 'o nine tails

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.moonbattery.com%2Fball-gag.jpg&hash=cf47e60c3782114383de1052ba76660e4e142b1a)
Ball gag

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F_UNDkeZbdG7Q%2FS1iTd5Wp-kI%2FAAAAAAAAB0k%2FoFX_dsznXZI%2Fs320%2F374px-Running_the_gauntlet.jpg&hash=facaf51442baee714afd5b20024dbf7e3e4e1a94)
Running the gauntlet

If I wasn't such a sweet lady, I could start wondering why you have such a ready collection of these devices. BTW does D stand for Dungeon?

Yours in blissful euphoria

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Cindy James on July 10, 2012, 03:57:03 AM
If I wasn't such a sweet lady, I could start wondering why you have such a ready collection of these devices. BTW does D stand for Dungeon?

Yours in blissful euphoria

Aunty Cindy

I have an experienced dom mentor.  >:-)

Thankyou all especially Auntie Cindy for a wonderful thread. I have been feeling down lately and after reading this entire thread I have been able to smile which is something I haven't done for a while. 

dearest Aunty Cindy can i choose my own punishment please  ;)

Quote from: Kimberley on July 10, 2012, 09:35:56 AM
Thankyou all especially Auntie Cindy for a wonderful thread. I have been feeling down lately and after reading this entire thread I have been able to smile which is something I haven't done for a while.

Hugs Kimberley, it's all for a laugh, it is sometimes the best medicine. And some of the poster here are pretty sick :laugh: :laugh:

Quote from: Justin 21 on July 11, 2012, 03:01:24 AM
dearest Aunty Cindy can i choose my own punishment please  ;)

Always suspected that you were into self abuse. Are you related to JamieD?

Aunty Cindy

Thankyou Aunty Cindy and yes laughter is the best medicine at times.

You have been blessed with both good looks and intelligence. Were you greedy and returned for seconds and thirds when good looks and intelligence were being handed out which left some missing out?

Quote from: Kimberley on July 11, 2012, 08:53:18 AM
Thankyou Aunty Cindy and yes laughter is the best medicine at times.

You have been blessed with both good looks and intelligence. Were you greedy and returned for seconds and thirds when good looks and intelligence were being handed out which left some missing out?

Dear Gawd, Kimberley. How much are you being paid to write such nonsense?

Do you realise what is going to happen once the GodMother reads this. Her head will swell beyond all proportion and won't fit on the page anymore, let alone through the nearest doorway.

Attention; the nearest Moderator!! This thread has been hijacked and Kimberley's response needs to be moved to "Catherine The Greatest - And Why She Is Just So".

Me? .....  Delusional?.........  Naaaaaaaa!!!! Not me.

Aaaahh. I've just spotted the problem. Kimberley; take off those rose coloured glasses, then you'll see Cindy in her true light. (Somewhat sepia, I would think)

Be safe, well and happy. (Because I'm not going to be - soon)

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Quote from: Kimberley on July 11, 2012, 08:53:18 AM
Thankyou Aunty Cindy and yes laughter is the best medicine at times.

You have been blessed with both good looks and intelligence. Were you greedy and returned for seconds and thirds when good looks and intelligence were being handed out which left some missing out?

Dear Kimberley,

You are obviously a perceptive, intelligent young woman with excellent taste and manners. Unlike a certain mangy cur. also known as my friend and sister, Catherine Sarah. She has had an unfortunate life, having lived in a shoe box in the middle of Kings Cross for her formative years. So she didn't really form very much. But we take pity on her and put on a pair of rubber gloves to pat her on the head occasionally. It gives her fleas some exercise.

Interestingly she has so many fleas that it has raised her IQ, which wasn't difficult to be honest.

Yours in merriment

Aunty Cindy

dearest Aunty Cindy why can't i find a girlfreind?

Aunty Cindy, you summation of me, eventhough we have never met, is spot on unlike someone else. You are indeed very gifted.

Justin, though your question is directed to her Almightyness who Knows it All may I suggest placing an ad in the wanted section, if that doesn't work, call me.

Hugs to all.

Dear Aunty Cindy, help!
   The religious door knockers keep escaping out the window, even though I have tried every knot in the Girl Guides Manual.  I hardly get started on the flogging and they are off.  What can i do to stop them.  I thought of Leg Irons but they are all Heritage Listed and unobtainable.  The last one took the bootom bed rail with him in his flight.
I need help, I haven't even got to try out my new Violet Wand electrical stimulator.

Grumpy in Gagebrook.

i got some prison issue handcuffs and some chain think that'd work >:-)

Almightyness who knows it all ::)

Thats rich!

Religious doorknockers?  ;D Hmm....I usually just tell them I'm best friends with the devil :o

Then I offer them my sincere, heartfelt, appreciation for their uninvited presence at my residence (my third finger on any given hand is then displayed). >:-) They are then summarily given a trespass warning and sent on their merry way.  :police:

Their warning includes the basic statement that if they return they will be sacrificed  :laugh:

Quote from: Kimberley on July 12, 2012, 06:41:34 AM
Aunty Cindy, you summation of me, eventhough we have never met, is spot on unlike someone else. You are indeed very gifted.

Justin, though your question is directed to her Almightyness who Knows it All may I suggest placing an ad in the wanted section, if that doesn't work, call me.

Hugs to a

Dear Justin,

Wearing a brown paper bag over your head, the one on your shoulders, will immediately increase your attractiveness to the opposite sex. There are also several breeding programs in thelocal Zoo where you may meet a suitable girlfriend.

Hugs with Concern, Love and Yawns

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Jamie D on July 13, 2012, 09:22:18 PM
Almightyness who knows it all ::)

Thats rich!

Since you are lower than an infidel, I will retaliate by roasting your Teddy Bear over the BBQ.

Yours with Magnanimous Gestures

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: justmeinoz on July 12, 2012, 07:07:21 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy, help!
   The religious door knockers keep escaping out the window, even though I have tried every knot in the Girl Guides Manual.  I hardly get started on the flogging and they are off.  What can i do to stop them.  I thought of Leg Irons but they are all Heritage Listed and unobtainable.  The last one took the bootom bed rail with him in his flight.
I need help, I haven't even got to try out my new Violet Wand electrical stimulator.

Grumpy in Gagebrook.

Dear Grumpy,

As ever Tasmanians continue to amaze me. I take it you failed flogging 101? Even the basics cover the seduction of door to door religious freaks. It is quite simple, you invite them in to share lovey dovey time, chain them to an immovable object and thrash.

