Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Im new here
and need alot advice one how to tell my parents that Im trans
any advice
PLEASE

Hello, Zelda.  A good start would be to read through the topics in this forum.

I dont know what to tell you? My mom caught me when I was little on more than a few occasions and said she always knew I was the gay. So I let her settle into that and then wrote her a letter the next day. I told her their was no rush in reading it but that she really needed to. My dad on the other had did not cone around until after I James the rifle when trying to use my toe to shoot myself in the mouth at 12. I really don't recommend that one as its a miracle that it James and did not kill me. Bit then after that the therapist was also of some help. But yeah a letter works. And just don't come home for a few hours and be ready for questions

Hi Zelda,

First of all, sending hugs and vibes your way. If you're anything like me then this is probably the scariest part of coming out for you. I don't know your parents, but from my experience, the best advice I can give you is this: Don't build yourself up emotionally to where everything depends on how they react the first time you tell them. Even if they are scared and unwilling to accept what you're telling them, it doesn't mean they'll never be able to accept it. It takes time and patience. In the meantime, be prepared and know who you can go to for emotional support if they take it badly at first. That could mean a close friend IRL or, if you haven't come out to any of your friends, an online community like this one. Above all remember that they're your parents and unless there is something seriously wrong with them they will eventually learn to accept you for who you are.

Actually, something someone probably should have asked from the get-go: Are you still living with your parents or financially dependent on them?

Im living with them and have one year of high school left
what does IRL mean
I have trade to kill my self multiple times over the whole issue
still have the thoughts
and I have started to cutting
I have trapped everything in side me for about 13 years
because my parents are what I call no gay friendly
they think everone that is lesbo gay bi or trans is sinning and should change

Quote from: zelda on August 13, 2012, 02:57:30 AM
Im living with them and have one year of high school left
what does IRL mean
I have trade to kill my self multiple times over the whole issue
still have the thoughts
and I have started to cutting
I have trapped everything in side me for about 13 years
because my parents are what I call no gay friendly
they think everone that is lesbo gay bi or trans is sinning and should change

Zelda, let's talk frankly.  Your trans issues are part of your greater problems, and you need to work on all of these.

If you are having thoughts about hurting yourself, whether it's cutting, or suicide, you need to talk to a professional.  The support you will get here may not be adequate to your needs.  Myself, or another moderator will be back with some links and telephone numbers for you, to use in a crisis.

By your screen name, I assume you are a male-bodied person who feels the need to feminize.  That is not "sinful."  It is something you need to explore with a therapist.  And, if you are like me, and many others here, the "dysphoria" you are feeling is causing you depression.

Here is what I want you to do.  If you are insured, or in a country that has socialized medical services, seek out a local counselor. You may need to tell your parents if you are a minor.  You might be able to get a referral from a school nurse, or a local health clinic, or your county health services.  But it is important to talk with a professional.

It may start as dealing with depression, but it can grow into gender counseling, and the beginning of a journey to becoming a new you.  But we have to make sure you don't further hurt yourself.  Okay?

You have friends here who understand.

Quote from: Arch on December 21, 2011, 07:58:15 PM
If you are feeling suicidal and need help, please remember that the members at Susan's are not trained for such an emergency. A suicide hotline can save your life.

The information below is accurate to the best of my knowledge; do notify me if you find a mistake. These resources are offered in the spirit of community. Neither Susan's nor any of its members shall be held responsible for any errors.

If you call one of the numbers and it does not work, please get the help you need from another hotline or your country's emergency number (in the U.S. and Canada, call 911; in the U.K., call 999 or 112; in Australia, call 000; in the E.U., call 112).


United States

National Suicide Prevention Hotline
English: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
Spanish: 1-888-628-9454
For anyone who is suicidal.
Toll-free and available 24/7.
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889)

The Trevor Project
1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386)
For LGBTQ youth (minors and young adults).
Toll-free and available 24/7.

Kristin Brooks Hope Center
English: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
Spanish: 1-800-SUICIDA (1-800-784-2432)
For anyone who is suicidal.
Toll-free and available 24/7.

National Youth Crisis Hotline
1-800-442-HOPE (1-800-442-4673)
Toll-free and available 24/7.


United Kingdom and Ireland

Samaritans
UK: 08457 90 90 90
ROI: 1850 60 90 90
For anyone who is suicidal.
There may be a toll for these numbers, but they are available 24/7.


Canada

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (U.S.-based but available in Canada)
English: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
Spanish: 1-888-628-9454
For anyone who is suicidal.
Toll-free and available 24/7.
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889)

Ontario
Distress Centres Ontario maintains a list of distress lines by region. Go to http://www.dcontario.org/centres.html (http://www.dcontario.org/centres.html.). These numbers appear to be toll-free if you call from inside the designated area.

Québec—Montréal (Suicide Action Montréal)
514-723-4000
Toll-free if you call from the same zone; available 24/7.

Québec—Outside Montréal (Suicide Action Montréal)
1-866-277-3553 (1-800-APPELLE)
Toll-free and available 24/7.

New Brunswick (CHIMO Helpline)
1-800-667-5005
Toll-free provincial helpline is available 24/7.

Alberta (Distress Line of Southwestern Alberta)
403-327-7905
Toll-free if you are in the same zone; 24/7.


Australia

Lifeline
13 11 14
Charged as a local call; toll-free for mobile phones; available 24/7.

Samaritans
1-800-198 -313
Toll-free but may not be available 24/7.
08-9381-5555
Available 24/7 but may not be free.

Suicide Call Back Service
1300-659-467
Charged as a local call; available 24/7.


International

Go to www.befrienders.org (http://www.befrienders.org) and choose "International." A drop-down menu allows you to choose your country and find a helpline. In the United States, you get a further drop-down menu that allows you to choose by state.

Or go to http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html (http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html) and scroll down until you find your country's link.

yeah i really think you should see a shrink girl. because cutting scars last a life time. and freash ones are hard to hide. if your parents/teacher see them you the risk of getting commited or other risk.

Hi Zelda, it's nice to meet you. Remember that asking for help is usually the path of least resistance. We all understand what's going on, and we're here for you. Hugs, Devlyn

I'm back, Zelda.

If you are in the US or Canada, you can use the Psychology Today online "Find a Therapist" service.

Go here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/ (http://www.psychologytoday.com/)

And then press the "Find a Therapist" button, to get the drop down menu, and to get started.  If you are in another country, we can try to help you find something similar.

i think I need to talk to a pro also
but that would invole telling my parents first
and I feel so uncomfertable about doing so

If you aren't comfortable talking to your parents about your gender dysphoria (and from what you said it sounds like they are not necessarily in a place to be very understanding about that), then at least you can seek help for your depression. If they have noticed any of your emotional problems then they should accept the necessity of you getting counseling. Just remember--if you're not in a place yet where you can be yourself, your job is to take care of yourself so that you can take advantage of it when you are.

