Susan's Place Transgender Resources

5 Things No One Told Me About Transitioning (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5GsYSLoD0A&feature=plcp#)

I love this whole video. I'm not on hormones yet but many of those thoughts have run through my head. They do everyday. The last part about relationships is somewhat the biggest thing for me. I'm in a serious relationship with a chick that also happens to be trans, me and her are expecting things to change once I start hormones, and we're getting ready for it. She's been on HRT for almost a year now, and I have noticed the changes in her from start to finish and we've made it through her getting on HRT and all the changes she's been through, so I hope we can make it through my HRT part of transition as well. Anyways very good and informative video in my opinion.

Thoughts on video?

IMO, half of it was common sense rubbish =/

but lots of people don't think about anything - so it'll probably help someone :P

I feel like the name is misleading.  I can't believe that he's been out as trans for two years and never watched another guy's vid where he talks about any one of those things mentioned.  I hardly ever watch vids and I've heard all of those things multiple times.  He says he's stealth yet he says he has to educate every person he meets or they won't understand him?  That's not stealth.

A thing about the name change taking so long.  The legal system is so backed up because of pointless law suits and the like that that is probably why it is taking so long. 

He's a good speaker. But yeah, the ->-bleeped-<- he says is pretty common sense.

And I agree with Casey on the last point -- losing emotions isn't negative.

Quote from: Geek on May 05, 2012, 11:55:11 PM
IMO, half of it was common sense rubbish =/

Not everyone has common sense.

Quote from: Andy8715 on May 06, 2012, 12:19:11 AM
I feel like the name is misleading.  I can't believe that he's been out as trans for two years and never watched another guy's vid where he talks about any one of those things mentioned.  I hardly ever watch vids and I've heard all of those things multiple times.  He says he's stealth yet he says he has to educate every person he meets or they won't understand him?  That's not stealth.

Most guys talk about physical changes but don't go into details about the other stuff.
I've only seen very few videos where a guy went into those other subjects.

Basically you are saying no one is ever going to be stealth? Because personally I cannot go stealth with my family or my old friends.
To new people, and strangers he is stealth. But no one here is going to be stealth with families and friends that knew them before.

Quote from: poptart on May 06, 2012, 01:00:16 AM
And I agree with Casey on the last point -- losing emotions isn't negative.

''Disclaimer this is my experience being trans...''
For him it was negative, and it is negative for some others too.

It's like the word "disclaimer" lost its meaning.

I definitely get the part about the not using anything but cash, but I knew that was going to happen. It really sucks.. but oh well, I can hit up ATMs at anytime. I'm also really weary about going out in public to drink with friends. I haven't legally changed my name yet, though it's only about 100 bucks here... I just haven't had the extra 100 bucks. Sadly, I live in TN where I cannot change my gender on my birth certif(yet! the democratic party - if elected - is going to be getting that squared away).. so even when I change my name I'll have to wait to see if I can ever change my birth certif, though I'm definitely going to get my passport.

Anyway, I have never had to give up a part of myself. I'm stealth, and I find myself "editing" parts of my story, but not many parts. I definitely am the same person, with the same emotions. I was never a really OVERLY emotional person to begin with, and I still feel empathy for people unless I feel the situation is incredibly trivial ...

I'm definitely still the same person with the same heart, and that is the one thing that I stress to my family so that I dont lose them.

Being trans isnt the only thing that causes families and friends to drift apart. Anything can do that; its just whether or not you and the other person is willing to work it out. I am always willing to work things out with people I care for, and so far most have done so for me as well... I've only lost a couple of people and I feel that it's their loss... not mine. They obviously didn't love me for who I am because I am still the same person I have ALWAYS been. I just look a little different.

Overall it was a good video though.

Quote from: Jayr on May 06, 2012, 01:26:16 AM
''Disclaimer this is my experience being trans...''
For him it was negative, and it is negative for some others too.

