Susan's Place Transgender Resources

At this point, my transition plan (once I start) is to stay in "boy mode" for while after I start HRT- That way I can (hopefully) ease into it gradually, and get lazer work on my face done while my meds reconfigure things. I guess I have two questions- First, how common is this sort of strategy, and 2nd- How long can I reasonably expect to be able to pass as "male" once I start HRT? Months? A couple of years? Thanks!

It is impossible to say really. HRT is so variable in it's results and rate of change.

Judging by my experience, if you get facial hair removal, then you could go a couple of months before changes become impossible to hide.   Without it you could go perhaps 6 months, before bodily changes intrude.Boobs that is. 

Karen.

Wow. That quickly? I'm not "skinny" by any means (5'7", about 220). I wonder if that would make obvious visual cues (like breasts) occur more or less quickly. Thanks for the info!

(Speaking as a fellow tomboy... :)) people are not going to clock you as not being a man, if you keep dressing in man-clothes - it's the default setting in people's minds. Especially if you're not skinny, you can pass off budding boobs as 'man-boobs' for quite a while. Lack of facial hair will just make you look like a younger, softer-faced man for quite some time. Changes may be visible sooner, but how people interpret those changes is all down to context.

It's up to you how you want to adjust your presentation, and when. I'm still getting mostly assumed to be male, because I'm 6'3" and not feminine in my choice of women's attire.

you can stay in 'boy mode' for a very long time.  Its up to you.  Beach and pools become very complicated, but most people will not figure it out unless you hit them over the head with it.
Tanya

Quote from: pose007 on July 12, 2012, 08:12:40 AM
you can stay in 'boy mode' for a very long time.  Its up to you.  Beach and pools become very complicated, but most people will not figure it out unless you hit them over the head with it.
Tanya

+1

People may notice. I had three comments

Your skin is soft
You don't have much beard shadow
Your bum/thighs  look big

None of which led to anyone saying: are you trans?

I did get: you have long hair, long manicured nails, you pluck your eyebrows: are you trans?

Incidentally why does everyone seem to mention laser? I bought a £30 home electrolysis and did my own only took a couple of months and it never came back.

This is all solid info- Thanks! I hear so much about the mental and emotional benefits of HRT, and it would be nice to experience that even if I'm still presenting as male...

Quote from: sandrauk on July 12, 2012, 08:30:12 AM

Incidentally why does everyone seem to mention laser? I bought a £30 home electrolysis and did my own only took a couple of months and it never came back.

For facial hair? How thick was yours? Any specific product recommendations? :)

Quote from: Adrasteia on July 12, 2012, 09:29:43 AM
For facial hair? How thick was yours? Any specific product recommendations? :)

Yes facial hair. I did some of my body hair but it was difficult to see where exactly the hairshaft was. I would say my hair is average thickness but the thick hairs seemed easier. I did have trouble around my mouth, that really stings.

It was a long time ago but I think I bought it from Argos- don't think posting links is allowed but if you look up one touch electrolysis on ebay that looks like the one.

Thanks, I'll check it out. :)

My girlfriend would probably be the one doing it because she has a sick fascination with things like plucking hairs.

sandrauk, you can post links once you have 15 posts or more - so long as the links don't contravene the house rules :).

I did this. I just let the hormones change me until strangers saw more girl in me than guy. I started getting confused looks in boy mode around the 6-7th month, and started getting maam'd around the 7-8th month in. The day before I went full time, I got seen as a girl while I was in boy mode with facial hair, no makeup, and while not even trying to use a female voice. That's when I knew it's time to transition.

Alaina- Good to know it's not such a nutty way to transition. You look stunning now :)

Aww thanks :)

I think it's a smart way to do it. Don't ever force things, you'll regret it.

I'm over 9 months through HRT and still sporting boy mode. Yes, my chest is difficult to hide, but having been a chubster before, I have a lot of really large t-shirts and puffy jeans, so I can hide all my curves. As far as passing goes, my hair is a curly, tangled mess, which doesn't really help trying to come off as a girl, though I've had many people staring at me, probably thinking either "Is it a guy or a girl?" or "Damn, that's one ugly guy / girl". I've quite a few masculine facial features, so meh.
It's also worth mentioning that I've had 5 sessions of laser hair removal done on my face, and there's pretty much almost nothing left, apart from a few stray hairs (mostly discolored ones, which aren't affected by laser anyway).