I agree, PrincessL.

There is a time and a place to come out. But seeking help with the depression immediately is very important.

"I need to see someone about this depression," is really all the parents need to know to start.

they dont know I have any problems
I hide them from my parents
I keep all of it inside untill they arent looking then i cry my heart out
I keep the problems from them so we dont get into a long hard uncomferting conversation on the subject
Im afraid they will not accept it and try to change my mind

Hi zelda,

Just a suggestion. It always sounds better when it comes from someone else.

If you can arrange your school counselor or a local health professional to contact your parents. I'm assuming your are currently at school or college.

Your school counselor may be concerned about your grades, has detected a level of depression that needs to be seen to.

You local health professional, has observed you and concerned about the depression you are experiencing.

If they don't work, perhaps a trusted family friend. You need to be the one who trusts them.

Keep in touch and let us know how you are coping.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

I keep my problems to my self here
I try to hold myself together
so no one knows I have problems

how would me texting my dad at work wail Im at school be

Hi Zelda,
IRL means 'in real life', by the way.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Many of us, myself included, had some very difficult years when we felt all alone with our problems.

My family was very religious and very conservative, and they were taught that being trans was about the worst thing a person could be, so I was afraid to tell them and didn't until years later when I actually began to live in my true gender. They are very accepting now, and are sorry than when I was young that I didn't feel like it would be safe to tell them about my feelings and was afraid they would reject me and kick me out if I had told them. People do change, and families often do come around, but it can take time. Sometimes it isn't until you are out of the home and on your own that parents stop having that idea that it is their duty to 'keep you safe from sin'. If you are seeing a therapist and going to school or holding down a job, it helps them realize that you are grown and capable of making major decisions on your own. It is much easier for many parents to hear from an expert that their child has a treatable medical condition (like gender identity disorder or gender dysphoria), than to hear from their child that their child wants to do something the parents have been taught is a sin.

Right now parents' job is to love you, guide you, and help you grow up safe and healthy and able to live a happy life on your own. You can help them do their job by starting to be more open about your depression and unhappiness. Even if you aren't ready to tell them the reasons why you think you feel this way (and believe me, I know many kids who aren't transgender who have no idea why they are depressed, sometimes it just comes with the territory of being young and alive, so you don't have to come out to get help) you need to let them see how much you are hurting inside, so that they can get you the help you need.
Like in my family, when one member had suicidal thoughts and self-destructive stuff, she ended up getting help through a psychiatrist that the pastor referred us to, but if she had kept it all bottled up inside, she would have died. Cutting and suicidal thoughts are symptoms of a medical problem, depression. You need to get that problem treated so that you have the strength inside to deal with all of your other stuff.

No matter how judgmental your family may seem to you now, they would be devastated, and the whole world would suffer a terrible loss, if you were to be lost because of suicide. I have friends who lost a sister or brother and they never got over the pain of it. We all need you Zelda. You have talents and a personality that is unique and valuable, and you have no idea right now what a wonderful difference you are going to make in many people's lives when you are older, or how important you are to them now.
Hugs,
MadelineB

Quote from: zelda on August 14, 2012, 02:14:13 AM
I keep my problems to my self here
I try to hold myself together
so no one knows I have problems

how would me texting my dad at work wail Im at school be

That will lead to the discussion you are, at the moment, dreading.

Go see your school nurse or guidance counselor and tell them you are depressed and need help.  They are obligated to act.  You do not need out yourself.

Hi Zelda

Quote from: zelda on August 14, 2012, 02:14:13 AM
I keep my problems to my self here

That is very destructive behaviour. It helps NO ONE. Least of all you. If you continue it WILL seriously effect your health and wellbeing. It will make you sick, in a serious way.

Quote from: zelda on August 14, 2012, 02:14:13 AM
I try to hold myself together

You may be able to do that now. It is impossible to do it long term. The longer you do it; the more harm you do to yourself, and the longer it takes to heal yourself.

Please see your college nurse or counselor and talk about your depression. There is no need at the moment to talk about your gender issues. Your counselor can professionally tell your parents, there is a need for you to see a therapist for your depression. This should not upset your parents. It should have the opposite effect.

Quote from: zelda on August 14, 2012, 02:14:13 AM
how would me texting my dad at work wail Im at school be

I would think it to be of little use, as he would not understand what is going on. As you have said "No one knows I have problems" Your father would be more attentive if the counselor spoke to him.

As others have said. It is important you deal with this now.

So keep in touch and let us know how you are coping.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

I would like to add that school counsellors see students deal with depression and self harm all the time. They won't judge you for it and they will have access to information that will be of use to you.
Being able to ask for help is a strength.

Im shy so I never talk to the counselers when in need
I some times talk to some of my friends
but that only helps a little wial

and if I tell my perants that im depressed then they will ask why
then what will i say if you dont want me to tell them Im Trans

Ah you're in this stage. The stage where you know what you want, but you keep making excuses to keep yourself from getting it. I know it's hard. I've been there. But you need to give yourself a kick in the pants. You want to get better. Focus on that. Don't let anything get in your way. Don't let anyone hurt you and don't let anyone kill you including yourself.
It's worth it. I know. I've been there and I know that nothing beats feeling the depression losing.  I don't know about anyone else, but I felt invincible myself. Like, if I could survive that, nothing was going to stop me. It's a powerful, wonderful feeling. Trust me. You don't want to miss out on that.

Quote from: zelda on August 15, 2012, 07:34:47 PM
Im shy so I never talk to the counselers when in need
I some times talk to some of my friends
but that only helps a little wial

and if I tell my perants that im depressed then they will ask why
then what will i say if you dont want me to tell them Im Trans

It's not the depressed person's job to know why they are depressed. It isn't like feeling a little down, or being sad. Depression messes with everything. Believe me, if people had to know why they are depressed before they got treatment for it, very few people would be getting the treatment they need. Describing the symptoms is enough, really.

This is what depression feels like to me:

I feel numb. It's hard to feel anything any more.
Everything hurts. It just hurts to be me.
I don't know any more what it feels like to feel good about myself.
I try to cheer up and I can't. I just want to crawl into bed and never get up.
I want to feel good again but don't know if I can.
I know I need help but I'm afraid to open up to anyone.
I don't feel like people would like me if they really knew me.
I feel so alone.
I feel like nothing matters.
I don't have any hope.
I don't like myself.
Feeling like this scares me, but I don't know how to make the feeling stop.
My sleeping patterns are messed up.
My eating patterns are messed up.
I feel like I'm messed up.

