Susan's Place Transgender Resources

What does it mean if I look in the mirror and I like what I see, but it doesn't feel like it's mine. I mean, I know it's mine. There's no one else it belongs to. Oh I'm confusing myself.
Any thoughts?
Also, how do you deal with people who say "you will always be [assigned at birth gender]" or "what you are doesn't exist" or something like that?

Perhaps it means that you've gone through so many years of hating who you saw in the mirror that now once you've finally reached some sense of contentment with who it is you have to convinve yourself once again to hate or dislike it again. Just my 2 cents though.

When people say ignorant things like "You are not you." I have to calmly tell them "Who are you to judge and tell me who I am? Don't I know far better than you about my own self?" Simple as that, brother. If they still don't understand...then don't even bother wasting your energy.

Quote from: Edge on August 09, 2012, 08:31:24 PM
Also, how do you deal with people who say "you will always be [assigned at birth gender]" or "what you are doesn't exist" or something like that?

Three possibilities. If they're openly hostile, just ignore them. If they are just ignorant, ask "are you familiar with what it means to be Transgendered? If they sound curious you can explain a little about it.

Or, if you just want to put them on the spot, say "How do you know?" and continue asking that no matter what they answer. Won't help convince them, but watching them squirm might make you feel better. >:-)

Quote from: Edge on August 09, 2012, 08:31:24 PM
What does it mean if I look in the mirror and I like what I see, but it doesn't feel like it's mine. I mean, I know it's mine. There's no one else it belongs to. Oh I'm confusing myself.
Any thoughts?
Also, how do you deal with people who say "you will always be [assigned at birth gender]" or "what you are doesn't exist" or something like that?

I can't answer the first part because I hate what I see in the mirror even trans stuff aside.

*Possible triggers*

As for the second part I had someone to tell me that I will always be female and I just kind of brushed it off.  Now if someone were to tell me that I would agree with them at face value.  I was born and raised as biological female.  My body chemistry is that of a biological female.  I will die a biological female and if someone digs up my bones in 200 years they will find the bones of a biological female.  Nothing I do will be able to change the fact that I am biologically a female.  However I would also tell them that there is more to us than just bundles of chromosomes.  My mind and soul is male so therefore I am a male.  If they still don't get it well that's their problem.   

As for "what I am doesn't exist" that's pure ignorance since there are documentaries and a lot of people who feel the same way.  Does air not exist because one cannot see it?  Just because being non-conforming usually doesn't have physical outside signs it doesnt mean that it doesn't exist.

Quote from: Edge on August 09, 2012, 08:31:24 PM
What does it mean if I look in the mirror and I like what I see, but it doesn't feel like it's mine. I mean, I know it's mine. There's no one else it belongs to. Oh I'm confusing myself.

I know what you mean- it can be confusing, because sometimes it feels like the "classic transsexual" is supposed to detest what they see in the mirror.  But gender dysphoria (to me, at least,) is just the distress caused by your natal sex.  When I see myself in the mirror, I don't necessarily hate what I see, either; instead, it's an intense feeling of detachment from my reflection.

If I'm really judging myself/picking at my appearance, I'll certainly feel resentful of the overtly male features.  But then I'll also fawn a little over what feminine features I do find ;)

Yeah it's like I would like those features on someone else and it's kind of hard to think of that person in the mirror as me. But I know it is for obvious reasons.

Quote from: Dee on August 09, 2012, 11:19:22 PM
When I see myself in the mirror, I don't necessarily hate what I see, either; instead, it's an intense feeling of detachment from my reflection.

This!

I see what I see, and it varies with how I am feeling, although I generally think I look a bit like my Mum when she was younger.

As for others disputing my existence I just ask them to define man or woman and proceed to shoot holes in every definition they come up with.  If they start on a religious track, I will tell them I don't appreciate their unsolicited propaganda on behalf of their evil sky pixie, so they can **** off. Calmly.

Karen.

