Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Have you ever been in a situation where everything is going normal, you're passing, and then all of a sudden you see another transgirl who would not pass even a mile away and people around you are staring, pointing, and giggling at her. How did you react? Did you try to defend her? Did you just stand there and watch? Or did you just try to get away from the situation?

I pulled my sunglasses down over my face and quietly walked away.

Haha that hasn't happened, but something ->-bleeped-<-ed up did happen once, i was in a room with another transwoman who was much older than I was, and I thought she didn't pass too well but everyone in the room seemed to be nice and didn't pay attention.
I was relieved until this family walked in and of course, they had a loud mouthed kid, so I was like here it comes, so i put my head down and started reading a magazine when I hear "That girl looks like a boy." and that ->-bleeped-<-head was talking about me!

My first initial reaction was
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F4BzN5.png&hash=ad28f148f58faca7224fc5bfd1b9416d55fd7a9c)

but then i saw his mom close his mouth quickly and did those obvious "shhhhhhhh" gestures and i'm just devastated about all of this xD
its pretty funny, not so much for me tho.

Then my mom said that young girls with boyish features are gonna stand out more than an older woman with those features, because everyone would blame the features of the older woman on old age(and/or ugliness)



So yeah that was my story guies.

I was at a party once talking with a group of people and some girl came up to the group and annoucned that she had invited a cisfriend to the party, but to be nice cause there were rumors that she was trans in the office they work at. she said she wasnt trans but there were rumors so dont say anything. one guy ( who was hitting on me ) took it upon himself to see if he could play a prank on her but her friend stopped him. i left quietly shortly after i think.

I have not quite been there yet, mostly because even though I pass, there are way too many people who know I transitioned here where I live.
Personally, in that situation I would be in stealth, so I would not compromise it to defend someone who is not passing at all and play a heroine. On another hand, if any of the people I am with do berate her, I would question them.

Judging by the way people react to me when I'm out and about, I think I pass.

That said, I don't hide my trans status; I'm not stealth. I would defend this person, as I hope that others would do me the same kindness.

But, that's just me.

Quote from: JenJen2011 on April 13, 2012, 01:29:43 PM
Have you ever been in a situation where everything is going normal, you're passing, and then all of a sudden you see another transgirl who would not pass even a mile away and people around you are staring, pointing, and giggling at her. How did you react? Did you try to defend her? Did you just stand there and watch? Or did you just try to get away from the situation?

I know this guy who shops in his local supermarket and he told me about this trans women on the checkout who didn't pass. He said  the other girls on the checkout were making fun of her all the time because they knew she was trans. He stepped in a gave them a right mouthful and told them to leave her alone.  He has been very supportive towards her and it's very unfortunate that some people have a harder time transitioning than others.
 

I was at Subway once in CoralRidge mall in Iowa City and saw... Well, I really have no clue how to refer to her/him. I don't mean to be rude, but they had a trimmed and maintained beard and D's, at least. Though I'm not even in transition yet, I heard other people in line giggling and talking about her/him. I just tried to be as polite as possible and walked away

I've not been in this situation and I'm not sure how I would handle it.

However I'd encourage us all to keep in mind this:

QuoteAll that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

As Connie said I am not stealth.  I believe that stealth is just an elaborate form of self deception because the world is simply too interconnected for any "real" stealth.  I don't shout that I am trans from the street corner, but I am fairly open about it in appropriate situations.

Because of this I like to think I would stand up for them.  Of course before I broke free of my (grand)parents I would have hidden away so I didn't have to be involved because of the consequences that would bring.

I've had another trans woman come into the store and it was weird watching how uncomfortable a few men that were in line as well were acting with her there. And these same guys are always perfectly fine around me as they are regulars. I don't know who all around my town knows for sure that I am trans or if my looks helps them accept it better or what. It was just odd to me. Luckily, they didn't say anything about her or to her. I would have asked them to be respectful of other customers if they had of.

The "ones" I'd seen though in stores looked great, sexy, attractive AND somehow noticeable, often because of being quite on the tall side. Often stunning.

So... quite the opposite happened, they clocked me! I read them, yet nobody else seemed to notice anything else for all I could tell.

I'm also 'noticeable' because of my age, and not having the more average larger bottom, legs and bingo wings (mommy arms). So I can dress a bit more "with it" for my age and that DOES attract some attention. But it seems always to be good attention, getting compliments on being stylish dressed and ... "OMG, I wish I had your legs...", kind of compliments. I notice some females just love to touch me and hug me, well and so do I :)

Axélle
PS: note: one sis notes another sis much faster then most anyone else.
Very often they have more sex-appeal then your average female their age, so in my experience :)

 I'm thankful that I've never been caught in this circumstance. I like to think I would try to help the ts out though... if not while it was happening, then afterward.