Hope that helps!

Hi Zelda,

Everyone here loves you. We want the best for you. YOU are the ONLY one who can get it for us.

Quote from: zelda on August 15, 2012, 07:34:47 PM
Im shy so I never talk to the counselers when in need

No more excuses please!  YOU need help and YOU need it NOW. TALK TO THE COUNSELOR

Quote from: zelda on August 15, 2012, 07:34:47 PM
and if I tell my perants that im depressed then they will ask why
then what will i say if you dont want me to tell them Im Trans

Answer: I don't know why I'm depressed. THAT'S why I need to talk to a professional therapist (whatever)

Please. Do not waste any more time. The longer you leave it, the worse it will get.
DO IT TODAY

Huggs
Catherine

would coming out to my youth pastor be much help

Depends. Is he LGBT friendly?

Hi Zelda,

Quote from: zelda on August 16, 2012, 07:12:34 PM
would coming out to my youth pastor be much help

On one condition. He is able to put you in immediate contact with a professional therapist that can assist you with your depression/GID. Otherwise NO!!

If you approach him, your first question to him should be, "Do you know of any good therapists I can speak to about my depression?

If he asks you why? You may tell him "I am feeling depressed a lot of the time, and I have a gender issue that I need to talk to a gender therapist about."

If he suggests you talk to him about it, ask him if he is a qualified psychology therapist. If he is not; then politely decline his offer.

I have to ask? Why won't you talk to the school nurse/ counselor? Is there a problem there? The longer you take in doing the right thing about this, the longer it's going to take to fix it.

I have had direct experience with Pastoral counseling. And it does NOT work.

Generally speaking Pastors are NOT trained in psychological counseling. They are trained in theological ministry, which can lead to an inappropriate form of counseling. Pastors are predispositioned (Lean towards the belief) that god can cure you through ministerial actions.

This is totally and utterly WRONG. Depression and GID need to be treated by Psychology professionals.

Matters of faith and spirituality need to be treated by Pastoral ministry.

Please look after yourself.

Huggs
Catherine

parents wont help and its getting worse
almost killed myself a week ago

Hi Zelda,
I was wondering how you are doing and hoping you were ok. It sounds like you are still really hurting. Have you talked with anybody about how down you feel? We are here for you, but we need to make sure you are getting support where you are too.
Hugs,
Madeline

no one is really helping me
my parents wont help
about the only help I get is talking with my friends
and that help doesn't last long
I also can keep hurting myself

Hi Zelda,
I'm sorry that you are still having a very rough time. If there is something you would like to talk about, we are here for you. You can share your feelings (and your problems, if you have any). If you have questions you will find answers - and more questions. The key is to start sharing your experiences and feelings and questions here, then your friends have something they can help with.

I think every one who answered your question about coming out to a parent or to the clergy were very concerned, only because many of us have been there. It certainly is not universal - some parents and some church people are surprisingly supportive and understanding - BUT many many people receive rejection and worse when they come out. Getting rejected or thrown out of your home and your church community can be too much to bear when it comes on top of the pain of dealing with your own feelings related to your gender identity. Many young people who live at home have lost their homes and their families when they came out - which is why we were asking you to be cautious about coming out, and to put getting help for your depression first. It also makes it much easier for your family to have a chance to understand your gender differences if you are getting treatment from professionals first.

That's why we are hoping you will call a hotline if you are feeling suicidal, and we are hoping you will tell your doctor, nurse, school counselor, or yes parent (if they don't have religious beliefs against therapy) about your depression so you can get in to a PROFESSIONAL therapist or psychiatrist to treat your depression. That won't make the gender feelings go away, but it will help you feel your strength and how wonderful you are inside. Because it takes strength to come out. It will also give you an opportunity to start talking about your gender feelings, so that when you are ready to come out at home, you will be prepared.

The other thing you can do that does help is to come out here, and to share your story, and to read other people's stories. I hope you feel better about yourself soon. You are a one of a kind work of art with a good mind and a good heart. When you are hurting yourself in order to handle the hurt inside, it is time to talk to a doctor, nurse, or professional counselor. You can feel better. You can feel a lot better.
Hugs,
Madeline

there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about killing myself
but at the moment I have little will to go through with it
For I know it will get better
I just hope soon
I am trapped and cant do the things I want to do
I am fine a lot of the time but I always have stuff that triggers me and then I'm in pain , hate my body and start hurting it
mostly cutting
I just cant help myself
I cant remember the last time I was truly happy

Zelda, no one's going to hold your hand.  Hurting yourself won't help anything.

You are going to have to summons the courage to talk to a school counselor, tell them you are depressed and suicidal, and ask for help.

DO IT NOW

Quote from: zelda on September 06, 2012, 06:53:34 PM
there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about killing myself
but at the moment I have little will to go through with it
For I know it will get better
I just hope soon
I am trapped and cant do the things I want to do
I am fine a lot of the time but I always have stuff that triggers me and then I'm in pain , hate my body and start hurting it
mostly cutting
I just cant help myself
I cant remember the last time I was truly happy

Oww. That all sounds way too familiar.

Okay. Yes it's really bad. And I'm so, so sorry it's really bad. But this isn't a thing that will get better on its own.

I know it seems impossible and terrifying to ask for help right now. But it's actually not nearly as bad as you have it in your head. In fact the way you are living right now, that is much, much harder.

The first time I stepped into a therapist's office, I was so scared I was literally shaking. We ended up talking about her little dog for 15 mins before I could calm down enough to tell her why I was there. But from there it started to get better really fast. As soon as you start feeling like you are doing something to make things better that trapped feeling starts to go away, and when that trapped feeling starts to go away you don't want to die so much anymore.

And if my shy, scaredy-cat ass can do it, you can do it. Just try to break it down into little bits. It's not overwhelming. All you need to do is make an appointment with a school counselor. Don't think about anything else, anything that might come from it. Just think about that first step. Make an appointment. Don't think about what you will talk about. You can talk about your favourite colour for all it matters right now. Just make that appointment. It's not that scary. It's not even a big deal. Lots of kids see the counselor for all kinds of reasons. It could be about figuring out what classes you want next term for all anyone needs to know. Okay?

And the truth is you aren't nearly as shy or scared or weak as you are thinking you are right now. You are still breathing despite how bad it is remember. You are tough enough for that, you are courageous enough to keep yourself alive. It doesn't take nearly that much courage to go talk to someone. Compared to the keeping yourself alive - it's easy. You can do this.

