Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I saw someone post a "would you date an MtF" thread in the FtM section so I thought why not post one here?

Be honest  :)

I honestly don't see why I wouldn't. :)

Yeah, but not a really girly one.  :)

I would date anyone who I 'clicked' with on an emotional and spiritual level. Who made me feel loved, and made me laugh, and who made me feel like half my soul would be missing without them.

In that, gender is irrelevant.

So, yes. Cisfemale, Cismale, MtF, FtM, androgyne... to me they're just words attributed to a person to describe a place in the gender spectrum. In themselves, they aren't the entirety of a person. It's the person, the individual themselves which interests and excites me, not the label, and not the anatomy.

I'm trying to.. Except that some of his past baggage is making it all a bit tricky... I love him, so I persevere...

If I like person of course.

Past weekend was world march for LGBT.  We had small rally of couple hundred people march from town center to capital of our big southern city.  I participated in my first march.  Most people were gay with very few trans.  I had a long sun dress which may have been out of place but was nice.

On march a nice young man chatted and befriended me.  He got his masters from same school I received my masters and we were both teachers.  During march he told me he was a transman and his significant other was a transwoman that happened to be a friend of mine.  He was very nice and had his act together.

I find transmen to be far less drama than transwomen.

I am, and omg do I love his stubborn punk arse.  :eusa_wall:

Totally. FTMS are schmexy!

no but i would live with one and spend the rest of my life with one..

Sure if they fit my list of what I look for in a man. Some of those Youtube ftm's are fricken sexy, lolz.

Yes

NOEZ.

If I were attracted to guys, I definitely would.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 23, 2012, 06:28:11 PM
I would date anyone who I 'clicked' with on an emotional and spiritual level. Who made me feel loved, and made me laugh, and who made me feel like half my soul would be missing without them.

In that, gender is irrelevant.

So, yes. Cisfemale, Cismale, MtF, FtM, androgyne... to me they're just words attributed to a person to describe a place in the gender spectrum. In themselves, they aren't the entirety of a person. It's the person, the individual themselves which interests and excites me, not the label, and not the anatomy.

This.

Axélle

If I were single, I'd give it a shot. But should my marriage end, I'm not going to be dating ever again. I don't find myself to be too attractive and besides, I would want to focus on my children and their needs more than my own. It's just the way I am.

Being F2M isn't (for me) a reason to date someone, however it isn't a reason to not date someone either.

It's about the person, it isn't about a medical condition/or not.

Quote from: JoeyD on April 24, 2012, 01:39:15 AM
NOEZ.

Joey, you okay? He wasn't all of us. I mean, my dick is massive and I'm a giant manly man with a hairy chest and huge arms that are good at chopping firewood. Or maybe I'm not, but whatever.

Careful how you play, pls.

It would depend. Sometimes, being trans comes with an excessive amount of baggage, which may or may not be fun to deal with. Additionally, I tend not to click well with transguys as a whole... or guys in general.

If I found that he was compatible with what I was looking for, then he would obviously have himself a new girlfriend. Being FtM doesn't make a difference to my consideration on an anatomy level. The body doesn't matter, as to me... I am attracted to anyone with a good soul.

However... I don't know if I could be with anyone after my current girlfriend. She means the universe to me...

If I'm attracted to him, yes I definitely would!! ;D No reservations whatsoever.
I tend to be attracted to sensitive and caring guys though. No insensitive, foul-mouthed, hyper-masculine dude for me!

Quote from: Sephirah on April 23, 2012, 06:28:11 PM
In that, gender is irrelevant.

I wish I could say the same! But if I had to be honest, I'm considerably more attracted to guys than girls, all else being equal...
Girls make really great friends and soul mates for me - almost all my good friends are girls! They are the ones who understand me, and with whom I can share everything easily.
With guys, it's like hitting a brick wall if I told them I felt sad or anything like that...
But despite of this, it's still the guys who would make me feel attracted in "that" way... who would make me nervous, who would make my heart beat really fast, and just overall feel, well, I dunno how to describe it...
It's just very different from even my closest girl friends. I love them immensely and my heart is linked to theirs, but I don't feel "that way" towards them... It's a very different feeling!

