Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey, I'm new. I was just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to go out and make new friends successfully. I'm 18, I live in this small town and there aren't many people I really want to interact with. I've struggled with having the confidence to go out and meet the people I want to meet. In the recent past, acting confident and being myself has gotten me raped and rejected by people I tried to hang out with. This has made me lose hope and I was just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to act towards people so they won't be disgusted/angered. I've tried being alone and I get pretty depressed, though it might be inevitable. Tips on how to handle being alone are okay too.

Act confident and be yourself. While it's entirely possible that stuff will happen again, it's more likely if you don't get your self esteem back to being good and healthy. Low self esteem equals easy target and people can pick up on that.
After I was raped, I carried around a kubaton (a non-lethal and legal weapon). I luckily didn't have to use it, but it made me feel better having it.
It would, of course, also help to get out of the small town.

Oh and this goes without saying, but I figure I should say it. What happened was not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you. You didn't do anything wrong. I don't know them, so I don't know why they did it, but I do know their type and I know that, whatever their reasons were, it was because they are deficient in some way. Not you.

Quote from: fearcaller on July 09, 2012, 01:55:39 PM
Hey, I'm new. I was just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to go out and make new friends successfully. I'm 18, I live in this small town and there aren't many people I really want to interact with. I've struggled with having the confidence to go out and meet the people I want to meet.

I live in a small village and there are few people that I meet on a daily basis, just a handful of people who come into the pub and people at school, but I doubt that I'll speak to any of them ever again now that I've left.  Recently I've discovered that all I really need is one person in my life, sometimes it's nice to have people to talk to when they're not around, and I know I can't soley rely on one person, because when/if they leave who am I going to turn to then?  But for now one person is all I'm needed to be happy, so I just wanted to say that it's not nessessary to have loads of friends, it's the quality of them that counts more than the quantity.  As for making friends I'd just say be who you are, there's no point having "friends" if it's an act the whole time, means that they're not real friends.  I'm probably slightly biased having lived in a pub for the whole of my life, and met my girlfriend in one, but I'd say that pubs are a good place to meet new people, you can just sit there and maybe offer up a few comments if the conversation interests you and before long you'll probably get drawn into the group.  Unless that's not your cup of tea and then I don't really know what to suggest, I don't make friends easily either.

QuoteIn the recent past, acting confident and being myself has gotten me raped and rejected by people I tried to hang out with.

It's not quite the same, but I was sexually assaulted by my best friend at the time almost two years ago, so sort of know how it feels.  Although you're probably reluctant to do it again, I would just act confident - but not to the point of cockiness - around people, if they feel that you're a confident person they're going to be less likely to sense that they can take advantage of you.  And I don't know how recent you had to go through that horror, but maybe consider getting some help or doing something to feel better about it, even if you feel okay about it now, I thought I was okay but then months later it just hit me really really hard and by then it was too late to do anything at all about it because no one was going to take me seriously after a year.

QuoteThis has made me lose hope and I was just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to act towards people so they won't be disgusted/angered.

All I can say really is try and act like a decent human being.  Don't hate on anyone.  Don't pick fights.  Try not to do anything which is obviously socially unacceptable.  Maybe observe other people if you're really struggling I guess.  Yeah basically just don't be really controversial - there's time for that when you get to know people a lot better and can judge when you're going too far - or do anything too shocking.

QuoteI've tried being alone and I get pretty depressed, though it might be inevitable. Tips on how to handle being alone are okay too.

Keep busy.  All I can really suggest.

Just as a note which kind of seems pertinent here: I've always lived by reasoning "I'd rather be hated by other people than be hated by myself."  So I do what I do for me, and no one else, if someone dislikes an aspect of me for whatever reason then let them hate, I'd rather get external hate than hate myself, people turning against you are easier to deal with than having yourself turn against yourself, because there's no way to escape that.