Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I would like an honest opinion.

When you go out to a club or somewhere nice why do you dress the way you do? I mean if you go the sexy look are you asking for trouble.

Are we victims or our society. If a girl gets into trouble and is dressed seductive, it is automaticaly her fault for the way she dressed. She was asking for it. That is the way most people see it. WHY!!!

I wonder also if it is different in Europe where in some places a girl can go topless on the beach. If a girl did that here you would have every guy in a ten mile radius bring lawn chairs and sit around you hoping to see some glimpse of a boob.

I myself do dress sexy when I go out on the town.
#1  I do it to please myself. Mainly I feel good with lacy soft things touching my body.
#2  I will have to admit, I do like to get compliments. Not advances! Is that wrong?
#3  I do like to "TRY" to look as good as the women I am clubing with.

I know this is a double sided axe, and I know no one has the right to infringe on anothers rights.
Are girls partly to blame for unwanted advances because of the way we dress sometimes? I know we get caught up in a grouping of all women. When a prostitute is on a corner dressed in her short skirt or dress, people in general think she is a whore and anything goes. Now when you wear the same little dress in a club, where most of the girls there are wearing similar attire, how should you be treated?

Be Honest!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deb

I go to clubs every week and I like to dress and look sexy.  I do it for myself as a boost to my confidence and ego level and to show others that I am a confident woman, who is happy with the way she looks.  Of course I'm looking to attract men but at the same time I'm very careful in that I only go to places where I'm known and I don't drink.  I think that I look sexy without the slutty, trashy look.

For work I power dress in short skirted suits just to show that "you can't intimidate me" look.  I dress for success, but I also like to wear casuals for everyday life.

But then that's just me :)

Steph

Thanks Steph
I am in casual most of the time. When I do get a chance to go to the big city I like to get dolled up. Slutty is out for me as well. Seductive, welllllllllllll I border on that look. It makes me feel good about myself that I can pull it off.
I too am looking, but have relized I need to wait for a while, until after SRS.

Deb

Clubbin's fun I do like the sexy sophisticated look but like Steph said we only go where we are known, not really there to pickup or get picked up tho dancin, having a few and just goofin off :)

Work well work is work scrubs, I do have one of those white old fashioned nurse's uniform dress with the hat thingy. I only where it on Halloween or silly stuff.

I like to dress up in nice clothes.  It makes me feel good and I figure if I have to go through the hell of transition to be myself, I may as well enjoy myself as much as possible.

Quote
#1  I do it to please myself. Mainly I feel good with lacy soft things touching my body.
#2  I will have to admit, I do like to get compliments. Not advances! Is that wrong?
#3  I do like to "TRY" to look as good as the women I am clubing with.

I would say it's mainly for reasons #1 and #3, although I do enjoy #2 when it happens. :)

Melissa

Debisl

The god honest truth is that men love to look at women, thats that. If you dress nice and suductive there little brains cant help by be drawn to you and and to say hi and touch you (like flies around s@#T).

ASre you asking for trouble, well thats the million doller question, in certain clubs and bars I would have to say yes, you need to think about the type of place you are going and if knowing it is rough then not to dress to skimply. Most of the time I would emagine your ok and safe but it allways pays to have good friends watching your back at alltimes.

So whats it like in europe, well im in the uk, not started transitioning yet but the men I see on a regular basis and I only have them to go off, are just as bad. Just a hint of nipple and there tonges are hanging out of there mouths and the Genitaliar take over all of the thorght process that should be done in there heads.

Sorry if I have offended any one on this site but this is how I see 90% of the young men in the UK. The older ones then are a 50/50 split of nice middle aged married men and dirty perverted sickows.

Sorry for being honest

LUCY

Debisl
you look great in the photo and if you want to go out looking good to make your self feel better then just do it. I dont suppose theres any hard fast rule that said its your fault if you atract nutters just find a nice but strait way of telling them to push off. YOU GO GIRL.

why do some women consider [sexy] women [slutty]? 

for the most part, because they are jealous, but they also may be right. i don't think they're necessarily slutty. A person can wear a belly shirt and/or hip huggers tastefully. there are also many ways to dress a little sexy without [baring everything].  Of those who don't do it tastefully, i think [many] of them simply have a poor sense of style, others are attention-whores.  personally, the worst i feel is when someone who is not in excellent shape or 35+ wears something like this. Ill-fitting clothes drive me nuts! No one wants to see a saggy or pudgy belly sticking out over a pair of jeans. eeeewwww!

I guess guys are the same all over. Even in the UK. I would have thought in the countrys that are more permissible, like the French Rivera, Denmark, etc. the people there would be use to seeing most anything and treat it as such.
I just think it is an unfair standard. I have seen guys with speedos on, and a big banana buldging out, no shirt, and that is ok. We put on a nice bikini and we get cold and our nipples get erect and we are naughty. I can't control them.
I do agree with Katia. Please dress appropriate to your size. There is nothing worse than looking at buldging fat coming over tight pants, or worse yet a tight little skirt with fat hanging over with a belly shirt. I do not judge anyone with a weight problem. It is hard to loose sometimes. Just don't wear tight things.
I think I have gone off track. Not my intent.