If I was straight I'd date a man regardless of the original packaging, if we clicked.

If I was a girl I would date me so hard. I would date me frequently and I would feel lucky for the opportunity. :angel:

I don't think it really matter's.. men are 'men' after all, your all the same !! :D

So of course, I would if it were the 'right' man :)

Quote from: Kitty_Babe on April 24, 2012, 04:46:34 AM
I don't think it really matter's.. men are 'men' after all, your all the same !! :D

So of course, I would if it were the 'right' man :)

personally i don't think all men are men or all women are women. There are too many variables to make a generailzed statement like that. Yes i want to let FTMs know they are respected as men but when it comes to cis males or cis females there is too much variation to give them that persona. Some people are really crazy and do not have any semblence of being a male or female. They just are too wild and well for myself i can't give them the total respect as a male or female. To me they are barely human. To be human a person needs to encompass many attributes. Many so called males are not capable and are just too violent for me to call them males. Male or female to me has certain standards. Its basically why we know when someone says they are male even though they were born with a so called female body, that they are males. There just is way too much that a person needs to have to be male or female in MY BOOK. thats my feelings..and i will not argue my point with anyone here. Its just how i feel as you do.

As others have said, if we clicked I would date an FtM.  Gender does not make the person, it is what is in the inside that makes them.

To those who say gender does not matter and only the person matters... I want to ask you guys:
Doesn't sexual attraction feel different from when you just like someone a lot??

Like I said earlier, for me, I am close with many girl friends... I really love them, some are so similar to me and I could share EVERYTHING with them...
But when I see guys, they give me a special feeling of attraction that's very different, that makes my heart jump.
It's something I generally don't feel towards girls.

Don't you guys feel the two differently (not guys vs. girls but sexual attraction vs. close friendship)?

Quote from: Felix on April 24, 2012, 04:45:51 AM
If I was a girl I would date me so hard. I would date me frequently and I would feel lucky for the opportunity. :angel:

LOVE IT!... and if I were a man I'd be pretty nuts over me too. But then it would have to be someone out of the ordinary, just how things happen to be, hum  ::)

Axélle

Quote from: apple pie on April 24, 2012, 07:06:50 AM
To those who say gender does not matter and only the person matters... I want to ask you guys:
Doesn't sexual attraction feel different from when you just like someone a lot??

I don't feel sexual attraction towards anyone so for me it's a non-issue. Weird, perhaps, but lust just doesn't enter into it.

And assuming I did feel sexually attracted to someone, even then that alone wouldn't be enough for me to want to date them.

To answer your question, sort of - yes I do see a romantic relationship as something different to a close friendship, but for me the former is a progression of the latter, if it's the right person. I've never dated anyone who hasn't first started off as a friend and the relationship has grown from there. I believe that the strongest relationships are forged that way, rather than based on sexual desire, which can run hot or cold on a whim, or disappear entirely when you see someone else who pushes your buttons slightly more. I tend to be guided more by my heart than my urges.

But that's just me. Everyone's different. :)

Sure.
I have my list of criteria for someone to be datable.
Gender and sex are not on there.

i wouldnt date a trans man.  Im going though the same baggage and tbh his would be too much

Felix makes me swoon, so, hmm..I guess that answers that...  ;p

It's all about the person, not the label for me.  The most interesting thing I've discovered about baggage is that it becomes a lot less heavy and burdensome when you've got someone special to help you carry your load, and you theirs.

-Miki

Yes, I would date a FtM.

Totally would,once im happy with myself and have my act together :)

Quote from: Cody Jensen on April 23, 2012, 06:11:50 PM
I saw someone post a "would you date an MtF" thread in the FtM section so I thought why not post one here?

Be honest  :)

As I'm attracted primarily to kindness, I would only rule out those FtMs who were unkind. But, I wouldn't date an unkind person regardless of their gender or sex.

So, Yes, I would date an FtM if he was a kind person.

Quote from: JoeyD on April 24, 2012, 01:39:15 AM
NOEZ.