Zelda first of all you are not alone. All of us have gone through this. You should be proud simply for accepting yourself for who you are.

The path to happiness is full of hurdles and fear will try to hold you back at every turn. Our mind tends to make things far worse then they are. The best thing you can do is face your fear and push past it. Remember that even the worst rejection is better than physically hurting or killing yourself. Your life is worth more than the comfort of others, even your parents.

I took 20 years to come to my senses and face my parents over this issue and when it was all said and done they have been very accepting and supportive even if they are uncomfortable with the whole thing. If your parents truly love you they will love you no matter what you are even if they have trouble showing it immediately.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

I know I am not alone
but I am never proud of myself
I will start being proud of myself when I am free
Its just that even the little steps are killers

Quote from: zelda on September 08, 2012, 08:32:38 PM
I know I am not alone
but I am never proud of myself
I will start being proud of myself when I am free
Its just that even the little steps are killers

The little steps at the start were the worst by far for me. I couldn't handle it. I ended up dropping out of high school, trying to kill myself and drowning in depression for a good decade. I was 26 when I finally worked up the nerve and the will to do something, to make those first little steps.

I have... a lot of regrets from that. I wish I'd had the strength to start fixing things back then. I wish I'd had someone to tell me that it doesn't have to be so scary, that things can work out.

And in a lot of ways I'm a success story. My parents, my family, have accepted that this is who I am, and they love me regardless. I've medically and surgically altered my body to the point that I'm actually pretty happy with it now. I look good enough that only the people I want to know, know that I'm trans. And most important, by far, I'm happy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm not hating myself, I can get on and actually live my life, rather than just surviving.

It makes me really sad that I was so scared of this. That I had to reach a point of such pure desperation before I could bring myself to do anything. I... think you can do better than me. Because you are here, looking for help, and I didn't even have the guts to do that. So, to be honest, you've already taken the first little step. And I think you're pretty awesome for doing that. That's something you can be proud of. Now you need to take that next little step. It's a killer, but it's worth it.

Zelda it is time to switch to Xena, Warrior Princess mode and just march into your ciounsellor or psych's office and let it all out.  How can it be worse than it is now. 
We are behind you 101%, but only you can do it. 
As others have said, putting it off just makes it worse, and you find yourself  married with 2 teenaged children and stuck in a life that is like drowning in cold porridge. 
You can do better than that, as you have shown by outing yourself to 7000+m people here.

Karen.

going to have a nice long talk today with my parents on the subject
wish me luck

Quote from: zelda on September 11, 2012, 06:31:38 PM
going to have a nice long talk today with my parents on the subject
wish me luck

Awesome!

Remember sometimes it can take a while for people to come around. Even if the reaction is negative, it doesn't mean they don't love you, and it doesn't mean they won't eventually accept you.

And sometimes people surprise you. I just got a card today from my 75-year-old aunt who goes to church every Sunday, addressed to Sarah and wishing me the best with my recent move.

I hope everything goes well. Best of luck. :)

well that wasnt a big help
He doesnt know what he is talking about
he sees it from one side and he doesnt even have his facts right

Good I'm glad you are talking. Beginning to open up is the hardest part.

At least you know where you stand, and have taken the first step.  Brave girl, it will get a bit easier each time.

that talk really did more harm then good
after it I felt really sad and bad
I cried myself to sleep last night worse than I usually do

what I thought was sad tho was he only thought hormones gave you breast and did nothing else
he even said it doesnt mess with you mind

he thinks it is just a faze
he says he went through the same thing in 4th and 5th grade
he says I am cirrus about how the other sex feels like

Quote from: zelda on September 12, 2012, 04:08:20 PM
that talk really did more harm then good
after it I felt really sad and bad
I cried myself to sleep last night worse than I usually do

what I thought was sad tho was he only thought hormones gave you breast and did nothing else
he even said it doesnt mess with you mind

Hi Zelda,
That was courageous of you to share your feelings for the first time!
You didn't say who you came out to, but I'm assuming it's your dad? I'm sorry you didn't get the validation you were hoping for, but it is a very rare parent who can be supportive and validating the first time they hear about your problem. Parents want you to be happy, and for most children that means learning to fit in and follow the gender roles for your assigned sex. Even a great parent can take a lot of time to be convinced that their child is transgender. I hope you see a counselor or therapist soon. Parents are not experts on transgender issues. It takes a specialist.

Quote from: zelda on September 12, 2012, 06:01:25 PM
he thinks it is just a faze
he says he went through the same thing in 4th and 5th grade
he says I am cirrus about how the other sex feels like

That is interesting. They say that gender variance often runs in families.
He is at least partly right, many young people do go through phases of gender variance and trying different identities, then settle into being gay or a feminine heterosexual man and not transgender. If this is the first time you have told him about your feelings, he may believe you too are going through just a phase. The difference between a phase and a permanent identity is time. Perhaps he will help you see a counselor to talk about your feelings, and allow you to explore expressing yourself more in the way that feels right to you, by dressing part time for example.
I'm glad you are talking now. Please hang in there Zelda. You have made a good start. When you are young, it seems like everything takes forever, but it doesn't. You are doing really well.
Hugs,
Madeline

Zelda,

I am so grateful to have found your thread. I identify with your experience so much, and I want you to know something.
The suffocating feelings of hopelessness you experience by being in complete isolation and hiding are not the truth of reality.
Feelings themselves are legitimate and real, and they are important to notice and respond to.
But they have no greater access to reality than you do yourself.
You will change.
Your life wille xpand and contract, it will be painful.
But this is the nature of life, and the sooner you accept your own powerlessness in controlling your world - the better.

Life is not a series of unfortunate events, unless you choose to see it that way, and let it be.
You are experiencing an incredibly painful and unjust reality for trans youth.
It is not easy,
But you are a survivor,
Not a victim.

You are doing well.
You have taken action toward affecting a change in your life.
Your father may not understand you or transgender identity
But its more important that you spoke up,
Than him being on the same page as you.
Be proud of yourself for taking such good care of yourself in speaking to him
You can't control him or his response,
You can only control your actions.
Be grateful that you have enough love for yourself to come here and reach out
And to stand up for your true self.

My best suggestion is to take care of your self.
You have spent many years in pain and hiding and you deserve freedom now.
You are capable of supplying yourself with that freedom.
It will be difficult, but let go of the world's judgement of you.
At the end of the day know who you are and respect her enough to take care of her.
You will find the love you need. Its everywhere.
We have it for you here,
We have felt your pain.
We feel it now.

