Susan's Place Transgender Resources

OK, this the MtF side but it easily would apply to FtM - maybe more so?

There are things we go through when we grow up, go through puberty, and for females born female (and NOT for MtFs) such things would be our first period, how to get on with it, later on loosing our virginity - becoming a woman, have our special day (white wedding?),  for most to get pregnant, giving birth...

NONE of these things are part of an MtF's life... maybe some lucky ladies have a wedding, brides maids, a groom, their special day. Married life, a husband.

For all these things, there be certain parallels in a male life, they will just not have happened to us.
In other words: What if ANY, are OUR rites of passage? Transition, HRT, SRS, FFS, BA?!? to give US our 'grounding' as grown-up women?
Trans-women, OH YES! Ordinary women? Not that I can see it - not for one moment.

The lack of these experiences (rites of passage), the "normal" ones for most female born female are what gives women a certain "grounding". A grounding in WHO they are. They are THIS... and nothing other, female. Period. Just normal women.

It is my contention that the lack of our female rites of passage is one of the main reasons for our almost insurmountable insecurities. Do I pass, will I pass, can I be stealth, what is my orientation post-op, HRT, etc.
By not having gone through those experiences we will always be outsiders of some kind, to the female side of our tribe.

Can we do anything about it? I don't think so. But you tell.

BTW, it is an accepted thing in Large Group Awareness Trainings (LGAT) that the lack of such "rites of passage" leaves modern males also pretty much "afloat" – emotionally. Leaving them with an equally lesser sense of maleness, leading to some of those silly overcompensations we so often see (well, I do).

If we are going through the wrong "rite" for our gender (brain sex) it is also of little help. I did some of just that... and see what happened. I transitioned, my inner self did not benefit in the end.
Yet... now we are emotionally in some kind of female Nowhere-Land. Maybe like a female teenager in early puberty?
It comes visiting in the wee hours, when we have no one to reflect back to us "yes we are a woman" and we feel ever so ordinary just ourself in some sort of gender vacuum. Our body does not seem to count for much in these moments...
I just bring this up in a spirit of sharing and, I'd be little surprised to be the only women sans 'rites of passage' that feels that way.

Thank you for your attention :)
Axélle

Everyone probably has different feelings about this, and rightly so since everyone has different experiences and perceptions.

All I can say is that I don't miss what I never had. The only rite of passage which mattered to me was the moment of self-realisation and the acceptance and understanding that no matter how hard it tried, the world didn't, and couldn't define who I am. That's something I can only, and did, do for myself.

That took most, if not all of the insecurity and doubt away.

Quote from: Sephirah on June 10, 2012, 01:52:49 PM
[clipped]

All I can say is that I don't miss what I never had.

[clipped]

If it was not for other female born female company I truly might not know?
But I DO know. Somehow I really do. Instinct? Imagination? Empathy? ...
It was a major issue with GID this 'knowing and missing' - of what I never had.

Lucky for who is not affected. Really.
Though having seen many a folks, male more then female, going through some 'processes' and the after effects also confirmed that I'm not AT ALL alone in this.
Question: why are so many cultures HAVING 'rites of passage"?
There IS a reason, and a rather powerful one in my personal experience.

Axélle

No doubt for a lot of people it's a very real feeling, and very distressing.

I just don't miss it because there's no point. It doesn't change anything. I learned a while ago to come to terms with things and move past them. :) It was the only way to break the stranglehold of dark feelings I had when I was younger.

I think some rites of passage (RoP) are "large", like menarche, losing virginity, first kill on a hunt, first car, etc...but most are "small", like a 5yo girl helping her mom bake a cake for the first time, or an 8yo boy helping his dad stack firewood. etc etc.

Go to school, playing with the other boys/girls, learning first-hand what is "boy" behaviors/attitudes, what is "girl" behaviors/attitudes, etc.

We Trans-people are certainly in a socially-handicapped position regarding this socialization...but, confidence and happiness go a long way to easing our path.

Most of our RoP are rooted in individual journey mileposts--first hormones, name change, first "girl clothing item" bought by ourselves, first time going en femme, etc.