This is exactly my current situation as well.  What I'm most afraid of is how long can I actually keep quite before the changes are so profound?

Well as you may know this is also my plan.  So far, two and a half months and all is well, granted I do have to wear slightly baggier shirts since I am starting to devlope up top, also I have to take a bit more care when I have my camera and camera bag since it does hurt a bit when all that weight presses down on my chest.  But I just got back from a week on the road with an event company and my roommate on the trip nor anyone else noticed or said anything... I do have longer hair for a guy but most people dodn't seem to notice anything odd, but since I'm a photographer I think most people let it go as an 'artist' thing.  I get more weird looks when I go out wearing my Vebrums but that's people looking at my feet.  I have noticed that dress shirts seem to have a little more 'breathing' room.  I start laser at the end of this month so I'm guessing after that it may be more of a challange.  All in all I think you'll be ok. :)

I am about 7-months in atm,  when they do electrolysis on my mustache(the rest of my face is extremely thinned out) your face automatically looks younger, without the appearance of dark and gray areas your face becomes more feminine.  Same thing would happen to a biological guy who is not transitioning.

Overall male clothes are looser, baggy, don't show off female curvature.  If you wear a tight shirt its still not cut for female proportions so at worst people might think you have some "man handles".  Minute you step into a female outfit, especially after electrolysis has done its magic it will be impossible to hide obviously.  Even with the minimal amount of fat distribution you will just look like a girl thats not very curvy.

At the 7 month mark in my personal experience which would be shared by those that experience decent breasts growth its becoming hard to hide them even in male clothing.  They stick out further than even my beer gut.  Tbh this is more embarrassing though, being in guy clothes without a bra on and larger breasts feels really wrong.  Ive had someone stare on the train and this was in guy clothes.  Once you have breasts it almost doesn't matter if you have a little facial stubble.  Once your releasing pheromones guys will subconsciously glance at you without even realizing it, even if they have no interest because obviously they still see you as a guy but nature doesn't lie.

For reference I just turned 26 years old.

For more reference those that are close to me, and see me every day have not noticed at all.  Good thing about breast lumps and boy clothes is many people will probably just think under the shirt your a fat guy with man boobs xD 

That being said there is many  girl clothes that can pass as tomboyish or guyish.  Even jeans if you don't get em too tight.  You don't need to be a girly girl and wear super girly clothes even after you've transitioned.  Heck you can be a butch! though many of us don't want to go that path xD

There are many feminizing things you can do as well that can keep you in boy mode, one is thinning your eye brows, manicures, wearing concealer for mustache hairs.  Getting a very nice androgynous hair style, perhaps androgynous with a feminine tilt.  Shaving/Waxing body hairs really REALLY boosts confidence and the feeling of rightness.

Its taken be 6 months to walk through the female clothing section without feeling nervous about everyone looking at me.  I still haven't gotten by fated hair cut, and I still haven't thinned out my eye brows.  Things take time, but everything you do makes you feel more confident.  Some people transition in a day, some take longer based on personality.

Rita,
That's good to hear- Thanks for the info! :)

Tomboy,

You had replied to a comment of mine on this same issue in a different thread. I find many of the suggestions here very helpful.

Thanks!

I have to tell you I frequently go back and forth. Some days I'm a boy and some I'm a girl. I think it's all about comfort at the beginning because it can be a little awkward. I'm about four months into HRT and I'm showing good progress, but sometimes I have to present as a boy. I'm still in the processes of getting my name changed and if I go somewhere that I need to present my I.D. then it's usually easier to just go in boy drag. It's odd doing this because sometimes I confuse myself. Like the other day I was at the movies with my daughter and we went to use the restroom. I was in male mode and forgot until I was walking into the ladies room. That's when my daughter cleared her throat and was like hey are you forgetting something? I was like oops. We started laughing about it and she said I was wondering how long it would take before you went into the wrong bathroom. So we both got a good laugh. So do what ever makes you feel comfortable. There are no written rules that you must follow. It's your transition.

I'd say it's a good strategy. Come out when you're ready. Plus, holding off on any changes until you can actually pass will save you a lot of hassle. Just be patient; you already started HRT, so you'll only have to wait a little longer.

