Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I read somewhere on this board that after being on T for an x amount of time and then stopping T that if you've been on T for x amount of years that your period won't come back... is this true? And if so, is it still recommend to get a hysto? And how long do you have to be on T for your period not to come back once you stopped T?

If I ever decide to stop T for whatever reason I'm hoping my period doesn't ever return so I don't have to get a hysto. Right now, the thing keeping me on T is not having a period. I've been on T for almost a year and a half and I haven't had much change and it's extremely frustrating. I was hoping if I did stop T my period wouldn't return and I could keep my hair on my head. I'm so afraid of going bald. And losing my hair upsets me more b/c of being on T this long and getting no changes. So to me it seems pointless/foolish to be on T just to lose your hair and get no changes on T.

It's not true at all.

I'm not a doctor but I'm thinking it's different for everyone.  It was to my understanding that if one stops T then the female hormones won't have a competitor to deal with anymore so you may just get your period back after all those years once the E starts kicking in unless you probably have taken damage to your ovaries ehough though I'm not too sure on that part.  Also Taco is right.  If you get a total hysterectomy then you won't have anything to produce sex hormones.  Lack of sex hormones be T or E could cause you to have Osteoporosis.

I don't really believe that your period will stop forever if you decide to stop T after x amount of years of being on it.  If it did then I'd actually be concerned.  Then again I could be wrong.

There are medications to help with hair loss if that is your only concern for staying on T.  If you would prefer to be off it I have heard of people stopping menstruation with birth control like depo provera.  Neither is a great option, but they're possibilities.

Edit: I'm not 100% sure, but I think it's possible to get a hysto and keep the ovaries, making it so you wouldn't need additional hormones.

Dominick, have you tried the hair loss meds yet? I have had great success with it. You can get prostate-strength finasteride for very little money and cut the pills into quarters. I stopped for a couple of months to experiment with saw palmetto (did nothing for me), I and started losing lots of hair again. Now I'm back on finasteride, and it's great.

Hey! Just a comment on one thing: I'm friends with a woman who is post menopausal & had had breast cancer so she can't take Estrogen. So for the past few years she has had no hormones coursing through her body. Her doctor has her taking Calcium supplements & her bone density tests have been fine. So you can combat the no-hormone issues with help from your doc and/or eating calcium, or so I've seen in my experience anyway...

well in some caises it would be posible but I dont think its the most normal thing..

we must remember that in first place its pretty diffrent from person to person,
there are people who had little to almost no period before T and some who had alot,
there are people who stopped there bleeding immedently after taking T and some where it would take a long time.

t can sterilize your for the time you take it, but it can also sterelize you after taking it even when you stop in the way of having no period, thats also diffrent from person to person like for cisgenders its diffrent.

I know one transguy who even without T had problems getting pregnant, and even with a low dose of T he very fast was able to be all sterilized and with no period, and then there are people who been on T and stopped and got pregnant with no problems.
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I wont say its the "safe spot" to belive that "of corse it will stop after taking t for ___ years" and I somehow belive if your already before T had heave, period or that it took along time for it to stop then it might not be so likely to stop.

Quote from: nocar on July 17, 2012, 08:20:04 AM
Hey! Just a comment on one thing: I'm friends with a woman who is post menopausal & had had breast cancer so she can't take Estrogen. So for the past few years she has had no hormones coursing through her body. Her doctor has her taking Calcium supplements & her bone density tests have been fine. So you can combat the no-hormone issues with help from your doc and/or eating calcium, or so I've seen in my experience anyway...

This is true. It is just not true that you are destined to osteoporis. I think the recommended dose of Calcium is something like 1000-1500 grams of CA a day. They come in 500 or 600 gm tablet size. The other thing that helps a LOT is weight bearing exercise like weight lifting.  I believe the osteoporis is genetic. The other thing is that men get this, though not as commonly.

There are also treatments for this now, though I don't think the medications are esp. pleasant (side effects are gastric reflux I believe).