Try to have faith that you will make it.
You have a lifetime of beauty and grace and love to bathe in, Zelda.
You have only barely begun to live.
I promise you that life will surprise you.
You are capable of limitless beauty.
Our paths are often painful and strange.
But most of us will tell you, that we have been shaped by our experiences,
And we are stronger today because of them.
Thank you so much for sharing, and keep doing it.

You're amazing, beautiful, and setting yourself f r e e

x
Noah

I also had a very hard time telling my parents. I will share my story and give some advice.
I was older than you and living on my own, and I loved my parents so much that I would almost give myself a heart attack whenever I even thought about telling them the truth.
When I told them it was by letter.
(advice - stay at a friends for a few weeks and send your parents a letter)
My parents called my phone and I ignored it for a few days, finally I answered and got a lot of anger, but my parents wanted me to stop and see them for a visit.
I had a transsexual friend with me, and she was kind enough to go with me because I was too scared to go alone.
I was putting on my boy clothes for the visit with my parents, and my friend said to hell with that, and demanded that I show up to my parents as Shauna.
I went as Shauna. Their was so much anger in my fathers glare it could have melted steel. My parents were angry, very angry, and I felt like a tiny little bug and very uncomfortable.
I went home after the visit and they got better over the next few weeks. I had forgotten that they loved me, and they let me know that they still did love me.
I started hormones and my life started getting better. My parents completely adjusted within a few months. After that they loved me as much as they always did.
(Advice - It must be really hard to tell your parents if you are still in their house. Try and stay with a friend or family member, give your folks a letter, let them take the time they need to adjust and let them call you, deal with things on day at a time, and if you get really panicked during this time you eat some chocolate and have a friend with you, they say chocolate gives you a feeling of being loved and for me it helped, and the friend is important too.)
Good luck to you Zelda and please don't kill yourself, life gets better, I promise.

my dad said he would get me a counselor if I needed one
but he said I should wait till I was out of college before I started to change
that would be at like 23 to 25 years old
the way it is now I dont know if I can last that long
Must I be trapped that long
when everyone else is free
He even told me all the bad stuff that happens to us
He didnt say anything good
so we can see which eye he sees US through

Keep this in mind Zelda. The younger you start hormones the more effective they will be. If you wait until your mid 20's they won't be as effective. I started my hormones at the age of 27, I got an ok result, but if I had started at 17 the result would have been way better. Your dad is in denial and is hoping you will change your mind. What you should do is start dressing as a woman. That will put you on your path and that will shock him out of denial. It will be tough, and he will likely be angry, but if you do this he is going to have to get used to it and he will adjust (That will probably take a couple months but the worst should be over within two weeks). If I had shown up at my parents door as a boy rather than a girl it would have taken years longer. My mom was in that whole denial thing too, and she kept calling it a phase in life. Seeing me as a girl all the time ended that delusion of hers very quick. It isn't the easy solution but it is the right solution. Also you should connect with some T girls in your area. Friends can help you through so much. Live your dreams Zelda. It is time to make them real.

I want hormones now but my parents wont do that
which is hurting me
I talk with all my girl friends about it which helps some for a wail
I dont know any T around me tho
dressing like a girl I would love
but sens I live with my parents that will be never
but I do like when my girl friends put make up on me at school

Of course you can wear women's clothes at home, just wear them, your parents will probably get angry and say take that crap off, then you respond with, "No, I am dressing like this from now on and you better get used to it."
It may not be a good idea if you think your parents will beat you, but if your parents are like most they are just going to get angry, and I don't think they are going to wrestle you to the ground and force you into boys clothes.
You can give in to your parents demands but that is only going to put them into permanent denial and here is what will happen (I will give you two futures:
Future 1:
You listen to your parents, you do college until your mid 20's as a boy (suffering all the while), and then you go to your folks and say your changing your sex.
- Your parents will then make another excuse about why you shouldn't, and if you end up making kids with someone that might even make it worse and you could put things off until your 30's or 40's. You will crack and eventually start hormones but they will not have as much effect on your body.
Future 2
You piss your parents off by dressing as a woman (all the time), they get angry, they yell, and they even foam at the mouth for a few weeks but after 2 or 3 weeks things get better and after a few months they come to the realization that you have made up your mind and nothing they do will change your mind. It is even highly probable that after 6 months of this your parents will gladly consent to let you start hormones. (and hormones do wonders on a young body) Then you can start college as a woman and enjoy life.

I can't tell you what to do, but you need to take a stance if transition is what you really want.

my dad used the excuse that I can have hormones because insurance wont pay for it
and at the moment thats all I want
and yes I really want to be  lady
I have dreams of having a spouse that loves me for me
I dream of having kids too
but my dad says I can have that
and I need to prove him wrong 

Quote from: zelda on September 13, 2012, 04:19:44 PM
my dad said he would get me a counselor if I needed one
but he said I should wait till I was out of college before I started to change
that would be at like 23 to 25 years old
the way it is now I dont know if I can last that long
Must I be trapped that long
when everyone else is free
He even told me all the bad stuff that happens to us
He didnt say anything good
so we can see which eye he sees US through

Hi zelda sweetie,
"my dad said he would get me a counselor if I needed one".
Please take him up on that offer. You need to see a counselor who is experienced in working with transgender and questioning youth if possible. While you are working on all the other things you want and need to do in your life, having a counselor on your side 100% will be SUCH a help, and will make things easier with your family too.
Hugs,
Madeline

Seeing your father has offered to pay for a counsellor, I would take him up on it if it is with someone who knows what they are doing.  They will be able to tell him that it is actually a phase you are going through that started before you were born and will last all your life. 
Hope he sees sense soon. 
Karen.

Quote from: ShaunaNinjagirl on September 13, 2012, 05:10:58 PM
Your dad is in denial and is hoping you will change your mind. What you should do is start dressing as a woman. That will put you on your path and that will shock him out of denial.

I disagree with this approach. I feel it would be better to find a gender counsellor and let the counsellor tell your Dad that you need to change and express yourself.

Having a medical professional that he has hired tell him that you have a medical condition that needs treatment will be a lot more effective than attempting 'shock therapy'.

If you do dress more female then be discreet to start with. Try mascara and clear nail polish, ladies jeans, grow your hair longer. Small steps. Make it easy for your family to support you. Over time, as they get used to your changing appearance you can become more female in presentation.

Remember that even if you started hormones today, the complete transformation takes YEARS. There is no point in rushing at it because it will not make any difference.

what did you people do?

Quote from: zelda on September 14, 2012, 05:20:50 PM
what did you people do?