This is what I plan on doing, too.  Just ease in, and I'm sure the moment will click.  Though, I do want to start laser/electrolysis first...I'm pretty skinny as it is, and considering my genetics, well, I guess I should be prepared for stepping out of 'boy mode' sooner than anticipated, if necessary  :P

Glad to see I'm not the only one with this plan too, haha

Same for me, since I still cannot fully identify myself with a gender. At this time RLE is not mandatory anymore, and I plan to keep on guy/neutral mode at work, since I don't want to take any risks. Plus, at my age HRT is going to need a long time to make effect, and without FFS I don't hink I can pass.


In any case, I better start with laser, finish killing the abdominal fat and build a bit of muscle so that the hormones have something to work with...

Just some advice, if you work in a place with a lot of people, you might want them to make an announcement before you go full time, preferably with you not there if you want to avoid a plethora of questions, just to give people some warning.

Dunno. Not so sure if starting at 30.5 will carry significant changes. Still thinking this is madness.

Quote from: Apples on August 12, 2012, 04:23:19 PM
Dunno. Not so sure if starting at 30.5 will carry significant changes. Still thinking this is madness.

I am 29, started HRT 3,5 months ago and have problems hiding my breasts already, many are commenting on me loosing weight (but I am not loosing any). I have taken pictures each month and both me and my wife are pretty stunned because my face does look alot thinner now.


Also the rest of my body is racing and will soon look more female than male.



You are not far from me when it comes to age so I would not be too pessimistic.

29 and already married??? You would't believe how much I envy you on that! I wish I could truly fall in love with somebody and feel that this is THE TIME.


I wish I could have a little more faith on myself. Yesterday I was crying when 8888 did that morph of myself and trying to know when I lost contact with my inner child and became a sad, sad being, decided to do this no matter the cost, but when the night comes, everything turns dark for me. Maybe I should disconnect during this part of the day and play something online or see a movie... It's the time I tend to overthink the most. After that, I barely can sleep, scared all the night.



Oh. Duh. You made me think about something. My mother has more or less normal breast, but half of her sisters are into the gigantic territory. This could be a total roulette (and I already have a bit of breast, not sure if gym induced gynecomastia or fat moobs).
Another problem is that I work face to face with 50 different people and I need to move constantly visiting them. Most of the women at the agency tend to keep a close eye on me since I am the second youngest person and notice every small change on my body (like the constant fat loss). Mmmmm. If I get approved I will have to talk with H.H.R.R., which at least are like a family to me.

saying in boy mode is hard. i know for me after the BA that was hard. and after the FFS i could not to save my life   ::)

I have been on HRT for about 5 months now, but still in boy mode 6/7ths of the week. I am the full time caregiver for my wife, who has ALS, so I don't always feel like getting dressed and made up. Glad to hear I am not the only one not in a hurry. I have had some breast development, but my gut still sticks out farther they they do (Dr. might be adding P to my E next week; hopefully that will change!). Most change is in my skin; I have been told I look "different" but they couldn't put my finger on why. I asked one close friend, who knows, if I looked like an ugly man in drag, and she said "you don't look like a man when you're dressed as a man", so I guess it is working  ;)
I have been "Ma'am'ed" a few times when not trying :D

Paige

If you're not feminising everthing on your face you could possibly get away with it for a long time.  (ie leave the brows alone, don't grow out the hair etc).

I've been done with electro over 9 years ago (pop in once a year for a touchup), low dose HRT since March this year, no issues at work as yet.  Then again I'm not planning to transition.

I've now been on HRT for 6 weeks and I'm already worried about people noticing my growing breasts. However, for now I still have a beard, so I'm hoping I'll be able to pass them off as "man boobs" if I need to for a while. What's the next move once I NEED to hide them? Compression shirts? Anyone in that position of having to hide their breasts in boy mode? I'm not there yet, but I know that day is coming.

Quote from: The Tomboy Transgirl on September 03, 2012, 03:33:20 PM
I've now been on HRT for 6 weeks and I'm already worried about people noticing my growing breasts. However, for now I still have a beard, so I'm hoping I'll be able to pass them off as "man boobs" if I need to for a while. What's the next move once I NEED to hide them? Compression shirts? Anyone in that position of having to hide their breasts in boy mode? I'm not there yet, but I know that day is coming.

just buy a compression shirt or an underworks binder?

I had this question, just going the other way. Good luck!

=/ I just let mine hang out. I was a large A cup  about 8 months in (the end of when I wanted to present as a guy). Nobody seemed to sat anything about them or treat me like I was a transsexual. I think you have a while before you have to worry about people putting 2 and 2 together. Honestly I don't think most cis people see a man with small breasts and say "MtF transsexual!"