You know just as your Grandmother taught you.

Goddess the gene pool has a leak.

Yours in sympathy for your loss

Aunty Cindy

Sounds like a late night trip to Port Arthur to steal obtain some genuine Heritage leg irons then.  I'll distract any security guards by releasing a sexy Tassie Devil. Or maybe a girl from Gagebrook. Not a lot of difference.

Yours in flagellation.
Grumpy.

Quote from: Dawn Heart on July 14, 2012, 04:44:11 AM
Religious doorknockers?  ;D Hmm....I usually just tell them I'm best friends with the devil :o

Then I offer them my sincere, heartfelt, appreciation for their uninvited presence at my residence (my third finger on any given hand is then displayed). >:-) They are then summarily given a trespass warning and sent on their merry way.  :police:

Their warning includes the basic statement that if they return they will be sacrificed  :laugh:

Dear Dawn Heart,

Thank you for your useless advice, sacrificing people is covered in Aunty Cindy's Guide to Better People Management. Needless to say a must text book for up and coming executives. You have obviously not read it.

I'm not really surprised as the people who visit my thread are ignorant jerks.

You are in total acceptance.


Love Aunty Cindy

Quote from: justmeinoz on July 14, 2012, 05:06:32 AM
Sounds like a late night trip to Port Arthur to steal obtain some genuine Heritage leg irons then.  I'll distract any security guards by releasing a sexy Tassie Devil. Or maybe a girl from Gagebrook. Not a lot of difference.

Yours in flagellation.
Grumpy.

Dear Grumpy,

My apologies (Ha) I thought you were confined to Port Arthur as a living relic.

Yours in historical delight.

Aunty Cindy

[/quote] Since you are lower than an infidel, I will retaliate by roasting your Teddy Bear over the BBQ.

Yours with Magnanimous Gestures

Aunty Cindy

Aunty Cindy,

I was being sincere and you want to do a despicable thing to my Teddy Bear. I should have listened to my fellow Sydney girl, Aunty Catherine when she told me about you. I do believe that you are good when you are not being bad.

As for your magnanimous gestures is that what you do to dry your nails because I do that to help them dry more quickly.

Yours in laughter and merriment always.

Kimberly

Quote from: Kimberley on July 15, 2012, 09:24:48 AM
I was being sincere and you want to do a despicable thing to my Teddy Bear. I should have listened to my fellow Sydney girl, Aunty Catherine when she told me about you. I do believe that you are good when you are not being bad.

As for your magnanimous gestures is that what you do to dry your nails because I do that to help them dry more quickly.

Yours in laughter and merriment always.

Kimberly

Well Kimberley, I'm glad you've finally come to your senses and seen through this  >:-) woman  :laugh:  :laugh:

I no doubt I can call upon you to protect my

](https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1266.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fjj525%2FCEST2%2FDad.jpg&hash=bbc28270c9ae03d9762cc300147b2054f589b03f) (ftp://i1266.photobucket.com/albums/jj525/CEST2/Dad.jpg%5B/IMG)

If you ever want to catch up for a coffee or snack. Let me know. I'd love to catch up.

With everlasting kindness from us both
Huggs
Catherine & Murphy

P.S. Murphy is the one on the right. I'm still the one on the left   ::)   ;D

GO  TEDDY !!!

Kill the damn thing, with one fatal lunge




Score to date: (at full time)
Teddy       1
Monsters NIL

Whoa what have missed

Quote from: Kimberley on July 15, 2012, 09:24:48 AM
Since you are lower than an infidel, I will retaliate by roasting your Teddy Bear over the BBQ.

Yours with Magnanimous Gestures

Aunty Cindy

Aunty Cindy,

I was being sincere and you want to do a despicable thing to my Teddy Bear. I should have listened to my fellow Sydney girl, Aunty Catherine when she told me about you. I do believe that you are good when you are not being bad.

As for your magnanimous gestures is that what you do to dry your nails because I do that to help them dry more quickly.

Yours in laughter and merriment always.

Kimberly

I was responding that evil genius fool, JamieD

But you have joined force with Kings Cross Catherine; just waiting on the corner watching all the Johns go by.

Ha

I will rise above these taunts. I am invincible ::)

Yours in true humbleness

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunty Cindy,
  The local Minister is now making a frightful nuisance coming around wanting a flogging at all times of the day, while my husband is out skinning small marsupials.  It is getting so a girl can't watch "Days of our Lives" without interruption. 
What do you suggest to stop him pestering me.  My flogging arm is quite worn out.

Need a rest, Gagebrook.

Quote from: justmeinoz on July 16, 2012, 04:26:56 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,
  The local Minister is now making a frightful nuisance coming around wanting a flogging at all times of the day, while my husband is out skinning small marsupials.  It is getting so a girl can't watch "Days of our Lives" without interruption. 
What do you suggest to stop him pestering me.  My flogging arm is quite worn out.

Need a rest, Gagebrook.

Ahh your husband sounds like a delightful 'greenie' man. I hear you have a proliferation of greenies in Tassie. Does yours have a twig or a stick? Just asking.

You do need to become more creative my deer. Do you have them BTW, you used to see them at Stag parties, but I get distracted.

Small marsupials also like to explore tight holes.

A delightful religious experience for your Minister would to be suitable restrained with a baby Tassie tiger confined to his underwear and allowed to explore its surroundings, while of course having the pleasure of watching 'Days of our Incredibly Exciting Lives" as an educational experience.

I did try this with a Church of Something little darling; but I only had a young possum to help. It was quite nervous after listening to the 'Stones' Pleased to Meet You' at 250dB for the evening. But the religious aspect was not lost on the young Church of Something lad. He was screaming 'God No' for some time. I thought he gave the Stones a rather bad review in hindsight. His hind was a sight BTW

Yours in Religious Ecstasy

Sister Aunty Cindy of the Carmelites

Are pole beans in season?

Dearest Aunty Cindy,

I have been working on a screen play tentatively entitled, "Doctor Jekyll and Cindy Hyde."

Who shall we cast for the two leading roles?

Quote from: Jamie D on July 18, 2012, 04:37:24 AM
Dearest Aunty Cindy,

I have been working on a screen play tentatively entitled, "Doctor Jekyll and Cindy Hyde."

Who shall we cast for the two leading roles?

Dear JamieD,

That you have been working is of course a source of great mirth. I take it you managed to pass wind and thought it was a plan.

As far as casting for this strange case of spilt personality one needs a personality to be split. So that rules you out.

I would focus on the positives of the story, that the split is between Good and Evil.

