Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: Berg on August 06, 2012, 06:41:52 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Greetings from a FtM newbie
Post by: Berg on August 06, 2012, 06:41:52 PM
Post by: Berg on August 06, 2012, 06:41:52 PM
Hi!
I'm a newbie and happy to have found this community. Here is a little introduction and background info:
My name is Berg and I'm a 30 years old FtM. I'm not "out" yet, but my urge to come out and start a transition keeps getting stronger and stronger.
I've had a male gender identity for as long as I can remember. As a little kid I was always very boyish. Around age 9 I started realizing that there was a way to get to "be a boy", so to speak, and get a break from girly expectations, when I repeatedly found myself in the position of being taken for a boy by various people. I started accentuating my boyish features on purpose and never corrected people when they took me for a boy. I loved when people identified and treated me as a boy. I felt like I was finally being allowed to be myself, although it was always just a temporary thing until someone else pointed out to people that they were "mistaken" about my gender. This continued for years. It wasn't until my late teens (around 18 I think) that people stopped taking me for a guy, but it's pretty clear to everyone who knows me that I'm not a typical woman by any stretch of the imagination.
Around that same time I started giving it some serious thought to have a sex change, but I eventually decided to put it off, because I was at a very difficult place in my life and felt that I needed to deal with other things first (my health, certain family circumstances etc.).
The years have gone by and I haven't been happy playing this role that is expected of me. It's not me and the longer I go along with it, the more draining it feels. I make less and less of an effort to be what society expects of me and the steps I've taken towards a more outwardly male identity have been liberating. I want to take it further though. The desire to go ahead and let an old dream come true by starting an actual transition keeps getting stronger.
I'm a little hesitant though. I'm willing to sacrifice a lot for this, but there is one thing I'm not really ready to sacrifice. You see, I've been married for 9 years and it's been a good marriage. I told my husband about my gender identity before we got married. He thought it was just a phase I was going through and that I'd get over it. Over the years he has come to understand and accept better that I still identify as a man and that it's not going to change. He's been pretty cool about it so far and doesn't mind me referring to myself as a guy and acting like a guy and he's supportive of a breast reduction and such, but we've never really discussed the possibility of me going through further transition and physically and officially becoming a man. I think he's going to have a hard time accepting that (and I don't really know how much I can expect of him as a heterosexual man) and I worry about how this thing is going to affect our relationship and whether he will stick around. I really don't want to lose him, but I don't know if there is any other way.
Anyway, this is getting too long, but this is where I'm at at the moment. I hope to get a chance to discuss things over better with some of you and both get and give support and tips.
See you around!
Berg
I'm a newbie and happy to have found this community. Here is a little introduction and background info:
My name is Berg and I'm a 30 years old FtM. I'm not "out" yet, but my urge to come out and start a transition keeps getting stronger and stronger.
I've had a male gender identity for as long as I can remember. As a little kid I was always very boyish. Around age 9 I started realizing that there was a way to get to "be a boy", so to speak, and get a break from girly expectations, when I repeatedly found myself in the position of being taken for a boy by various people. I started accentuating my boyish features on purpose and never corrected people when they took me for a boy. I loved when people identified and treated me as a boy. I felt like I was finally being allowed to be myself, although it was always just a temporary thing until someone else pointed out to people that they were "mistaken" about my gender. This continued for years. It wasn't until my late teens (around 18 I think) that people stopped taking me for a guy, but it's pretty clear to everyone who knows me that I'm not a typical woman by any stretch of the imagination.
Around that same time I started giving it some serious thought to have a sex change, but I eventually decided to put it off, because I was at a very difficult place in my life and felt that I needed to deal with other things first (my health, certain family circumstances etc.).
The years have gone by and I haven't been happy playing this role that is expected of me. It's not me and the longer I go along with it, the more draining it feels. I make less and less of an effort to be what society expects of me and the steps I've taken towards a more outwardly male identity have been liberating. I want to take it further though. The desire to go ahead and let an old dream come true by starting an actual transition keeps getting stronger.
I'm a little hesitant though. I'm willing to sacrifice a lot for this, but there is one thing I'm not really ready to sacrifice. You see, I've been married for 9 years and it's been a good marriage. I told my husband about my gender identity before we got married. He thought it was just a phase I was going through and that I'd get over it. Over the years he has come to understand and accept better that I still identify as a man and that it's not going to change. He's been pretty cool about it so far and doesn't mind me referring to myself as a guy and acting like a guy and he's supportive of a breast reduction and such, but we've never really discussed the possibility of me going through further transition and physically and officially becoming a man. I think he's going to have a hard time accepting that (and I don't really know how much I can expect of him as a heterosexual man) and I worry about how this thing is going to affect our relationship and whether he will stick around. I really don't want to lose him, but I don't know if there is any other way.
Anyway, this is getting too long, but this is where I'm at at the moment. I hope to get a chance to discuss things over better with some of you and both get and give support and tips.
See you around!
Berg
Title: Re: Greetings from a FtM newbie
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on August 06, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on August 06, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Hi Berg , :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 7755 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice[size=78%].[/size]
[size=78%] [/size]
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
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Title: Re: Greetings from a FtM newbie
Post by: Catherine Sarah on August 07, 2012, 11:33:21 AM
Post by: Catherine Sarah on August 07, 2012, 11:33:21 AM
Hi Berg ,
A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.
There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in and start talking.
Congratulations on not letting denial step in the way of your happiness. Good that you have handled it so well over the years.
It's not a particular happy place for you to be in at the moment, but I'm sure that your husband is strong enough to support whatever decision you finally come to. Transition for everyone, comes with an almighty price tag on it. But, at the end of the day, it pales to almost insignificance when compared to the benefits freedom and liberation have to offer.
Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.
There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in and start talking.
Congratulations on not letting denial step in the way of your happiness. Good that you have handled it so well over the years.
It's not a particular happy place for you to be in at the moment, but I'm sure that your husband is strong enough to support whatever decision you finally come to. Transition for everyone, comes with an almighty price tag on it. But, at the end of the day, it pales to almost insignificance when compared to the benefits freedom and liberation have to offer.
Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
Title: Re: Greetings from a FtM newbie
Post by: Berg on August 07, 2012, 04:10:23 PM
Post by: Berg on August 07, 2012, 04:10:23 PM
Thanks for the warm welcomes. I look forward to getting to know this community better. :)
Berg
Berg
Title: Re: Greetings from a FtM newbie
Post by: Jamie D on August 07, 2012, 05:21:04 PM
Post by: Jamie D on August 07, 2012, 05:21:04 PM
Hi there, Berg. Welcome from hot, sunny, southern California! :)
Title: Re: Greetings from a FtM newbie
Post by: Devlyn on August 11, 2012, 08:18:30 AM
Post by: Devlyn on August 11, 2012, 08:18:30 AM
Hi Berg, it's nice to meet you! I'm from Boston, but don't hold that against me! See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn