General Discussions => Help and howto's => Topic started by: bballshorty on April 13, 2012, 09:04:27 PM Return to Full Version
Title: socially awkward
Post by: bballshorty on April 13, 2012, 09:04:27 PM
Post by: bballshorty on April 13, 2012, 09:04:27 PM
the title says it all..I am socially awkward and I want to change.
How? I don't know. People have been telling me to just practice talking to random people, but it's hard for me and they usually get bored and make an excuse to leave.
How? I don't know. People have been telling me to just practice talking to random people, but it's hard for me and they usually get bored and make an excuse to leave.
Title: Re: socially awkward
Post by: Sephirah on April 13, 2012, 09:14:59 PM
Post by: Sephirah on April 13, 2012, 09:14:59 PM
Forget the 'random' part. That will automatically leave you unsure of yourself.
To start with, talk about things you know, with people who know the same things. Like activities you enjoy, books, films, whatever it may be. Are there any clubs you could join which cater for the things you like to do? People there will already have one thing in common with you and it can be used to break the ice, to get you feeling more comfortable talking to people in general.
It's largely a confidence thing, so once you build that up, the rest will follow naturally.
It might also be worth learning to read body language. That can tell you far more about a person than what they actually say.
To start with, talk about things you know, with people who know the same things. Like activities you enjoy, books, films, whatever it may be. Are there any clubs you could join which cater for the things you like to do? People there will already have one thing in common with you and it can be used to break the ice, to get you feeling more comfortable talking to people in general.
It's largely a confidence thing, so once you build that up, the rest will follow naturally.
It might also be worth learning to read body language. That can tell you far more about a person than what they actually say.
Title: Re: socially awkward
Post by: Devlyn on April 14, 2012, 06:31:00 AM
Post by: Devlyn on April 14, 2012, 06:31:00 AM
Great advice! We did a session on reading body language at work. Sometimes you learn that your body language may be sending the wrong signals, too. Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: socially awkward
Post by: justmeinoz on April 14, 2012, 06:43:54 AM
Post by: justmeinoz on April 14, 2012, 06:43:54 AM
Talking to random strangers briefly is a start, but you do have to move on from there.
Do you have any groups or clubs that cater to your interests, or new things you would like to try, locally? If you are a new member, people will expect you to ask questions, and also be a bit reserved at first.
Karen.
Do you have any groups or clubs that cater to your interests, or new things you would like to try, locally? If you are a new member, people will expect you to ask questions, and also be a bit reserved at first.
Karen.
Title: Re: socially awkward
Post by: Pica Pica on April 14, 2012, 07:23:15 AM
Post by: Pica Pica on April 14, 2012, 07:23:15 AM
I think the key to good social interaction is to listen. I think usually people (especially me) wade into conversation with their subject on their lips and do not listen.
Title: Re: socially awkward
Post by: Felix on April 15, 2012, 03:14:17 AM
Post by: Felix on April 15, 2012, 03:14:17 AM
I learn social skills by rote, and I thought that was hard until I tried teaching any to my kid. :P
Practice, man. Don't feel bad that it takes practice.
Practice, man. Don't feel bad that it takes practice.
Title: Re: socially awkward
Post by: bballshorty on April 17, 2012, 01:46:42 PM
Post by: bballshorty on April 17, 2012, 01:46:42 PM
Yea, I've been purposely signing myself up for volunteer positions that involve approaching people and asking for donations. It kind of boosted my confidence to see that I wasn't the only one who's embarrassed. Many people I approached were a LOT more flustered than I was.
Title: Re: socially awkward
Post by: Lyric on April 17, 2012, 03:51:40 PM
Post by: Lyric on April 17, 2012, 03:51:40 PM
Quote from: bballshorty on April 13, 2012, 09:04:27 PM
People have been telling me to just practice talking to random people
I think I see your problem in this sentence. Talking to strangers can easily cause them to walk away. Listening on the other hand is what keeps them around. Become a good listener and you will find yourself in plenty of lengthy conversations.
~ Lyric ~
Title: Re: socially awkward
Post by: Shang on April 17, 2012, 06:00:11 PM
Post by: Shang on April 17, 2012, 06:00:11 PM
My social awkwardness was due to social anxiety and it took me seeing a psychologist to help out. I need take an anti-depressant for a little while, but have been off of it since last December. I'm now functioning fine and it's because I did the exercises that the psychologist suggested such as looking people in the eye or asking questions of that person to get them talking.
I also forces myself to join the MS Rainbow Alliance despite the extreme nervousness of meeting new people. A year later, and I'm so much better (and even one of my best friends says I have opened up a lot since they first met me at the alliance).
Volunteering is a good way to help build up confidence and focusing on relaxing when around people and realizing that being around them wasn't going to cause me to die from a heart attack (though it could feel like it).
I also fail majorly at reading body language and sometimes vocal tone so I ask a lot of questions of people. Not asking just made me more awkward so I can ask them to repeat something or to reword it if I can't read the tone. I also have taught myself the body language that's proper when interacting in a friendly manner and then I practiced that behavior until I got better at it.
Practice, like Felix said, helps a lot.
I also forces myself to join the MS Rainbow Alliance despite the extreme nervousness of meeting new people. A year later, and I'm so much better (and even one of my best friends says I have opened up a lot since they first met me at the alliance).
Volunteering is a good way to help build up confidence and focusing on relaxing when around people and realizing that being around them wasn't going to cause me to die from a heart attack (though it could feel like it).
I also fail majorly at reading body language and sometimes vocal tone so I ask a lot of questions of people. Not asking just made me more awkward so I can ask them to repeat something or to reword it if I can't read the tone. I also have taught myself the body language that's proper when interacting in a friendly manner and then I practiced that behavior until I got better at it.
Practice, like Felix said, helps a lot.