It is unclear in the story whether Good has an Evil split or that Evil has a Good split. This is a typical dichotomy of political persuasion. Do we look at the benefit or the doubt, or the doubt and then the benefit. One can clearly understand this in the context of the light globe. Is it on or is it off. Then what is the natural state? Similarly when we enter a lift, called elevators for some reasons by genetically linked creatures in the USA, is up normal or down normal. Then we need to define up and down. Personally I like my boyfriends to go up and down, particularly in an elevator so he can give me more lift. Since he is conservative and I'm far more liberal  this allows a total understanding of the light globes dilemma. Do you get screwed in or not.

By reflecting upon these muses you can clearly see the decision on who is Dr Jekyll and Cindy Hyde.

Yours in theatrical bliss

Angeline  Jollie

Quote from: Cindy James on July 18, 2012, 05:14:11 AM
It is unclear in the story whether Good has an Evil split or that Evil has a Good split. This is a typical dichotomy of political persuasion. Do we look at the benefit or the doubt, or the doubt and then the benefit. One can clearly understand this in the context of the light globe. Is it on or is it off. Then what is the natural state? Similarly when we enter a lift, called elevators for some reasons by genetically linked creatures in the USA, is up normal or down normal. Then we need to define up and down. Personally I like my boyfriends to go up and down, particularly in an elevator so he can give me more lift. Since he is conservative and I'm far more liberal  this allows a total understanding of the light globes dilemma. Do you get screwed in or not.

Hummmmm  ..............  I fully understand.   I personally use baynet caps.

Cindy?  Where are your meds.? ... AND how many weeks is it since you had them?

Kelly? or Karen?  Can you please get me that jacket that is hanging up in the closet. You know the one that ties at the back!! We need to visit someone.

Don't worry everyone. Just chat among yourself for a minute. We'll be back soon, and she should be all well again.

Devlyn? Do you have the lobotomy iron ready?

Cheers girls

Your loving 'Nurse Catherine'

 nurse-  "doctor are you ready to operate?"
doctor- "of course but first i have to perform sugery"

I'll get the anesthetic
*walks in to shed, comes out with sledge hammer*
ok i'm ready

Quote from: Justin 21 on July 18, 2012, 08:11:30 AM
nurse-  "doctor are you ready to operate?"
doctor- "of course but first i have to perform surgery"

I'll get the anesthetic
*walks in to shed, comes out with sledge hammer*
OK I'm ready

Oh thank you Justin for coming to the rescue. I'm sure with your skillful surgical hands, our Ms. Cindy will be up and about in no time.

You may now commence the 'procedure' Doctor.

Huggs  (while running for shelter)
Catherine

Quote from: Catherine Sarah on July 18, 2012, 07:22:40 AM
Hummmmm  ..............  I fully understand.   I personally use baynet caps.

Cindy?  Where are your meds.? ... AND how many weeks is it since you had them?

Kelly? or Karen?  Can you please get me that jacket that is hanging up in the closet. You know the one that ties at the back!! We need to visit someone.

Don't worry everyone. Just chat among yourself for a minute. We'll be back soon, and she should be all well again.

Devlyn? Do you have the lobotomy iron ready?

Cheers girls

Your loving 'Nurse Catherine'

Napoleon XIV They're Coming To Take Me Away Ha Haa!! Series (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WmbbFD_XhQ#)

Quote from: Cindy James on July 18, 2012, 05:14:11 AM
Angeline  Jollie

For which role?

Quote from: Catherine Sarah on July 18, 2012, 07:22:40 AM
Hummmmm  ..............  I fully understand.   I personally use baynet caps.

Cindy?  Where are your meds.? ... AND how many weeks is it since you had them?

Kelly? or Karen?  Can you please get me that jacket that is hanging up in the closet. You know the one that ties at the back!! We need to visit someone.

Don't worry everyone. Just chat among yourself for a minute. We'll be back soon, and she should be all well again.

Devlyn? Do you have the lobotomy iron ready?

Cheers girls

Your loving 'Nurse Catherine'

I'll have you know I'm as sane as any of you!


Oh God bring me the lobotomy iron

well technicly i'm insane so does that mean i'm left out :(

Quote from: Justin 21 on July 19, 2012, 04:18:31 AM
well technicly i'm insane so does that mean i'm left out :(

Damn it Justin. You can't go short on us now and try and siddle out of it sideways. That's just sooooo "unAustralian"   :laugh:  :laugh:

hey who told you i was short.i aint tryin to get outta nothin

Quote from: Justin 21 on July 19, 2012, 07:03:00 AM
hey who told you i was short.i aint tryin to get outta nothin

I can tell by the size font you use in your posts   ???  :icon_crazy:

And you think you're insane. I was there only the other week, until the weather turned bad, so I packed up and came home. ......... Does sane have a postcode, do you know?

I'd love to sign this post, but this jacket is a wee bit tight with my arms behind my back. New fashions, don't think this one will take off   :laugh:   :laugh:

Quote from: Justin 21 on July 19, 2012, 04:18:31 AM
well technicly i'm insane so does that mean i'm left out :(

Isn't that a river in Paris?

Mistress Cindy I need your guidence.

How does one make $20,000 really fast outside of having a job?  Perhaps you can show me some tips on how to get this money.



-Mr. Klondike Bar

three words

Rob a bank

good luck :)

Quote from: Malachite on July 20, 2012, 07:39:40 AM
Mistress Cindy I need your guidence.

How does one make $20,000 really fast outside of having a job?  Perhaps you can show me some tips on how to get this money.



-Mr. Klondike Bar

Dear Klondike Bar,

You seem ideally suited to working as a freak in the circus industry. Catherine Sarah has made a career out of it and you should be able to as well. From my understanding is that you just turn up to work and people pay money to look at you and laugh and be thankful they aren't you.

Your qualifications appear to be ideal.

Yours in the Love of Humanity

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Cindy James on July 21, 2012, 03:01:44 AM
......... working as a freak in the circus industry. Catherine Sarah has made a career out of it .......... From my understanding is that you just turn up to work and people pay money to look at you and laugh and be thankful they aren't you.

Dear god. How dare you expose my primary source of income. Next you'll have the boys from the ATO   :police: down on top of me (And the sooner the better ....... They are such hunks after all. I'm sure we can work something out, or in, or both.  :laugh:  :embarrassed:  :angel:)

Please keep my details confidential in future. I'm over worked as it is. I even got a part time job recently as the Village Idiot. NOW they want me to go full time. I said I already was.

