Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I know it happens more to our sisters than us, but either way it happens, and the stuff in boys don't cry is legit too...it may be 2012 but many people themselves are no different. Is anyone else scared of this crap happening in our daily lives? Or specifically where you live?

Sorry for such a grey topic

I am. I don't keep my head in the clouds. Reality is that there ARE bad people out there who are looking to hurt people just because. But honestly, my biggest fear is having an employer seeing my birth name. I'm not a particularly social individual. I mean I am great around people and am friendly, however, I prefer to be home alone with my partner. And she is the exact same way. Apart from that, I'm not gonna walk around advertising to ANYONE that I'm trans. It's none of their business. So yep. I don't know why I would be attacked because no one would know.

It should also be put out there that Brandon Teena was also Native American which is often overlooked. It was more than just being trans for him (as there's a lot of hostility towards Native Americans). I've dealt with my share of messed up folks, not fun. Although I've never been the victim of physical violence I have been threatened with physical violence, kicked out of restaurants, called police due to a threat of violence and police didn't do anything about it...dealt with some hate from the LGBT community (blah blah blah) and get this: I live near NYC which is considered liberal/left/open minded.

Despite always being sir'd and pretty confident that nobody thinks I'm anything but what I look like, yes. The incident where the translady was beaten for using the bathroom at Mcdonalds is never far from mind. Being bi, it would also suck to have a group of drunk guys decide that I looked at them wrong and get beaten to death. People should really calm their tits.

Yes I am scared of it.  I'm scared of someone grabing my crotch to see if I'm male or female.   I am also scared of being physically attacked or denied or fired from a job because I'm trans.  I know that I will get nervous around kids especially.  I'm not too much of a people's person so I will try my best to keep to myself.  I am also not looking foward to the tons of questions people who do find out ask that are really inappropriate.

usually I dont think much about it, cause I somehow got use to the thought.
since I was 12, I knew if I would transition I would have to deal with this kind of stuff so it havent been a surprize for me.

now, I pass as a femenine guy, so if I were to be beaten up or harrasm it would more likely be cause im femenine and they suspect that im gay, than cause I am trans.

there situations where I feel easy to be harrasm as being trans, Like I am still alittle scared to go in the swimming hall cause I am scared people would trow me out, and I will get alot of rambling or even having something criminal crap put on me.

sure also if its a personal matter I can be kind of scared, like getting rejejcted from someone you like cause your trans.
the discrimination agenst transgender is always high, and usunally theres no mercy to get when it is so your just gonna hope for the best and be with the ones who cares.

Nah, because no one knows I'm trans unless I tell them, which I don't, primarily because it's not their business.

I did worry early on.  Fortunately, I can report that in over 3 years of transition, in a fairly small town in the Midwest, that the worst I've ever encountered has been the "deer in the headlights" look.  For the most part I've found that if I don't act like it's a big deal, others take their cue from me and don't treat it like a big deal.  That being said, where you live and the type of people you hang out with can have a big effect on how much trouble you're given.

I hope you don't mind me posting in a guys thread.

We all need confidence to keep moving forward but we also need to be sensible."I'm a guy" so I can go anywhere other guys go is not true. Any street wise guy not matter what chromosomes they carry know places not to go anywhere near.  That is not cowardice or hiding, it is straight out common sense.  You really want to go into a bikie bar to soak up the atmosphere? Your blood will be soaking the sawdust. Wannabies are duty bound to bash you.

We, all of us, have to be careful. Being trans is an added risk, but it is immaterial.  There are people out there and groups of people out there who just want to hurt people. It's called fun.

I've been in ER on a Saturday night when some thug has been brought in, beaten up and bloodied and drunk and high and semi-comatosed. 50% of them get up after 30 mins, still drunk/high and totally thuggish, demanding, even fighting to get out to 'party' some more. They let them go.

Meet one or a group of them and there is nothing you can do.

We all have to be careful.

