Susan's Place Transgender Resources

well, looking back i thought i was a woman all my life. But i really felt like i [became] a woman in my early twenties. there is a change in the way [you feel about yourself]. it's like, yeah, this is who I am. i'm powerful, beautiful, and i control my life. i realized after this fact that i hadn't really been a woman till then. you just know it when it [hits you].

since transsexualism equals gender dysphoria,  why do you think you're transsexual?. what is it you hate so much about yourself to call yourself transsexual?  if transition, gender roles and genitalia are not important to some of you, where is the dysphoria then?

Huh?

I totally don't understand the question, sorry.

Sarah L.

Quote from: Sarah Louise on April 17, 2007, 05:35:27 PM
Huh?

I totally don't understand the question, sorry.

Sarah L.

simple, why are you transsexual?  if i were your therapist and asked you: why do you think you're transsexual, what would you respond?

for instance, im transsexual because my gender is female and im trapped in a male body.  i want to be physiologically, psychologically and anatomically female.

That's a very difficult question, because being female goes down to my core, so there isn't really a "reason" for me feeling this way, that just is how it is.  It goes down so deep, I can not even think of words to accurately describe how I feel.  Perhaps, "because I identify as a female regardless of my body and I need my outsides to match my insides" comes close.  A male life felt very, very wrong to me and I can now say that a female life feels very, very right to me.  Transitioning for me had to be both having the life and the body of a female, even if that meant losing everything I had.

Hi sweetie!   :)

Are you asking in effect what evidences we culled, in order to ascertain conclusively that we are in fact TS?

I had to laugh at this; I just arrived home after a fairly tough day and the first thing that I engaged in was not relaxing and unwinding, it was to begin another 4 hour session of electro.

That would seem to suggest something.  ;)

Quote from: Melissa on April 17, 2007, 05:55:35 PM
That's a very difficult question, because being female goes down to my core, so there isn't really a "reason" for me feeling this way, that just is how it is.  It goes down so deep, I can not even think of words to accurately describe how I feel.  Perhaps, "because I identify as a female regardless of my body and I need my outsides to match my insides" comes close.  A male life felt very, very wrong to me and I can now say that a female life feels very, very right to me.  Transitioning for me had to be both having the life and the body of a female, even if that meant losing everything I had.

it [isn't] difficult because you've answered it.  :)

Quote from: rhonda13000 on April 17, 2007, 05:55:40 PM
Hi sweetie!   :)

Are you asking in effect what evidences we culled, in order to ascertain conclusively that we are in fact TS?

iow complete the blanks rhonda.  you are transsexual because ________  __________  _____________   _________________  :P

Quote from: Katia on April 17, 2007, 06:05:10 PM

Quote from: Melissa on April 17, 2007, 05:55:35 PM
That's a very difficult question, because being female goes down to my core, so there isn't really a "reason" for me feeling this way, that just is how it is.  It goes down so deep, I can not even think of words to accurately describe how I feel.  Perhaps, "because I identify as a female regardless of my body and I need my outsides to match my insides" comes close.  A male life felt very, very wrong to me and I can now say that a female life feels very, very right to me.  Transitioning for me had to be both having the life and the body of a female, even if that meant losing everything I had.

it [isn't] difficult because you've answered it.  :)

Quote from: rhonda13000 on April 17, 2007, 05:55:40 PM
Hi sweetie!   :)

Are you asking in effect what evidences we culled, in order to ascertain conclusively that we are in fact TS?

iow complete the blanks rhonda.  you are transsexual because ________  __________  _____________   _________________  :P

>:( :o Hrummmppphhhh!!

You think that I am an idiot don't you, Katia?!? Well, you know what???

There's nothing to think about!!   Ummm....errr....well, um, let me rephrase that.   :D >:D

Seriously, a lifetime of somatic discomfort, a vast improvement in emotional and cognitive processing secondary to HRT, I smile more and laugh more now, I am vastly more comfortable in social situations now, I enjoy life more now, anger is much less of a negative force now,...

I was driven in a certain sexual pattern and never understood why, until I understood the truth of my existence.

I bore an absolute loathing for the genitalia - so much so that they are now no longer present.

I finally feel comfortable in my own skin.

I never felt comfortable in a male role and sex was always forced and unnatural [with women].