Huggs
Catherine

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.kayiprihtim.org%2Fresimler%2Fdarren-shan%2Fvampirin-ciragi-2.jpg&hash=f672f434540456e0911741c917c4a01be7dcd566)

I can appreciate a cute sideshow freak.  They have a long and storied history.

Quote from: Jamie D on July 21, 2012, 11:31:08 AM
I can appreciate a cute sideshow freak.  They have a long and storied history.

Dear Jamie,

Please appreciate your desire for sideshow freaks WITHOUT my photo, in the future. I HAD a reputation to protect. And I didn't give you permission to display a photo of "Me at Work". Please remove it immediately, if not sooner, and I'll tell you my storied history.

Long, long ago a stock that was carrying a new baby flew over a shop in Lane Cove, Sydney. That stock was becoming tired and ......... (yawn) decided to  ............ (yawn) dro  ........... ZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZ
Catherine
ZZZZZZZZZZ

Hubba hubba.

Forget that Adelaide wench.

Hi Jamie,
:laugh:   :laugh:   :laugh:

Quote from: Jamie D on July 21, 2012, 01:02:58 PM
Hubba hubba.

Forget that Adelaide wench.

I just hope you how to duck branding irons when she wakes up.

What flowers would you like to line our sarcophagus??

RIP Jamie D

Be safe, well and happy. (Not necessarily in that order)

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

oh Catherine it will be a beautiful funeral. i hear Cindy is dusting of the leather cat suit as we speak (very fashionable) :D :D :D :D :D

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ladygagawigs.co.uk%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2011%2F04%2Fgaga-catsuit.png&hash=3d2ad7a223c61b2513609dc52c0ebd6b0be7eb38)

Dear JamieD

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2Fthumb%2Fc%2Fcb%2FDiverse_torture_instruments.jpg%2F220px-Diverse_torture_instruments.jpg&hash=25d5289d96e13ba98c2222655632e51e8b13dbf8)


I've got some new playthings for you!!!

dibs on the iron maiden

"Excellent!" - Bill & Ted

hey cindy where are my toys it's not nice to play favourites   :( :P

There are plenty for everyone, as I always say, Slaves that scream together, suffer together.

Aunty Cindy

dear aunty cindy how can i get rid of this darn cat that keeps leaving scratch marks on my car and it's beating up my dog i've tried running it over but it's to quick for me

Dear Aunty Cindy, 
     I have a big night coming up at the fetish club and wondered if you can suggest the best thing for shining my Latex skirt and bustier, and my leather whip?

    Yours dominantly Madame Lash.

justmeinoz lanilon works good

Quote from: Justin 21 on July 27, 2012, 03:55:05 AM
dear aunty cindy how can i get rid of this darn cat that keeps leaving scratch marks on my car and it's beating up my dog i've tried running it over but it's to quick for me

Dear Justin,
An out of control pussy can be a very damaging problem. You need to find the reason that the pussy is out of control. usually this is because of lack of thrusting. This can be corrected particularly in the case of a stray pussy by placing a firework rocket up the pussy and letting it have a good thrust. Catching pussy seems to be a problem as your dofg appears very useless inexperienced pathetic. Your dog needs to go on hormones, have you considered entering it for olympic events? Hormones are actively given to the athletes I hear.

Yours in a drug induced coma

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: justmeinoz on July 27, 2012, 04:00:56 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy, 
     I have a big night coming up at the fetish club and wondered if you can suggest the best thing for shining my Latex skirt and bustier, and my leather whip?

    Yours dominantly Madame Lash.

Dear Madame Lash,

What a pretence you are.
Every Madame knows that spit and polish is the only way to make leather shine. You wipe your slaves tongue over the garment and then make them polish it, a feather duster up their arse is quite sufficient.  Some Madams cut the tongue out, but I find that  interferes with the carbon tax rebate.

Yours in Professional Disappointment

Aunty Cindy. Justin do you know who this tosser is? Can't even train a slave. Possibly Tasmanian.

Dear Aunty,

I'm suffering from a very serious emotional disorder. That's right, you've read about it but maybe you haven't actually interacted with someone who suffers from Severe Olympics Medal Apathy Disorder (SOMAD). I know it's shameful to say out loud, but I really don't give a flying fig which country wins a medal in which event. From what I've read, I have one of the more serious cases of SOMAD, accompanied by the delusion that the Olympics and all their hype are merely yet another way of TV networks earning billions in advertising money by wasting our time.

Thus far I've managed to stay in the closet, but I had a close call yesterday when a friend noticed me NOT checking my smart phone after one of the events ended. I quickly made up some excuse about already knowing the results, but I don't know if he bought it.

Aunty, should I stay into the closet, or do you think my loved ones have a right to know how seriously disturbed I am? Do you know of any support groups? I know help is available, but for something as shameful and deviant as this, you can understand that I'm not completely willing to talk about this openly.

Please help.

Dearest Aunty Cindy,

I believe I have a crush on Australian gold medal swimmer, Alicia Coutts.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aliciacoutts.com.au%2Fwp-content%2Fgallery%2Fphotos%2F121.jpg&hash=c321260b86c6de89d51b9a7936bf718ed268cd7b)

But I ran across this photo, which purports to be of a "Miss Cindy James," and now I just can't make up my mind!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fggcontent.divinecaroline.com%2Fimages%2Fphoto%2Fimage%2F03%2F87%2F33%2Fphoto%2F38733%2F1910s_Swimwear.JPG&hash=52d1c84b2b1045d1e6e3ab023f8458a88eeaa2b0)

Quote from: agfrommd on August 02, 2012, 08:49:39 AM
Dear Aunty,

I'm suffering from a very serious emotional disorder. That's right, you've read about it but maybe you haven't actually interacted with someone who suffers from Severe Olympics Medal Apathy Disorder (SOMAD). I know it's shameful to say out loud, but I really don't give a flying fig which country wins a medal in which event. From what I've read, I have one of the more serious cases of SOMAD, accompanied by the delusion that the Olympics and all their hype are merely yet another way of TV networks earning billions in advertising money by wasting our time.

Thus far I've managed to stay in the closet, but I had a close call yesterday when a friend noticed me NOT checking my smart phone after one of the events ended. I quickly made up some excuse about already knowing the results, but I don't know if he bought it.

Aunty, should I stay into the closet, or do you think my loved ones have a right to know how seriously disturbed I am? Do you know of any support groups? I know help is available, but for something as shameful and deviant as this, you can understand that I'm not completely willing to talk about this openly.

Please help.