Vive le Mileposts!!

I think the only common "Rite of Passage" we all share, is that moment when we truly believe that in spite of all the past obstacles that you take the first step towards change. From that point on you are embarked upon a personal journey. To define other milestones one must reach is to limit the possibilities any of us have in obtaining happiness and peace of mind.

As it is there is too much zealotry within our ranks. To say one must start HRT, have FFS, GRS, BA, tracheal shaves, voice training etc.  is to severely limit the definition of a legitimate MTF person.

For most of human kind, our lives will be filled with insecurities. Cis women have plenty. Some of those we share by virtue of also being women. Both Cis and MTF groups have unique insecurities. The spectrum of those insecurities are not shared by all within that group. Even passing is not requirement for some.

 The lack of rites of passage is just a symptom. I've spent enough tears on it, as there are bigger issues afoot, and frankly I'm too tired to care further than that for the moment. The solution will present itself, in time, so in the meantime ... I have to get through bad days such as these as best as I can.

I have given this some thought and I think that is way many girls go through the "dressing inappropriately".  50-somethings dressing like they are 20.  Short skirts, Go-go boots, low cut blouses. 

OK the last one is a must have.  Especially when you have the cleavage.  But we go through that phase because we never got a chance at the "Rites of Passage" our cis-sisters did.  We are playing catch up.

Quote from: Sephirah on June 10, 2012, 02:35:20 PM
No doubt for a lot of people it's a very real feeling, and very distressing.

I just don't miss it because there's no point. It doesn't change anything. I learned a while ago to come to terms with things and move past them. :) It was the only way to break the stranglehold of dark feelings I had when I was younger.

Now you're talking - I like it! Very grown-up, the sort of grown-up that is ever so good to have around, and ever so little to be had, or found... :)

Axélle

Transition and surgery is a right of passage...stop focusing on what you missed out on and accept what you have been through and let it ground you as female. The pain and indignity you go through on the operating table is you, giving birth to yourself and afterwards you'll bleed enough for a life time of periods (possibly more if like me you start heamorraging). You're virginity is yours to do what you will with, but don't throw it away to lightly.

Most of all you are a sterile XY woman, accept it and let that ground you because there's nothing wrong with it.

As ever, Gorgeous, an interesting post.

You OK BTW I need some way of keeping up with the people that I love.

I think the spelling in some ways defines your opinions. What is a right and what is a rite.

Until you can separate them the the discussion is difficult.

Not meaning to be a smart arse, both adjectives are true to us.

We were talking about this a bit this afternoon, and the two Lesbian friends I was with commented that there is a similar lack in the Les community.
We can just make our own up as we go along.
First womens clothes purchase, first time putting on makeup, first time out in public, first time out in public for a decent amount of time in daylight! Name change, starting HRT, FFs, laser starting, laser finishing, SRS.  The list can be endless.  Most of all coming out to yourself, and then the first time to another person.

Karen.

Quote from: Cindy James on June 11, 2012, 05:04:53 AM
As ever, Gorgeous, an interesting post.

You OK BTW I need some way of keeping up with the people that I love.

I think the spelling in some ways defines your opinions. What is a right and what is a rite.

Until you can separate them the the discussion is difficult.

Not meaning to be a smart arse, both adjectives are true to us.

Hee hee, i didn't notice the spelling mistake...interesting. I think the things I mentioned are both right and a rite of passage. I know a lot of people would disagree with me, but surgery changes you in ways you can't comprehend if you haven't been through it. Nothing changes yet everything changes. It's like looking at a jigsaw puzzle that's been put together all wrong, before transition it's all jumbled up and doesn't make sense and as you go through transition the pieces start to fall into place, and then finally you have surgery and as you recover from that finally you're able to see what was there all along but was previously all messed up. If that doesn't ground you then I don't know what will.

Also a life spent focused on the things you don't have will always be a dissapointment

There are many women who cannot give birth.

There are many women who are eternally single.

There are many women who, for one reason or another, do not participate in those various rites of passage.

