Susan's Place Transgender Resources

but it's getting a heck of a lot harder to.

I just got off the phone with my dad telling him how I need to see a gender therapist.  He's not the type to not want to talk about things that bother me and me writes them off as "get over it".  I told him I REALLY need to see one or that my mental sanity will decline.    He says "it shouldn't." I said "but it will".  He said again, "but it shouldn't".  I also told him again, "but it WILL!"

He told me that being "like that" is a choice and that I was not born like that and to push however I see fit but it's on me. I told him it was a medical condition and he told me no it's just a mental one.  I'm thinking well if it's a mental one I STILL need help! He said "I know plenty of other people like that like (his girlfriend's) neice.  Shes like that and shes pregnant again.  A lot of people are like that at my job.  As a matter of fact I see one of them like that walking out of the store right now. 

I asked him, "You see a transgendered person walking out of the store right now?"  He told me "no but something like that.  That's the "uniform" they decided to wear.  "Do what you want to no one is going to help you pay for it.  Do you have $60 an hour because I sure don't."  I wish I COULD find therapy for that much an hour.


This man just like to take Tiny Tim's crutch and beat him aside the head with it.  Too bad that I'm Tiny Tim in this case. 

I KNEW he didn't approve when I first time him.  He never approved when I told him I liked women.  He tells me that I "claim" to be that way.  He doesn't even understand what being transgendered is and what's worse is that HE REFUSES to learn.

The sad and ironic part is that he is the "safest" physical person to talk to about my issues right now.

I feel even more isolated right now.  The obvious thing to do is to move but due to my current situation that won't be for a while.

I refuse to accept that there is no way out of this.  Slowly but surely I will eventually come out.  It feels like I am in a collapsed tunnel and I can only see a tiny bit of light but that's better than nothing. 

Quote from: casey on April 28, 2012, 05:51:36 PM
*hug* I'm sorry, Malachite. Do you think that, as much as it would suck, you could use your top surgery savings for a few therapy sessions? You'd have to know that they're not one who will dick you around for too many sessions but that information should be somewhat easy to find?

It's something I've thought about that (was even going to make a thread about it at one point) and sadly if I can find a therapist to work in my favor I may have to do that.  First I will try to tap in to financial aid money but as far as therapists I'm still looking into affordable ones online and around my states that will skype.


As a side note I just noticed that I italicized everything. >.>

-hug- looks like we all are having bad weekends. I remember when I told my mom that i was attracted to straight girls and she told me that was physically impossible and I was just repeating what I saw on tv...but we don't have cable or even local channels so i'm not sure how that one was possible...whatever.

I'm starting to think we need to buy an island and all move there so we don't have to deal with everyone's crap....christain my @#$

Quote from: JayKyle on April 28, 2012, 05:59:10 PM
-hug- looks like we all are having bad weekends. I remember when I told my mom that i was attracted to straight girls and she told me that was physically impossible and I was just repeating what I saw on tv...but we don't have cable or even local channels so i'm not sure how that one was possible...whatever.

I'm starting to think we need to buy an island and all move there so we don't have to deal with everyone's crap....christain my @#$

My thoughts exactly

Quote from: Malachite on April 28, 2012, 06:01:09 PM
My thoughts exactly

I'm starting to think the England or Ireland would be great post-op

Note to self: Hit lottery, buy island, invite friends! Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 28, 2012, 07:18:15 PM
Note to self: Hit lottery, buy island, invite friends! Hugs, Devlyn

yay!

You may as well use your top-surgery savings for therapy b/c it's not like that money will do you much good in getting surgery if you don't have a therapist's letter, amirite?

Trying to find an LGBT center is a very good idea.  They can often hook you up with therapy at a low cost.  Also when you go to college they usually have counseling staff on campus that you already pay for in your tuition cost.

@poptart I agree with you that evidence is the key and I've tried to give him evidence on top and he STILL refuses to listen to me and just writes it off and he rarely admits that he is wrong.  I could print off documented evidence and him still not care.

@jr there are no lbgt centers here in my area and I can get access

@Devlyn  I'm counting on you lol

@Malcolm I'm searching for them now and cannot find any LBGT center in my area.  I've tried to find a counselor at my college but that is proving to be hard as they only mention academic counseling but I'll look deeper into it.