Dear agfrommd,


What are the Olympics?
I checked my phone book and there is an Olympic Pizza parlour and company that sells tyres (tires to you slobs).


As for not being able to talk openly you can take a lesson from Justin, he wears a paper bag over his face in public which is a great help to everyone who meets him.


Yours in true athletic support.


Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Jamie D on August 03, 2012, 03:34:14 AM
Dearest Aunty Cindy,

I believe I have a crush on Australian gold medal swimmer, Alicia Coutts.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aliciacoutts.com.au%2Fwp-content%2Fgallery%2Fphotos%2F121.jpg&hash=c321260b86c6de89d51b9a7936bf718ed268cd7b)

But I ran across this photo, which purports to be of a "Miss Cindy James," and now I just can't make up my mind!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fggcontent.divinecaroline.com%2Fimages%2Fphoto%2Fimage%2F03%2F87%2F33%2Fphoto%2F38733%2F1910s_Swimwear.JPG&hash=52d1c84b2b1045d1e6e3ab023f8458a88eeaa2b0)

Dear Jamied,


Another post where you try to make up your mind. This is yet another oxymoron.


Yours dressed in rubber


Aunty Cindy

shh don't reveal my secrets cindy :P :)

Dearest Aunty Cindy -

I heard a rumor you were the elusive "fifth Beatle."  Is this true?

it's true. Cindy was the brains and the looker of the group ;D

Dear Aunty Cindy,

Why are you so clever and witty? Is there any university degree that I can complete to be as witty as you are? Or was the degree only made available to certain individuals. You are my hero aunty Cindy!!!!

Can you possibly help this lost blonde soul?  :-\

Quote from: Jamie D on August 28, 2012, 05:26:05 AM
Dearest Aunty Cindy -

I heard a rumor you were the elusive "fifth Beatle."  Is this true?

'it's true. Cindy was the brains and the looker of the group' by Justin 21.


True, my talents were awesome growing up in the slums of Liverpool. ( I did (fact) see the Beatles play at the Cavern before they 'made it' I was 11 yrs old and smuggled in totally  legal of course  >:-), I think I was the cover for an older guy who was pushing drugs, who also fancied me, we won't go there.)


Of course due to my young age I was unable to lift the Beatles too their true place in the history of music, so sadly they are only known as being fairly successful.

When I was kidnapped by aliens I did manage to form and influence the Intergalactic Rock Sensations, known as the Cockroaches, a cunning play on the names of male grandeur and vegetarian cigarettes. Unfortunately we were so successful and built such a large fortune that we are know dead; purely for tax reasons of course. This has some problems in accessing the enormous funds that we have deposited in bank accounts on many Planets. 

However  see that you are two perspective people who know a good deal when they see one. I'd be very happy to deposit a very large sum of cash into your bank account that you and  I can access. I need a living person so that my credentials sneak through the IRS, see above. So just send your account details to me and I will make a large deposit on you.

Yours in Financial Acumen

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Justin 21 on August 28, 2012, 06:29:35 AM
it's true. Cindy was the brains and the looker of the group ;D

OMG, what a kiss-up   ;)

Quote from: Maegan on August 28, 2012, 02:46:38 PM
Dear Aunty Cindy,

Why are you so clever and witty? Is there any university degree that I can complete to be as witty as you are? Or was the degree only made available to certain individuals. You are my hero aunty Cindy!!!!

Can you possibly help this lost blonde soul?  :-\

My dear Meegan,

Of course I'm your heroine (hero indeed, Geez typical Afrikaner all tit and blonde hair).

I have developed a course of study for my idiots worshippers to follow. You just send me a small amount of money, to cover postage, and I send you the Aunty Cindy IQ Wit kit.

The first lesson is free and open to all. Go to the nearest Police Person  (note the Gender correct pronouns, Aunty Cindy is a Politically Correct Fraud Friend)

And say repetitively and as fast as you can  " You are an IQ Wit Kit". This will allow you free accommodation and three meals a day  in a very secure facility. And not only that you will get a free set of Steak Knives!!

However send your money first to get your advanced lessons. The Rand is of course a particularly attractive currency and I would hate to derive it from you, so just for you, diamonds, gold or platinum are very welcome.

This way your first lesson , with the free brown paper bag, with eyeholes, will be delivered very soon or in fact quite quickly to your cell.

Yours in Political Correctness

Aunty Cindy

i'm not a suck up, i just call it like i see it

Quote from: Jamie D on August 29, 2012, 03:46:55 AM
OMG, what a kiss-up   ;)

Dear Slave,

You seem to have lost all common decency. Do remember Sir Walter, he had manners and influenced events, and had a head start later in his career. You could as well.

Yours in Sufferance

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunty Cindy,

It appears that the neighbours have decided to use me as an unpaid child minding service by encouraging their  treasure to come and see me at inconvenient times and stay.
In an effort to discourage them should I dose the little darling with Mentos and Red Bull, or convince him to paint himself in Collingwood Football Club colours before I send him home, the family being Carlton supporters?   

Yours in flagellation.

Yours insinserely ,Notanaunty.

Quote from: justmeinoz on August 29, 2012, 06:11:15 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,

It appears that the neighbours have decided to use me as an unpaid child minding service by encouraging their  treasure to come and see me at inconvenient times and stay.
In an effort to discourage them should I dose the little darling with Mentos and Red Bull, or convince him to paint himself in Collingwood Football Club colours before I send him home, the family being Carlton supporters?   

Yours in flagellation.

Yours insinserely ,Notanaunty.

Dear Notanaunty,

I'm not going to make any real suggestions in response to this, apart from to suggest that Richmond colours may work just as well as Collingwood.

Yours,
A Richmond Supporter.

 >:-)

Dearest Aunty Cindy,

I am suddenly in need of a meat pie floater!

What to do?  What to do?

Regards,

P. Soop

Quote from: Jamie D on September 18, 2012, 02:31:43 AM
Dearest Aunty Cindy,

I am suddenly in need of a meat pie floater!

What to do?  What to do?

Regards,

P. Soop

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia.lonelyplanet.com%2Flpimg%2F12085%2F12085-6%2Fpreview.jpg&hash=57b66523bee97415b2cc0e72bff5d04b64c4c0e3)


One I threw up made earlier

Aunty Cindy!!!! Euwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!! :o

As an American, meat pie sounds pretty awful.  Turns out it is.  Not as bad as I expected though.  Take it away Aunty Cindy, I want something nicer to eat.  More ladylike

hahaha, up north thats as ladylike as food comes :P

Quote from: Cindy James on April 12, 2012, 07:45:44 PM
Too late, bring the CRACK branding iron. Now bend over >:-)

Aunty C

Time for a good Edward II joke

"Honey some men are here for poker night" 

Poker, poke her, I think I have a frush!