I've spoken to many of these other women and they all seem to have the same yearnings as we.  They do what we do.  We pick up and move on.  We cannot dwell too long on those things we cannot have without madness ensuing.

I've been told by my older sister that first menarche was not anything to crow about.  Our mother simply started crying and saying she was too young and tossed her a pad.  She was 15.

We go through the same puberty, without menarche, as many teenagers.  We have the same emotional roller coaster.  We have the same attempts to dress attractively.  We have to learn how to accentuate ourselves through makeup without overdoing it.  We have our successes and failures.  It's just that for most of us, we do this at an age inappropriate time.  We are expected to hit the bricks running.  The first time we go out in public, we are expected to dress and act appropriately.  But when we fail, society does not chalk it up to simple pubescent maturation, but some darker sexual fetish.

We have our own rites though.  We have that first realization that we are women.  It is stunning and life changing.  We have that feeling of rightness when we finally do get it right and go out in public.  And that oddly normal feeling on some mornings after those long nights, when we dress as ourselves and the once magical feeling of *having* to put on a bra is just what we do.  Just as every other woman out there.  There are FTM parallels as well.

We feel ourselves as having re-crossed the river Styx.  We knocked the ferryman out and stole his boat and took back the money we had to give.

And on the way out, we pick up the hope we had to abandon, and hike out of Hades into sunlight.

-Sandy

We do get some of the female rights of passage.. maybe theyare comestic ones..

Starting to grow breasts, body fat reshaping to form a more female form
Wearing a bra for the first time, actually requiring one.
Getting your ears pierced
learning to apply makeup

For us.. getting SRS... (I still have not to get this one.).. hopefully next year

It's certainly not, or was not meant, to moan and groan about the lack or the differences, but to simply point out and make aware of this lack.
And interestingly enough as Karen pointed out there can be such a 'lack' in female-born-female circles. I had pointed out there was such a lack in MALE-born-male circles in current modern society. Absolutely no doubt about it with me.

A lot of 'little' things were mentioned like learning make-up, wearing a first bra, and such.
Well, to recall a "rite of passage" is quite some more then THAT, quite some.

The short word for it is ... Initiation. I did not want to used it, as folks are initiated into consulting firms and religious groups, etc. also. Though it is ALWAYS to LEARN UP FRONT! What from such a group is required - TO FIT IN and perform as seen fit.
The sex/gender type of initiation had practically always had some or other blood letting to go with it. And that is one FAR cry from fitting a bra, and putting on make-up, even SRS is sort of odd in this context.
UNLESS we accept it be the initiation into the group of post-op trans women...
Yet every sister and her aunty is trying ever so hard to pass and NOT hang out as TRANS* - yes?
So, a lot of the things mentioned are pretty much trans related due to the timing, when they came about, and the XY basis they are 'applied upon'.
Initiation is essentially a VERY physical thing that IN THE PROCESS gets 'under the skin'. It is ALWAYS powerful in context, that it will stay with the initiated for the rest of his or her life.
This just to re-focus from getting moved off into wearing our first garter-belt or panty hose. THAT... has little if anything to do with a "rite of passage" or an initiation IMHO.

The point is, that the LACK of it, leaves one with some sort of ... call it 'vacuum' that needs to be recognised and in some positive way filled. Lest we wind up un-initiated ~ females stuck in transition for ever and a day.

If such is our calling, as practically EVERY activist sees it, then no further awareness seems required. We trans* and that was/is it.
If we want to be female among females... it might just help to be AWARE.
It was this in mind that made me start the OP.

Love,
Axélle

You think too much...

Quote from: Hell_Girl on June 11, 2012, 01:50:18 PM
You think too much...

Gemini, eh  >:-)

I think the best thing to do is concentrate on the rites of passage that ground you as you...and take that grounded position to accept that you are a woman.

Concentrate on what you lack and you'll always feel empty.

So far, I have various anniversaries surrounding my transition.

January 19 2011: when I chose my name.
April 2 2011: getting my "letter"
April 24 2011: coming out process begins in earnest.
June 5 2011: starting HRT
September 16 2011: starting RLE/going full time

There are also some less happier anniversaries.