@landon I can tape into my financial aid and regular money if needed but I can't be sessions liek 150 per hours weekly for 12 months or something of the sort because I don't have that kind of money but for something like online therapy I may do it.  There are no gender therapists in my area either.

Quote from: Malachite on April 28, 2012, 05:40:39 PMI refuse to accept that there is no way out of this.  Slowly but surely I will eventually come out.  It feels like I am in a collapsed tunnel and I can only see a tiny bit of light but that's better than nothing.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice. Just a lot of cyber bear hugs. I want you to know that reading this made my day. One can tell that you are strong, determined and that is totally awesome.

Quote from: Edge on April 28, 2012, 09:06:58 PM
I'm sorry I don't have any advice. Just a lot of cyber bear hugs. I want you to know that reading this made my day. One can tell that you are strong, determined and that is totally awesome.

Thank :) -hugs-

Quote from: -JR- on April 28, 2012, 09:11:48 PM


there is nothing in my local area either, maybe expand your search if you can. i searched my whole state for therapists that's how I found the lgbt center. I drive an hour and a half away for sessions. i called several local therapist offices before hand and they all said "we dont deal with those issues" so i had no choice but to drive for therapy. Personally i like driving though, i find it relaxing, so other than gas money ($15) it doesnt bother me i guess.

I don't have a car or a drivings license at the moment but I'm supposed to be working on that this summer.  There's one person in our state that is a gender therapist but they don't have a website which is kind of odd to me.  If it gets to the point where I have to drive to find one I may have to but if I go that route I'll have to put it off longer.

Okay, I'm multitasking and I only skimmed all this. My head got stuck on the phrase "just a mental one."

Really? My kid has just a mental condition, and what's going on with her is pretty serious.

And for the record I do not believe there is a difference between mental and physical conditions. We'll have physiological explanations for mental illness in time. We already kinda do.

It's the whole "if it's invisible it doesn't exist" mentality. Personally, I don't think much of people who have that.

If you told your dad it was just "regular" counseling, would that help? Then find someone who you are comfortable with, trustworthy, open minded, and who ideally has gender experience.

Or is he anti-therapy for any reason?

Quote from: MrTesto on April 28, 2012, 09:55:37 PM
If you told your dad it was just "regular" counseling, would that help? Then find someone who you are comfortable with, trustworthy, open minded, and who ideally has gender experience.

Or is he anti-therapy for any reason?

I'm not too sure to be honest but he's probably anti-therapy too.  He's just the type of person to be like "whatever".  If I told him regular counseling he would probably just snipe at that too.  He doesn't like to listen to my feelings regardless.

Quote from: -JR- on April 28, 2012, 09:11:48 PM


there is nothing in my local area either, maybe expand your search if you can. i searched my whole state for therapists that's how I found the lgbt center. I drive an hour and a half away for sessions. i called several local therapist offices before hand and they all said "we dont deal with those issues" so i had no choice but to drive for therapy. Personally i like driving though, i find it relaxing, so other than gas money ($15) it doesnt bother me i guess.

My therapist is right next door to where my mom works and the two business' are constantly bickering about parking issues :D

I want you to be okay Malachite. I remember one time my dad making fun of me for whining because I had a bladder infection. I got him to take me to the doctor and the doctor chewed him out. That anecdote doesn't help you, but I understand being expected to buck up and toe the line. It's frustrating.

Quote from: Felix on April 28, 2012, 11:01:22 PM
I want you to be okay Malachite. I remember one time my dad making fun of me for whining because I had a bladder infection. I got him to take me to the doctor and the doctor chewed him out. That anecdote doesn't help you, but I understand being expected to buck up and toe the line. It's frustrating.

Hopefully I'll be okay.  Sorry your dad did that to you..  My father is a pain to deal with 98 percent of the time because he thinks the world revolves around him.  There is no winning with that man.  If I say something he doesn't agree with he dismisses it as "crazy talk". 