Oh, Aunty Cindy, it's been such a long time, and I miss the feeling of being in love!

Quote from: Dawn Heart on September 29, 2012, 01:48:41 AM
Poker, poke her, I think I have a frush!

Oh, Aunty Cindy, it's been such a long time, and I miss the feeling of being in love!

You may worship me from afar, have a grovel and you will feel much better.

Yours in romantic splendour

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunty Cindy.
My blonde neighbour keeps going to her letter box because her computer says she has mail.  Should I tell her she is an idiot or just smack her on the back of the head?  It driving us all crazy.

Frustrated of Hobart.

Quote from: justmeinoz on September 29, 2012, 05:03:22 AM
My blonde neighbour keeps going to her letter box because her computer says she has mail.  Should I tell her she is an idiot or just smack her on the back of the head?

Nah. Just send her a nasty email.

Dear Miss Cindy,

Where has the Aussie Mafia been?

Quote from: Malachite on February 17, 2013, 09:54:16 PM
Dear Miss Cindy,

Where has the Aussie Mafia been?

We are around.. Waiting.. Watching..  >:-)

Quote from: Kelly the Trans-Rebel on February 18, 2013, 12:45:54 AM
We are around.. Waiting.. Watching..  >:-)

Yes always watching  >:-)

And recruiting.

Dominance SHALL BE OURS  !!! :icon_2gun: :icon_yikes: :icon_yikes:

Oh Don Cindy it has been so long since you sat at the head of the aussie mafia. Am I correct that we are all to recive a long awaited and much deserved flogging if so may I just say

kelly first kelly first

Quote from: Justin 21 on February 18, 2013, 02:29:52 AM
Oh Don Cindy it has been so long since you sat at the head of the aussie mafia. Am I correct that we are all to recive a long awaited and much deserved flogging if so may I just say

kelly first kelly first

I've already been flogged and spanked this week - and the girl with the whip was cuter than Cindy.. :P

Quote from: Kelly the Trans-Rebel on February 18, 2013, 02:52:29 AM
I've already been flogged and spanked this week - and the girl with the whip was cuter than Cindy.. :P

Hmm Kelly having delusions again. How can anyone be cuter than Cindy.

Who said it was going to be a whip. I'm sure cindy has something much more fitting   >:-)

Quote from: Malachite on February 17, 2013, 09:54:16 PM
Dear Miss Cindy,

Where has the Aussie Mafia been?

Well Dearest Catherine has been AWOL, assumed missing in action.

Rumour has it she was recently infiltrating the the home land security, hoping to cease control.

Quote from: Catherine Sarah on February 18, 2013, 06:46:47 AM
Well Dearest Catherine has been AWOL, assumed missing in action.

Rumour has it she was recently infiltrating the the home land security, hoping to cease control.

You may have flown under the radar, dear, but your presence produced a disturbance in the Force.

(The Force is strong in this one.)

-Darth Sandy

Dear Aunty Cindy,

How is your recruitment project coming along? (That is now for your Aussie Mafia)

Do you force accept foreigners as well?

Can I apply, or will it be forced upon me? Think of it this way. I can be your foreign contract contact! ;D

Please forward me the necessary ammunition application  forms. Do I have to pay to get membership?

So, am I in or out?

As a delegated member of the 'said' association.

You're       IN, IN, IN.

We've been contemplating a coup d'etat of SA and were looking for active prisoners recruits.

A shipment of miscellaneous branding irons, whips and other such control devices, including a few koala bears, a kangaroo and a life size paper mache effigy of the "GodMother" herself, have been dispatched to you.

The ticker says, 12 days out from your Orchy. How is everything? Feeling well? Now with your chief 'T' production plant shut down, have you felt much change, psychologically?

Look after yourself, sister. You need your strength to enjoy this adventure.

Huggs'
Catherine (Princess Amidala) Sarah

Dear Aunty Cindy:

What will you be giving me for my birthday?   ;D

Oh thankyou  , Princess Amidala!

I trust that you, as Aunty Cindy's delegated sidekick, have the necessary authority to dispatch said shipment to me? I will be keeping a beady eye out for the postman postperson. Is the paper mache effigy for target practice authoritarian display?

Yip, 12 days after the Orgy orchi. Pretty sensitive and swollen in the nether region. I have noticed quite a big difference to be quite honest. Either the spiro I was on were placebos or whatever, but I have become way more emotional lately, my skin has become super soft and I am dead tired. I think the removal of the main T plant was the best decision ever. I laughed at my urologist who did the orchi. He must have asked me 20 times whether I was sure that it is what I wanted. You know, the normal things: irreversible, no more testosterone, diminished sex drive etc. Well, the operation was done and I am ecstatic with the results. Psychologically it has made me calmer, more relaxed and a very very happy woman. :laugh:

Quote from: Malachite on February 19, 2013, 11:08:38 AM

What will you be giving me for my birthday?   ;D

Oh boy, I can only guess. You do know that the Aussie mafia are into whips and chains and all things not nice!

Huggs

Maegan

Dearest cindy my birthday is in a couple weeks to. Will. My pressie be the same as malachite or do you persnalise your diceplinepresents

Ah-hum Maegan,

Would you please mind the language you use on this site!! You are bracing sensitive issues.

I have taken a personal affront to the degradation to our postal services with your reference to a mail PERSON.

Fear not; I took that personal affront out for a walk this morning, and after a brisk walk it seems to be doing OK.

Whatever happened to the MAN!!!!! for goodness sakes.  I'll have you know I spend $3,000AUD (not those 'Randy' things you use)  a day on posting mail to myself, just so I can oogle the postman. The larger it is the harder it is for him to put it in my box. (The mail {not the male}...... into my .......  LETTER{not let-her} box I'm speaking of)

Glad to hear your recovery is coming on well. I know it sounds a trite mad, but have you spoken to your Endo about adding some 'T' to lift your energy and libido levels?

And yes, your parcel of 'corrective' devices has been dispatched by crocodile mail. Should be arriving on your fair shores within the day. Just mind how you detach the parcel.The croc has an attitude. It was the only way I could get your 'consignment' through Customs. Should we never hear from you ever again, we'll have to assume the postage was insufficient and the croc took you as payment.