This is just my take on this.
I don't want to be persecuted because I like to dress sexy. I usually bring a light rap when I go out because my nipples do get cold. Where I live, damn cold. If I feel them I do cover up. I think this is appropriate.
Lucy you are right men have little brains and they are not in their head

Deb

Belly shirts I love them :) I have a dangely belly ring and a small Aztec sun around it, Ill have my BF take a picture it's really cool :)

Ya over weight girls should dress in less than skin tight clothes agreed.

Sexy starts with confidence. the way that someone stands, smiles, looks at people has more to do with their sexyness than the physical features. there are people who have great features and bodys who dont have the confidence and dont appear sexy.

When I was younger, I always dressed sexy. When I went clubbing, I always dressed very nicely and somewhat flashy.  I loved heels, tight pants, and short skirts.  I did not dress unappropriately for the occasion, but I know it does turn guys on.  That's all part of the clubbin gig, no?

Do we attract attention? Yes.  Are we asking for it? NO.

It is our right to look good!

Cindi

Well said Cindi!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)
I like that answer.

Deb

I'm a boring dresser. Hoodies, plain t-shirts, jeans or pants and my basic black sneakers. ^_^

-- Brede

Hmmmm...well, slutty to me is always or "almost always" naked, loves too much attention, throws herself at guys, wears clothes designed for teenagers, and wants to sleep with everything that walks.  Sexy, however, is the way you look and appear.  Honeslty for a girl, you can wear a suit and look very sexy; therefore, sexy doesn't necessarily have to mean naked or topless.  Just my thoughts. ;)

tink :icon_chick:

May I point out that men have bigger brains than women?
May I also point out that I find quite offensive to be called a stupid sex-maniac? (I might consider myself both male and female, but I'm physically mostly male.)

For one thing: I like to watch women, yes. Men, too. I like to watch at beauty, because I love art. And art may be sensual; I like that, too. Doesn't mean I immediately think of getting it on with someone.
Most guys I know do not conform to the abovementioned statement. Rather the opposite.

As for my choice of clothing: I dress comfortably. It has to be able to let me move freely, silently. I don't want to draw attention, and even though my choice of clothes is mostly extremely different from the norm, it does it's job very well.
As to the why: Still caught in the fighting-days. Working on that, so as soon as I can lay my hands on some money, I want to buy me something nice, aswell.

ME...?????
Oh gee a little ole question for me?????
so humble i am..
1.  I dress sometimes the way i feel inside
2.  I dress to what an occasion may call for (ie:black tie event)
3.  I dress the way work place requires
4.  I dress the way season or weather requires
5.  I dress (ashamed to admit sometimes) the way society may dictate or require....
Uggghhhhhhh
I feel unclean need something toxic to wash this out of me like VODKA!!!!!!!!!!1
Ricki

I was thinking about the topic and reading the responses, and I came to a weird conclusion.

This is ONE topic where being trans has a definite advantage.  We don't want to blame a woman for inciting unwanted attention or worse, but at the same time, we instinctively feel when someone has crossed what would be our own standard for what's appropriate.

I say we have an advantage becuase, IMHO, being raised as boys, we get the message "Take responsibility for your choices." earlier and probably more forcefully than our GG sisters.  Some parents don't ask their daughters to be responsible for anything outside of their undies, and even _that_ only after Aunt Flo's first visit.

I think, on some level, T's can balance daring and safety pretty well, especially in a relatively safe setting like a T-friendly club.  I hate to sound butch, but in many instances, T-girls can defend themselves better than a lot of g-girls, and so maybe we can afford to get a little more audacious once in a while.

As for "Why" we dress sexy at clubs etcetera?  Because we like to look good, we like the image in the mirror to make us happy, and beauty makes people happy.  We all have different standards of beauty and different aesthetics.  We envision ourselves as a beautiful ideal and constanly strive to reach it.  We have to!  And we judge our success by our own reflection, and by the reactions of others, and that's cool.  And as for attention?  Attention is food for our femininity, ALL women love attention, don't they?

The question of "who's to blame if something happens" will have a different answer from each person who considers it.  Tink put it well, when she included a girl's behaviour in her asessment of when a girl is being slutty.  Acting slutty is WAY more obvious than LOOKING slutty, and more irresponsible.  More useful is to always remember to be careful, be responsible for yourself, especially around strangers.  Just like Mama said!

I could go on, but I have to change...

Steph

I like to dress cute and comfortable  :)  it it happens to attract positive attention all the better... if someone finds me sexy all the better...  I just happen to find heels, painted on jeans and either tight tees, sweaters and so on comfortable LoL.