Well, in my case I prepared the way rather carefully and started transitioning in simple ways. I grew my hair longer by the simple act of not getting it cut any more. I grew my nails a bit longer. I started using exfoliating gloves on my skin and moisturiser - this softened my skin noticeably. I pucked my eyebrows to about half their normal width.

I did all this over about 6 months and people did notice and one or two asked but I  just pretended not to understand and said everything was normal. Then I started wearing clear polish on my nails, then plucked the eyebrows in half again, removed all my arm and leg hair. People noticed again. I denied everything.

This may sound trivial but I knew that I had started transition. There were no drugs involved or anything else, but I had started - and I felt better already.

Next I got my ears pierced and started wearing plain blouses and ladies jeans. The nail polish became pale pink. By now 12 months had passed. I began hormonal treatment and said nothing for a further six months by which time it was becoming obvious that I would be unable to hide it for much longer. So I wrote a short letter - about 1.5 pages - that explained that I was undergoing a medical treatment for GID. I then got in touch a few days after each letter was sent and talked to them. I usually turned up in jeans and a blouse (no make up) and talked to them.

I was accepted by everyone except one couple who are still unsure about how they feel. I am giving them time.

Now, your situation differs because you have already told your parents, but you can start your transition as I did with little changes that make you feel better and that will not upset your family because they are gradual changes. You should also go and see a therapist with gender experience. Stay away from religious counsellors and pastors because they believe that the bible will cure you and it will not. Many have tried and all have failed. You need a gender therapist, a specialist. If you do indeed have GID then the therapist will confirm this and should explain to your parents that you have a biological condition that requires medical treatment. If you are under 18 then you may not get hormones but you should get drugs to delay or stop puberty until you are old enough to begin hormonal treatment. It depends on age and I am not well versed in it because I was in my late 40s when I transitioned so for me it was never an issue.

I hope the above helps.

well at the moment I have long nails and I grow out my hair really long in the summer
and I already wear makeup and paint my nails
but they dont know that yet
and I have always wanted to get my ears pierced
but I cant at the moment

Quote from: zelda on September 15, 2012, 07:32:22 PM
well at the moment I have long nails and I grow out my hair really long in the summer

Good

Quote from: zelda on September 15, 2012, 07:32:22 PMand I already wear makeup and paint my nails
but they dont know that yet

Well then, start wearing clear nail polish all the time.

Quote from: zelda on September 15, 2012, 07:32:22 PMand I have always wanted to get my ears pierced
but I cant at the moment

Why not? It is easy enough to get a simple stud in each ear. Even guys have pierced ears.

Im in ROTC so
I cant have long hair during the school year
and I cant have my ears pierced
until I get out 

I do not know what ROTC is, but fair enough. In that case get the gender therapist on your side.

I don't think you will get away with being in the ROTC and transitioning.  You will have to make choices eventually. I suppose you could get yourself some nice wigs in the meantime, but things cost money so you may have to find some after school work. With a little extra money you will be able to buy some nice outfits too.

Quote from: ShaunaNinjagirl on September 16, 2012, 01:35:55 PM
I don't think you will get away with being in the ROTC and transitioning.  You will have to make choices eventually.

I know
so I have decided that this is most likely my last year in ROTC

Quote from: brc on September 16, 2012, 01:12:44 PM
I do not know what ROTC is, but fair enough. In that case get the gender therapist on your side.

Reserve Officer Training Corps. Though at her age its probably JROTC which is essentially a dumbed down version for high schoolers as an elective alternative to physical education. Its suppose to teach leadership and good citizenship. I did it myself for the minimum two years before I ended up switching to cooking class.

Actual ROTC (which I also did) is a college level military program alternative to Officer Candidate School or military academies. When they graduate the students are commissioned as officers in their branch.

Me has a question for you
why is it every time I see lesbians
it triggers me and I start feeling down

Quote from: zelda on September 20, 2012, 06:24:47 PM
Me has a question for you
why is it every time I see lesbians
it triggers me and I start feeling down

Are you attracted to girls?

I had this kind of obsession / misery thing with gay girls. I wanted to be one of them, I hated that I wasn't. I turned out pretty queer.

yes
and I dont like when people say gay girls
because I think guys are be gay
and girl are be lesbians

Jealousy is natural.  Before I transitioned I was jealous that I may of never had a love that pure and beautiful  :laugh: but when I transitioned it found me  :-*

Being treated like the lady I am  ;D

my dads on the site now and posting stuff
I dont know if thats good or bad
I hope its good
because I cry myself to sleep ever night over the issue

Quote from: zelda on September 22, 2012, 10:01:58 PM
my dads on the site now and posting stuff
I dont know if thats good or bad
I hope its good
because I cry myself to sleep ever night over the issue

I don't know, but if he is at all like his daughter Zelda, and listens as well as speaks, he will learn a great deal about the challenges of your world and the wonderful potential you have with the right support. The fact that he is trying to learn, that sounds like a very good thing. I hope it is.

I think he is more trying to figure out how to understand me
more than anything else right now
I think at the moment tho he only see the hardship of the bad more than the potencal

Quote from: zelda on September 23, 2012, 05:19:40 PM
I think he is more trying to figure out how to understand me
more than anything else right now
I think at the moment tho he only see the hardship of the bad more than the potencal

That is hard Zelda, but you can be proud that you have made a start, and are sharing your feelings and needs and problems instead of keeping them all inside. You can also be proud of him that he is trying. You have both made a good start I think.

Part of the great thing about being a woman, is expressing your feelings and needs and problems. It is what we do. It is how we get help, and how we are able to help each other. It is a form of intelligence that we can foster and improve; it helps us connect and form bonds. :)

It is natural for your parent to want to protect you from hurt in this world. When he understands that your living as someone you are not, hurts you more that anything the world can do to you for living as yourself, he may become your strongest advocate. That takes time for a parent to make such a big change, when he has only just begun to know his daughter. Keep the faith and take great care of yourself.
Hugs,
Maddie

Quote from: zelda on September 22, 2012, 10:01:58 PM
my dads on the site now and posting stuff
I dont know if thats good or bad
I hope its good
because I cry myself to sleep ever night over the issue

Hi daddy  ;D  If you have any questions just ask away. 