I'm not sure though if it would matter whether you are 20 versus over 40, when your body is sort of made to decrease in hormones. Another thing I would imagine is that E will come back if you stop T, unless you are maybe over 40. Taking T might suppress it for awhile. I am not sure we know what's going on exactly, which might be something that should give someone pause.



--Jay Jay

I would imagine that if you have a lack of sex hormones in your system at a young age, you'd have a higher risk of osteoporosis because you'll be spending more years of your life without hormones than a post-menopausal woman would. Does that make sense? If it takes, say, twenty years for osteoporosis to develop, you'd get it at a younger age. I'm speculating, though.

Dominick, if you don't mind having estrogen in your body, you could have a hysterectomy without oophorectomy; that is, the uterus would be removed, but the ovaries left in place. That way you wouldn't have a period, but you'd also be free of the risks that come from not having any sex hormones.

However, I remember you posting about not wanting to have a mammogram done. My top surgeon recommends that I have mammograms done when I reach the appropriate age, even though I've had top surgery. This is probably because I still have an estrogen-based system and a female level of risk for breast cancer. This could be a reason for you to stay on T.

Also, if the T has had any benefit to your mental state or anything like that, it would probably be a good idea to stay on it, and just take finasteride or something similar to avoid losing hair.

Thanks all for the responses.

Quote from: Arch on July 17, 2012, 01:06:38 AM
Dominick, have you tried the hair loss meds yet? I have had great success with it. You can get prostate-strength finasteride for very little money and cut the pills into quarters. I stopped for a couple of months to experiment with saw palmetto (did nothing for me), I and started losing lots of hair again. Now I'm back on finasteride, and it's great.

No, I haven't tried any hair loss meds yet. I asked my doctor about taking finasteride like a year ago and she told me it would be pointless to take finasteride and T b/c it would block DHT.

Quote from: Julian on July 17, 2012, 01:07:28 PM
Dominick, if you don't mind having estrogen in your body, you could have a hysterectomy without oophorectomy; that is, the uterus would be removed, but the ovaries left in place. That way you wouldn't have a period, but you'd also be free of the risks that come from not having any sex hormones.

Also, if the T has had any benefit to your mental state or anything like that, it would probably be a good idea to stay on it, and just take finasteride or something similar to avoid losing hair.

The thing about getting a hysto is I won't go to a gyno to get checked out and I know before you get a hysto you have to go to a gyno and that is something I won't do. I know it's recommend to get a hysto within 5-10 years on T and when 10 years comes around I'm not sure what to do b/c I refuse to go to a gyno and I'm not sure if I should stop T b/c I'm not getting a hysto...? But if there was a way around not going to a gyno and getting a hysto I'd have a full hysto.

As I told Arch, my endo doctor told me it was pointless to take finasteride and T b/c it would block DHT.


@Papa Taco: Thanks for the link.

You may eventually have to go to a gyno, even if you stop T.  What if you started having abnormal feelings, and severe pain in that area?  Would you just let it linger?  Die a painful death, because it could be cancer. 

@Andy8715: If it ever comes to that, (which I hope not) I'm not sure what to do. I certainly don't want to die a painful death, but I don't want anyone looking at me down there and sticking some tool inside me. They can give me the tool I'll do it myself. To me, it's humiliating for someone to look at my part down there, I don't want anyone looking down there.

There's no way they would let you do that since you are not a doctor, and I'm pretty sure it's impossible to give yourself a gyno exam.  It's humiliating for everyone to have a gynecological exam, but sometimes they are necessary. 

Can they put you to sleep for this exam? I was just reading what is done during this exam and there's no way I will have that done unless I'm put to sleep and I don't feel a thing.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on July 17, 2012, 10:22:40 PM
Can they put you to sleep for this exam? I was just reading what is done during this exam and there's no way I will have that done unless I'm put to sleep and I don't feel a thing.

I don't think they can put you to sleep but I do believe they will either give you a sedative like valium or you can get some from your gp to relax you.

If I have to die, I have to die. I just don't want it to be painful and I don't want it to be counted as a suicide or else I might not get into heaven. I just can't have this done unless they put me to sleep and I don't feel a thing.

