Susan's Place Transgender Resources

As the title suggests, I am looking for advice about being in a store for the first time as a trans female and trying on / buying first clothing items until I can "pass".  I sorta know the look I want, but also want to eventually see how I look in different things as I go along.

Any good advice here?

I am guessing you are referring to the somewhat embarrassing situation of shopping for womens clothing while still presenting as a male or while not yet passing, right? Assuming I have understood you correctly, these are my thoughts:

First of all, clothing stores are businesses, you are a customer. They want your business, so they don't care.

Secondly, you will be surprised at how quickly you will become accustomed to this sort of thing. The sooner you get used to it the better off you will be. It's the awkward and uncomfortable person that draws the attention. It's all in your head, all you really need to do is just let go.

I once worked in a toy store for adults (iow we sold dildos and such). One of the things that was of great amusement and great annoyance were non-openly gay men buying butt-plugs for them selves. Whenever a straight looking man came up to the cash register with said item in hand they always wanted the thing gift wrapped and always thoroughly explained how it was a gift for a friend. At least once a day I had to gift wrap one of those damn things for no good reason. We all knew very well there was no friend with a birthday coming up. In their effort to conceal their intention they both managed to reveal their true intention and make a fool of themselves. It's silly actually because no one really cares.

The first few times I went shopping for female clothing I acted I in many ways did the exact same thing. I was trying not to embarrass myself but ended up doing just that. Just go about your business as if it's the most natural thing in the world and you'll get used to it before you know it :)

Actually, transitioning is a whole array of such situations where acting with confidence is key to success. Shopping for clothing is a great place to start. Best of luck :)

Wife, girlfriend, sister, Mom, Aunt.  Any can be used as an excuse.  Well except for the try them on.

I have found going to a large store early in the morning on a weekday makes things much easier.

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on July 02, 2012, 06:24:23 AM
Wife, girlfriend, sister, Mom, Aunt.  Any can be used as an excuse.  Well except for the try them on.

Except the excuses don't any good besides fooling yourself into thinking the store clerk doesn't know it's for you. Also, not trying the clothing on is a surefire way of wasting money on clothes you can't wear.

Quote from: MariaMx on July 02, 2012, 06:03:10 AM
I am guessing you are referring to the somewhat embarrassing situation of shopping for womens clothing while still presenting as a male or while not yet passing, right?

Yes, you are correct!

Everyone else, thank you so much for your replies so far!

Tip:

When buying slips, camisoles, etc be sure to try them on first...and don't bother with the same size that you wear in a blouse or skirt. Think 2 sizes bigger to start with...and don't be shy about asking for the next size up.

:-X ::)

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on July 02, 2012, 06:24:23 AM
Wife, girlfriend, sister, Mom, Aunt.  Any can be used as an excuse.  Well except for the try them on.

I used to do this, with a shopping list as if I really were buying for someone else.

Some online stores have sizing charts. Measure yourself and look at these charts. I used to keep a small key-ring measuring tape with me so that I could quickly measure something on the rack.

For trying things on, I used to put the women's clothes on my arm with some men's clothes over them. That way when I went to the fitting rooms, but women's stuff wasn't as noticeable. Did this work? I really don't know. But, it helped me until I had better confidence.

Welcome to my favorite subject, Dawn. I'll be happy to help.

First of all, don't think in terms of clothing items. It's easy to fall in love with that sweater on the rack or that skirt in the window, but it's wise to overcome that mindset. Don't shop for items. Shop for overall looks. When most people look at you they see a sum total, not the individual goodies.

The best way to start this is by doing some look-shopping before you do your clothes shopping. Go a week or so paying attention to the people you see, taking note of their overall looks and what clothing items make it work. You don't even have to go out to do this. You can do it watching TV, looking at magazines or cruising the Internet. In fact, that's one of my favorite ways.

