Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I know this one transguy came out to me saying he is a man and such.  Yet he goes around saying he is a woman and other female pronouns. I'm not going to judge, that's his decision.. but I can't understand why he would do this.  It's online, so it's not like he needs to hide who he is.  He could be telling people he was a man and no one would even question it.

So I ask you guys, would you personally pretend to be a girl even though you did not have to? 

This isn't a discussion about how it's right or wrong, this is just a question about how YOU would feel doing something like this. 

There is no way I would want to represent myself to someone as a woman, but no one would believe I was a woman anyway.  I have a beard, deep voice, etc. 

Perhaps that person is still questioning.  Perhaps they are bigender.

Uh, hell no.

And I'd be inclined to believe that "transguy" who says he is a woman.

 :-\ It's hard for me to take someone seriously who doesn't even take themselves seriously.

Quote from: Andy8715 on May 10, 2012, 01:04:32 AM
Perhaps that person is still questioning.  Perhaps they are bigender.

Or perhaps they're just a butch lesbian who's kidding around, there's not enough information from the OP for me to judge.

Personally, the only reasons I would use male pronouns is before transition in order to stay in the closet.

No way would I ever pretend to be a girl.  Not anymore anyway.  After I started transitioning I can only think of a hand full of times where I "reverted" back or pretended to be female.  Once was for an extended period of time when I converted to Christianity.  I finally realized how unhappy I was after about a year and a half and went back to being myself again.  Since then (4 years later), I have pretended to be female (pre-T, several years ago) to help out a friend and to get into a female dorm (barely on T, also several years ago) on one occasion when my license still had my birth name/gender marker.

After that last incident I realized that I couldn't do that anymore.  If I wanted the world to see me as a man, I had to quit pretending to be female when it was convenient to me (even if it was on an extremely rare occasion).  I have no idea why this guy is doing that.  Perhaps he's confused?

Let's not all pile on this person we haven't even met. Not everyone can or should be fully "out," even online.

I know you said it was on the internet, but a lot of times people show their IRL friends parts of their online lives, and being trans is a big secret for some people. Additionally, he might not want people who know him as female from other parts of the internet finding him being male elsewhere on the 'net and asking awkward questions. Finally, he might not have the confidence to mark himself as male online yet--he might think people would "see through" him and accuse him of just pretending to be a guy for whatever reason. (I had this fear for many years.)

You should be flattered that he confided in you about his gender identity. Try and respect the choices he makes about revealing it to others.

He may well be genderqueer, bigender, or non-binary (or confused,) but that's for him to tell you.

Maybe you could try letting him know that you're a good person to talk to, if he needs someone for trans-related advice (provided this appeals to you)?

I agree that unless we know this person's full story, we shouldn't be too hasty to judge - however, the OP asked would WE do this, not whether this person was right or wrong.  That said, I would not pretend to be a woman.  I am not out to my family fully, but I just am myself around them - I don't pretend to be female, however.  I haven't seen them for a year, so pretending isn't even remotely neccessary anymore.

I can't begin to explain how much I disagree with this situation, but as other have said, I will try to refrain from judging as I'm hoping some details are still missing from the scenario.

I'm male everywhere online except my old facebook account that has family on it. I don't even really ever use that one anymore. I would not pretend to be female anywhere else online. And I agree with others who have mentioned the fact that we are not here to judge that person. Nor do we have a right to. Just like nobody has the right to judge us.

its kind of wierd if the person is transexual, but being transguy" is pretty fluent and dosent nessesary mean transexual.
so as people say it could also be a gender-queer or bigender person.

I never really present me as female on the net, actually I was out male on the net before I was out IRL. but I did had a friend once who was trans, he started out presenting himself as female and then ha came out of the closet later saying he actually felt he was more of a guy. we had both been on the same site for a time and had friends, he did came out to his friends, that now he would be a guy, but some of them didnt accept him, so he lost some of the contacts he had.

I see it to be logical if your nervous of people reactions or so, but honestly we now too little to even have a clue.
go ask him, say it confusses you why he would talk about himself in a female way when he say he is a guy.

Without knowing who this person is or anything else but what the OP said, it's impossible to make a judgement call. If I knew someone who identified themselves as a transman but in the next breath said they were a women I would be confused, or at the very least think they were confused. At the very worst I'd think they were messing with people on purpose.

However, the "pretend to be a girl" thing is a bit different. Haven't we ALL pretended to be girls at some point in our lives? Every time I show my ID somewhere I'm technically "pretending". But I don't go around calling myself a transman either. I just identify as male and just act like myself. The only "pretending" I do is minimal because gender doesn't often come up in day to day life. If one wants to get down to technicalities the fact that I'm not transitioning could lump me into some "pretending" category, but the fact that I don't care means that technicality has little bearing on how I personally view myself.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on May 10, 2012, 01:21:56 PM
Without knowing who this person is or anything else but what the OP said, it's impossible to make a judgement call. If I knew someone who identified themselves as a transman but in the next breath said they were a women I would be confused, or at the very least think they were confused. At the very worst I'd think they were messing with people on purpose.

However, the "pretend to be a girl" thing is a bit different. Haven't we ALL pretended to be girls at some point in our lives? Every time I show my ID somewhere I'm technically "pretending". But I don't go around calling myself a transman either. I just identify as male and just act like myself. The only "pretending" I do is minimal because gender doesn't often come up in day to day life. If one wants to get down to technicalities the fact that I'm not transitioning could lump me into some "pretending" category, but the fact that I don't care means that technicality has little bearing on how I personally view myself.

the diffrence here is in those kind of situations you Do have a reason to "pretend", the question is if we would do so even if we didnt had a reason.

Honestly I would say sure on the Net you can also have your reason to stay in the closet, as I mention above or you can know personal people from IRL even on world wide chat forums thats posible.

The first website I joined was yahoo answers when I was 13. I made the account as a boy and pretended my name was "Max"  :P Every day I came home from school and couldnt wait to get on the computer! Too bad I didnt figure it out back then!

Quote from: harlee on May 10, 2012, 11:02:01 PM
The first website I joined was yahoo answers when I was 13. I made the account as a boy and pretended my name was "Max"  :P Every day I came home from school and couldnt wait to get on the computer! Too bad I didnt figure it out back then!

i did the same on a couple of sites and forums discussion,
My computer has been my friend who allowed me to be myself before I even could do so in real life..

maybe thats why i'm suck a geek today,
cant live 2 days without my computer.

what's really funny is that, even if I chat under a gender-neutral name, I still come across as female. And I've tried to RP as a male and it was... a disaster to say the least. He didn't come across as a guy at all and I felt really uncomfortable in the role. So I evidently can't be a guy if my life depended on it.