Have you ever had an exam like this?  Have you had some kind of traumatic experience regarding that area?  I ask because it seems like you are utterly terrified of something that is unpleasant for a few moments and then over.  I had to have it done at 14 along with having a catheter placed.  It was a few moments of discomfort, embarrassment, etc and then over.

Nope, never had any kind of exam like that before and never had any traumatic experience regarding that area...(that I can remember...?) I just can't get pass the humiliation and embarrassment of it. Nobody should have to look at your private part or touch you down there.

Wow, at 14, that's young to have to get an exam like that. My friend had her exam around that age, too, like 14 or 15. Ya shouldn't have to go so young. I thought you could wait until your sexually active...?


Catheter, I've heard about that, they put that in when you have surgery, right? I'm worried about that when I get top surgery. If they put that catheter in when I'm asleep and then take it back out after surgery while I'm still asleep it won't be as bad b/c I won't know. But I hope they don't do that for surgery unless you tell them it's okay.

Yes.  I had an ovarian cyst that had killed the ovary and I had to have it removed.

They don't put in a catheter for top surgery.  They had to put one in for me not for my surgery but because they needed to quickly fill my bladder (couldn't wait for me to drink a lot) because they needed to do an ultrasound (this was before they found out about the cyst and were checking to see if i had appendicitis.)

Yes it's humiliating and embarrassing but you will get over those feelings.  Think about some of the most embarrassing things that have ever happened to you.  You eventually stopped thinking about them and got on with your life, right?  I hope nothing ever happens where you would need one but if you ever do you should just grit your teeth and get it done because it could be what saves your life.

I'm sorry you had an ovarian cyst, that sucks. I'm glad you were able to get it removed.

That's good to know they don't put in a catheter for top surgery. I have a weak bladder and it wakes me up in the middle of the night so I'm thinking if I have to pee I'm gonna wake up during surgery and that terrifies me.


"Think about some of the most embarrassing things that have ever happened to you.  You eventually stopped thinking about them and got on with your life, right?"

I still do think about embarrassing things  that happen in the past, but yeah I still go on with life. But this is different, this is much more embarrassing than anything I can remember. I just can't get pass going to have this done, I just won't do it.


"I hope nothing ever happens where you would need one"

Thanks.


"but if you ever do you should just grit your teeth and get it done because it could be what saves your life. "

I don't care if I die, I wanna die. I hate this life with a passion. I just don't want this to be considered a suicide b/c I don't want to go to hell.

And another thing... it makes me more upset and angry that I was born in the wrong body b/c this is something women have to go through and men don't. 

Obviously it's something men go through or we wouldn't be having this discussion. 

People who kill themselves can go to heaven.  But if you really feel they don't and you feel something were to be wrong with you and you didn't take steps to at least try to fix it (ie going to the doctor or gyno or where ever may be relevant to whatever you felt may be wrong) then I would consider that a suicide, because you led to your own death.

But bio men don't have that female part... and I read some other stuff that happens at the gyno place too, but I won't mention it here.

"People who kill themselves can go to heaven"

I'm not sure about that, that's up to God to decide.


[i][b"]But if you really feel they don't and you feel something were to be wrong with you and you didn't take steps to at least try to fix it (ie going to the doctor or gyno or where ever may be relevant to whatever you felt may be wrong) then I would consider that a suicide, because you led to your own death."[/i][/b]

I understand what your saying here but for me, I don't consider it a suicide b/c I'm not taking a gun to my head or jumping off a building, etc... I didn't give myself cyts, etc... it just happens like any other disease, it just happens somehow, and me not taking care of it I feel has nothing to do with suicide, it's about embarrassment, and it's all on how God see's it. If he see's it as a suicide, then that sucks, b/c I don't want him to send me to hell for that b/c I don't see it as a suicide.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on July 17, 2012, 11:46:37 PM
But bio men don't have that female part... and I read some other stuff that happens at the gyno place too, but I won't mention it here.

Yeah, but they do get to have a finger shoved up their ->-bleeped-<- when they get older. 

Like what exactly?

"Yeah, but they do get to have a finger shoved up their ->-bleeped-<- when they get older."