I looked in the mirror yesterday, and I saw a beautiful young woman looking back. I just smiled. That's all I can do.
And as for your last statement, although I am trying to become female, I am one of those people who say "you will always be [assigned at birth gender]." It has to do with my own self hatred. I feel that no matter what I do, I will be pretending.

Quote from: Edge on August 09, 2012, 08:31:24 PM
Also, how do you deal with people who say "you will always be [assigned at birth gender]" or "what you are doesn't exist" or something like that?

Keep poking them and if they tell you to stop, ask them, "How can I? I don't exist."

Quote from: justmeinoz on August 10, 2012, 07:02:32 AM
If they start on a religious track, I will tell them I don't appreciate their unsolicited propaganda on behalf of their evil sky pixie, so they can **** off. Calmly.

Karen.

I agree completely. I really don't like it when people bring religion into anything. I can find several holes in any religion, so they're irrelevant. By the way, I loved that "evil sky pixie" thing.

Quote from: Hippolover25 on August 10, 2012, 08:57:07 AM
I feel that no matter what I do, I will be pretending.

You're whatever gender you believe you are. Remember that gender is a social construct to begin with; it's not a tangible thing. If you feel as though you're a female, you're a female. Done deal.

Quote from: justmeinoz on August 10, 2012, 07:02:32 AM
As for others disputing my existence I just ask them to define man or woman and proceed to shoot holes in every definition they come up with.  If they start on a religious track, I will tell them I don't appreciate their unsolicited propaganda on behalf of their evil sky pixie, so they can **** off. Calmly.

Karen, you hit the nail on the head!  Love it!!!!  ;D

lol I like the "evil sky pixie" description. :laugh:
I was meaning more along the lines of being bigender. Even some (not all) other trans people don't take us seriously.
A friend of mine tried to tell me yesterday that genderfluid isn't transgender. Ouch.

There seem to be as many definitions of  a term as there are people using it :). Anyone demanding that we justify ourselves can get stuffed.

Quote from: Edge on August 09, 2012, 08:31:24 PM
Also, how do you deal with people who say "you will always be [assigned at birth gender]" or "what you are doesn't exist" or something like that?

I tend to just smile and say "Okay." They usually shut up when you don't offer the vehement resistance they were hoping for, in order to give them a platform to dish out their views.

People have their opinions. Doesn't mean they're right, nor does it mean you need to waste the time and mental energy trying to prove them wrong. You know yourself better than they know you. That's all there really is to it. You know who whether who you are exists or not because you're the one who feels it. You know whether you are your assigned birth sex or not because you're the one who is inside your own head, dealing with the emotions and sensations that go along with being your own person.

Others see things from their point of view, coloured by their own perceptions.

As Nietzsche said: "You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist."

Quote from: Edge on August 10, 2012, 06:13:25 PM
A friend of mine tried to tell me yesterday that genderfluid isn't transgender. Ouch.

I can just see myself responding, "That's all right, I don't believe in you, either." But I like Sephirah's reply much better.

One of the comments here said something about digging up your bones later, they'd find your biological sex. mtf, they'd find a guy. You said something about body and soul being separate.

I thought of the famous quote "I think, therefore I am". It is the non physical act of thinking that precedes being real, being alive. The mind is above the body... more important.

So shape your body to how your mind sees how the body should be.

Quote from: Dee on August 09, 2012, 11:19:22 PM
I know what you mean- it can be confusing, because sometimes it feels like the "classic transsexual" is supposed to detest what they see in the mirror.  But gender dysphoria (to me, at least,) is just the distress caused by your natal sex.  When I see myself in the mirror, I don't necessarily hate what I see, either; instead, it's an intense feeling of detachment from my reflection.

When I was younger and still trying very hard to bury my feelings I used to hate how I looked. Now that I've been able to accept what I am, I feel like I've been able to be a lot more objective about my appearance, to the point where I can look at a picture of myself from a certain time of life and think-that person didn't look too bad. They didn't look like *me*, that was the real problem.

Doesn't mean it doesn't drive me crazy when I'm having one of those days when my facial hair seems to be making a determined assault to reclaim my face though :D