Fond wishes and speedy recovery
Huggs
Catherine

Quote from: Catherine Sarah on February 19, 2013, 06:22:41 PM


The larger it is the harder it is for him to put it in my box. (The mail {not the male}...... into my .......  LETTER{not let-her} box I'm speaking of)

Oh really? >:-)

My endo said my energy levels should improve once my body has adjusted to the "shock". As for the libido levels being non existant, it really does not bother me at the moment. Keeps me out of mischief anyway!  ::)

I have just received the parcel. Is this what you call a croc?? Here in South Africa, we call these dinky thingies lizards.

Oh, before I forget. I am sending the remains of your "lizard" back via shark mail. Your poor lizard stood no chance against this Afrikaner aunty. I am also returning your postage in the form of our 'Randy' currency. Hopefully it should be sufficient to buy an ice cream.

Huggs

Megs

Pondering which brand to apply to Maegan's left bum cheek..

Ahh Yawn Stretch.

Mmm came on to check on the peasants and what do I find?

Feisty little buggers aren't you?

Good job I've completed my advanced course in 'floggings for fun and profit'. The twin cat was very rewarding, stretched the muscles and gave a strange laughter and weeping sound.

Oh now I see; I was laughing, peasant was weeping. Oh good. Nice.

Let us see: Birthday present: Malachite! Cute chap, I think could use some severe pain, Mmm Kelly's playing up and need some activity. Oh yes. Your birthday present dear child are the collected works of the Readers Digest  1950-2010; Kelly will read them to you. I have organised two easy chairs so neither of you that you  'nod off'. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.medievality.com%2Fimages%2Ftorture%2Fchair-torture.JPG&hash=1fba8034747382e05570870c48210cb1558d4383) there is a choice of pink for girls and blue for boys! Ideal!

Ah Justin. Your birthday as well! Congratulations!  A true mutation from the rain forests, I hear your hair development is getting so that you resemble your close relative 'the Yeti' . Congratulations again my boy. A present? Hmm you enjoy whipping far too much. A nice pair of knitting needles to make a yeti jumper, self sown as it were!
when


Ah Maegan, my favourite Afrikaner (have to keep the buggers friendly otherwise they shoot you when you take a crap, even behind closed doors).

I see Catherine must have brought home a swamp allie from her trip and mistook it for a croc. She has been addled from her last trip! Keeps saying she is having her brains removed, I have to correct her and remind her she is having her balls cut off; typical Sydneysiders no brains no balls and play rugby league as well. I did tell her that she may have had the balls to return to Aus this time but I bet she doesn't next time!

To compensate for your trials with my pitiful underling I'm sending you a life size robotic image of my gloriousness and the words to Kum By Ya so that you can worship me to your hearts content.  North Korea is progressing well with one of my earlier 'droids' I called her 'Kim the Jong Cute un  they seem to be having a blast ever since she got on the scene.

Now where was I? Yes. Medication. Oh what a cute jacket? Just for me?

Mistress C.


[hugs megs glad you are ok :-*]

Ohhh , bit to soon for that one.

Quote from: Cindy James on February 20, 2013, 03:07:44 AM
Ah Maegan, my favourite Afrikaner (have to keep the buggers friendly otherwise they shoot you when you take a crap, even behind closed doors).

I will be on the red eye as long as they allow all my whips and chains to infilct our kind of love. >:-)

Quote from: Cindy James on February 20, 2013, 03:07:44 AM
Ah Maegan, my favourite Afrikaner (have to keep the buggers friendly otherwise they shoot you when you take a crap, even behind closed doors).

I am so glad we understand each other! No door has ever stopped a determined Afrikaner. It is less messy if you can get your foot in the door first. Oh crap, did I just say that? Sorry , I must have been legless there for a moment. Oh Maegan, how rude!!!

Mistress C, I think you have lost control of your peasants! Better haul out the serious toys! ( If you dare, of course )

I really think that......................[ Gets dragged away screaming by people in long white coats ]

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F764Idbo.jpg&hash=1f4991880aeae09f22ab2b8276ea97b1b8b2114c) actually up here we prefer the term yowie, as the yeti prefers much cooler climates such as south of Brisbane, i shall get working on on a lovely outfit made of yowie fur cruellaCindy, just give me a couple more months and my winter coat should be coming through. although i do need volunteers to help shave it off, any takers :icon_eyebrow: :icon_eyebrow:

Quote from: Maegan on February 20, 2013, 01:47:00 AM
Oh really? >:-)     My endo Keeps me out of mischief anyway!  ::)

Truly?? How so?

Oh!!! I'm so sorry Maegan. I just noticed a slight mistake while editing your quote.  It should really be:

Quote from: Maegan on February 20, 2013, 01:47:00 AM
Keeps me out of mischief anyway!  ::)

Hummmmm as hard as I try, there is something holding me back from believing that. Even giving you the benefit of the doubt can't sway me. Nice try though. You almost had me won over with that sweet innocent smile of yours. Oh! and by the way. Thank you

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1266.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fjj525%2FCEST2%2Fimage-3_zps5325e8c7.jpg&hash=65daa0a0e2f1286fffb7a3e967d0edba7a6da32e)


Huggs
Catherine

Quote from: Catherine Sarah on February 20, 2013, 09:36:22 AM
Oh! and by the way. Thank you

Only a pleasure sis. Glad to see that our currency can at least buy you an ice cream.

Huggs

Megs

Quote from: Justin 21 on February 20, 2013, 06:03:00 AM
. although i do need volunteers to help shave it off, any takers :icon_eyebrow: :icon_eyebrow:

Count me in.

Oh, I almost forgot!

Did I mention that I simply love and adore all you girls from Down Under? :-*

Now, isn't that sweet of me?

Huggs

Maegan

dear Aunty Cindy,
my girlfriend needs a spanking, should I use the whip or the riding crop?

Oooh.

As one of her aussie minions I would prefer to be whipped myself.
But I am sure Aunty C will have her own opinions and I will pay for being impertinent.

I hear the call "Warm up the pokers" from Adelaide.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.futurama-madhouse.com%2Fgrabs%2F3acv17%2F317-28.jpg&hash=0cb0fdd271269e24fc2c0e54ff94c56959a65c1a)

My dear Justin,

May I express my delight that you have managed to attract a girl friend (where did you meet cane toads?), Queenslanders never cease to amaze me, and now you want to spank it.

Mmmm tanning cane toads is a speciality I hear.

I think I will pass you on to my Afrikaner sister and see if she has word of advice, or a carnivorous animal she can let loose on you.