This. Even if I was a bio male, this would not happen either.

Quote from: Andy8715 on July 17, 2012, 11:48:56 PM
Yeah, but they do get to have a finger shoved up their ->-bleeped-<- when they get older. 

Like what exactly?

I did for the prostate digital exam.  Never again!
  Joelene

Quote from: Dominick_81 on July 17, 2012, 09:56:01 PM
They can give me the tool I'll do it myself.

My friend found a clinic where they let him do it himself--the Pap smear, anyway. I sorta forgot about this. But I don't know what he does about the other stuff, the actual exam.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on July 17, 2012, 09:02:53 PM
No, I haven't tried any hair loss meds yet. I asked my doctor about taking finasteride like a year ago and she told me it would be pointless to take finasteride and T b/c it would block DHT.

I'm not a medical doctor (obviously), but you've said a few things about your endo that make me wonder how competent she is. Lots of cis men take finasteride for hair loss, with few or no adverse effects. The small dose of finasteride seems to have had little, if any, effect on my masculinization process and a wonderful effect on my hair. I have been on the med for two years (went off for a couple of months recently, as I said), and during that time, I have acquired more body hair, gotten a much deeper voice (from tenor to baritone), dropped twenty pounds, and made very good progress on my facial hair. I haven't had any unpleasant side effects.

Different people get different effects, of course. But your doctor makes it sound like finasteride completely blocks DHT and completely stops masculinization, or something. Maybe if you were taking a large dose, as for prostate cancer...but the hair loss dose is quite small.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on July 17, 2012, 10:53:19 PM
Wow, at 14, that's young to have to get an exam like that. My friend had her exam around that age, too, like 14 or 15. Ya shouldn't have to go so young. I thought you could wait until your sexually active...?

well you can be sexually active at that age as well, but thats another story.
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I had the test for half a year ago, it was sort something you had too in order to get T, the doctor told me we should have this test one or another time, in some way I wanted to make it done as fast as posible so that was why I took it there, but of corse its not something I like and try to ignore as much as posible..

Nobody likes it, all you can do is too look away and think of something complitely diffrent and know that its over very soon.

if it to help I can say when I had it the doctor said I could choose to have it done in my part or my butt. so its not nessesarry always to make it up there.. if your really got alot of phobia.

Quote from: Arch on July 18, 2012, 01:42:40 AM
My friend found a clinic where they let him do it himself--the Pap smear, anyway. I sorta forgot about this. But I don't know what he does about the other stuff, the actual exam.

Really? Cool!

Quote from: Arch on July 18, 2012, 01:55:31 AM
I'm not a medical doctor (obviously), but you've said a few things about your endo that make me wonder how competent she is. Lots of cis men take finasteride for hair loss, with few or no adverse effects. The small dose of finasteride seems to have had little, if any, effect on my masculinization process and a wonderful effect on my hair. I have been on the med for two years (went off for a couple of months recently, as I said), and during that time, I have acquired more body hair, gotten a much deeper voice (from tenor to baritone), dropped twenty pounds, and made very good progress on my facial hair. I haven't had any unpleasant side effects.

Different people get different effects, of course. But your doctor makes it sound like finasteride completely blocks DHT and completely stops masculinization, or something. Maybe if you were taking a large dose, as for prostate cancer...but the hair loss dose is quite small.

This new counselor I'm seeing (she know my endo doctor )said she's very smart and knows what she's talking about.

Yeah, that's how it sounded to me, finasteride completely blocks DHT and won't masculinization me. I can talk to the nurse again about it when I go for my shot next week, but now I'm mad b/c I lost even more hair when it could have stop with finasteride a year ago.

Also, does finasteride make you lose hair before it starts to work? I thought I heard that somewhere.

UPDATED: I just called the endo dr. office and I can't get an appointment until Sept, which is the appointment I originally had. The lady is gonna put me on the cancellation list in case something opens up earlier. I'm thinking about stopping the shots until then. Would stopping the shots until the middle of sept. be a bad idea? I'm not sure what to do.

