Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Very embarassing situation last night, i was out with the girls(8 of us) and two of us went to bathroom and while at

sink talking

a lady came in and just started staring me down with really evil eyes, and then left. When we walked outside of

bathroom big burly bouncer was standing outside and i was told in a VERY LOUD VOICE "You are a man and will use

the mens restroom or i will escort you out" needless to say i tried to explain that i was under a medically supervised

transition and am living full time and do not use male facilities. so i was grabbed by my arm and thrown out of the bar.

I did not want to ruin our girls night out as we drove almost 100 miles to goto this club. So i spent the next 3 hours

sitting in my car outside. This has to be the second most embarassing night of my life as two of the women at the table

whom i had been shopping/drinking just getting to know all day long had no clue(which made me feel awesome)..

No I'm not full time yet but that sucks if I were there I woulda punched him for you...and then we could have run away before he tried to kill us ;D

sorry you went through that :(

i guess what i would like to know is that if the police wouldve been called who wouldve been on my side? I almost insisted that they get called but did not want to make anymore of a show.

Quote from: mandyh92 on April 21, 2012, 01:35:01 PM
i guess what i would like to know is that if the police wouldve been called who wouldve been on my side? I almost insisted that they get called but did not want to make anymore of a show.

I really don't know about that. I guess if you lived in a big city I'm thinking your side but I don't know cops can be pretty crooked.

if it's a state that requires a letter from a psychiatrist to use a female bathroom then and if you had that letter present, the police would have to side with you.....from a legal standpoint.

I did have my "Walking Papers" in my purse... So at least i know i wouldve "won" that battle... But at what cost

the bar you were in would had to have come to terms with their own violation of your personal freedoms. The violated that.

They will continue to kick trans women out of the bar who uses women's bathrooms if no one stands up and challenges them legally.

I am not saying what you did was wrong at all. I would have been in shock too. But honestly...I usually don't hang out in the bathroom and chat with my friends. I just use the bathroom and then leave. But this is me

In most of the US you can safely assume that there are no TG rights laws on the books. It varies by cities and counties that do recognize that TGs should be able to use a public restroom that is congruent with their presentation. Unfortunately the "Bathroom and Shower Nuts", as they are often referred to, love to make a big stink even when there was no cause. As most laws currently stand, you were in the wrong.

It was a shocker for me a short while back attending the Maryland Senate hearing for a proposed TG rights bill, SB212; hearing the opposition in action! Scary stuff. The most ironic part of the day was learning that last year the Senate passed a bill allowing people to bring their dogs to restaurants. Unfortunately if those same people wanted to bring along a TG friend they could be arrested for using the restroom of their choice.

I am glad I live in Oregon.  That would not have happened as  A) my license says "Female', B) The Federal government lists me as "Female", C) Transpeople are protected by the State Constitution.

Sorry you went through that, Mandy.  >:(

None of your friends came out to the car to see how you were doing?

Quote from: Noey Nooneson on April 23, 2012, 02:24:58 PM
None of your friends came out to the car to see how you were doing?

Yea... what kind of friends are these?? My friends would have A ) defended me and B ) left with me to a new place

i was thinking about that for the last day too. You sat in a car for three hours and they never bothered to be there for you?

If this happened to my friend I would have said "screw this place" and leave. It wouldn't matter if I drove 2 hours or 9 hours to get there. If someone hurts my friend the last thing i would do is continue to party there.

If I had been in this situation, I would have probably have gotten way too scared to stay, but assuming I had courage and had kept my logical thinking abilities, I would have gotten the bouncer to come with me to the office (or whatever calm place there can be) and 1. shown him my doctor's signed papers, explaining the situation, and 2. requested an immediate, sincere apology for the inhuman rudeness he had displayed towards me, and made a complaint to the manager to get him fired, in case the apology was not satisfying.

OMG This is one of my biggest concerns. I want to go out more dressed but I'm getting more and more afraid to for this very reason. Since I have started HRT I have to go a lot more frequently and I'm so scared to be called out in a public restroom. I would say that I'm about 80% passable now. I would be mortified if this happened to me. How do you overcome the fear?

~Rea

They're totally not your friends, unless they didn't know you weren't there. That's messed up! If they knew I was out there, I wouldn't even talk to them again, that'd crush me.

Quote from: Reagan on April 23, 2012, 03:46:04 PM
OMG This is one of my biggest concerns. I want to go out more dressed but I'm getting more and more afraid to for this very reason. Since I have started HRT I have to go a lot more frequently and I'm so scared to be called out in a public restroom. I would say that I'm about 80% passable now. I would be mortified if this happened to me. How do you overcome the fear?

~Rea

For now, I'm still presenting as male-ish (though I'd guess the final impression is "person of ambiguous gender" in average, but...), so where there aren't mixed bathrooms, I almost always use men's. When someone comes in whilst I'm not in a stall, I try to put on a male act and get out quickly so they just think "oh, a gay guy with gay bags." When a 50+-year-old man comes in and thinks I'm a woman ('cause for some reason, I only ever pass to those people) and says "oh, a madam not in her place", I just vaguely smile, stare the ground and get out. If he shyly says "but it's men's", I pretend not to have heard. If he was going to come in, saw me and doubtingly got back out, I pretend not to have noticed.

This probably doesn't help much. :x Personally, I'm just too much of a scaredy-cat to present as female until I'm really confident that I pass and all.

Alainaluvsu: Well, the way I understand it, she was the one to insist that they stay and have fun, since she didn't want to ruin the night. It's understandable, since they had driven a lot to get there.

I feel that way too. I want to be 100 percent sure that I pass before going full time.

Even if she insisted they xcont to have fun i just couldnt let my friend sit in a car for 3 hours...no way

I agree; I would, too, have returned with her, either after a short while of continuing or immediately. But since she insisted, they may not be the most considerate people on Earth, but it doesn't make them awful people either. Also, I'd consider the fact they had just learned she was trans (if I understood well) an attenuating factor; they might have wanted time to digest the news.

I'm not trying to defend them; maybe I'm too soft, but well... I wouldn't hold a grudge if I were her. They didn't do anything wrong, after all; they just didn't do the best thing. I mean, it takes very empathetic / very nice people to see through someone's smiles and "no, no, I swear, go on without me, I'll listen to music in the car and you can text me anytime!" and provide unrequested support. Anyone below that isn't necessarily a bad person.

I guess im seeing it through my eyes and the def of what a true friend is all about. Me nor my friends would have stayed for three hours while the other sat in a cat....dont care how much the other insisted...it just wouldnt happen.

My friends or i would have left and been a support to each other..not dance the night away

Well, of course, that would be a strong point to disqualify them from the title of "true friend"... but were they that close to begin with?

Well she did say friends. Friends of mine are true friends otherwise they would be  acquaintances to me

You could always write a letter to the management pointing out that they had broken the law, and ask for  an apology.  With the qualification that legal cation may well follow if an apology is not forthcoming.

Karen.

they actually did come out to the car on multiple occasions saying we could go anytime and felt bad for what happen.

This was kind of a mini high school reunion 1 of the girls was my best friend from school the other 5 i knew but not really close

with, and the last two i had just met that morning for first time. We had wonderful afternoon shopping and eating and just

a great time. But their was a show with a bad called bucker cherry or something like that playing that they all wanted too see.

Not really my type of music but i went for compainship. even though they all acted like they felt bad and said we could go

their was no way i would be the one to ruin the night out. I just took and my kindle and read my dragonlance books :-)