May 9 2011: become legally separated
August 8 2011: partner files for divorce
September 18, 2011: 23rd and final wedding anniversary
December 10: partner moves out
February 8 2012: divorce becomes final.

These are all rites of passage in a way.

Also, I think that after SRS there could (I hope) be a time that I could say is when I will have lost my virginity. Again, in a way. Will I ever have a husband? I don't know. Maybe. I could have another wife at some point. I could have a wedding day. It's an unknown at this time.

When I was young I was into boys (sexually), I enjoyed pleasing a male friend.  As I got older I found out that according other people like my parents, church, god, etc.  Being into boys was wrong, very wrong in fact, horrifically wrong.  So I decided to not be into boys and I steered myself into being attracted to women and somehow I was very intrigued by women so it was easy to convince myself that I was a heterosexual male, in fact after a few years I forgot I had ever been attracted to males.

It wasn't until I transitioned (which seemed to me like the ultimate shame) that I felt like I could re-explore who I was and I realized, remembered that I was attracted to males.  But I was so entrenched in being someone else for my family, for my friends, church, god, etc.  That I actually thought for a while that being on estrogen changed my sexual orientation.  Far from it.  Estrogen if anything brought me back to being myself, my true self.

So you can see from my illustration that all I had to do in order to find my true self was to stop being something I was not, right?  Easier said than done.  I suspect most people get lost in their false self, believe the lie and die apart from who they really were.

So it is easy to see how an individual can believe something that isn't true.  I believed for a time that I was a heterosexual male and I convinced everyone around me it was true, but it wasn't and it always felt wrong to me and yet I gathered my fears against me, hated what I was and deceived myself into thinking I was something else.  Strong words that convey a simple reality.  And for practical purposes I was a heterosexual male.

Transition was for me a mind-Phuck. 

I talked at length with a woman I had known for five or six years about my experiences.  My key point being that I had to shed a false self that I created in order to fit in.  I also shared with her that I felt like in order to be properly healed and re-born as my true self that I needed to move and experience a fresh start with new people who only knew me as my true sex.  This woman explained to me how this is a very common experience for non-trans people.  They may not suffer the exact same experience but they go through their lives living for other people, not being who they are, creating a false self.  Common.  Our situation has to do with our sex, other people experience the creation and destruction of a false self regarding other aspects of their being, not the same but pretty much the same.  And many have to move and start over with new people to avoid the prejudice or the outside influence.

So...

What have we left here?

Well...  I will just say this.  Passing is important to experiencing life as one's true sex.  It's (in my own experience) critical.  However, I have found that if you really want something, it if is crucial to you then you will find a way to make it happen.  It took years for me to be able to make it happen and living in the interim sucked big time, my goals were what kept me from taking my own life during those years.

I didn't transition because I wanted a female body or boobs or a vagina.  I transitioned because I needed female socialization.  I am stating this because I think it may make me different from some other people.  To me the most important aspect of transition was the goal of female socialization.  I needed to be acknowledged as being female in order to experience life the way I was supposed to experience it, in order to alleviate my dysphoria, my "GID".  I did have FFS and BAS and SRS and I take hormones but only in order to facilitate being able to experience life as female.  I never gave much thought to whether or not I was attractive.  I wasn't motivated by body parts.  Does this make me different?  I dunno...  probably, everybody is different right?

As far as Female Rites of Passage.

Axelle, you know as well as I do that whatever you focus on you get more of.  If you focus on how M2Fs are different from other women then you will end up with a lot of differences at the end of the day.  Whereas if you focus on similarities you end up being very similar at the end of the day.  Personally I think focusing on any one thing will deprive you of a lot of other aspects of life.  Focusing on any one thing blinds you to a world of other things (in my experience).

As usual the remedy is meditation, not transcendental meditation but traditional meditation.  Transcendental meditation does not allow the mind to become like a still pond (as it should be) rather in my experience transcendental meditation causes the mind to become like a river.  When the mind is still like a pond and a tiny drop falls into it, the ripples will spread and that tiny drop will be absorbed fully, acknowledged and experienced.  That tiny drop that would otherwise go completely unnoticed.  http://www.mro.org/zmm/teachings/meditation.php (http://www.mro.org/zmm/teachings/meditation.php)

Causing the mind to become still is important.  Many unfortunate women who transition live with Cognitive Dissonance for the rest of their lives.