I actually still have the propica pills I never took and there good untill Nov. 2012. I'm tempted to take them, but probably should wait until the doctor says it's okay b/c she might not let me get another prescription for them when they run out.

Quote from: Natkat on July 18, 2012, 08:29:30 AM
well you can be sexually active at that age as well, but thats another story.
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I had the test for half a year ago, it was sort something you had too in order to get T, the doctor told me we should have this test one or another time, in some way I wanted to make it done as fast as posible so that was why I took it there, but of corse its not something I like and try to ignore as much as posible..

Nobody likes it, all you can do is too look away and think of something complitely diffrent and know that its over very soon.

if it to help I can say when I had it the doctor said I could choose to have it done in my part or my butt. so its not nessesarry always to make it up there.. if your really got alot of phobia.

From what I read, the trip to the gyno includes both some tool going into the part and a finger in the ass.

I know some doctors require a trip to the gyno before starting T and some don't. I hope my doctor never asks me to go, b/c I won't go.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on July 18, 2012, 02:55:45 PM
From what I read, the trip to the gyno includes both some tool going into the part and a finger in the ass.

I didnt had a finger up behind, as I decribed I did had to get the tool up but I could deside if it would be in the front or back.
--

Quote from: Natkat on July 18, 2012, 03:01:06 PM
I didnt had a finger up behind, as I decribed I did had to get the tool up but I could deside if it would be in the front or back.
--

That's good you were able to choose where it went.

There's information out there that I really like: check out mimizinedistro.wordpress.com

Also you can look @ how to do a self exam at fwhc.org/health/selfcare.htm

Basically googling DIY self exam gyno or anarchist feminist DIY gyno exam--stuff like this--there is a lot of information out there.

cheers

Dominick, I think you should do some reading on finasteride--Wikipedia is a good place to start, but don't stop there. There is evidence of certain long-term effects (I wasn't too worried about some of them because I don't have typical sexual equipment) and evidence that one side effect is depression or anxiety. If you have a lot of depression or anxiety issues, then this med might not be for you.

I have depression, but I've been doing better with my depression, not worse, in the two years since I started this med. There have been bumps on the road, but (as far as I can tell), they've all come from life events and my own developmental arc, not the med.

If you are losing hair on the top of your head--the crown rather than just the hairline--then topical Rogaine could be a possibility. You don't need a prescription. Rogaine is apparently bad for cats and some other animals, so you have to be careful about that. My old cat liked to strop my head, so I never seriously considered Rogaine--and anyway, I don't seem to have hair loss at the crown, only at the hairline.

I well understand your anxiety about hair loss, especially given how young you are. Most cis men are concerned about hair loss, so why should a trans man be any different? I hear a lot of trans guys saying that if you're not prepared to lose your hair, then T isn't for you. Some say that they don't mind the hair loss because it's what most men face at some point in their lives. Those attitudes clearly work for other guys, but nobody can tell you how YOU should approach transition. However, I feel that you ought to educate yourself enough to be able to converse intelligently with your doctor(s) about your options--so if your docs aren't being straight with you, you will know it and be able to ask more questions or call them on it or decide to go elsewhere, or whatever. To a certain extent, knowledge is indeed power.

P.S. The clinic where my friend went was some kind of unorthodox women's clinic...I don't know how he found it, but Smitty seems to have provided URLs and tips for you.

Quote from: smittyFTM on July 18, 2012, 03:17:16 PM
There's information out there that I really like: check out mimizinedistro.wordpress.com

Also you can look @ how to do a self exam at fwhc.org/health/selfcare.htm

Basically googling DIY self exam gyno or anarchist feminist DIY gyno exam--stuff like this--there is a lot of information out there.

cheers

Thanks.



"If you are losing hair on the top of your head--the crown rather than just the hairline--then topical Rogaine could be a possibility."

One of my uncles tried that and it didn't work for him so I'm guessing it's not gonna work for me, and I heard you loose hair before you get hair, and once I notice hair loss from that rogaine I'll stop using it and I hear it takes 6-8 months to work.