Between boy and girl mode, fear is your greatest enemy.  Stepping from fear to comfort is easy, once you notice no one cares as much as you do.

But I wouldn't rush it,  alot of people just seem to go crazy and buy random female clothes and all I can say is nuh uh.  That is the last thing you wanna do, first you need to visualize your female self in outfits to figure out what kind of style suits you.  Sometimes you dont even need makeup to look fine.

Quote from: Rita on September 14, 2012, 01:17:19 PM
Between boy and girl mode, fear is your greatest enemy.  Stepping from fear to comfort is easy, once you notice no one cares as much as you do.

But I wouldn't rush it,  alot of people just seem to go crazy and buy random female clothes and all I can say is nuh uh.  That is the last thing you wanna do, first you need to visualize your female self in outfits to figure out what kind of style suits you.  Sometimes you dont even need makeup to look fine.

I agree totally. Every trans woman should mold to their style. Nothing sticks out as awkwardly as a girl who dresses awkwardly. When a girl wears clashing colors, or even worse, when a transsexual wears clothes that highlight their bad features, it draws so much negative attention. Cis women have to deal with this, and they also get negative reactions out of people. I'm not saying I'm going to look at those less who disregard what I'm saying, but I'm warning you that others will. I'd go so far as to say you will get less negative attention if you're clockable, yet classy; than if you're unclockable, yet the clothes you put yourself in are terrible for you (or terrible together).

I mean I have some lovely clothes that I hate because they don't fit me right... and IDK how many ridiculously gorgeous clothes I've seen in stores that I had to pass on because the color was off against my skin or hair... or I go into the dressing room and they make my waistline look way too high, or make my hips look non existant, etc etc.

Most importantly, fear is DEFINITELY your worst enemy. People sense insecurity and read it well.

Imagine this: you go in a McDonalds and you're presenting as female. The clerk says "SIR!" .... What happens if you freeze stiff? Compare that to if you just look around as if you're waiting for somebody to come up so you can move out of their way for them to answer the clerk. If you freeze stiff ... you're probably as good as clocked. If you're calm and like whatever, don't answer... you may learn that the clerk wasn't even talking to you and you haven't been outed. Freezing and getting wide eyed, getting embarrassed etc just opened you up to HUGE embarrassment.

Same if you're walking around shivering and looking like you're hiding a stolen baby under your jacket trying to cover your boobs. People will be paying more attention to what's under that jacket.

It's such a conundrum / catch 22 / whatever we face throughout our lives. We have to learn to be defensive but not show it. We have to be confident even though we aren't sure we have a reason to be. It's kinda like we have to train ourselves to lie, and be REALLY good at it... almost to the point of passing polygraphs.

I think our subconscious nature will always respond to "sir" every so often.  I think the best way to handle it is to learn poker face when such mistakes happen and pretend you were looking around   :laugh:

Quote from: Rita on September 15, 2012, 10:21:49 AM
I think our subconscious nature will always respond to "sir" every so often.  I think the best way to handle it is to learn poker face when such mistakes happen and pretend you were looking around   :laugh:

One funny thing. I don't know about other countries, but here, using "Señor" (Sir) or "usted" (really polite form of you/"tú") is a direct ticket for problems.
When I started working at my current place, the first two weeks I used a suit or really formal office clothing / semi suit. And since there was still no confidence, I was using the "polite" versions on people ranged between 45-55. Until my manager told me "They have told me that you are using the "usted", you better stop." "Same thing happened to a new security guard.

Using the polite forms makes people feel really old, and they hate it, myself included. To get back home I need to walk next to school's ground, and when kids lose the ball over the fence and politely ask me to pass it again...

"Señor, ¿por favor nos puede pasar la pelota?"("Sir, could you please throw the ball back?")

Instant rage attack, and pondering about stabbing the damned football. I ended exploding into "What the heck with "Sir"? I'm only 26! Say guy, dude or just "hey you" or I'm not throwing it!



I have real ragefits when it comes to my age, and If I were to hear "señora" I'd kill somebody. I wonder what will happen if my mind decides to switch pronouns... But the real problem is that in spanish the usage of gendered words and expression tends to be higher than in english, so more room for mistakes.

Hehe xD  Senorita depends on your spanish.  Sometimes it can be be used for a younger lady.

But Sir and Mam is universal in the united states.