Merry Easter and may your Easter eggs remain unbroken.

Hugs

Aunty Cindy

dear Aunt Cindy,
Although I do enjoying whipping the odd cane toad here and there, my girlfriend is a Mexican immigrant as she has migrated here from south of the border Victoria. Mexican immigrants are a lot more fun to whip  ;)

As Aunt Cindy's minion and a proud Victorian by birth I feel compelled to brand you with 'I love Victoria!' I also feel a thorough flogging is in order.  >:-)

kelly my gf said she'd help with the flogging. when are you next available to do the branding as i have been a very naughty boy and have several others awaiting me

Dear Aunty Cindy,

Why have you allowed for this wonderful thread to be buried?  I can only go so long without your magnificent advice.  My question to you is how can I be the ultimate gentleman?

I shall wait patiently for your response.

Love,

Mr. Southern Guy

Holy crap, this was a thing?

(And King M.- your avatar really does look just like the guy who beat me up like every day in 8th grade.)

Quote from: Jill F on January 07, 2015, 11:13:25 PM
Holy crap, this was a thing?

(And King M.- your avatar really does look just like the guy who beat me up like every day in 8th grade.)

Oh wow, sorry about that.  :/

And yes, this was totally a thing "back in the day"!  Aunty Cindy gives awesome advice that we all need to partake in.   ::)

Quote from: King Malachite on January 07, 2015, 11:06:34 PM
Dear Aunty Cindy,

Why have you allowed for this wonderful thread to be buried?  I can only go so long without your magnificent advice.  My question to you is how can I be the ultimate gentleman?

I shall wait patiently for your response.

Love,

Mr. Southern Guy

Dear Aunt Cindy,

All good questions! While you're at answering King Malachite ... can you share how to be the ultimate lady?

Sincerely,
Curious in Kansas

Dear Aunty Cindy

I'm sick as a dog and not sure which end stuff will fly out of next and no-one could give a care

I'm sure all I need is a bit of a good spank and that should jog things loose of one end or the other

What should I do?

Kind regards,

Freezin' up North

Aunty Cindy is spending the day holding onto the porcelain doing technicolour yawns.

Normal service will resume if she survives.

Dear aunty cindy.
Im back!!

Signed
The yowie

Oh Buga.

I'd forgotten about this column.

I suppose Aunty Cindy should say Welcome Back. But last time I said that some guy called Kotter got a TV show and never paid me royalties!

<welcome back Justin. How are you!>

Im great a little less fur at the moment (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2Fb5thWEB.jpg&hash=2e6303d6cc235b3a5b33a9e9bf95e83b0bcf4c1f)

Dear Aunty Cindy dear,

I'm suppressed and so dilapidated I don't know where to go, what bus to catch, what I should have for breakfast or which nail colour. Can you help, or am I beyond it. Is it just to the left?

With prospects and long thoughts (and hair in your nose)

Your upside down inside out Sister

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Dear Auntie Cindy I have a major conundrum . I'm irrefutably bisexual. My therapist is a close friend to me and I'm balancing  on the sharp edge of a knife trying to prevent myself from crossing the line of therapist to patient mentally . I also am finding myself attracted to the owner of a café I always go to and the separation of customer and owner relationship is mentally frustrating me because after a life time of solitude I finding that someone might be interested , but I really can't separate reality from desire. Then there is the absolute fact that I'm bi . I think about men way too much, but I haven't met anyone for a long time. I have a plan for when I'm ready to meet men , but I'm so confused that I'm afraid of the water.

Quote from: Catherine Sarah on October 24, 2015, 09:23:43 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy dear,

I'm suppressed and so dilapidated I don't know where to go, what bus to catch, what I should have for breakfast or which nail colour. Can you help, or am I beyond it. Is it just to the left?

With prospects and long thoughts (and hair in your nose)

Your upside down inside out Sister

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Dear Catherine,

Of course I have had detailed and interesting talk with your therapist. Your attitude to pigeons is quite odd. They are homing pigeons darling, there is no reason to convert them.

In fact most pigeons sit on our great hero Nelson in London (somewhere in pom land) who with one eye scanned the universe.

I understand your creative spirit and could you create another glass please.

If this fails to answer your question I can give you links to my book. How to get nutrition from pine bark using a chain saw.

I wish you well and what was you account details? I just need them for my records.

Quote from: stephaniec on October 24, 2015, 02:08:02 PM
Dear Auntie Cindy I have a major conundrum . I'm irrefutably bisexual. My therapist is a close friend to me and I'm balancing  on the sharp edge of a knife trying to prevent myself from crossing the line of therapist to patient mentally . I also am finding myself attracted to the owner of a café I always go to and the separation of customer and owner relationship is mentally frustrating me because after a life time of solitude I finding that someone might be interested , but I really can't separate reality from desire. Then there is the absolute fact that I'm bi . I think about men way too much, but I haven't met anyone for a long time. I have a plan for when I'm ready to meet men , but I'm so confused that I'm afraid of the water.

Dear Stephanie,

I think you and Nelson's column should meet in a meaningful way. Of course transition is difficult, But the pigeons, Oh the pigeons, Oh, That is one big column.

<sorry ladies FBI here I'm special agent White asKnow, Aunty Cindy is being investigated for her interest in strange erections.

Oh that's a nice coat, no arms,, buckles in the back, sexy.

Mmmm canvas the new black.

Help, Help


I've gone forever.

," But the pigeons, Oh the pigeons, Oh,"

OH DARLING AUNTY CINDY

(Yes I was shouting. I didn't get my finger stuck in the keyboards, as I frequently do)

Pigeons. Yes, of course, pigeons. We have them here. Currently a large flock are sitting on the bust of Tony Abbott in Ballarat doing the same thing pigeons always do. Probably the best thing that has happened to him yet.(Apart from being sacked as our Prime Minister. [Oh the heights we fall from])

Fear not, I've been cured. My creative spirit has not only created 1 glass, but 3 for you. (PM me if you need more.)

Thank you for the offer of your book, sadly, my chain saw wont work. I tried to do my nails earlier on and the damn thing wouldn't start.

As requested, account details.
Residence: Callen Park Sydney
Status: Confined and restricted inmate. (Never to be released)
Medication: OMG you wouldn't believe. But it comes in a concrete mixer every day.
Release date: 2525 (if we're still here that is, otherwise, plain and simply NO!!!!!)
Medicare No:  2544 7663 4513 7689 8473 0001 4295 8701 2015 9991 0011 0101 2764 and that's only some of them.

Fully recovered
Catherine