I'm a shameless celebrity watcher, myself and watching celebs can be a great way to pick up look ideas. Celebs pay top stylists big bucks to dress help them put together their looks, so why not follow their lead? Choose a celeb with a figure and style sense you like and start watching them. Do a Google Image search for tons of pics of them on the street and such. Of course, you can also check the fashion sites for celeb and runway pics in your look search. Save pics and look closely at the components. They're always ungodly expensive, but you can almost always match any look for very little money with a bit of creative shopping.

Shop online even if you're not going to buy online. You can see what's hot and what price ranges are before going to the mall or big box.

Anyway, I hope that helps.

~ Lyric ~

Lyric,

YES!! You were VERY helpful, very helpful!! Everyone else gave some great advice, but I love yours the best because it's practical and flexible. Very wise and smart! I saw something yesterday about a new line of clothing made for trans women like us, plus software you can use to do your measurements using your webcam. I can't remember the link, but it was useful as the instructions went for using it.

I really like the "don't shop for individual pieces, shop for an outfit/overall look" idea. Being a former guy, shopping for clothes was just that--Shopping. For. A. Shirt. Shopping. For. Socks. Shopping. For. Pants. I could go to any store, and buy any single item, and I was good to go.

The idea of blending clothing items together into a "look" is, for me, a totally new (and useful) idea.

:)

One good thing about coming up with a look to create first is that it can actually save you money. Most great looks are built around one outstanding feature-- that way you don't have components competing for attention. It might be a blazer or a piece of jewelry or even a great pair of jeans. That piece might be more expensive, but the other pieces can be bargain basement basics, since they just support the overall look.

~ Lyric ~

I don't know about your area but around here in Toronto the initial solution was dead simple - thrift stores!

I just recently took the plunge this way and started buying a few things to get a sense of my 'female size' and what kind of clothing worked well on me and as outfits.  Some major benefits in this environment - low cost, huge and ever-changing selection with a wide range of fits and sizes, exchanges allowed, and most importantly nobody gives a damn that you're a man shopping for womens' clothes.  It's hard to stand out in the crowd when there are many trans people shopping there and also lots of punky youth and hipsters with their associated styles going on.  There's even a steampunk couple frequenting my local store.  If you need a 'professional' excuse there are many film industry people buying wardrobe here all the time.  It was super-amusing for me as I quickly learned I have a better sense of style than most of the other shoppers and staff.  It was also rather surprising to discover I fit size 2 pants ;D

Take a tape measure and get a little experience and it will quickly get easier.  Because of the exchange policy I didn't bother trying the clothes on there - much less stressful to try at home.  You should easily be able to put together a decent enough look to build confidence with to then go shopping en-femme in regular stores if you want.  My next baby-step was to pick up a bra at Walmart and then some cheap jewellery and shades at a Zellers closing sale.  Nobody gave me an obvious second glance or said anything.  I will worry about building a trendy outfit the expensive way once I'm already practiced and confindent enough to look the part.

Quote from: Dawn Heart on July 04, 2012, 12:32:41 AM
Lyric,

YES!! You were VERY helpful, very helpful!! Everyone else gave some great advice, but I love yours the best because it's practical and flexible. Very wise and smart!

Yes. Lyric always provides insightful suggestions and ideas.

Taking shelf photos is also a good way to appraise your overall looking. When I just started purchasing and wearing women's clothes, I tended to be preoccupied with a specific fashion item, making me look unbalanced and awkward. Also I tended to expose my body too much, especially in summer.

In big cities, I see many women who wear so nicely to look elegant. Their overall looking is so feminine and graceful. They do not expose their body so much. They show temperance. When I try one of their fashion items, it usually does not match with me so well. This becomes more obvious when seeing photos of myself. My face and body figure is far different from ordinary women here. After trial and errors, now I realize that androgynous looking is practically better for me. For some special events, I may wear very feminine clothes with minimun exposure of my body.