No doubt exists.  :(

Quote from: rhonda13000 on April 17, 2007, 06:26:46 PM

Quote from: Katia on April 17, 2007, 06:05:10 PM

Quote from: Melissa on April 17, 2007, 05:55:35 PM
That's a very difficult question, because being female goes down to my core, so there isn't really a "reason" for me feeling this way, that just is how it is.  It goes down so deep, I can not even think of words to accurately describe how I feel.  Perhaps, "because I identify as a female regardless of my body and I need my outsides to match my insides" comes close.  A male life felt very, very wrong to me and I can now say that a female life feels very, very right to me.  Transitioning for me had to be both having the life and the body of a female, even if that meant losing everything I had.

it [isn't] difficult because you've answered it.  :)

Quote from: rhonda13000 on April 17, 2007, 05:55:40 PM
Hi sweetie!   :)

Are you asking in effect what evidences we culled, in order to ascertain conclusively that we are in fact TS?

iow complete the blanks rhonda.  you are transsexual because ________  __________  _____________   _________________  :P

>:( :o Hrummmppphhhh!!

You think that I am an idiot don't you, Katia?!? Well, you know what???

There's nothing to think about!!   Ummm....errr....well, um, let me rephrase that.   :D >:D

Seriously, a lifetime of somatic discomfort, a vast improvement in emotional and cognitive processing secondary to HRT, I smile more and laugh more now, I am vastly more comfortable in social situations now, I enjoy life more now, anger is much less of a negative force now,...

I was driven in a certain sexual pattern and never understood why, until I understood the truth of my existence.

I bore an absolute loathing for the genitalia - so much so that they are now no longer present.

I finally feel comfortable in my own skin.

I never felt comfortable in a male role and sex was always forced and unnatural [with women].

No doubt exists.  :(

lol :laugh: anyone who adores renata tebaldi can't be an idiot.  thank you for answering.  terrific answer btw. :)

In my case, I am not transsexual but a woman with a transsexual history. :P  Why the transsexual label?  Simply because my soul, my essence as a human being, my core identity is female but unfortunately I was not born in a female body; therefore I had to TRANScend the boundaries of the sexes (notice that I said sexes and not genders :P)  What did I hate about myself?  everything that wasn't congruent with my female gender.

tink :icon_chick:

I don't feel that transsexualism equals gender dysphoria.  I have been a girl all my life.    I chose to bury who I was hoping I could make myself be a man.  I don't feel or wish I was a woman, I know I am female.  Dysphoria is what main stream society tells me I have.  The same main stream society that made me think I had to live as a man just because I had a penis.  I have nothing that can be classified in the DSM-IV as a mental disorder or gender dysphoria.  I have a birth defect.  I was born with a penis and testacies.  I don't hate them, they are part of me that I have accepted as something I have to live with.  Someday I would like to have that taken care of.  The part of me that fits into transsexualism is the part that has to unlearn all the crap about being a man that was crammed down my throat from the time I was born. 

I hate the term transsexual or transgendered. Trans implies changing from one thing to another, I was always female, and I think nearly 100% of "transwomen" feel the same.
Therefore, it is impossible to transition from one sex to another.

So the answer is I am transsexual because that is the label the culture has chosen to give me.

Quote from: melissa90299 on April 17, 2007, 09:37:54 PM
I hate the term transsexual or transgendered. Trans implies changing from one thing to another, I was always female, and I think nearly 100% of "transwomen" feel the same.
Therefore, it is impossible to transition from one sex to another.

So the answer is I am transsexual because that is the label the culture has chosen to give me.

You are not in any incorrect in saying this but as for me, I have no problem with the moniker.

I see it as neither pejorative nor derisive, but only clinically descriptive.

I have no problem with the term because to me, it implies an anomalous condition and after forty years of hell because of that condition, I can attest to its anomalous nature.

For me, its a feeling of incompleteness.  I am not a whole person because im in a body and role that i do not feel that i truly am.  I notice this every day when i see my body in the mirror and part of my brain says "its just so wrong".  Nothing fits physically with my mind, and people around me treat me in a way i dont appreciate, as a guy.  I am not a guy, im a woman i just am in the wrong packaging.

I don't have a clue why I was the way I was. I only know that now "I ain't". ;)

I do realize however that there are many biological considerations in nature we do not understand. And since we don't have any real solid evidence to the contrary, I'll just accept the fact that there may be some very real reasons that we have not yet discovered.