@Zelda: Must warn him some of us(me) are a bit crazy.

he would think we are all crazy
even me

me sorry for asking about personal life but are any of you married
If the question is bad tell me and Ill erase it

Quote from: zelda on September 25, 2012, 08:11:46 PM
me sorry for asking about personal life but are any of you married
If the question is bad tell me and Ill erase it

No, that's not a bad question. I've been married six years to a wonderful woman. We've been together a year since I came out and started transitioning, five months of that full time. Since you are young, you will probably transition before you meet someone you would want to marry. I recommend it since transitioning can be very hard on a marriage and on your spouse.
There are quite a few MTF women who married good men after they transitioned, as well as some like me who married a good woman before transitioning. Because of the laws against same sex marriage in many places, other happy couples have to settle for domestic partnerships.

please talk
me always need someone to talk to
I get worse when I dont talk to you guys

Me is married to the same guy for 6 years. It is wonderful. He always shows me a good time meow  ;)

Quote from: zelda on September 29, 2012, 08:35:46 PM
please talk
me always need someone to talk to
I get worse when I dont talk to you guys

Hi zelda sweetie. Always glad to hear from you! Please feel free to read and post on the other parts of the forum too, and those times that you just need someone to talk to, you can head over to Susan's chat: https://www.susans.org/chat/index.html (https://www.susans.org/chat/index.html) I'm chat-challenged myself, but its a nice place when you don't want to be alone. There's almost always at least one chat moderator on, who are nice people that are always glad to talk with you.

So Zelda, tell me what is going on with you? Are you in school right now? Do you have any brothers and sisters, or are you the only one at home? Is it just your dad, or do you also live with you mom? Have you thought about what you want to study or what you want to do for a career? Have you had any luck in arranging to see a therapist yet?

Some threads at Susan's that are nice to post to when you are feeling alone include:
What made you happy today 2.0? (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,127277.0/topicseen.html)
What made you unhappy today? v2.0 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,127368.0.html)
What are you thinking right now? 2.0 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,127261.0.html)

I am in school right now
I have 2 younger brothers
and an older sister
I live with both parents
I want to go to Harvard and become a doctor or lawyer
dont know which yet
but today I dont know what happened
but I had a mental brake down
and found myself clawing at my hand till it bleed
so not a great way to start off the day

Quote from: zelda on September 30, 2012, 01:33:14 PM
I am in school right now
I have 2 younger brothers
and an older sister
I live with both parents
I want to go to Harvard and become a doctor or lawyer
dont know which yet
but today I dont know what happened
but I had a mental brake down
and found myself clawing at my hand till it bleed
so not a great way to start off the day

Hi zelda sweetie,
I'm sorry you are hurting. Please tell your mom and dad so they can help you get help.
It doesn't mean you are crazy but it does mean that you are holding a lot of pain inside. Sometimes when we don't deal with the emotional pain that we are carrying, our minds will turn it into physical pain and in a strange way it gives some relief by distracting from the emotional pain. But that isn't a good solution; you deserve to feel better.
I'm glad you've got a family and have got bright hopes for your future. I think your intelligence and your kind heart would make you a great doctor or attorney.
I went to Princeton and have friends who went to Harvard; it is a great school, and very supportive of LGBT students. Princeton was recently rated in the top 5 schools in the US for LGBT support, but I think Harvard was up there too.
Please take the time to breathe and to be kind to yourself. Sometimes you have to just put yourself in a safe place and kind of be your own nurse or parent: it is ok to break down a little, just don't take it out on yourself. There is nothing wrong with you-- who you are is a beautiful person to be. It just takes longer than some people to fully grow into your self and all of your potential.
If you don't have a journal or diary I would suggest you start one, so you can give yourself a place to share your feelings and your dreams. Some people when they write in their journal, they imagine a loving and kind person who fully accepts them, and they write to that person. For me, it was my future self, who I met once when I was 15 and struggling terribly, so I used to write to her and it did help some.
Hugs,
Maddie

what I cantnot exspress on the out side because of my family
I hide it in side of me
waiting for the day I may go to college
and be able to be free
where I may change

Quote from: zelda on September 30, 2012, 06:37:03 PM
what I cantnot exspress on the out side because of my family
I hide it in side of me
waiting for the day I may go to college
and be able to be free
where I may change

You have a beautiful way of expressing yourself. You should really consider writing.

what do you mean by that statement

Quote from: zelda on September 30, 2012, 08:08:39 PM
what do you mean by that statement

Zelda, I mean that the way you express yourself seems very poetic. I don't know if you've ever written poetry or creative writing, but if you haven't you might look into it.

Sometimes it is when we start writing about our feelings that we learn we have a talent for self-expression and writing.

ya I see that
I only right when needed tho
I can do it really well and easily
but I dont do it in my free time
I like writing tho
but not that much
to use my free time doing it

today I found myself clawing my hand until it bled again
and I then cried all through 7th period

O but I did start a diary today

Quote from: zelda on October 01, 2012, 05:19:01 PM
today I found myself clawing my hand until it bled again
and I then cried all through 7th period

O but I did start a diary today

I'm glad you've started writing zelda -- my diary has saved my life (not to mention my sanity!) more than once. I hope it helps you get in the habit of listening to your own best self because she is someone who is very special and is worth loving and listening to.

Do you know why you were crying? Is there anything you want to talk about?
Hugs,
Maddie

I never know the exsact reasons for me crying
but I know those reasons always
come down to me being trapped in this
body

there is always stuff I want to talk about
I just have trouble finding the right people to share with

Quote from: zelda on October 02, 2012, 05:15:51 AM
I never know the exsact reasons for me crying
but I know those reasons always
come down to me being trapped in this
body

there is always stuff I want to talk about
I just have trouble finding the right people to share with

I am very familiar with that feeling. It gets better when we let ourselves believe that our time will come when our bodies will be the way we need them to be. It will come for you, and I'm sure it won't take as many years as it did for me. Every day is a day closer to the realization of your dreams. Even the really bad days, you just have to get through them, and try to be kind to yourself and to the suffering people around you because they are struggling too.
Hugs,
Maddie

im thinking of running for prom queen this year
what you people think of that

Quote from: zelda on October 03, 2012, 05:42:21 PM
im thinking of running for prom queen this year
what you people think of that

I think there have been 3 or 4 transgender prom queens in the US and Canada in the last two years, and a couple of transgender prom kings. It all depends on your personality and how many friends and supporters you have at your school. At some schools, queens and kings get elected as couples, so then it depends on the popularity of your boyfriend or running mate as well.

ya I though of that
and thats where I have a problem right now
but at the moment I have plenty of time to fix the problem

Please try to be patient with yourself, and with your family too. Everybody grows and learns at their own speed, so try to remember that you are precious and that you have all the time in the world to grow into your best self. I know it feels like the world will end if you can't get your way now, but it doesn't end, it only gets better and better if you hang in there and learn how to make it work for you. Hugs,
Maddie

Quote from: zelda on October 03, 2012, 05:42:21 PM
im thinking of running for prom queen this year
what you people think of that

Are you "out" at school, zelda?  If you are not, you will be.
What do your friends think about that?
And maybe, most importantly, have you thought about a prom dress?