After studying and trials, you may develop your own fashion skill with help of digital camera (smartphone is nice as it provides self-photo applications).

Barbie~~

Quote from: Violet Bloom on July 04, 2012, 11:53:36 AM
I don't know about your area but around here in Toronto the initial solution was dead simple - thrift stores!

Yes. Thrift stores can be a starting point. But you also can get new items at the same price range from wal-mart or other megastores, especially during the clearance periods. I have purchased very nice clothes at < $3, and I still wear them. For example, the following capris was just $1 at wal mart in 2005, and I still wear them.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi943.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fad278%2Fbarbie_pictures%2FCapris%2Fblue10s.jpg&hash=eec61b369aab466a839a071893a0eec131c606e9)

Barbie~~

I'm still not out and presenting just yet but would like to find some place that I could go and get my proper female measurements.

Yes, thrift stores are great. The cashiers never bat an eye over the things you buy, plus you can get a lot of clothes for cheap, and you will eventually learn what fashions and styles work best for your frame. Once you know that you can then spend money on the new and more expensive clothing.

I could go and get my proper female measurements

All you need is a tape measure and any of the numerous sizing charts on the net.  But once you have them you have to beware that they are far from universal, what's an 8 in one line may well be closer to a 6 but more likely a 10 in another line.

The first time was tough, I went in knowing what I want it.  Grabbed it, tried it on, bought it, and ran away as if I didn't just do that >//////<

Then I did it again, but this time it was pants and could not find measurement comparisons.  I actually had to ask a girl on the floor! I was so scared xD, but she didn't look at me weird, she didn't give me any problem or hassle.  She just helped me!

Then I went to a another store because their pants were made for people 100lb.  Still couldn't find what I wanted but its ok.  That day I learned something, I learned shopping for girls clothes and asking for help is not scary.  No one actually cares openly!

Like others i was terrified when i first went in person to buy female clothes. The thrift store was a good learning experience, as were trips to walmart and the grocery store to pick up makeup.

I eventually screwed up my courage and went to a couple of large retail stores. In one store I spent considerable time wandering around the female section of the store making my selections. I did get some stares from women that were also shopping but so what? I just ignored them. And the young lady cashier didn't bat an eye when i checked out with an armload of female clothes.

We build up these things in our mind into insurmountable obstacles when they are really not. If you happen to run into someone that has a problem with what you are doing just stand your ground. It's none of their business anyway.

Riven, you just said something important...it's none of anyone's business. THAT is a great way in my mind for me to look at any situations where I get "clocked" and any possible rude or questioning remarks. THIS is a confidence booster, so thank you so much! I have yet to actually go out and buy clothes for lack of money, but am thinking I will use Halloween as a good time to go "public" and try it out for that night as a way to start feeling comfortable. I am so looking forward to it!

I actually have a fashion/ lifestyle blog. I can show it to you if you want to see it but I don't want to break any rules by promoting my own material.

Before I came out I started with second hand shops because I didn't have a clue what size clothes I needed & didn't want to waste money on clothes that I may have had to have thrown out at a seconds notice.

Once I came out I had 2 female friends offer to take me clothes shopping for my birthday, after that I didn't care as much what people thought, if i'm in female mode then why the hell shouldn't I be buying womens clothes.
If I go in male mode then i'm not going to explain my actions, i've got just as much right to buy the clothes I like as any other person, i'm sure when I get to the counter they guess the situation as I never take my nail varnish off (& I love pink nail varnish).
No clothing shop assistants have ever given me a hard time, i've seen a few suppressed smirks but it's only ever a flicker, the majority are really polite & helpfull.

I have however left a few stores in a hurry due to hostile glances from other shoppers in the early days, the last time a shopper openly stared at me whilst in boy mode I grabbed the 2 most feminine tops within reach, held them up & asked which one she thought would look best on me.
If people try to make me feel awkward for being trans then I return the favour, if they are polite or helpfull then I try to return that courtesy