QuoteCognitive dissonance is a discomfort caused by holding conflicting cognitions (e.g., ideas, beliefs, values, emotional reactions) simultaneously. In a state of dissonance, people may feel surprise, dread, guilt, anger, or embarrassment.[1] The theory of cognitive dissonance in social psychology proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance by altering existing cognitions, adding new ones to create a consistent belief system, or alternatively by reducing the importance of any one of the dissonant elements.[1] An example of this would be the conflict between wanting to smoke and knowing that smoking is unhealthy; ~http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

QuoteA classical illustration of cognitive dissonance is expressed in the fable The Fox and the Grapes by Aesop (ca. 620–564 BCE). In the story, a fox sees some high-hanging grapes and wishes to eat them. When the fox is unable to think of a way to reach them, he decides that the grapes are probably not worth eating, with the justification the grapes probably are not ripe or that they are sour (hence "sour grapes"). This example follows a pattern: one desires something, finds it unattainable, and reduces one's dissonance by criticizing it. Jon Elster calls this pattern "adaptive preference formation".[6]

Simple examples of Cognitive Dissonance by trans women...

"I can't be stealth therefore stealth is a bad thing, it's a lie, dishonest.  Being trans is part of who I am, being trans makes me who I am.  Growing up as the wrong sex is part of what makes me what I am, my ideas about life and myself make me who I am..."

"Just living as one's true sex after transition is running from one closet to another, I am afraid of that.  I am my ideas about myself, if I transition and become someone I am not I will die because my ideas about myself make me who I am and I am the past, I have to marry the past with the present or I will cease to exist."

"I will probably never pass so I am trans.  Women who transition who think they aren't trans anymore should be locked up in institutions because they are crazy."

"The present is thus therefore I believe thus."

My point is that once we begin to fool ourselves into believing we are something we are not...  It becomes impossible to believe in any reality without dragging our false self into the picture.  It is impossible to separate ourselves from our false self failing anything except something akin to "enlightenment".  Normally life kicks us in the head or we hit rock bottom or we spent a week diligently meditating and it simply occurred to us or maybe we overcame a tremendous fear, one so scary that we thought we were going to die but instead we came out the other side of a leap of faith as a stronger, more self-aware person.  My experience was transitioning and telling everyone that I was transitioning and going full-time during a time when I had to maintain employment in order to survive (adding to my fears) meaning, I am not retired.  I still have to function among other people in order to be able to survive.

Have you ever heard the expression, "Oh pish posh, Stealth is so wrong, nothing worse than running from one closet to another, bleh..."

Well unfortunately many trans women do the closet shuffle.  Meaning, they go from being their false self, the one that was created to alleviate the Cognitive Dissonance that real 'GID' causes, to being a trans woman.  Meaning they continue to use their Cognitive Dissonance to create another false self.  For instance, a woman might say, "What about all the Rites of Passage we will never experience?"  Hum...  Well let's see here.  What is really going on?  Why focus on what you don't want or what you don't have?  What purpose is it serving?

Must we relinquish ourselves to recreating the process over again? 

Do we decide, "Gee...  I can't be a real woman so I am going to be a trans woman for life."  Then go about determining what makes us different from "real" women?

The point of my talking about convincing myself I was a straight male in the beginning of this post was to help demonstrate how in order to be our true self, we have to strip off the false self, not perpetuate the false self.

This is where the road forks.

Some who transition will decide to be trans women.  It may seem sensible to them, it may seem logical to them.  It may seem healthy to them.  If you had told me I was a gay man with GID back when I was in denial I would have gotten angry and I probably would have said some terrible things because you would have provoked my greatest fears.  I was spending all my effort trying to hold-it-together, trying to be a man and I knew all the time I had never arrived, I knew I wasn't a man and I was terrified that someone else might notice, notice that I was different, notice that I didn't fit in and cause me to have to begin to confront my fears.

