Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Article --->Mother of Transgender Toddler Gets a Lesson in Love (http://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/books/2012/08/16/mother-transgender-toddler-gets-lesson-love (http://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/books/2012/08/16/mother-transgender-toddler-gets-lesson-love))

I think it's a wonderful article really, but what upset me so much is that while I was reading it and the things the kid said and went through sounded like so much of my childhood. But the big difference was this kid's parents ended up taking action to make their kid happy. I think about how much different my life would be right now if I would have even just been left alone rather than pushed, against my will, to change and be something I'm not. I don't think something like transitioning at age 5 would have even be possible when I was a kid, but it was just so painful to think that just letting me be early on - letting my voice be heard that I was not a girl, would probably have solved so many problems in my life. I probably never would have wanted to kill myself, or drink, etc. to "escape reality". I could have spent so many years actually being happy and ok with myself instead of hating myself. But here I am 30 some years later still struggling. I know I can't change the past of course. What's done is done. There's no "do-overs". But damn, it just hit me like a ton of bricks today and got me down.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on August 19, 2012, 12:08:20 AM
Article --->Mother of Transgender Toddler Gets a Lesson in Love (http://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/books/2012/08/16/mother-transgender-toddler-gets-lesson-love (http://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/books/2012/08/16/mother-transgender-toddler-gets-lesson-love))

I think it's a wonderful article really, but what upset me so much is that while I was reading it and the things the kid said and went through sounded like so much of my childhood. But the big difference was this kid's parents ended up taking action to make their kid happy. I think about how much different my life would be right now if I would have even just been left alone rather than pushed, against my will, to change and be something I'm not. I don't think something like transitioning at age 5 would have even be possible when I was a kid, but it was just so painful to think that just letting me be early on - letting my voice be heard that I was not a girl, would probably have solved so many problems in my life.

Yes, I've been through that too, crying my way through dozens of articles and videos of the new generation of transgender and genderqueer kids whose parents and doctors "get it". I cry because I am so happy for those children who have a chance at a near normal life without the length and depth of suffering I endured. I also cry for the lost years, and for all the lost lives, because these kids and their families and their doctors prove that it doesn't have to be the way that it has been.

It can be part of your healing so that you can transition in peace, to grieve for the lost girl years you never had. I've cried more than a few tears with my therapist about such.

I'm sorry you missed out so much and that it hurts so much. Difficulty reading stories like that is part of why I've been withdrawn sometimes. Even just knowing people irl it can be breathtaking to think of how different life could have been. Yeah. Hang on and keep your head high, not much choice but radical acceptance really imo.

Even being young I understand, when i read it I also could reconize many of the same sentence who where mention in the article.
--
I had the discussion on for around a year ago. when I was starting to get some serious health care problems because of my binding and so. I had came out for my famely when I was very young but first as I turned an adult my famely was suportive enough to make me do anything about it, and I started to blame my mom for waiting so long with her acceptence that it now was starting to become a rather dangerous situation for my help. So I remember having all the discussion fights over phone where I kept shouting saying.
"Why did you say I couldnt start homones at 17, when it was all a lie!" "why did you make me wait so long!" and stuff like that
and blaming her for all the psycial and mental health problems I had got from waiting and who just made me feel miserable.

she was ignorant when I was young now years have passed and she is much more suportive, I love her so I dont want to blame her on my missery caise deep down I know time where diffrent back then, and its not simple for neither to take the step. I seen from other transfolks who are very young where there parrens are suportive, that they still get alot of problems with ignorant people around them and the parrents have it as hard as there kids.

I know I am very lucky compared to people who had waited for many years, So I shouldnt complain that I feel I have lost some years, but even I as I young person feel that. I guess we cant do anything about it, so what I did was to try ignore it, and think it as I had to make up for the years I had lost, not to waste anymore time. I know transpeople who transition in a very late age like 40-60 who almost act like they where in there 20 because they just have so much time they shall live now, compared to what they did before. I think its the only right way to go when your out with your frustation.