Lololol.

If they were interested in me, sure why not.

Quote from: Felix on April 24, 2012, 03:22:32 AM
Joey, you okay? He wasn't all of us. I mean, my dick is massive and I'm a giant manly man with a hairy chest and huge arms that are good at chopping firewood. Or maybe I'm not, but whatever.

Careful how you play, pls.

We're back together babes.
Haha, I kinda forgot to tell everyone.
I was just playing around in my comment earlier, sorry for that. <3

Someone who probably understands me, who can support me and respect me? With probably a good-looking face? Let me think... Of course!

As a bonus, I'm not sure what my sexual orientation is going to be yet, so chances are that I wouldn't be too offset by his genitals, in the very hypothetical situation that we would have sex.

Quote from: Felix on April 24, 2012, 04:45:51 AM
If I was a girl I would date me so hard. I would date me frequently and I would feel lucky for the opportunity. :angel:

I dunno felix,  I'm slowly developing a superficial crush on your photo! Yeah sure, I'd cuddle you so hard! ;)

I certainly would, a lot less intimidating than a cis male for sure...

EDIT: And I mean that because of the fact that I don't have to awkwardly explain my situation

Quote from: MiaOhMya! on April 24, 2012, 05:58:22 PM
I dunno felix,  I'm slowly developing a superficial crush on your photo! Yeah sure, I'd cuddle you so hard! ;)

You'd have to get in the queue.. There's a few of us that have a crush on Felix...

Quote from: Felix on April 24, 2012, 04:45:51 AM
If I was a girl I would date me so hard. I would date me frequently and I would feel lucky for the opportunity. :angel:

For what it's worth, I'd date you, lol.

Anyway, I'm just perusing the thread because I find the answers fascinating from the standpoint of someone who likes to look at society (I'm dork, leave me be, lol).

Possibly, It would depend on how the friendship developed  :)  Years ago before I knew anything about transitioning and had never even heard of FtM or MtF because everyone seem to only relate as either gay or lesbian, there was a rather boyish 'lesbian' that I was interested in

Looking back I suspect if FtM and Mtf were more common at the time my friend and I might have developed a more intimate relationship

We got on great as friends, but he was adamant about being a lesbian and kept trying to set me up with fem. gay men

We drifted apart and later I moved

Yes if everything else worked out . For me it means could you date a dude. Maybe they would be even more understanding of trans issues.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 24, 2012, 07:40:28 AM
I don't feel sexual attraction towards anyone so for me it's a non-issue. Weird, perhaps, but lust just doesn't enter into it.

And assuming I did feel sexually attracted to someone, even then that alone wouldn't be enough for me to want to date them.

To answer your question, sort of - yes I do see a romantic relationship as something different to a close friendship, but for me the former is a progression of the latter, if it's the right person. I've never dated anyone who hasn't first started off as a friend and the relationship has grown from there. I believe that the strongest relationships are forged that way, rather than based on sexual desire, which can run hot or cold on a whim, or disappear entirely when you see someone else who pushes your buttons slightly more. I tend to be guided more by my heart than my urges.

But that's just me. Everyone's different. :)

Hmmm well okay. I'm not guided by sexual urges either; I do see a romantic relationship as a progression of a close friendship as well too myself. I wouldn't date someone just because he looked hot either! But if a good friend looked hot then mmmmm :P

I am somewhat fascinated that so many of you here feel that gender doesn't matter though! I guess being transsexual does affect people's sexuality somewhat :P

Dating and having sex with someone are two different concepts. 

Only found one woman that created fireworks for me many years ago.

Do feel my gender issues have enlightened me to some degree on vastness of human experiences and expression.

I enjoy learning from another person.  That would be an excellent "date".  I probably am not interested in "sex"

Yes and some of them are smoking hot  :)

I'm a die hard lezzy and I don't believe in genital essentialism so there's no way I'd date a trans man.

Quote from: Seyranna on April 25, 2012, 09:42:21 AM
I'm a die hard lezzy and I don't believe in genital essentialist so there's no way I'd date a trans man.