I'm aware. Why did u randomly tell me that?

Quote from: Jayr on May 06, 2012, 01:26:16 AM
Basically you are saying no one is ever going to be stealth? Because personally I cannot go stealth with my family or my old friends.
To new people, and strangers he is stealth. But no one here is going to be stealth with families and friends that knew them before.

No, I said trans-explaining to everyone you meet is not living a stealth life.  I never mentioned: old friends, family members, people who knew you before transition.  So idk where you are getting "no one is ever going to be stealth"

Quote from: Andy8715 on May 06, 2012, 12:19:11 AM
I feel like the name is misleading.  I can't believe that he's been out as trans for two years and never watched another guy's vid where he talks about any one of those things mentioned.  I hardly ever watch vids and I've heard all of those things multiple times.  He says he's stealth yet he says he has to educate every person he meets or they won't understand him?  That's not stealth.

A thing about the name change taking so long.  The legal system is so backed up because of pointless law suits and the like that that is probably why it is taking so long.

I agree, you'll end up being an educator to family and those you knew pre-transition but educating everyone on your campus about trans issues isn't really being stealth.

Some parts of the video I agreed with, especially in how your relationship will change significantly and you have to relearn how to be with each other -- that is very true and not something I thought much about. But I guess I'm surprised that most of the other aspects of transition were new to him.

for me some of the points of what he's saying makes sense, but others also seams to be alittle too much of his own experience than in general. so Im gonna say what I think of it, and if I heard of it before.

1; going to give up:
yes I heard of it before, and it also gone thought my head, its true that theres some part where you just cant feel the same for people, however I also think it has alot to do about going stealth. theres always risk of loosing people when you come out,
people who wont accept you and so, but I feel whats his talking about, is what I heard other trans people who been stealth talking about, and how they didnt want to be stealth cause of this reason his been mention.

2; being suspected on T
I heard of this as well, for a mtf who started homones before comming out to her parrents, and it seamed messy cause there was alot of hidding and stuff.. luckely I didnt had much problem with it, I came out to most people before starting homones but yeah theres always those and those who dont know, and its a pain, I am glad he put it up.

3; posterboy for trans
yeah, I heard this mention before, but its diffrently diffrent hearing people saying it and experience it yourself.

4; legal system.
I HEARD SOO much about this, because the legal system, is, SO BAD where I live.. its almost imposible to change your gender,
and you can't change your name to a 100% male or female.

5; T dosent change everything
yeah I read about this on the ftm guide before starting T, but I like his bringing up the topic
for most of us T is pretty happy thing, so sure the videos are very happy and so, we must remember its not a problemless thing cause life isnt problemless..

I also thought when I transition all my problems would be solved, I do feel happy I transitioned, but I still have problems, like everybody ells..
---------------------------

so to make it short,
I think he put up alot of fine points, but I dont think its like "nobody tells everyone" that he havent heard it,
I heard of many of those things pre T, but sure, its also depends on who who talk too, and how you live and so on.
I think theres always something who will surprize us on T, we didnt think about, like when you cange your name, and out of sudden people asking you if you where bullied in school cause you had a funny name..
stuff like this we didnt even consider.

I am sad that his felling like he dose, I guess alot also is very comming out experience in general.

for the last emotional part I agree, I didnt heard about that actually.
I read the typical "you wont become someone ells" or "you will be more agresive on T"
but its actually REALLY hard to feel what actually will happent when you read about it and when you actually feel it.

I am still the same person, I didnt turn more agresive but I do feel like I have more of a urge to smash something when im sad and find it hard to cry, where Pre-T I would more feel like just crying..

I do agree on his point in losing the understanding, I do tend to understand men more, and women less in a sense cause I cant relate the same way, however I did agree with myself before T that I wouldn't forget my experience and give up.
I our previous life gave us very good knowlegde and I will try as much as posible to keep it in my mind and opinion.