I know guys who are younger than me who have lost hair and it just doesn't look good. This is how I see it and I'm not trying to sound shallow... I've seen guys go from very attractive good looking men to not so good looking once they loose their hair, and I'm not saying their ugly, just the "no hair or hair loss" look is unattractive, and I don't want to go from not attractive to even more not attractive b/c of hair loss, ya know what I mean? I'm not trying to sound mean, and I personally don't care if men have hair loss or not, and I'm not saying if I was attracted to men that I wouldn't date a guy with hair loss, I'm not saying that, I'm  just looking at how society views people with hair loss, and to most of society hair loss is unattractive. 

A lot of people say bald is sexy. To me, bald is not sexy. But everyone is attracted to different things in a person, not just hair.  If I were attracted to men I would still date a bald guy or a guy with hair loss, it doesn't matter to me b/c I'm not looking at hair loss, there are other things besides looks that attract me to a person. But for me, looking good is important to me b/c I want to get a girlfriend so if I look good I can get a girl. A lot of girls base things on looks, yes it's shallow, but it's true, not all girls base guys on looks, but most do. Even if every women on this planet didn't care about hair loss and looks, to me it would still be important that I look good, just for myself, ya know? Not for other people.

Hey bud.

I was on T for about 2 years and stopped for a few reasons. My period came back within about a month or 2. Before starting T, I would have periods so heavy that it would make me physically ill - I landed in the hospital twice because I couldn't stop vomiting, which led me to hyperventilating and dehydration to the point of needing fluid - no joke.
I know a year and a half feels like a long time. I know you want to see all the changes as soon as possible. But if this is what you want, and how you need to be to feel comfortable, you need to commit and stay persistent. Is going bald worse than being misgendered? Not for me. There are far worse things than being bald.
HRT works differently for -everyone-. What kind of changes were you excited for the most that you have not seen yet? Things like diet, work-outs and just downright self acceptance can help you notice stuff you may have missed or help things progress farther than they have.

And as far as the hysto thing goes, I have put off seeing a gyno as well. I am 24, have never been. After getting back on T, my doctor stressed over and over again how important it is. You need to look at things differently. Your body is your body, it's not what you want, and it doesn't feel right, but these people are professionals. They're going to check you out, and tell you if you're healthy or not, then go home and go to bed. They won't think another thought about you or your parts. It's just their job. Dying from cancer because you can't bring yourself to go to the doctor is only comparable to suicide in the way where both could be avoided by getting help when or before you need it. Don't do that to yourself or your loved ones. And trust me, people love you, and will be hurt and missed if you have to leave due to something like very painful cancer.
And I have a good feeling that if you were to get cancer and feel that pain, you would take yourself in. I don't know anyone who would be able to just sit through that sort of pain until they die. You'd learn real quick how to swallow your pride and shame.

This life is hard, but you gotta keep at it. Look at the bright side... I know it's cliche, but it HELPS.

You got this far, why stop now?

Also, if you're dead from cancer, you can't get a girl.

And if a girl won't date you because your hair is thinning or gone, you're either trying to date the wrong girl or need some self improvement. Women are very sensitive and loving creatures. Don't ever forget that.

Quote from: kaden_honestly on July 20, 2012, 01:42:42 AM

Dying from cancer because you can't bring yourself to go to the doctor......

Honestly, as someone who has seen more than one person die of cancer,  I can tell you: You'd wish you'd just had the freakin' gyno exam.

I'm also speaking as someone who had suffered sexual abuse... so I understand how anxiety-ridden the whole process can be.

Do the self exam or find a radical feminist / Anarchist DIY Health Clinic if the doctor freaks you out. Cancer is no joke.

You can also ask a doc to use --or buy yourself (I used to have one)--the "small" speculum. It's plastic and skinny; not the enormous, cold metal one!

Due to my sexual history, the doctor was comfortable not giving me a pap smear provided I get a hysterectomy in the next year.