As far as the weight/age thing goes I agree perfectly... if youe got it flaunt it, if you dont... please dont... what looks cute on girl A may look horrable on girl B.... dont became another statistic... dont become another fashon fopa <sp?>

PS:  Im sorry if anyone feels offended by the above statement, it was not ment to be taken as such.

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As an afterthought... not all T-Girls are better able to defend themselves than GG's are... Ive lost the majority of my bodystrenght and never was much of a fighter to begin with...  seriously I saw a friend I hadnt seen in a year tonight, and she couldnt get over the fact that my arms are less than half the size they used to be....  At my peak I could do 40 pullups or chinups and now I cant even do 1.....  to make up for it I carry pepperspray  >:D heheheheheh

LynnER
I am the same way. I was never a big person with muscles. I don't have much body strength.
Since my scare the other night I will have some pepper spray by this weekend too.
Girls please don't take any of the age/weight things personal. My main question was should we be able to wear what we want without someone saying, "if you wear that you are asking for trouble". I know we need to dress appropriate for the places we go. When we go clubing, appropriate is sexy in most instances if you want to blend in.

Deb

I used to get all decked out but now, not so much.  When I hit a club with friends I might dress it up a bit maybe even go as fas as wearing my LBD.  Usually it is slacks and a top because I go to unwind ane thus relax a bit.  Oh and the guys there usually are not interested because I typically hit one of the local gay bars.

I'm way too much of a tomboy to really deck myself out all that much.

I mean sure, my shirt and pants will be a little form fitting and cute, and I might put up my hair in an interesting way, but I haven't ever really gone all that "slutty" for things like clubs and stuff.

I'm just a big one on comfortable "boarder style" clothing and girl tailored cargo pants and a semi loose T-shirt are both my style and comfortable.

Of course, I've been in denial of my gender identity for a long time, so it remains to be seen what styles I try out in the future.

*shrug*

I think the main reason why a lot of guys will stare or advance is not so much brainpower problems or insensativity. Its definately not something I would blame on women either.

I really think its more an issue that society teaches guys to be aggressive in pursuit and dating. So they'll feel like they aren't a man if they don't stare at me with their friends or hit on me in annoying ways. It isn't that they have small brains or don't think with anything but their penises (although I know a few that do.) Its just nasty social pressures that are just as unfair to guys as they are to us.

I'm sure many of us can understand these pressures. I know I can. They were pushed on me before I figured myself out.

And then the stupid gender divide, that causes guys to put us up on a pedestal or create an us and them mentality is something that I personally think is responsible for the amount of trouble women get in for just dressing a certain way.

But I have to agree that certain body types simply can't work with certain clothing. People need to wear what looks good on them. Rolls of fat coming out of peoples' clothing makes me shudder. :o

Quote from: stephanology on April 06, 2007, 12:23:46 AM

  More useful is to always remember to be careful, be responsible for yourself, especially around strangers.  Just like Mama said!

Steph

May be Mama should wake up to reality: According to reliable statistics 80%, or 4 out of 5 (!) rapes and sexual assaults are commited by a person known to the victim. 
Without being a kill-joy, a more useful advise might be: to be responsible for yourself at all time specially if drink or any other mood-altering substance is involved.

LL&R

Maebh

I wonder if there's a good way to gauge whether a person you're close to is a risk for being a rapist?

Because it makes it kinda hard to trust people with that knowledge that aquaintance rape is so prevalent.

A start...watch out for sociopathic tendencies, a lack of empathy for others.

Rhonda

Quote from: Sophia on April 08, 2007, 07:07:46 PM
I wonder if there's a good way to gauge whether a person you're close to is a risk for being a rapist?

Because it makes it kinda hard to trust people with that knowledge that aquaintance rape is so prevalent.

Keep your antenae tuned-in and put an immediate stop  :eusa_hand: to any unappropriate comments, gestures or situations that you are not comfortable with.  >:(

Hope this helps.

LL&R

Maebh

Well luckily I don't think anyone I know fits those tendencies, but thanks for the advice!

I'll make sure to keep my eyes open, especially after I start going full time.

I do think since I went full time I am much more aware of my suroundings. Guys don't have to worry about that.
You realy never know who or what is stalking you. I don't think we need to be parinoid, but we do need to open our eyes. Men are attracted to women like bees on honey. We just have to accept that fact. We do not have to stand for vulgar remarks or rude advancements.
I myself quit going to G&L bars/clubs. I only go to straight places. Please don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong about those places. I just feel that I have moved on and if I am going to find the kind of guy I want I need to look else where.
I know where I live all I have to do is wear jeans and a belly top or something on that order and you can expect looks. If you have long hair you get looks. Nothing sexy in my opinion about jeans, but to men it is all the excuse they need to stare.
Now girls I do have to admit one thing. I am guilty too. I catch myself staring at the guys.

Deb

Quote from: debisl on April 09, 2007, 09:42:24 AM

Now girls I do have to admit one thing. I am guilty too. I catch myself staring at the guys.

Deb

And fair play to you gal!  ;)

LL&R

Maebh