I can see the topic of emotion are diffrent from people to people,
I dont mind not being emotional, the only place I really mind have been on my creative side.
I think I got less creative, in my story tellings.
But I dont know if its because I am less emotional and cause of that cant get my inspiration, or if its because I am more out going where I pre-T would lock myself in and not have much other things to do than wonder what my next chapter should be about.

I must say, i'm confused....i see how the reasoning behind the stealth issues and such but how did he not know that all before hand? Did his doctor not tell him or does he simply not understand how the general male population feel and act differently then women on the last issue? its almost to be expected if you do not have the tendencies already.

It was a good video, although I find it hard to believe that he didn't anticipate or hear about those things beforehand.

I think I am really lucky in some respects because I've hardly had a life.  I have no friends, I don't go anywhere or do anything, and I am not close with my extended family.  So I don't have to explain myself to anyone or cover up my past.  The only "gendered" part of my past is that I was in a girls choir, but that is a small thing and easily covered up by just saying it was a choir.  I have hardly any pictures of my past, not even a pic of my graduation.

I haven't begun transition yet (Going to see a psychologist tomorrow actually... I'm so excited!)
It used to bother me knowing that people will ask me personal, inappropriate questions.  I've steeled myself against it after reading other people's stories, and from my experiences with online friends I used to have when I was playing an mmo.  It was hard enough to handle online, I couldn't imagine dealing with intrusive questions in real life.  I've decided that it isn't my job to educate people, as nice as it would be for me to help transpeople all over by being patient with sarcastic or hostile questions, it's just too big and overwhelming for me.  My go-to response is going to be "If you want to know more, google it.  Wikipedia and other websites can explain it a hell of a lot better than I can."

If my extended family stops associating with me because of it... then thank god.  Family reunions and parties bore me to death.  My dad is the same way.  The last thing I went to was my adult cousin's birthday party.  Me and my dad sat in silence at a table in the corner being socially awkward penguins until it was acceptable for us to leave.

Now, the loss of emotions, and the changes in the way you relate to others on T... That actually scares me a great deal.  Like Natkat I am going to try my best to remember what it was like on this side of the fence, and not become a sexist pig or something like that. :/

I do like having strong emotions and being able to cry, but it might be a fair trade off to not cry for the stupidest things, or cry uncontrollably in front of others.  Sometimes I just start bawling because I love my cat so much.

I'll admit I didn't watch the whole video.  I just didn't like it that much and couldn't believe he'd never heard any of those things before.  Completely stopped watching when he started going on about losing emotions.  Although he said it was from his personal experience, using words like "you will"...kind of negates that.

I've changed emotionally, but to me it's been for the better.  I'm much calmer, more relaxed, feel better about myself and have a more positive outlook on life.  I just to cry all the time, especially when angry or upset.  I don't cry as much any more, but damn..I probably cried more today than I have in a while.  Over utterly sentimental crap like Julie Andrews singing after her surgery and the opening of the Lion King (Broadway musical). 

So...to those afraid of completely changing, it may or may not happen to you.  It's not a definite thing.  I think if you really want to hang on to certain aspects of your personality, you can do so.  If something is completely a part of you and vital to who you are, I seriously doubt transitioning will take that away from you or your relationships with others.

to be all honest I do belive he must had heard "something something" about emotionals on T,
but its just really a hard subject to discuss... I mean how do you decribe emotion by word if you havent tried it?
we know what happyness is, but how do you decribe a kind of happyness, from another kind of happyness? + again we arnt simular so we got diffrent fellings about diffrent things..

its just really Imposible subject to reach saying "your emotion will bla bla"
we could sure try writte down 100 or words to decribe emotional during T, but in the long run it wouldnt matter cause I dont think people would understand those small details without them trying it themself.

+ in fact there not much proff, and I personally dont feel T change so much on the emotions.
they change the fact I can pass more as a man, and by that be more happy (cause I got read for the right gender and so)
but the simply small thing with T, are details.