'ok', I just really didn't get what you just said, there ? - sorry !

If your a 'Lesbian' then why would you want to date, a trans man anyway ? do you mean you wouldn't date, a male to female Trans person, or did u mean you won't date an FTM, ? (considering this thread is whether any girl on here would date a ftm) ? But you as a lesbian, wouldn't want to date any sort of man anyway, I would assume. Plus the fact, that you would have a hard time trying to date an FTM too !

I am nitpicking, I am sorry, but just wanted some clarification on what you wrote :)

I think she meant: "I'm a lesbian, so I wouldn't date a guy to begin with, no matter if he has female genitalia."

Yea that's likely what she meant, and it makes sense.

If one is only attracted to women, then dating a t-guy is just as bad as any other guy...and by what she said I would think that she could date a t-girl, given the right circumstances, because she knows gender is seperate from physical sex.

Thats kinda my deal...I am attracted to men but the male personality of a ftm one day made me realise I am attracted more than anything to the male persona. The body parts are irrelevant, as it turns out.

That was news to me at the time as I had never considered dating an ftm. Besides, now after getting to know lots of ftm's I think they're rather superior to regular guys. Gosh they should be called "mtm's" because they're such regular blokes!

Heh, and what's more my boyfriend has only ever been attracted to and dated women....So here we are, a sooper queer couple, but to the untrained eye we're just your average couple.

I tell him we're so queer we've somehow gone all the way around back round to being straight!!

I consider myself a straight girl but if he is super handsome and looks 100% like a guy and super handsome, why not!

Like someone else mentioned earlier, I have no idea where my sexuality is going to end up either.  Generally I'm more attracted to women, but as my ideas about myself have been opening up and expanding, so has my thinking about pretty much everything else.  So, I guess, if something were to develop wtih an FtM I wouldn't say no, but then if something where to develop with anyone, I probably wouldn't say no :)

In all honesty, probably not.  I have nothing against them, but if I bother to get into a relationship, I'd rather it be with a cis guy, I've had enough trans stuff in my life already. The way it is now, the only time I really concern myself with anything trans related is here, the rest of my life and interactions with offline people don't involve it or the discussion of it whatsoever and I kind of like that. 

If he's hot... why not?  ;)

I mean really... what's the issue? If he likes me... and I him... who really cares about much else. Certainly not me.

Quote from: Silent Killer on April 25, 2012, 03:23:19 PM
I consider myself a straight girl but if he is super handsome and looks 100% like a guy and super handsome, why not!

Umm, if he's a guy and you dated him, you'd still be a straight girl.. Why would dating a guy make anything else?

Quote from: Sephirah on April 24, 2012, 07:40:28 AM
To answer your question, sort of - yes I do see a romantic relationship as something different to a close friendship, but for me the former is a progression of the latter, if it's the right person. I've never dated anyone who hasn't first started off as a friend and the relationship has grown from there. I believe that the strongest relationships are forged that way, rather than based on sexual desire, which can run hot or cold on a whim, or disappear entirely when you see someone else who pushes your buttons slightly more. I tend to be guided more by my heart than my urges.

But that's just me. Everyone's different. :)

I'm the same way. All of my romantic relationships started out as great friendships first.

Quote from: Cody Jensen on April 23, 2012, 06:11:50 PM
I saw someone post a "would you date an MtF" thread in the FtM section so I thought why not post one here?

Be honest  :)

Most definitely :-) especially if  I fancied him, also knowing that in the UK we could legally marry if we so wished :-)

I don't like girly boys sooo... it kinda depends on them.

interesting responses

Quote from: Cody Jensen on April 26, 2012, 09:55:57 PM
interesting responses

Agreed. I kinda expected the topic to turn a different direction- maybe to sexual preferences or their "macho-ness." Or hell, maybe because they have a preference for taller guys and most of us are not. Go fig.

Cheers, ladies.

Quote from: Renee D on April 25, 2012, 05:21:54 PM
In all honesty, probably not.  I have nothing against them, but if I bother to get into a relationship, I'd rather it be with a cis guy, I've had enough trans stuff in my life already. The way it is now, the only time I really concern myself with anything trans related is here, the rest of my life and interactions with offline people don't involve it or the discussion of it whatsoever and I kind of like that.

