Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have been dating a mtf for seven months now at times it can be very confusing as she really wants to be a stepdad to my 17 year old daughter wouldnt she have to consider herself a bi gender male and female to be a stepdad to my daughter im worried that it affects my daughter and confuses her her legal name is rebecca but allows my daughter to call her grant her birtname went we first started dating she wanted to try being a male again and startrd telling people including my daughter to call her grant a few months she changed her mind and still allows my daughter to call her grant any advice on the situation would helo shes been off hormones 7 months now as we are trying to have a baby she wants to go back on them once were pregnant is that a good idea as it might confuse my daughter more

I think you should suggest to her that she be a step-parent.  Parent being the key word here as it is gender neutral.  And also suggest counseling as to me is sounds as if she is confused about her gender.

There a few issues here, if she has been on anti-androgens, for any length of time (about 6 months or less) she will be sterile. She may be able to have erections and produce prostate  gland secretions but she will not have viable sperm.

A seventeen year old may have issues with Mum having a lover, and especially a MtF lover. I'm not implying that there is anything wrong BTW. But she is at an age where stuff can be very confusing, you also bring that up. She is going to have to deal with sexuality at a pretty blunt edge.

The scenario sounds weird. ' Hi I'm a woman, who wants to be a man for a temporary period to get you pregnant, and be a stepdad, then I want to be a woman again, and bring up our child as a woman but for my stepdaughter to call me by a male name.'  That doesn't compute!

It is a very strange situation. I strongly suggest you and your partner seek some professional counselling.

As far as the Stepfather thing, I would suggest that this should be your daughters decision, and not your partners, or yours.  Your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, and should not be coerced into anything.

I cannot see from your post any advantage for your daughter to have a stepfather. I can see advantages for your partner to be a legal stepfather, and I suggest you think of those implications, and that of an unlikely but possible pregnancy.

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As your daughter is 17 and nearly an adult she will definitely have an opinion.  It sounds like a complex situation, where a professional is needed from what you have said.

Good luck, my brother adopted his wife's kids so they could legally be fully his.  They are all happy.  :)

Karen.