People do the same thing with being trans.

Simple as that.  Doesn't really need any more explanation than that.

And of course when they do decide to be trans for life, they have all kinds of sensible reasons for adopting a new false self.  They go boldly into their new closet thinking they are noble and righteous, doing the community a favor.

But the reason a person should transition is to be herself or his self.  Not to support a "community".  Transition is supposed to be about being Authentic.

So...

That story I shared with you (Axelle) about going through the mountains and the scull and the crossbones...

The easiest way to get one's self out from under a heap of fabrication is to meditate, make the mind still, like a pond.  Focusing on any one thing will create a giant blind spot in your life whether it is focusing on the negative or focusing on the positive.  Being authentic is about stripping away the layers.
Understanding how Cognitive Dissonance works can be useful.

About Female Rites of Passage.

This is the scary part.  I realize that not everyone is like me.  My needs may not be your needs.  But what I have found in my own life is that there is a commonly held reality that remains strong and that "reality", that Universal Consensus is that women are born female.  So for me the first and foremost rite of passage in being female is to be born female.  What that means to me is that I have to create a situation where other people simply take it for granted that I was born female.  I do this by removing myself from people who knew me from before and placing myself amongst people who only know me as female.  Until I was able to do this all my interactions were tainted.  All of my interactions were poisoned.  All of my interactions were "dirty".

But as I said before... "The most important thing for me is to be able to experience female socialization."

I could care less about having a vagina or breasts or anything...  For me it's about Female Socialization.  And really when you think about it, Female Socialization is intrinsically tied to Female Rites of Passage.  If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear it does it make a crashing sound when it hits the ground?  Female Rites of Passage are only really meaningful when they are "heard", when they are told, when they are shared.

The most important rite of passage for me was sharing with my tribe that I was female.  Most members of the tribe never even realized they were sharing in this rite of passage, it was simply taken for granted like the color of the sky or the Pope and his hat, the bear going doo doo in the woods.  But it was and is so crucial for me.  I need for people to see and know me for who I am.  That is why I transitioned.  That is why I had SRS.  That is why I have spent the last decade struggling to have something that many will only ever dream of.

I was born female.

In order for the sprout of wheat to spring up a kernel of wheat must first fall to the ground and die.  Someone else talked about the "undead".  The use of Cognitive Dissonance to wed the corpse to the new life, the creating of a monster.  Sort of severe terminologies but the point being that if you are going to do something, don't leave it unfinished, don't leave it half done.

I suspect that Female Rites of Passage are about realizing that transition doesn't stop with hormones, clothes, voice and surgeries.  Transition can go far beyond those things.  In America people are all about buying things, you can buy a football uniform, a football and a helmet, you can buy a mouth guard and shoes with little spikes on the bottoms but no matter how much stuff you buy it won't make you a football player.  At some point you have to get in the game.  You have to go beyond what can be bought.

I know you already know this but this is an open discussion and I am hopeful that I may inspire someone.  Plus I win because I have the longest post in the thread.  Yay.

In some ways, I was lucky.. During my teen years I had strong relationships with a number of female friends and got to share in many of the 'traditional' rites of passage that they went through - in essence, I was able to experience them vicariously. This is not quite the same as living them yourself, but it seems to have served me well enough. And since starting HRT, I've got to live a few of them for myself.

Along the way, I've got to experience some rites of passage that are unique to being trans. These rites are not quite the same as a cisgendered woman's, but they are, in many ways, just as affirming for me.

The one big thing I missed in my pre-transition life was real female socialisation. I'm still friends with a few of those girls I was close to in my teens, and since I started transition, some of them have admitted to me that they never saw me as 'one of the girls'. They did, however, accept me as me, who they first thought was a gay guy and later, were simply never sure about. I still have some work to do on becoming entirely socialised as a woman, but I think my past puts me a little ahead of the pack, at least compared to many.