My thoughts exactly.

And really, for a good while, I've not really wanted to date anyone, just not comfortable for me.

I definitely would if he would be a person for me, the
rest is irrelevant. I think it's discriminative and very hypocrite
of transgirls not to give a guy a chance, based solely on the grounds
of gender identity. "I have enough of trans stuff in my life", please, what
kind of a pathetic excuse is that?

What matters is the person, nothing else matters.

Quote from: Alyx Vox on November 25, 2012, 11:25:32 AM
I definitely would if he would be a person for me, the
rest is irrelevant. I think it's discriminative and very hypocrite
of transgirls not to give a guy a chance, based solely on the grounds
of gender identity. "I have enough of trans stuff in my life", please, what
kind of a pathetic excuse is that?

What matters is the person, nothing else matters.

It would only be hypocritical for me if I had issues with someone not wishing to date me solely because I'm trans. I don't.  People have their preferences for stuff, whether you think its pathetic or not, those preferences for that person are still valid and shouldn't be criticized just because you might feel differently. And I kind of wonder if once you have been transitioning or transitioned for a number of years if you will still feel the same way you do now. You may not and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't care for someone(damned kids) to call your reasons just a pathetic excuse.   

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on April 23, 2012, 07:06:51 PM
Sure if they fit my list of what I look for in a man. Some of those Youtube ftm's are fricken sexy, lolz.

I don't expect I ever will though. FtM's overall are rare, I don't know any in person. And though I'm not unrealistically picky, I still have a certain criteria that even most cismen don't fit, like physical attractiveness, personality, age, etc.

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on November 25, 2012, 12:11:54 PM
I don't expect I ever will though. FtM's overall are rare, I don't know any in person. And though I'm not unrealistically picky, I still have a certain criteria that even most cismen don't fit, like physical attractiveness, personality, age, etc.

Pardon my curiosity, but do you think any of your criteria may be more difficult for FTMs to meet? I think logically much of the more physical qualities are easier found in those FTMs 2 years + on T.

Have done, would do.
(This is a response to the topic title, not to any response - I joined late!)

Quote from: Jayboicurtis on November 25, 2012, 01:16:05 PM
Pardon my curiosity, but do you think any of your criteria may be more difficult for FTMs to meet? I think logically much of the more physical qualities are easier found in those FTMs 2 years + on T.

Well since I'm sure it's the same for FtM's in that everyone responds to T differently, then I guess some are at a disadvantage, yes. All the FtM's I've been attracted to are usually at a late stage in their transition. And things like height aren't really that big of a deal to me unless they're like, 4ft something, lulz

What matters is the person, nothing else matters.

Lots and lots of other stuff matters.  A lot.  I know lots of people - persons, you know.  And I like most of them.  Some of them I love, and others - hey, I've given passing thought to a relationship, and there is NOTHING wrong with them really.  I just know it would not work out.

Common values, dreams (both want/don't want kids?  It's a huge and almost impossible thing to get over) and aspirations matter a lot.  As does some mutually agreed upon grounding (like shared religious/spiritual values). 

"I have enough of trans stuff in my life", please, what kind of a pathetic excuse is that?
I can honestly say (and I know others who do to) that I'm not dating anyone who is involved with the same life I am.  Because, exactly for that reason... "I have enough of that in my life."  One cop per family, one theater type per family, one writer  --- some things just get to be too much of a good thing.  And, like most of the people I know in the biz, my first wife (only wife, once is enough) was also in the biz.  It got overwhelming from time to time.  That, and there is no space to hide.

So I know a lot of people who put knowledge bases down (it's highly unlikely that a smart person and a not so bright person are going to make a go of it).  Though I don't think that one PhD needs another PhD (see above), but they do need to find someone with a similar kind of mind, one that is operational in the same basic ways.  I know a lot of other people who really want the person to have a real career - and that's not the just the money, it's having something in your life that the other person does not control, or reinforce.