This has happened usually I play the role of Cissexual Friendly trans-advocate. without drawing on my personal experiences I respond in a biologically objective manner. Occasionally referring to a Transsexual friend to justify my personal sympathies.

sometimes I do feel alittle weird playing that role but I have no interest in revealing my own past to them. (Usually because they happen to be transphobic ass-holes and I have to work with them)

abit like a Humanoid cylon infiltrator.

Quote from: JoeyD on April 13, 2012, 01:56:50 PM
Haha that hasn't happened, but something ->-bleeped-<-ed up did happen once, i was in a room with another transwoman who was much older than I was, and I thought she didn't pass too well but everyone in the room seemed to be nice and didn't pay attention.
I was relieved until this family walked in and of course, they had a loud mouthed kid, so I was like here it comes, so i put my head down and started reading a magazine when I hear "That girl looks like a boy." and that ->-bleeped-<-head was talking about me!

My first initial reaction was
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F4BzN5.png&hash=ad28f148f58faca7224fc5bfd1b9416d55fd7a9c)

but then i saw his mom close his mouth quickly and did those obvious "shhhhhhhh" gestures and i'm just devastated about all of this xD
its pretty funny, not so much for me tho.

Then my mom said that young girls with boyish features are gonna stand out more than an older woman with those features, because everyone would blame the features of the older woman on old age(and/or ugliness)



So yeah that was my story guies.

OH GAWD! I COMPLETELY RELATE, except it's obviously the opposite because i don't pass. I work at Target, and there are tons of loud mouthed kids just like this. I was cashiering at the time, and this little boy goes: "You have girly hair!" "You look like a girl!"
blah blah blah. I was as polite as possible, but honestly--there's not much you can do for the embarrassed parents. 

Here's another way of looking at it. I'm out with my friends. Everyones passing. But for some reason I get clocked, and people start pointing and giggling at me. Do I want my friends to defend me, or leave me to the wolves and save themselves? Hugs, Devlyn

I saw two older women at the local Home Depot store. They were doing fine until one opened her mouth and this deep male voice came out. The women cashiers began laughing it up right in front of them. I felt bad for them and especially for the cis woman who I assume was her wife. When I got to the check-out stand where it seemed the leader of the nasty girls pack was, I leaned forward and told her that she was a rude, little fat-assed bitch and that she had nothing going for her that she should behave that way. She got all haughty with me so I had a nice little chat with the store manager. Haven't seen her there since!  :police:

Quote from: JenJen2011 on April 13, 2012, 01:29:43 PM
Have you ever been in a situation where everything is going normal, you're passing, and then all of a sudden you see another transgirl who would not pass even a mile away and people around you are staring, pointing, and giggling at her. How did you react? Did you try to defend her? Did you just stand there and watch? Or did you just try to get away from the situation?

I had this happen at the bookstore I work at. I am stealth there and when I work I rarely think of transgender issues.

However, this one girl walked in to grab a starbucks coffee who was transgender. She just didn't pass. I wont go into detail with everything but she didn't.

A group of women sitting a table were staring at her and laughing. The trans girl picked up on this and you could see her spirit just sink to the floor. It was as if her soul just died.

I was grabbing the magazines off of various tables (customers at Barnes and Noble has this thing about not putting back the books and magazines they read lol) and I saw how rude the women were. I just couldn't keep silent.

I approach the women and explained to them how ignorant they were for making fun of someone. I then explained to them that just because someone was born the same way they were, does that give them an excuse to make fun of others? I then asked if they make fun of people bound to a wheel chair, or someone who has a type of disability? I then explained to them that for some transgender women they feel it is a birth defect and by you all making fun of her it is the same as making fun of a blind person ordering coffee. I told them this is the 21st century and it is time to drop the Stepford Wives Bigotry act.

Naturally, they wanted to speak to a manager for my behavior. I was all too willing. I told our manager in the break room and he grabbed the HRC and the GLAAD paperwork we have on the manager's desk.

After he let them voice their displeasure in my professional conduct, he stated "Ok. I listened to your side of the story and I need to tell you that as a company, I will not apologize for her actions." He then laced both HRC and GLAAD binders on the table and flipped through various statistics of people being harassed because of their sexual or gender identity. He then stated, "if you do not like the way Barnes and Noble treat people who are gay, transgender, lesbian, or bisexual, then I heavily suggest that you stop coming back to the store because we have many gay, transgender, lesbian and bisexuals who shop here. They have every right you do to be here. If this causes you to resort to name calling, high schoolish banter, and the need to harass them, then it would be probably best that you all leave. If you think you can stay here and not harass people because of their gender and sexual identity then you are very warmly welcome."

They got up and left. Two of them were very embarrassed as the cafe listened in and nodded in approval towards the manager.

Making fun and harassing someone in a very pro LGBT bookstore is foolish and I am glad my manager called them out on it.