This one is nice:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hochzeitskleideronline.de%2Fimage%2Fcache%2Fdata%2FLFPROM020-230x312.jpg&hash=6f55c26d9ee0789f587bd693a54d351622240e9d)

O
very pretty dress
LOVE IT
I am somewhat out at shcool
some people know
some people dont know
I am ready to be out
I just need my parents behind me all the way
but at the moment I am at war with them
declaring war with them cost me 12 cuts
which is alot high than what I usaul get
and recently I started clawing

Zelda, I looked and looked for something like your avatar, and that was the closest I could get.

If you are going to the prom as your real self, and you don't want to have to wear opera gloves, you need to stop the cutting and clawing.

Your cutting is a way to deal with your emotional pain.  I understand where you are at right now.  You should not have to wait to go to college to be able to express yourself.

BTW - can you tell me a little bit about your avatar?  She is so pretty.

I will stop cutting eventually
one day
I will be hapy
one day
I will be free

Quote from: zelda on October 06, 2012, 02:00:58 PM
I will stop cutting eventually
one day
I will be hapy
one day
I will be free

Having gotten to know you, I have confidence in that. I hope you will celebrate each small victory along the way, and learn how to be as kind to yourself as I know you are to the people you love. Victory is one moment, one hour, one day at a time, learning the thoughts and feelings that trigger you hurting yourself or shutting down, and learning how to catch them and redirect. Dodge, riposte, evade, resist. Then you string more of them together as you get better at being free inside.

Quote from: Jamie D on October 06, 2012, 01:18:10 AM
Zelda, I looked and looked for something like your avatar, and that was the closest I could get.

If you are going to the prom as your real self, and you don't want to have to wear opera gloves, you need to stop the cutting and clawing.

Your cutting is a way to deal with your emotional pain.  I understand where you are at right now.  You should not have to wait to go to college to be able to express yourself.

BTW - can you tell me a little bit about your avatar?  She is so pretty.

Seeing the dress Jamie suggested really makes me want to start sewing again! I was quite a seamstress when I was younger; we were poor so I helped my mom sew clothes, dresses, dolls, toys, curtains, whatever we needed we made it (or found it at clearance sales and second hand shops). I always had a better sense for colors and fashion than my mom did, but she had endless energy and motivation, so we were a great team. My sisters learned but didn't like to sew, though two of my nieces are just like me in the crafting department. I never went to my prom because I was in the closet (though most people knew I was queer or "weird") and I just didn't feel right going as a boy when I so wanted to design and wear my own gown! I told my wife if we renew our wedding vows, I'm going to sew my own dress this time.

I can some what sew
most likely not as good as you tho
I am more of a color and fashion person like you are
except I dont wear what I like yet
but if I go to my prom
i will wear a dress
even if I dont get prom queen

O and jamie D 
I kind of like dressy gloves with a dress

Quote from: zelda on October 06, 2012, 08:00:56 PM
I can some what sew
most likely not as good as you tho
I am more of a color and fashion person like you are
except I dont wear what I like yet
but if I go to my prom
i will wear a dress
even if I dont get prom queen

O and jamie D 
I kind of like dressy gloves with a dress

There are a lot of online projects (http://www.ehow.com/how_6734196_make-lace-gloves.html) for making your own gloves. I like how they look but lace makes me itch!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ftest2-img.ehowcdn.com%2Farticle-new%2Fehow%2Fimages%2Fa06%2Fdg%2Fbk%2Fmake-lace-gloves-800x800.jpg&hash=24bd190820b3059364a2640a204ac3431b85a6f5)

Speaking of fashion, I'm excited. My youngest "sister from the same* mister" got the help of her two sons today, and went through her closets for things that will fit me since her weight changed. She is packing up four boxes of clothes and accessories to ship to me, some of them with the tags still on. She made me cry, she said she is so happy to have me for a sister and is just making up for lost time. I LOVE SISTERS.

*as opposed to my dear "sisters from another mister" who are my adopted sisters of the heart, wherever you are. :)

I hope me and my sister can  be like that
even before I transition

I have never regretted the efforts time and sometimes tears I have spent to be the best sister I knew how to be, even all the years everyone saw me as an odd brother or strange son. Caring is scary sometimes, but so rewarding.

I might have been the older brother for some people
I never acted like it
but then to some other people I was always the older sister
and always will be
for I acted like it
I am the older sister to alot of people

my parents are having a discussion with my councelor tomorrow
there is a million ways it could go wronge
and only a few ways it could go right
I only need to find one way to make it right tho
wish me luck
I will need it for if this goes right
I can start living
and if it goes wrong
I will be dead for another year

either way they loss and I win
the question is when

I hope things go better than anyone expects, but whatever happens I trust in you. Keep believing in yourself, and eventually the people you love will get there too.
Hugs,
Maddie

I think opera gloves are a classy touch.

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ya
but they have to go with the out fit
to work
or they just look stupid

HI
everyone
me sorry I haven't been on in a wail
but things are getting worse
and nothing is going how I want it
and would like someone to talk to

Hi Zelda sweetheart. I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you need at home since you came out to your family. Many of the people here have been through what you are going through. If you can just survive your last year of high school and start living on your own, your life may get a lot more positive for you. I've gotten to know you as the wonderful young woman you are, and there's no limit to your potential in so many ways. Please feel free to share your challenges and your feelings. Sometimes it helps to talk things over, and to get different perspectives.

Hi Zelda,
Sorry to hear you're not moving forward as quickly as you'd like. Maddie has some very good advice that you should think about.

Just talking through the dislikes and events that are slowing you down can be therapeutic in itself. Talking things through will often give you clarity as to what has to be done, even without someone offering their experience.

Give it a go. I'm sure you'll feel better.

Huggs
Catherine

Sarah you said (sorry to hear youre not moving forward as quickly as you would like)
that would imply I am moving forward
but may I correct you
and say sadly I am not moving
or most likely I am moving backwards
getting sadder and more mentally unstable every day for going as what my parents want me as
so the only thing that is slowing me down
is my parents don't
LOVE me :(

Zelda sweetie I'm sorry your parents don't understand and accept their wonderful daughter right now, and still love the idea of their son that they hold tightly in their hearts. Maybe one day they will come to know and love YOU too. Right now youve got to keep loving your self and know a great life IS waiting for you.

what do you think keeps me going
why I am still here
I am in a tunnel
and I am hopping the light at the end of the tunnel
is not a train
I am hopping it is a free life
but what is the killer
is not knowing how long the tunnel is