Cindi

Quote from: Robbie on April 17, 2007, 08:17:52 PM
I don't feel that transsexualism equals gender dysphoria.  I have been a girl all my life.    I chose to bury who I was hoping I could make myself be a man.  I don't feel or wish I was a woman, I know I am female.  Dysphoria is what main stream society tells me I have.  The same main stream society that made me think I had to live as a man just because I had a penis.  I have nothing that can be classified in the DSM-IV as a mental disorder or gender dysphoria.  I have a birth defect.  I was born with a penis and testacies.  I don't hate them, they are part of me that I have accepted as something I have to live with.  Someday I would like to have that taken care of.  The part of me that fits into transsexualism is the part that has to unlearn all the crap about being a man that was crammed down my throat from the time I was born. 

I like that. It is so true.

Quote from: Katia on April 17, 2007, 05:33:29 PM
why do you think you're transsexual?

Because I've been painfully aware of my (inappropriate) sex every second of every day of my life, like a chronic toothache, back pain, etc. There is just no escaping it... not even in my dreams.

Except by transitioning in every possible way.

~Kate~

Quote from: rhonda13000 on April 18, 2007, 05:00:30 AM

Quote from: Robbie on April 17, 2007, 08:17:52 PM
The part of me that fits into transsexualism is the part that has to unlearn all the crap about being a man that was crammed down my throat from the time I was born. 

I like that. It is so true.

Hmm, interesting.  For the most part, that stuff never really stuck while being raised.  For the most part, I lived in a pretty androgynous manner (as comfortable as I felt living as a guy) and pretty much engaged only in behavior and activities that are acceptable for both genders.  For instance, I never liked sports, but some guys don't and some girls do.  I did a lot of reading, which is done by both genders.  My interests may have strayed a bit on the technical side for most girls, but now I am just a techie girl and still do programming professionally.  Unfortunately it can get a bit lonely working with a group of people that are 95% men.  Oh well, at least their nice to me.  :angel:

Quote from: Melissa on April 18, 2007, 10:53:30 AM
My interests may have strayed a bit on the technical side for most girls, but now I am just a techie girl and still do programming professionally.  Unfortunately it can get a bit lonely working with a group of people that are 95% men.  Oh well, at least their nice to me.  :angel:

Same with me, Mel.  Techie goddess/geek/guru.  But even just in the last three days, I've noticed some increasingly male/female dynamics between myself and my co-workers.  My episode with my purse just brought it into focus for me.

I have been a source of info for the less experienced guys here.  And just today, I over heard one of my team mates mumbling about some scripting thing (case logic in KSH to you unix geeks).  Prior to my transition, I would offer assistance and it would be accepted.  This time he seemed to be in a bit of a tizzy and when I offered to help he started to describe the problem then said something to the effect of "I really have to get into my "special place" and I'm just babbling..."  And turned back to the computer.  Well I've been there.  I know that state of mind.  So I went to lunch.  After lunch, he came back he appologized thinking I may have been offended.  I told him no.  I understood.


And this may just be an anomaly, but it is telling.  I am being treated subtly differently.  I think I like it.

Anyway, not to hijack the thread, let me reply on topic.

Transexual is the condition I have been diagnosed with to explain why I *know* myself to be a woman, despite the fact I have a male body.

I didn't become transsexual, anymore than I became a woman.  It isn't something you catch.  It's something you are.  And cannot be anything else.

-Sandy

I'm not transsexual.  That is only a term, one assigned by shrinks, the medical society, the ones who want to control our lives.

I am a woman, I always have been and always will be.  I can't help what doctors put on my birth certificate, I only know who I am in my heart, life,  mind and the one who will be listed on my death certificate.

Sarah L.

Dear Katia,

I consider myself "gender challenged" not TS. ;)

I can relate to feelings and thoughts shared by others at this site.

To protect myself I altered my behavior at a young age.

I have come to a point in my life where I need to accept me.

However if I accept me then society again rejects me.

Back to my circular reasoning loop.

I understand why people change their outward appearance to match their minds and I also understand why people fight that battle for such a long time.   
W

I'd have to agree with mostly everyone in here -- that I am a woman. :)

I am a transsexual woman because I am female despite my male genitals, my XY chromosomes, and the way I was brought up.