WOW, atta girl!

i remember camping out at the US capital in 2002 by the reflecting pool. I was there protesting the lack on inclusion of transgender in the ENDA bill being dicussed in congress. Some staffers from a republican office came out to me and asked me why i was protesting for "those people" and i quickly said , I am one of those people. They looked shocked and we talked some more. On the other hand there have been times i have seen trans people who i didn't want to say hi too because they didn't seem to want to pass but wanted to look outrageous. I can't remember hearing people talk. I have though outed myself many times to educate people. These days it seems people don't which way i am going. I have stopped with trying to look feminine and sexy back in 2008. Now, I try to look frumpy and plain and unattractive. I am not interested with men's interest in me. For that matter i am not interested in anyone's attraction to me anymore. I have been taking care of my mom since 2006. She is still healthy at 89 and doing well. I am finding farming as another interest for me.

I'm not stealth, but I don't wear a T-shirt that says "I am trans!" either. My closest friends know, but the 99.9% of other people that I interact with on a daily basis just are not aware. The situation described in the OP hasn't happened to me. If it did, though, I'm pretty sure I would say something--even at the risk of "outing" myself. That's just the type of person I am.

A similar situation did happen to me, though. I was out with a friend (who knows that I am trans), and a trans woman whose status as trans was apparent to both of us and probably everyone else came by. Ironically, the only person to make anything out of it was my friend, who said something to the effect of: "I just wish they wouldn't go out like that."

My jaw dropped, and I said "You realize that she and I are exactly the same right?"

This of course caused my friend slight embarrassment, and he tried to justify it somehow starting with a "Yea but..."

However, I broke in and gave him a scolding that included the importance of accepting everyone, no matter what they look like, and the stupidity of beauty hierarchies both in general and as they pertain to the trans community, and how we should question our prejudices rather than accepting them at face value, etc.

I feel like I got through to him a little.

I'm 57 and I've been living full time for nearly eight months. I pass and haven't had anything happen even remotely embarrassing to me. I'm friends with another transwoman much younger (31 and much prettier) than me and we've gone out to eat and just talk at a nice restaurant twice. I was amazed and saddened when she felt everyone was 'reading' her and not me. She said "Everyone just looks at you as a pretty woman, but not me. They know." She's really gorgeous and doesn't look anything other than a cis-woman. She's had FFS but just started HRT about three months ago, not nearly enough time to let the hormones do their magic. It's weird, but she has a feminine body, voice and demeanor, as if she's always been a girl. Before she'd had FFS or hormones a few years ago she had a drunk guy start to get physical with her in a fast food restaurant after calling her a queer, ->-bleeped-<-, etc., and when he lunged at her she sprayed him right in the face with Pepper Spray. Unfortunately, I'm afraid the incident and another, less traumatic one have deeply scarred her. Guys were looking at her when I was with her, but not because they read her, it was that they thought she was a pretty, exotic young lady. She refuses to believe it. I think most of us have fears of being 'outed' no matter what we say, but I think without confidence even a beautiful TS can out herself, and that's what I fear she might be doing when she's alone.

Quote from: JenJen2011 on April 13, 2012, 01:29:43 PM
Have you ever been in a situation where everything is going normal, you're passing, and then all of a sudden you see another transgirl who would not pass even a mile away and people around you are staring, pointing, and giggling at her. How did you react? Did you try to defend her? Did you just stand there and watch? Or did you just try to get away from the situation?

No.

 No.. But I have scared a guy off of harassing some woman who wasn't very good looking. (Maybe trans? I doubt it)

I lol'd the way his girlfriend looked at him like the total coward he was after being scared off by me just standing up, shaking my head and staring him down.

I have a friend, a GG, bio mother of one,  about whom virtually everybody assumes she is a MTF.

She's a flight attendant and needed a maternity uniform in the fifth month of her pregnancy...while applying the clerk just flat out said: 'what do YOU need a maternity uniform for???' 
She answered, while pointing at her baby bump: 'what do you think THIS is? A beer gut belly'?

Anyway, we were standing and talking in a busy highstreet....and then I saw a group of young guys staring at her and then shouting 'look!! That's a guy!!'
Of course she heard them...but  she couldn't see their faces, while standing with her back to them....and her facial expression told me she thought they're talking about me........very, very, very embarrasing.

One of my closest friends is a totally unpassable MTF. Very masculine looking, tall, very masculine in the way she comports herself, her bodylanguage etc.
All that combined with a cup DD swinging from side to side when she walks, while moving her shoulders and upperbody.

And guess what? People stare, but not gawking and I can tell they're very intimidated by her looks and size.

No one, men, women, young, old, dares to utter a word because she's frightening looking.

For some reasong people focus so much on them when we're together....that I become 'invisible' to those very people.
They simply pay me no attention at all.

