Susan's Place Transgender Resources

For example, if you thought you were very bad in a subject and you ended up getting a great grade on it. Or if you thought you looked one way and people pointed out you looked another way.

I guess I thought I was more mature, independent, stronger, whatever than I really was. It feels a little funny to realize that I'm not and now I feel like a fundamental building block of my identity was just obliterated.

What are your experiences with this?

Quote from: Erin_Grey on June 15, 2012, 10:05:33 PM
For example, if you thought you were very bad in a subject and you ended up getting a great grade on it.

Oh yes :P that just happened a few days ago. I was quite happy!

Quote from: Erin_Grey on June 15, 2012, 10:05:33 PM
Or if you thought you looked one way and people pointed out you looked another way.

Hmmm I don't believe much of what people say about how I look. I think I look crap and what people say don't change my mind (especially if they are trans as well, since trans people seem to like to say someone looks good just to be nice)

Generally, though, I don't often come to realizations that I am not what I thought I was like. I think I am childish, dependent and not strong at all, and I think these are all quite true...

I've always thought I was fugly, my sister slapped me and said I was beautiful and three guys asked me out... So yes :p

At some level yes indeed.  I was talking with a friend who said she was thinking about getting Botox to remove a few wrinkles.  I said I really couldn't see many, and suggested it was a subjective judgement like my belief that I had a lot of beard shadow, which she pointed out she couldn't see.
Sometimes we are our own worst critics.
There is nothing wrong with admitting we are vulnerable, it has it's own merits in that it allows us to let others show us their love and support. We can't be strong all the time, sometimes the spirit needs a rest.

Karen.

Sweetie, that's just called 'life'. We all have what's commonly referred to in psychological circles as 'perspective bias'. Basic theory behind it is that you see yourself and others through the lens of your experiences, fears, and presuppositions. You even color your memories from the perspective of your current situation (so-called revisionist histories happen this way.) The journey from getting that wrong almost all the time (youth  ;D) to getting it wrong only some of the time (adulthood) is what life is all about if you know what's good for ya.

I never thought this shy, introverted, stuttering fool of an engineer could be a good pitch man. The sales guys loved to take me to see customers and I got to travel the world.

I never thought people actually cared about me much less my accomplishments (To be fair I never thought I even had accomplishments). Yet years after I left a company my designs and accomplishments and ME are legends. (Too bad the bosses always wanted to screw the goose laying the golden eggs)

The biggest one all that eventually led to a two month long emotional meltdown until I finally figured out what it caused it, was coming to believe I can be seen and accepted as a woman. (There went that 30 year old excuse as to why NOT to transition)

Ehm, I was a little afraid of programming classes, but somewhat confident about Photoshop. It turned out that I am the only one person in the class who is REALLY having a lot of trouble with the software (and not Illustrator, which is weird because people usually find Illustrator complex and hard compared to Photoshop)... And I was one of the best of the class in programming, helping out other students. Mysteries of life.

Also, I've always thought I was super mega introverted and antisocial, but it turns out that the more GID is treated, the more I act social and appreciate people. (Doesn't mean that I'm any less clumsy but at least I try.)

Quote from: Erin_Grey on June 15, 2012, 10:05:33 PM
For example, if you thought you were very bad in a subject and you ended up getting a great grade on it. Or if you thought you looked one way and people pointed out you looked another way.

Yup! I thought I looked a little funny-looking, but but alright, and then someone asked me if I had been in an accident. Yay!

QuoteI guess I thought I was more mature, independent, stronger, whatever than I really was. It feels a little funny to realize that I'm not and now I feel like a fundamental building block of my identity was just obliterated.

What are your experiences with this?

Actually that pretty well describes the last year and a half of my life. I always thought I was this tough, masculine, heterosexual guy that could  take on anything. Then I start to realise it was all an act to convince everyone (including myself) I was what I was expected to be.

Turns out, I'm not that tough, not rough, not really masculine at all, and not straight (I like girls, but prefer guys). And not a guy.

But I realised this wasn't true, but I was terrified of what I might be. But as I grew to realise more about my self, and I started to acknowledge and eventually (the hardest part) accept it, I found myself becoming a lot happier. Most of my self-loathing, the depression, frustration, anger, etc, started to melt away.

Quote from: A on June 16, 2012, 09:45:02 PM
Also, I've always thought I was super mega introverted and antisocial, but it turns out that the more GID is treated, the more I act social and appreciate people. (Doesn't mean that I'm any less clumsy but at least I try.)

This, too. I really am shy, and a bit of an introvert, but the more I accept myself, the less I feel I need to hide, the less nervous I am about talking to people. I'm still nervous about talking to people, and I never know what to say, but it is getting easier as I stop censoring myself and act like me.

For most of my life I thought I was a lot taller and bigger than I really was.

 Well, my physical appearance is definitely one of these sorts of things, but that can't and likely won't be helped.

I've thought all kinds of things about myself that might not be true anymore! For all I know, I'm a parasitical, annoying, depressing, soulless, dishonest meaniepants!

... So, if that's true, I guess I'll just go on without friends. It's really not so bad, you know; actually, not having friends makes life so much less complicated!

We all think we are more than we are at times, finding out otherwise is painfull and sometimes humiliating. But learning more of who we are and who we want to be and learning how to get there is the challenge we all face and when we succeed it is an even better feeling than before.

You can do it  :)

I think I'm fairly unbiased to my looks and personality.  I tend to see the "truth" in things, without making an opinon about it... helping it remain the truth.

But I did think I was farther along in resolving the fears of the small boy who knew he was different.  As I am closer to changing that M to a F on my license (Court date is 6/28!), I realize that those fears still remain.  Fear of embarrasment, of shame, etc.  I know in my concious mind those fears are not real, but I'll be darned if I can resolve them yet once and for all.

I think that's what has suprised me the most through all of this transition.

Quote from: Felix on June 16, 2012, 11:33:02 PM
For most of my life I thought I was a lot taller and bigger than I really was.

Me too!

Quote from: Kelly J. P. on June 16, 2012, 11:59:59 PM
Well, my physical appearance is definitely one of these sorts of things, but that can't and likely won't be helped.

I've thought all kinds of things about myself that might not be true anymore! For all I know, I'm a parasitical, annoying, depressing, soulless, dishonest meaniepants!

... So, if that's true, I guess I'll just go on without friends. It's really not so bad, you know; actually, not having friends makes life so much less complicated!

... a meaniepants?!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-WwXh_EsSdC8%2FTqk70lMoWPI%2FAAAAAAAAASk%2FBjTACwMaO-U%2Fs1600%2Fshock.jpg&hash=c7933a98ce43ec5e63a19a9cf12b9196755f1c38)

Me three! I thought I was 6'2 or some crap when I was 15.

I'm 5'9.