Despite my not being 'one of the girls' I was included in much they did and experienced.. Heck, half of them spent their teen years wearing bra's I'd helped fit.. Wore clothes that I'd helped them pick.. We talked about sex and boys.. If I wasn't one of them, I was as close as you could get without being a girl..

Quote from: Axélle on June 11, 2012, 10:22:36 PM
Yep, and as someone once said: "You can put a vagina on a watermelon - but that doesn't make it a female or a woman..."

Axélle

Actually I ran that one past my friend KG years ago and she explained to me that even if someone were to transition for all the wrong reasons, in essence if that person were to have SRS and take estrogen...  That person would be/become female. 

I realized she was right.  I mean unless that person detransitions or some such thing. 

Anyway... my huge, long puke of a post is not about who is authentic or who isn't.  That was never my argument.  I just want to encourage people to get the most out of their transition.  I think too many people transition and remain around people who knew them from before, always seeking their approval or acceptance.  There are a lot of fish in the sea.  I advocate starting over and avoiding the pitfalls of seeking acceptance for those who are not happy with their situations, I just want to offer another solution.  That and it's what my life is about currently.

Some are content to educate and gain acceptance.  For some of us that is not practical and eventually we have to acknowledge the truth that the quote below this post expresses and find another work around.

My day for removing posts...
Some days are best keeping quite.
Exercising one's 'right to shut up', um.  :embarrassed:
Go figure.

Axélle

Quote from: Axélle on June 12, 2012, 11:36:49 AM
My day for removing posts...
Some days are best keeping quite.
Exercising one's 'right to shut up', um.  :embarrassed:
Go figure.

Axélle

Hmmm....  Did I miss something O_o ?

Quote from: JoanneB on June 10, 2012, 03:18:17 PM
I think the only common "Rite of Passage" we all share, is that moment when we truly believe that in spite of all the past obstacles that you take the first step towards change. From that point on you are embarked upon a personal journey. To define other milestones one must reach is to limit the possibilities any of us have in obtaining happiness and peace of mind.

As it is there is too much zealotry within our ranks. To say one must start HRT, have FFS, GRS, BA, tracheal shaves, voice training etc.  is to severely limit the definition of a legitimate MTF person.

For most of human kind, our lives will be filled with insecurities. Cis women have plenty. Some of those we share by virtue of also being women. Both Cis and MTF groups have unique insecurities. The spectrum of those insecurities are not shared by all within that group. Even passing is not requirement for some.

Although I agree that the "Moment of Realization" is the only universally common event we share, the fact is there are other mileposts for each individual...to say otherwise is to diminish the importance of these other events (whatever they are) in the quest for complete acceptance of everyone.

For myself, the Moment, the first HRT pill, the first time outside, name change, etc are all important...just as the surgery itself is/was to those who've done it...and we should feel justly proud of these achievements, and more, because it is a "Big Deal" to us, as individuals.

For myself, I admire those who have done more than I, and those who have not done as much--so long as those with "more" do not lord it over me (both by crowing about themselves, and belittling my achievements), and those with "less" don't piss and moan about my victories, both large and small.

We are all in transition, and all have our own steps to take...or to not take.

Just my opinion.

I just do what I need to do.  I don't think of anything as an accomplishment.  Well... maybe as I am accomplishing it O_o ?  But not later.

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Although I agree that the "Moment of Realization" is the only universally common event we share,

Many who transition are not "trans", I mean they don't have GID.  As people we tend to look for meaning in things but there is also the monkey see, monkey do factor.  Once people know about something some of them will do it, regardless as to whether they are trans or not.

When I was young I listened to music because that is what people did back then.  I listened to music I didn't even like, because it was popular.  Then I realized eventually that I just wasn't into music and I stopped trying to fit in.  Many people are trying to fit in.  Also there is that mid-life crisis thing.  The, "I feel like I failed as a guy so now I am going to be a girl."  Not GID exactly but a motivation to transition all the same, a second shot at life I guess.  And all of us have male and female qualities and feelings so pretty much anyone can justify to his or her self that she is trans, whether he or she is trans or not.  And besides, it's fashionable and you can amaze your friends and become the topic of conversation.