So people what what they want.  Its' not right or wrong - it's not pathetic or humanitarian, or epic or any of that.  It's just people looking for what makes them happy.  That's all.

I would love to meet a sweet FTM. My ideal husband would be a FTM. They are just as rare as us though so I have no idea where I would find a nice mister out there. :(

Quote from: Serena Lynn on November 25, 2012, 02:43:02 PM
I would love to meet a sweet FTM. My ideal husband would be a FTM. They are just as rare as us though so I have no idea where I would find a nice mister out there. :(

For your info, Transqueernation.com is a "sausage fest" if I may use the term, haha.

Quote from: Jayboicurtis on November 25, 2012, 02:48:28 PM
For your info, Transqueernation.com is a "sausage fest" if I may use the term, haha.

I will have to sheck it out! :D

sure i would. i like guys and FtoM are guys. so im all in

I already do, so I guess the answer is yes!

The guy I am dating is an FTM. He is early in his transition, only 3 months on T, and passes completely to me. He claims he is not a "manly man", but I think he is. I personally don't think there is any difference between a cismale and an FTM, other than the physical. They are all men.

Quote from: silly by the seashore on November 25, 2012, 11:45:20 AM
It would only be hypocritical for me if I had issues with someone not wishing to date me solely because I'm trans. I don't.  People have their preferences for stuff, whether you think its pathetic or not, those preferences for that person are still valid and shouldn't be criticized just because you might feel differently. And I kind of wonder if once you have been transitioning or transitioned for a number of years if you will still feel the same way you do now. You may not and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't care for someone(damned kids) to call your reasons just a pathetic excuse.

There is a very fine line between "personal preferences" and discrimination.
I personally draw the line if a man of your dreams is ditched by you solely on the
grounds of his transsexual past. How would you know he were such a man if you don't even
give him a chance due to his transsexualism to begin with? In these regards you are discriminating and you are being a hypocrite, because you do not believe in that which you advocate.

Quote from: Alyx Vox on November 25, 2012, 03:52:40 PM
There is a very fine line between "personal preferences" and discrimination.
I personally draw the line if a man of your dreams is ditched by you solely on the
grounds of his transsexual past. How would you know he were such a man if you don't even
give him a chance due to his transsexualism to begin with? In these regards you are discriminating and you are being a hypocrite, because you do not believe in that which you advocate.

So everyone who decides not to date someone due to any particular trait is hypocritical and its discrimination against them?  So no one should have preferences that you don't approve of?  And I stated already that I had no issue with anyone who chose to not date me due to me being trans. It may just not be their cup of tea or they may have some hangup about it, who knows, but its their business and I don't consider it transphobic or as discrimination. People should be able to determine who they will date based on what they want, no matter what anyone else thinks of it.

And again, how am I being a hypocrite?  What beliefs do you think I hold would provide a basis for that claim?  Or is it just a knee jerk reaction because you feel slighted that people may not want to date you or any of us simply because we are trans?  What have I advocated?  As far as I am aware, I have only ever said that people have a right to pick and choose who they wish to date based on whatever preferences they may have. Do you have some secret insight into my mind that I am completely unaware of while also being unaware of whatever belief you seem to claim is there that would contradict what I have stated here? 

And lastly, are you some kind of mind reading alien?  Cause if you are, I don't date those either, just for your information.


Dating is a whole different concept from being friends or relating to someone in a purely platonic sense. It involves romance and I have and everyone else has the full right of being as damn picky as I/they want to be and none of you/us have the right to claim its wrong of me/them to have such preferences. And I cannot recall a time that I have ever stated otherwise.

Well, to express it in terms of probable situations that could set things up so that there was no escape, if my current girlfriend told me that she wanted to become a male, I would still hold onto him because who he is at his core would still be there. If I ever loved him, it would hurt me too much to not have him around, male or female. So that being said, I don't see why I would not date a FtM.

I'm not sure if my opinion is valid or not since I am not classified as MtF or as a girl, but I do not really classify myself as male either. My example given above can be valid for either side if you adjust the genders to your liking.

Let's take a break to cool down. Devlyn