Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey everyone,

I have recently found myself in a relationship of sorts with a woman (MtF) who seems extremely dysphoric about her parts and I am struggling to cope.  Originally I thought I had feelings for my friend because subconsciously I saw her as a man but the more I get to know her, I know she is definately not and I still find her equally attractive, if not more so.  Anyway, we have tried to have relations and it seems every time we do, her perceptions about her parts, and sometimes her perceptions about my parts, (as it looks like it will be 5+ years before she can afford to get my parts) gets in the way.   I adore her completely and I couldn't care less what shape her parts take, I just want to enjoy her company and sexuality while enjoying my own as well.

Anyway, have any of you experienced a partner who basically freaks out or has panic attacks during or after relations?  How do you cope with your own frustrations while maintaining either empathy or sympathy? Do you just not go anywhere near your partner's genitals?  Should I avoid having mine near her? 

Thanks, Stacy

Well that a *** of a thing.  *big hugs*  If I had to take a wild guess it's something along the line of.  A girl doesn't want to have boy part and it it possible to fix it.  but well being together reminds her just how hard it's going to be and thats pretty crushing.  Don't try to fix it, so much as just be there :)  if you try to talk about why shes up set, and well if I'm half way right.  Then talking about it = more thinking about how crushingly hard it will be.  It took me a long enough time to get passed that.

hmmmmm

Jennifer,

I have basically been trying to do exactly what you suggested and it seems to be working. In fact, we've been trying to keep our relationship non-sexual and that helps quite a bit.  I'm sad that I'm not gonna "get the girl", but more important to me is nourishing this friendship.

Thanks for the response :)

Stacy

Something that I've found helpful in dealing with dysphoria in sexual relations is discussing boundaries in a non-sexual setting. Trying to discuss boundaries and comfort levels while being intimate ruins the mood and can result in even more anxiety and frustration. Maybe try discussing it outside of those limits and see how that goes?

My significant other, who recently announced to me is going to go through with mtf hrt, has never been able to have relations with me. We tried once and he basically had a panic attack saying that he felt if he did that, he would cement his role in society as a 'male'. After I knew he felt that way, we haven't tried that again. We fool around all the time and help each other get off, just not in that way. I've been living this way for 7 years and am perfectly happy with the situation. We are very affectionate towards each other, perhaps too much so, but I like it that way <3

So maybe yall could try to use other methods of pleasuring each other that don't include penetration? Might work!! :)