Cindy

Yes, I am. It's one of the reasons why I choose to be stealth except for queer events like pride/support groups/etc.

Quote from: Stewie on June 04, 2012, 02:27:16 PM
my biggest fear is having an employer seeing my birth name. I'm not a particularly social individual.

That's exactly what I'm worried about. I'm not social either, and in my area, women get the very social up-front jobs. They won't hire a female named/statused person for behind-the-scenes or solitary work.

Quote from: thefire on June 06, 2012, 07:37:43 AM

That's exactly what I'm worried about. I'm not social either, and in my area, women get the very social up-front jobs. They won't hire a female named/statused person for behind-the-scenes or solitary work.

Oh man I'm scared of this too.  I hate being around people and I would much rather be a stocker/dishwasher than to be a cashier or clerk.  I'm just not very sociable.  That's why I'm having a hard time finding a job now pre-transition.  Even if I do work for a place that's trans-friendly I don't want to have to be on the front lines talking to customors pre-T and then go on T and have them all flip out.

Quote from: Cindy James on June 06, 2012, 05:26:13 AM

I hope you don't mind me posting in a guys thread.

We all need confidence to keep moving forward but we also need to be sensible."I'm a guy" so I can go anywhere other guys go is not true. Any street wise guy not matter what chromosomes they carry know places not to go anywhere near.  That is not cowardice or hiding, it is straight out common sense.  You really want to go into a bikie bar to soak up the atmosphere? Your blood will be soaking the sawdust. Wannabies are duty bound to bash you.

We, all of us, have to be careful. Being trans is an added risk, but it is immaterial.  There are people out there and groups of people out there who just want to hurt people. It's called fun.

I've been in ER on a Saturday night when some thug has been brought in, beaten up and bloodied and drunk and high and semi-comatosed. 50% of them get up after 30 mins, still drunk/high and totally thuggish, demanding, even fighting to get out to 'party' some more. They let them go.

Meet one or a group of them and there is nothing you can do.

We all have to be careful.

Cindy

true so, it also really depends on where you live, there always some no go places.
I always told to be carefull, maybe alittle extra cause of my girl birth, I have been to many of the NO-no zones, but it diffently something where you feel you arnt safe, Luckely I have never got into trouble, I think it must be something with my attitude, I am not a threat, neither show alot of fear, I think its the best way to avoid getting intro troubles.

Yes, I'm afraid for the phobia's everywhere. Just today I read something that 1 in 5 people in The Netherlands are more or less transphobic. And 9% might end friendships if you would decide to transition. That's the Netherlands, and we're all out there saying we're so tolerating!
Fact is that the Dutch are so tolerating towards people being different that I'm actually (and I'm somewhat ashamed of it) afraid to transition and live my life as a gay male. That's how big the difference can be between being a lesbians and a gay male. Like if you ask guys about it (mostly guys that have something against it), they say they're fine with someone being gay 'as long as he won't touch me'.

Most of 'm actually use those exact words.

Only to the point that it effects my ability to operate successfully within the world.  I'm not so concerned with what people say or do as long as it doesn't effect my physical, financial, or legal health/position.

I've been paranoid my whole life, for a multitude of reasons, so somewhere along the way I affected what my mom calls the "I'm Going To Rip Your Throat Out" demeanor.

Aside from that, I've usually got a knife or razor in every pocket whenever I go out, and I try to always be out with at least one other person, if not more. On my own, the most I've gotten since coming out has been some rude looks and confusion. Out with my guys, the worst that's happened has been some 9 year old kid calling me and Ben a bunch of ->-bleeped-<-s. Which, we are.

Granted where I live, everyone is kind of rude and verbally aggressive, most of the guys around here walk around trying to put on a 'badass' show it seems, but for the most part people just talk a lot of crap.

IMO, best thing you can do is just always be aware of your surroundings, try and stick with people, and knowing how to fight would probably be a plus.