That said though, I was prepared to have it done. I was sweating bullets in that office and I wanted to puke. I actually asked the nurse for a bucket because I would have thrown up if they had done it, almost certainly. But my grandma had cervical cancer in her 30s - honestly, the pap smear saved her life. She wouldn't have known from symptoms until it was too late. It's just not worth taking the chance. It's not worth it for me and it's not worth hurting the people I love because I didn't take care of my body. As long as I have these parts, even if they're wrong, I have a responsibility to myself and those I care about to do what I can to protect my life.

Don't know if anyone posted this, and I know he isn't the best representative of our community, but I always think of this video.

Buck Angel's Public Cervix Announcement (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_uNFmZHvO0#)

@kaden_honestly: "Is going bald worse than being misgendered."

There both equally bad to me.

What kind of changes were you excited for the most that you have not seen yet?

Changes... I don't have changes.  My voice is nowhere near where it should be. I'm extremely unhappy with my voice. I thought T would masculize me and it hasn't. I still have a very neutral look where it could go either way, male or female. I have a little bit of facial hair that is patchy and doesn't connect on one side, so it looks stupid if I don't shave it once a week.

If I had a hysto done would I have to see a gyno after that? I know you have to see one before the hysto but after the surgery would you still have to see a gyno again?

And I have a good feeling that if you were to get cancer and feel that pain, you would take yourself in.

Yes, this is true. I have a very low tolerance for pain.

Is going to the gyno more important b/c I'm on T? Would it be less important if I wasn't on T and not sexually active?

I just can't bring myself to go. I  read that when they insert the instrument into your part that it can be uncomfortable and painful. I was reading what the instrument does and the thought of it just freaks me out.

Also, if you're dead from cancer, you can't get a girl.

I'm fine with that. I doubt I'd get a girl anyways. I don't see myself having a gf in the near or distant future. It would be a miracle if I ever get a gf.

@smittyFTM: I'm also speaking as someone who had suffered sexual abuse
I'm sorry.

I'd do the self exam, but is it even possible to do a self exam? How are you supposed to see what you are doing? A mirror?

@Papa Taco: I'm glad the pap smear saved your grandma's life.

My life doesn't mean anything to me. I just exist in it.

Dominick, I would just like to say again that 1.5 years on T is not long at all.  Puberty, which is what you are going through now, takes years.  Even cis men continue to change and masculinize more over years. 

Dominick, you have me worried, bro. You sound very depressed.

Aside from this, while there are advocates for self-exam (and I think you'd have to have far less dysphoria than any of us have) a pap smear is actually a sample taken to a lab.

--Jay Jay

Quote from: aleon515 on July 21, 2012, 12:09:48 AM
Dominick, you have me worried, bro. You sound very depressed.

Yeah, I second this. No one should feel that way about their own life. You are worth something, to those who love you but also in general.

Quote from: Andy8715 on July 20, 2012, 11:41:40 PM
Dominick, I would just like to say again that 1.5 years on T is not long at all.  Puberty, which is what you are going through now, takes years.  Even cis men continue to change and masculinize more over years.

I hope it happens soon, and the reason why it upsets me so much is b/c family continues to treat me like a girl and makes no effort to call me Dominick. None of the guys in my family treat me like one of the guys. I thought maybe if I looked more masculine they would treat me like one of the guys and make an effort to call me Dominick. Not even cutting my hair would make anyone call me Dominick. Even if I'm able to grow some decent facial hair and have a beard one day, they will still call me by my female name. My cousin told me my grandma doesn't want anyone to call me Dominick.


@aleon515: But they still have to put a tool in your part to get the sample.