I only watched the first 4 minutes of the video.  But if those things came as a surprise to him, he should have put in more thought before deciding to transition.

Not gonna lie, i knew a lot of this already (some shocked me though) - but i think someone NEEDS to say it outloud.

I've been in denial about how much will change. My whole BRAIN is going to change. Which is scary cause I like me.. D:
Guess I have a lot more thinking to do  -__-

Quote from: Kyyn on May 09, 2012, 04:49:46 PM
Not gonna lie, i knew a lot of this already (some shocked me though) - but i think someone NEEDS to say it outloud.

I've been in denial about how much will change. My whole BRAIN is going to change. Which is scary cause I like me.. D:
Guess I have a lot more thinking to do  -__-

Your whole brain won't change, that's impossible.

Quote from: Chamillion on May 08, 2012, 06:19:46 PM
I only watched the first 4 minutes of the video.  But if those things came as a surprise to him, he should have put in more thought before deciding to transition.

yep!

I had a transguy come up to me once and ask me even the most BASIC questions about T because he said he was going to start it in a few months.  just ridiculous.  I knew everything there was to know about T at least a year before I began.

Quote from: Elijah on May 09, 2012, 05:02:08 PM
yep!

I had a transguy come up to me once and ask me even the most BASIC questions about T because he said he was going to start it in a few months.  just ridiculous.  I knew everything there was to know about T at least a year before I began.

if you know the right places it can be very easy to get T (and the wrong places it can be extremly hard)
I feel very free to tell people how they can get T, but I use to send them a guide with me so they can read about it, alittle before and while. manly for there own sake..

I did personally self felt it was relaxing to know what you go into and what you can expect or shouldnt expect.
of corse it might not be posible to check every little detail, and many of them are also something very diffrent from person to person. but well, just knowing the basic or have other people to talk about with T is a good start.

Quote from: casey on May 09, 2012, 05:03:26 PM
Yeah, I knew everything like three years before, haha. Or almost everything. some things you really have to think about though, because you can't be sure if it's T  or something else. In this case, the emotional changes could arguably have a number of origins.

I'm inclined in that direction as well. There are all kinds of physical changes that would likely affect our behavior like if you have a stomach ache, you're likely to get quiet and grumpy, just as an obvious example. I can imagine that if you're feeling massive dysphoria and physical changes start to relieve that dysphoria, you might experience some pretty dramatic personality changes as a result, like being more outgoing and confident. It would be easy to associate those changes with T in some direct way when they're really an indirect result of the physical changes. And that's just one more obvious example. I can imagine that various physical changes can have any number of complex changes on a person's behavior without any direct impact on the brain, but it would be difficult not to associate those things with T directly because they seem highly correlated.

I apologize for a slight divergence from the topic, but this has been bugging me. What is it with those giant-billed hats? I've only ever seen those on trans guys on YouTube. Am I missing something? Is this like a secret handshake thing that trans guys use to identify each other when they're stealth or something? It's to the point that if I ever see one on someone IRL, I'm going to wonder if he's trans. Am I reading too much into this?

Guys we get the damn point.

Stop repeating each other like a bunch of parrots.

I was posting it for the few that are new to this and might not know.

But by all of you guys standards trans people should know all that right off the bat.

And I don't know about the hat.

Quote from: Jayr on May 09, 2012, 05:38:18 PM
Guys we get the damn point.

Stop repeating each other like a bunch of parrots.

I was posting it for the few that are new to this and might not know.

But by all of you guys standards trans people should know all that right off the bat.

And I don't know about the hat.

So... you asked for opinions and don't like the ones we give. okay.

Didn't think everyone would be so damn negative about it.

First thing I notice is that he start with the "I am stealth, and I cannot share my past," to go next to: "I hate I have to be constantly teaching about transness;" Well, unless I am missing something, this seems contradictory, either you are one or the other, something does not adds up!

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