I was a lot more cautious and scared before I came out but tried to present myself as male to strangers, and in my first month or two of being on testosterone. Now, I haven't had many problems. It could just be where I live (although, there are idiots everywhere.. ???) but it's been a while since I've had a homophobic/transphobic experience. I don't get misgendered much anymore, perhaps that contributes.

I got harassed and bullied plenty when I was a bit younger. Maybe the universe is giving me a break. :D

Edit: Also, Brayden, I am hardcore loving your t-shirt man. My favourite band!

I'm not actively trying to transition at the minute for various reasons, but if and when the time comes when I do (which I'm sure that it will at some time in the future, I can't see myself like this in the future), I know that I would rather be hated by others than hated by myself.  As for physical risks, if they happen, they happen.  I can do my best to avoid it, but if they happen then they do.  Anyway, not transitioning won't help me there, I pass as male to people who don't know me as it is.  Actually, I feel that it could be a more dangerous situation for me than if I was to transition, today at school we did a first aid course and the bloke kept calling me "young man" in front of the class, which I got away with only a few odd looks, but then he asked me what my name was, and I just froze and stared at him like he was pointing a gun at me; by giving my birthname I don't out myself but I advertise the fact that I'm not "normal".

Yeah somewhat. Of course I don't really appear masculine imo. But as I have been presenting more masculine, I feel like it will happen sometime.
So far everyone has been very polite.

--Jay Jay

i think everone is afraid of being harassed or bullied
the trick is to never let it get you down.
you're doing what you;re doing to make you happy, not to make them happy

I am, but mostly at night walking home from the bar or in the bar's washroom. When men drink they tend to be aggressive. I worry because I often come across as a gay man, which is what they might take offends to. I'm well-tattooed and pierced, and I think this gives me street cred. I also can put on a hostile air, which helps. I'm afraid most in the washroom, being found out to have the 'wrong equipment', and assaulted sexually. I've experienced sexual assault as a female, and just don't think I'd make it through another assault.

But, I'm getting more brazen, realizing I have just as much of a right to be free and human whenever I want. Last weekend at the bar, I went into the washroom, and of course there was only one stall. The door was kind of ripped off. I was like, '->-bleeped-<- it', and pulled my pants down and peed even with a couple of men in there. I think confidence takes you far. I went per twice that night. Men are so anxious in washrooms, they seriously only watch their own ->-bleeped-<- and do not make eye contact. It's been eight years of being transitioned, so I'm glad I'm finally taking up space.

No. If anything I just think "well, some jobs might be a little harder to get". But It seems silly to me to worry so much for a few reasons. The first being, people will dislike someone or even hate them for any number of reasons, and if I wanted to spend all my time being afraid that they might cause me some sort of harm I would never leave my house. The second being holding that kind of fear gives someone else power over me that they don't deserve.

But, I this is just me. I always was a 'jump now and figure it out later' kind of person.

I've always been getting beaten up by guys and girk's alike because I'm a "teachers pet" or a "know it all"... And I'm afraid if I do come out of the closet to people at school, who've known me and tortured me since preschool, I might get even worse treatment. One guy even punched me in the face in the middle of class because I was stating how uncivilised he was being making fun of a boy just because he was shorter, and him knowing only that I'm female, punched me in the face.
I'm terrified that even worse things could happen.

Scare? afraid? paranoid? No, but always in "situational awareness mode." Most of the time I never live home with out my doggie (Colt .45 ACP).

It's very rare for me to actually be scared aware yes sometimes very nervous though like a few weekends ago i went out with some friends to the only local gay bar, thats where they wanted to go and I had a gay man grab my shirt to pull me towards him when he was trying to flirt with me again. I got super nervous and weird cause i haven't had top surgery yet. Plus i haven't got beat up in a years i used too all the time for being weird or a lesbian but as a trans man i haven't yet so I am not to worried plus i live in a very liberal open minded area