@aleon515 and @Papa Taco:If you guys (or anyone) had my life, you would want to shoot yourself. I sleep till 3:00pm. My mom gets home at 3:30pm so if she finds me in bed she'll have a fit so I have to make sure I'm up and out of bed before she gets home. And after I get up I watch tv all day/night and sometimes go on the computer. And this is how my life has been since I was about 15 years old (but I didn't have a computer when I was 15, I don't think I got a computer until my 20's) and I'm 30 now. I can predict my future. I have been predicting it for the past 15 years and all my predictions have come true. I can tell you what I'm going to be doing tomorrow and until the day I die... sleep all day, tv, computer. I'm just existing in life, who wants a life like this where your just existing in it? I have missed out on so many once in a lifetime opportunities b/c I have no money to go or do anything? I never had much money even when I had a job. Every time I wanted to take a trip to see a concert my mom would be mad b/c I owe her so much money and I don't have the money to pay her back right now,(thousands of dollars) plus I'm in debt with a college loan (over 3 thousand dollars) that I can't pay back yet. My life sucks. Oh, and everyone (even people who are dirt poor like me) have these nice iphones and I have a cheap trac phone my mom is paying for. I've never got anything I wanted in life, I've always had to settle for last best, not second best, but last best. I can go on and on about how much my life sucks, but I'll stop here.

Get a job, find a hobby, go to the library, park, or something, that will make your life worthwhile.  Being online all night and sleeping all day, is not that.

Not to play internet psychiatrist but sounds like you need to seek professional medical help.

Quote from: Andy8715 on July 21, 2012, 09:56:22 PM
Get a job, find a hobby, go to the library, park, or something, that will make your life worthwhile.  Being online all night and sleeping all day, is not that.

Not to play internet psychiatrist but sounds like you need to seek professional medical help.

I've been looking for a job for a year and a half and no luck. I do see a counselor. I've been seeing a new counselor. This week will be my 3rd session.

I wish I could find something in enjoyable in life, but in order to do that, ya gota have  friends and money. Money can bring parcial happiness. My car still needs to be fix so I'm still unable to leave the house. I do occasionally go to the library (when I had my car) but that still no enjoyment in life, not even going to the park. Nothing is enjoyable if you have to do it alone.

Dominick, I just want to say I can see so much of my past self in you, mate.  I was in a VERY bloody similar situation - stuck living at home (30 years old) with my elderly grandparents, sleeping all day and staying up all night online - seeing no way to transition and planning my suicide after my grandparents died. 

I don't want to judge you - I know how deep those dark holes can go.  I'm just happy to see you still here amongst us, communicating and hanging on.  I'm glad I hung on - just a year after I gave up, I had a miracle happen.  It could be around the corner for you, too - I don't want to tell you what to do, what to think, etc., but I'm just glad to know you and I'm always happy to see you here.

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on July 22, 2012, 06:09:37 AM
Dominick, I just want to say I can see so much of my past self in you, mate.  I was in a VERY bloody similar situation - stuck living at home (30 years old) with my elderly grandparents, sleeping all day and staying up all night online - seeing no way to transition and planning my suicide after my grandparents died. 

I don't want to judge you - I know how deep those dark holes can go.  I'm just happy to see you still here amongst us, communicating and hanging on.  I'm glad I hung on - just a year after I gave up, I had a miracle happen.  It could be around the corner for you, too - I don't want to tell you what to do, what to think, etc., but I'm just glad to know you and I'm always happy to see you here.

Thanks Kreuzfidel. :)  I'm glad that you didn't give up go through with your suicide plans and are still here today. I'm also glad you had a miracle too.

Okay, I have to amend what I said earlier about my experiences on finasteride. First of all, I did acquire more body hair while I was on finasteride, and my voice did go from a tenor to a baritone, and my sex drive was pretty much unchanged.

But I was off it for a few months and then went back on it. Short after I restarted it, I realized that I had had a lot more hair growth in the past few months while I was not taking it. My mustache got darker and just a bit coarser, but that will take time. The hair on my belly started creeping a little higher, up toward my chest. I started getting hair higher up on my thighs. I'm getting hair on the backs of my upper arms (lots of growth, suddenly), as well as back hair, which I've never wanted. But I'll deal with it.

And...I was getting significant chest hair growth.

I really want the body hair, but I don't want to lose more head hair. So I'm kicking myself. If I'd started transition a few years earlier, I might have gotten a bunch of body hair without having to sacrifice head hair, and so I could start finasteride without reservations. Now I feel as if I have to choose between body hair and head hair!

This could be good news for you. You have said repeatedly that you want to keep your head hair but not get body hair. Obviously, YMMV, but I thought I would put this out there. Just some food for thought.