Quote from: Melissa on April 18, 2007, 10:53:30 AM

Quote from: rhonda13000 on April 18, 2007, 05:00:30 AM

Quote from: Robbie on April 17, 2007, 08:17:52 PM
The part of me that fits into transsexualism is the part that has to unlearn all the crap about being a man that was crammed down my throat from the time I was born. 

I like that. It is so true.

Hmm, interesting.  For the most part, that stuff never really stuck while being raised.  For the most part, I lived in a pretty androgynous manner (as comfortable as I felt living as a guy) and pretty much engaged only in behavior and activities that are acceptable for both genders.  For instance, I never liked sports, but some guys don't and some girls do.  I did a lot of reading, which is done by both genders.  My interests may have strayed a bit on the technical side for most girls, but now I am just a techie girl and still do programming professionally.  Unfortunately it can get a bit lonely working with a group of people that are 95% men.  Oh well, at least their nice to me.  :angel:

Given the near total absence of conviction in functioning as a 'pseudo-male' in my life, I never adopted "strongly" male traits and attributes.

I had to function in life somehow notwithstanding my severe confusion and discomfort in that role, so I adopted more or less, 'marginally male' characteristics. After a while, these became integrated into the personality and psyche where they became automatic and nominal.

Still, I was never comfortable nor convicted in functioning in that gender role.

The 'unlearning' of these is indeed apt, for they long ago became ingrained and integrated into the self and the presentation. It takes a while to throw off things like this and I think that to differing degrees, this is one common task that we all face in the courses of our respective journeys.

Quote from: Sarah Louise on April 18, 2007, 01:18:23 PM
I'm not transsexual.  That is only a term, one assigned by shrinks, the medical society, the ones who want to control our lives.

I am a woman, I always have been and always will be.  I can't help what doctors put on my birth certificate, I only know who I am in my heart, life,  mind and the one who will be listed on my death certificate.

Sarah L.

A girl after  my own heart!   :)  :icon_hug: 

tink :icon_chick:

Quote
Why are you transsexual? what makes [you] transsexual? got it?

I find these questions very difficult to answer. And reading these posts I think I am not alone in finding it difficult to codify what being a transsexual is.

I'm seeing two therapists at the moment. One for my TG issues and one for marriage issues. My TG therapist is a woman and my marriage therapist is a man. Its interesting that my female therapist talks about feelings and asks how I feel about my TG issue and my male therapist tried to codify things for me and tell my why I feel the way I do.

What's my point? I think I have a hard time finding an answer to these questions because I am a woman and not a man.

Got it?

So WAS it a trick question? Do I get a prize?

Debbie

Quote from: rhonda13000 on April 18, 2007, 06:19:29 PM

Quote from: Robbie on April 17, 2007, 08:17:52 PM
The part of me that fits into transsexualism is the part that has to unlearn all the crap about being a man that was crammed down my throat from the time I was born. 

Still, I was never comfortable nor convicted in functioning in that gender role.

The 'unlearning' of these is indeed apt, for they long ago became ingrained and integrated into the self and the presentation. It takes a while to throw off things like this and I think that to differing degrees, this is one common task that we all face in the courses of our respective journeys.[/color][/font][/size][/i]

When I was growing up I want to be just like my dad. I wished to god everyday to make it all stop.  I just wanted to be his son. So I learned to be his son.  I would block my feelings out so much and over compensate so he would be proud of his only son.  That is why I have to unlearn all the "male" stuff.  I guess I knew one day I would disappoint him.  I use to dream at eight or nine about the day I would be able to leave and fix myself.

Because I could never be anything else besides a woman.

Quote from: debbiej on April 18, 2007, 07:55:55 PM

Quote
Why are you transsexual? what makes [you] transsexual? got it?

I find these questions very difficult to answer. And reading these posts I think I am not alone in finding it difficult to codify what being a transsexual is.

I'm seeing two therapists at the moment. One for my TG issues and one for marriage issues. My TG therapist is a woman and my marriage therapist is a man. Its interesting that my female therapist talks about feelings and asks how I feel about my TG issue and my male therapist tried to codify things for me and tell my why I feel the way I do.

What's my point? I think I have a hard time finding an answer to these questions because I am a woman and not a man.

Got it?

So WAS it a trick question? Do I get a prize?

Debbie

[[sighs]] it wasnt a trick question.   i'd imagine you're in therapy because of your gender issues, correct? what was your answer when your therapist asked you "debbie, why do you think you are transsexual? why do you think you are a woman?"