Quote from: Malachite on April 28, 2012, 11:19:47 PM
Hopefully I'll be okay.  Sorry your dad did that to you..  My father is a pain to deal with 98 percent of the time because he thinks the world revolves around him.  There is no winning with that man.  If I say something he doesn't agree with he dismisses it as "crazy talk".

First thing: I want to B**** slap him because he should listen to his son

Secondly: I think our parents are secretly communicating to each other....that or the goverments brainwashing people and we some how missed that memo

There's always a way out, hon.

Your father seems to be the kind of person who is, with all due respect, ignorant of his own ignorance. That's usually the worst because such people don't believe they need to learn, thinking they already know.

In which case, all the talking in the world is just a waste of your time and energy since their minds are already made up and "no one's gonna tell me different." Perhaps the best thing to do is let your actions prove your resolve. After all, they speak louder than words.

Keep doing what you're doing and be patient. Every step you take towards achieving your goals is a step in the right direction, even the littlest thing that seems insignificant at the time. Every penny saved is a very tangible expression of intent. Every inquiry made shows you're being proactive in your approach.

You don't have to win with your father, hon. Eventually the weight of evidence of your sincerity and determination will be too much for him to ignore and then he'll come to realise the obvious - that it isn't a game and you're deadly serious. Or he won't. Either way, it's your life, not his.

*hug* Hang in there, see every step you take as part of the larger picture, plan for that final outcome and when it feels hopeless, remember that circumstances change, things won't always be the way they are now. With the determination you quite obviously possess, it's only a matter of time. And in the end, it's inevitable. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on April 29, 2012, 01:07:16 AM
There's always a way out, hon.

Your father seems to be the kind of person who is, with all due respect, ignorant of his own ignorance. That's usually the worst because such people don't believe they need to learn, thinking they already know.

In which case, all the talking in the world is just a waste of your time and energy since their minds are already made up and "no one's gonna tell me different." Perhaps the best thing to do is let your actions prove your resolve. After all, they speak louder than words.

Keep doing what you're doing and be patient. Every step you take towards achieving your goals is a step in the right direction, even the littlest thing that seems insignificant at the time. Every penny saved is a very tangible expression of intent. Every inquiry made shows you're being proactive in your approach.

You don't have to win with your father, hon. Eventually the weight of evidence of your sincerity and determination will be too much for him to ignore and then he'll come to realise the obvious - that it isn't a game and you're deadly serious. Or he won't. Either way, it's your life, not his.

*hug* Hang in there, see every step you take as part of the larger picture, plan for that final outcome and when it feels hopeless, remember that circumstances change, things won't always be the way they are now. With the determination you quite obviously possess, it's only a matter of time. And in the end, it's inevitable. :)

-hugs-  You are so right Sephirah.  This is something I plan to do whether him or anyone else in my family for that matter agree or not.  If they chose to have a dead daughter instead of a happier son then that is their issue and not mine.  Good things do come to those who wait.  When the time comes when I can look at all my money and circumstances and say "dang.... I can do this now." they are not going to hold me back.  Waiting sucks but this is valuable time to start planning everything.

Quote from: casey on April 29, 2012, 01:18:56 AM
He seems stubborn, but he also seems like a caring man who just doesn't understand. I have a strong feeling that he will come around in time.

To a certain extent he cares.  I won't say that he's 100 percent a bad father but he has never been there for me emotional support wise....ever.  I can get more emotional support from a toaster than him.  I really hope your feeling is right.  I feel like he's a dad because he "has" to be instead of he wants to.  I've even asked him one time if he regrets having me and my autistic brother and he said, "that's a trick question....I would have picked a different mom for yall."  He only starts coming around when he realizes that I'm so mad at him at times than I'm an inch from disowning him and he doesn't want that.

Quote from: Malachite on April 29, 2012, 01:24:45 AM
I can get more emotional support from a toaster than him.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm4.staticflickr.com%2F3625%2F3342613373_e54194b7c5.jpg&hash=e477b9ddf6267205a48f40fafb5ceac78a73f3a9)

Quote from: Felix on April 29, 2012, 11:23:35 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm4.staticflickr.com%2F3625%2F3342613373_e54194b7c5.jpg&hash=e477b9ddf6267205a48f40fafb5ceac78a73f3a9)

Is that like a place to hide a body or something lol....Follow the toaster he will lead you to unknown fortunes

Sorry to hear your dad is so unresponsive.  Eventually you will be in a position to start an independent life and you won't have to take his opinion into account.  Hang in there lad, and out-stubborn him.