I feel the same. Even though like Natkat I also transitioned young (16) I still feel bitter about the childhood and adolescence I 'could have had'.
In my case though, reading these articles makes me feel like I didn't push enough as a kid.
I clearly remember telling my mom that I was really a boy, and wanted to be one all the time when I was like 2 or 3, but she would just laugh. Then I would try and play make-believe games where she called me a boy name and 'he', then say that now I wanted to make-believe all the time, but she didn't get it.
Eventually I realized no one could "see" me and I felt literally invisible and just cried a lot and stopped vocally trying to make people understand.
It wouldn't have been so bad if when I went to therapy, everyone (everyone being my mom) told me that I never said anything, never told anyone, there were no signs, it was pretty much my fault for trying to make others happy instead of just saying I was a boy....all of which was a lie because no one listened. :/

Anyways. It's good to reflect if only to realize the mistakes and make sure they aren't repeated with or by others around us.

Quote from: Anon on August 19, 2012, 12:50:15 PM
It wouldn't have been so bad if when I went to therapy, everyone (everyone being my mom) told me that I never said anything, never told anyone, there were no signs, it was pretty much my fault for trying to make others happy instead of just saying I was a boy....all of which was a lie because no one listened. :/

Parents see what they want to see. With FTMs, the mothers seem to be particularly blind. If I ever see my mother again and she says there were no signs, I will have a hard time not decking her.

I want to tell myself that at least 10 years earlier would have been, better, but... No. Mi nose was already a disaster before starting puberty, and if I had done this earlier I would not have any financial support for FFS, being stuck in some sort of aberration (what I will look like until I get my face fixed).

I don't hate my parents. They had no clue what to do, I'm sure. They did allow me to wear what I wanted and play with what toys I wanted but they would not acquiesce when it came to giving me a male name or referring to me as male. And at age 11 everything went out the window and they tried to force me to be fully female.

Even today my parents won't accept the fact that I'm at the very least androgynous or in between genders. And they certainly would not accept me declaring I'm actually male. Recently my dad mentioned to me that he saw something on tv about FTMs and said, "That's just weird and unnatural ... don't know why anyone would want to do that to themselves." So yeah ... not much in the way of support or acknowledgement coming from that front. It's like I know they love me, but they just will never SEE or acknowledge the real me.

It's not like it's a rose garden for the younger generations of trans individuals now. The article I think is more of an isolated incident rather than the norm, unfortunately. But there's definitely some shifts going on in American society (just look at the gay marriage front right now) so I'm hopeful that it will be less difficult one day.

But it's still sad as hell to think of what could have been and all the problems I could have avoided.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on August 19, 2012, 01:49:41 PM
Even today my parents won't accept the fact that I'm at the very least androgynous or in between genders. And they certainly would not accept me declaring I'm actually male. Recently my dad mentioned to me that he saw something on tv about FTMs and said, "That's just weird and unnatural ... don't know why anyone would want to do that to themselves." So yeah ... not much in the way of support or acknowledgement coming from that front. It's like I know they love me, but they just will never SEE or acknowledge the real me.

My parents have been going to college the past few years and often take classes together to save money on books. Since my mom is going for social work, she had to take a human sexuality course, and my dad took it with her. They covered LGBT issues in their class for a few weeks and studied transgendered people extensively. Since their class, they have been a lot more open with talking to me about everything. I think parents just need to be educated and given time to change and accept everything, and if they're open enough, they'll come around.

Wow who says an old dog can't learn new tricks. Good on your folks.

--Jay Jay

Oh no! Are you saying we need to scrimp and save and do without....so we can send our folks to college?

Eh my folks are in their 70s ... probably not gonna happen.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on August 20, 2012, 10:40:43 PM
Eh my folks are in their 70s ... probably not gonna happen.

Your parents are around my grandparents age then. If I were you, I'd still try talking to them about gender and such just to open a debate and try to challenge their views. That can be one way of educating them. I've had a lot of talks about gender with one of my grandmothers within the past few years, and she's been staying with us for the past month. She's gotten to the point where she says things like, "You'll make a good husband someday." So, age can make things a bit more difficult, but it's not always a complete barrier.

Quote from: aleon515 on August 20, 2012, 06:11:43 PM
Wow who says an old dog can't learn new tricks. Good on your folks.

--Jay Jay

  :) Haha! Thanks Jay Jay. I lucked out and they're good people.

I love my mum, she's really the only person in my family that supports me, but it's still hard seeing kids that have it all from the start. I wish I could have had what this Izzy kid got - puberty blockers and a strong support system. Even now, I'm basically transitioning alone. I have friends that use the right name and pronouns, and I know my mum loves me, but I'm still essentially alone. I'd give anything to just start over, really.

Good on this kid's mother, though. She's doing right by him by listening and bringing him to a therapist who will give him a safe place to express himsel.