Quote from: Annah on April 15, 2012, 11:45:14 AM
I had this happen at the bookstore I work at. I am stealth there and when I work I rarely think of transgender issues.

However, this one girl walked in to grab a starbucks coffee who was transgender. She just didn't pass. I wont go into detail with everything but she didn't.

A group of women sitting a table were staring at her and laughing. The trans girl picked up on this and you could see her spirit just sink to the floor. It was as if her soul just died.

I was grabbing the magazines off of various tables (customers at Barnes and Noble has this thing about not putting back the books and magazines they read lol) and I saw how rude the women were. I just couldn't keep silent.

I approach the women and explained to them how ignorant they were for making fun of someone. I then explained to them that just because someone was born the same way they were, does that give them an excuse to make fun of others? I then asked if they make fun of people bound to a wheel chair, or someone who has a type of disability? I then explained to them that for some transgender women they feel it is a birth defect and by you all making fun of her it is the same as making fun of a blind person ordering coffee. I told them this is the 21st century and it is time to drop the Stepford Wives Bigotry act.

Naturally, they wanted to speak to a manager for my behavior. I was all too willing. I told our manager in the break room and he grabbed the HRC and the GLAAD paperwork we have on the manager's desk.

After he let them voice their displeasure in my professional conduct, he stated "Ok. I listened to your side of the story and I need to tell you that as a company, I will not apologize for her actions." He then laced both HRC and GLAAD binders on the table and flipped through various statistics of people being harassed because of their sexual or gender identity. He then stated, "if you do not like the way Barnes and Noble treat people who are gay, transgender, lesbian, or bisexual, then I heavily suggest that you stop coming back to the store because we have many gay, transgender, lesbian and bisexuals who shop here. They have every right you do to be here. If this causes you to resort to name calling, high schoolish banter, and the need to harass them, then it would be probably best that you all leave. If you think you can stay here and not harass people because of their gender and sexual identity then you are very warmly welcome."

They got up and left. Two of them were very embarrassed as the cafe listened in and nodded in approval towards the manager.

Making fun and harassing someone in a very pro LGBT bookstore is foolish and I am glad my manager called them out on it.

This is awesome. Blog post please ;)

Quote from: JoeyD on April 13, 2012, 01:56:50 PM
Haha that hasn't happened, but something ->-bleeped-<-ed up did happen once, i was in a room with another transwoman who was much older than I was, and I thought she didn't pass too well but everyone in the room seemed to be nice and didn't pay attention.
I was relieved until this family walked in and of course, they had a loud mouthed kid, so I was like here it comes, so i put my head down and started reading a magazine when I hear "That girl looks like a boy." and that ->-bleeped-<-head was talking about me!

My first initial reaction was
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F4BzN5.png&hash=ad28f148f58faca7224fc5bfd1b9416d55fd7a9c)

but then i saw his mom close his mouth quickly and did those obvious "shhhhhhhh" gestures and i'm just devastated about all of this xD
its pretty funny, not so much for me tho.

Then my mom said that young girls with boyish features are gonna stand out more than an older woman with those features, because everyone would blame the features of the older woman on old age(and/or ugliness)



So yeah that was my story guies.

Haha, dat pic.

Same thing happened to me even before HRT, some little kid was like; "mommy, is that a girl", "no son, that's a boy".

All I had was long hair, FFS.  :P

Get away from the situation. I don't like associating myself with other trans at all so as not to get busted too but in any case some transphobics ->-bleeped-<-s are attacking or harming another trans physically, i WILL intervene but not for petty bickerings and verbal insults only.

Quote from: Hannah on May 01, 2012, 02:21:26 PM
Haha, dat pic.

Same thing happened to me even before HRT, some little kid was like; "mommy, is that a girl", "no son, that's a boy".

All I had was long hair, FFS.  :P

Before I transitioned (while I was still living as a boy), I once had a young fellow--probably like age 6 or so--tell me straight up: "You talk like a girl!"

Quote from: Butterflyhugs on May 02, 2012, 01:04:48 AM
Before I transitioned (while I was still living as a boy), I once had a young fellow--probably like age 6 or so--tell me straight up: "You talk like a girl!"

It's always moments like these that I never take as an insult, but validation. It's sad that I get validation externally, but still... it works for me!!

Keep Smiling

Jen

OXOXOXOX

BTW, tomorrow night on ABC they are doing a "What Would You Do" show on responding to transphobia in a public place:

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/05/patrons-defend-transgender-waitress-at-n-j-diner/ (http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/05/patrons-defend-transgender-waitress-at-n-j-diner/)

There was a non passing transgirl in a beauty store I was in, I pass. People were saying stuff and the store people were obviously ignoring her, so I went over to help her and my grandma helped her too! People seemed to be less concerned with her when other people were with her :)