Hug from Aunty Karen.

Thanks everyone!  :)

Quote from: JayKyle on April 29, 2012, 11:31:53 PM


Is that like a place to hide a body or something lol....Follow the toaster he will lead you to unknown fortunes

No, it's the "Brave Little Toaster".

Hopefully this isn't too far off - but can I just say how much I respect your posting your top job savings. Even if you need to use it for something else, dude, you are paving your own way out, brick by brick.

Quote from: Malachite on April 29, 2012, 01:24:45 AM
To a certain extent he cares.  I won't say that he's 100 percent a bad father but he has never been there for me emotional support wise....ever.  I can get more emotional support from a toaster than him.

Completely irrelevent to the subject but that reminded me of something, I thought it might make you smile. :)

Does anyone want any toast? - Red Dwarf - BBC comedy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRq_SAuQDec#)

Quote from: MrTesto on April 30, 2012, 10:05:33 PM
Hopefully this isn't too far off - but can I just say how much I respect your posting your top job savings. Even if you need to use it for something else, dude, you are paving your own way out, brick by brick.

Thanks mate.  I'm really trying to save up even if it does have to go to a gender therapist.  Either or would put me on the right path so I'm trying my best not to touch it.   

@Sephirah thanks for the video.  It really made me laugh.

Here's an update on the topic that didn't warrant a new thread:

I just got off the phone with him again and things got slightly more heated.

He still kept telling me that it's all in my head and I can either sort it out or pay $80 for someone else to.  He also said that it's wrong and it's again the Bible and I held my ground and told him no it's not.  I actually told him that if I don't get help I am probably going to kill myself eventually and he said something along the lines of "you're not going to kill yourself and that would cost more money for your funeral". 

Then he told me that I go either one way or the other and that I'm either straight or gay and however I go is just what I choose.  He told me to stop making things complex.  I told him that my sexual orientation and gender are two different things and that I'm TRANSGENDER!  He said "do you know what that is?  That is a woman who lives and dresses as a man or a man who lives and dresses as a woman."  That really upset me and begged him to please let me educate him on the subject and not to use "old school ways".  He told me that these school ways will always be the same.  Again he kept telling me he know a ton of ladies at work "like that" and his girlfriend's neice who is pregant again.  I told him to please stop comparing me to other people because I am not them and he says he isn't comparing me.  My father is a [censored] lunatic.  I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

He obviously has no clue what he is saying because first he said that transgender people are people born with both female and male parts.  It's technically his fault since he didn't give me the Y chomosome.

I told him that I just wanted support from him and he told me "for what?"  I said moral support because I didn't want to go through this alone.  He told me that I'm going to have to.

Sorry if it seems like a rehash but I just needed to vent.

He was on his way to his house so he said I can call him in about two hours.  That way I can give a better update then.  It will probably just be the same argument though or he will use the excuse that he doesn't want to talk about it because he girlfriend is home. 

Quote from: casey on May 18, 2012, 09:31:56 PM
Ughh. Sorry you have to deal with this. But you know, he may understand in the end. It sounds like he cares a lot about just doing what's "normal." He probably has something or other that makes him different, that makes him feel like he needs to fit in.

You have more faith in him than I do.  I'm more prepared to part with my top surgery money for therapy now that when I first started this thread.  Ideally I would like to get my my T and Top surgery letter during therapy but it concerns me.  I have no clue who my endo will be or even the location I will move to so I have no idea of verifiying if they (or even Dr. Garramone) will accept my letters or the therapist that I go to dies or quits so they reject the letters because they can't contact them so it's almost as the letters "expiring" in a sense.

He's getting to you. Remember how much more you are than what he makes of you.

Quote from: Felix on May 19, 2012, 03:24:34 PM
He's getting to you. Remember how much more you are than what he makes of you.

I'm trying to but I wish I could just show him that I'm serious.  Stupid time.