Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Do any of you guys ever get angry about being born in the wrong body? Or any of the roadblocks and hoops of transition? Or just stupid people? Lately i've been a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off. When i get mad i dont know what to do with myself and just sit and seethe, or break things. I'm just tired of being angry all the time and I was wondering what you guys(and girls) do when you get mad to calm yourself down or let it out.

I went to the bar with some friends last week and it was a lot of fun till the ride home. We took a cab with some guys we never met before and they kept calling me lady. At first i just corrected them and said "im not a lady" but they kept going and it escalated to the point where i told the one guy if he said it one more time i was gonna punch him. after they left i was so furious i smashed eight beers and ended up cutting my hand on one of the bottles... so you can see why im looking for advice here.

I fantasize, watch violent movies or shows, and listen to music that suits my mood. It helps get it out without hurting anybody.
I've heard violent video games help other people, but I've known a lot of people who get overly frustrated with the games, so I don't know how well that would work.

I get angry alot of times,
I sure get angry for being born in the wrong body, but mostly my anger is for ignorance for transpeople,
not myself but people I know who have to face alot of trouble.

I hate those kinda " I dont like transgender, but you look cool" logic.. if people understand.
even if it dosent concern me in the fact that I am "lucky enough" not to get the hassle then its just frustrating listen to people who talk like they knew everything and actually they dont know anything.
--
when I get angry I usunally do one of the following.

1. listen to some music who decribes my mood,
2, talk to friends/people who knows about the issue, and not people who has no knowlegde about trans issue I would have to explain everything too.
3, train, or run, or do something active where I can get out with my frustrations.

Before I started HRT, there was no way to stop being angry over the fact that my body was wrong, and that everyone else reminded me it was wrong when they misgendered me and, consciously or subconsciously, tried to make me into a woman.

I still have moments where I feel that anger, and I mostly just distract myself. As others have said, things like games, books. I also try to dress in clothes that don't emphasize my female parts, which helps more than I really thought it would. In the past, when I was quite fit, I also exercised. Exercise was probably the biggest thing but only when I was able to go at it hard and fast.

I definitely used to go through really hostile periods because of people misgendering me. Somedays I would just leave the house feeling so pissed off, even just having someone stare at me would set me off (especially cismen...I still can't stand most cismen and their attitudes, but back then it was a lot worse and it took a lot less to anger me). I often felt like I was walking around in this dark cloud and I was a lot more easy to anger.

Since top surgery I haven't felt this way (so far anyway), though. I've been a lot happier and generally less easily angered :P

Quote from: Berserk on August 22, 2012, 02:38:35 PM
I definitely used to go through really hostile periods because of people misgendering me. Somedays I would just leave the house feeling so pissed off, even just having someone stare at me would set me off (especially cismen...I still can't stand most cismen and their attitudes, but back then it was a lot worse and it took a lot less to anger me). I often felt like I was walking around in this dark cloud and I was a lot more easy to anger.

Since top surgery I haven't felt this way (so far anyway), though. I've been a lot happier and generally less easily angered :P

I dont know if I got a sick humour, but am I the only one finding it funny your named "berserk" and the topic is.
"do you ever get angry?"
:D

no harm just found it funny.

While I'm disappointed over being in the wrong body, I try to look on the bright side, because getting mad every time someone gives you a hard time means you'll be angry a lot. Plus, it makes us trans folks look bad.

I try to look on the bright side. I've got my future figured out, I have friends and family who support me, and I'll one day be the woman I've always wanted to be.

Quote from: Jude on August 22, 2012, 11:34:10 AM
I went to the bar with some friends last week and it was a lot of fun till the ride home. We took a cab with some guys we never met before and they kept calling me lady. At first i just corrected them and said "im not a lady" but they kept going and it escalated to the point where i told the one guy if he said it one more time i was gonna punch him. after they left i was so furious i smashed eight beers and ended up cutting my hand on one of the bottles... so you can see why im looking for advice here.

Please excuse me for eavesdropping, but I feel compelled to inject my two bits worth based on now 69 years of experience, some good, some bad and some outright ugly. Having been a former bar brawler who has bounced off many a hardwood floor and been scarred up from my own stupid anger problems, I have learned the hard way that there are those who get their cheap thrills by pulling on your triggers. Do yourself a favor and focus on the brighter aspects of who you are and where you're going. You may have to change the tape in your head, but it will be worth the exercise. Most importantly make a point of learning to identify what your specific triggers. Then learn to recognize the moment when someone is purposefully pulling your chain and what kind of pre-emptive action you should take to sidestep the attack. These are most often attempts by others to stab you in your emotions and affect your self esteem. Perhaps they get off seeing you squirm and feel power over you because of it. Don't get angry, that's where they want you, get smart and part company with those who persist and you will be the winner. Good luck kid!

thank you for all your replies :) I really appreciate it

@ Edge - thats a good idea. "when words fail, music speaks" as they say. i find that listening to music that suits my mood only puts me in an even worse mood sometimes though.

@ Natkat - i used to workout a lot in high school and i think it saved me from killing myself because it kept my endorphins up. there's nothing more frustrating than those idiots who say "i don't like transgenders but you look cool". talking to people who are educated helps me too. it's good to vent to someone who knows what you're talking about.

@ edderkopp - distraction is a great deterrent from anger i think. do you find that you're less angry since starting HRT?

@ Berserk - I feel you on that dark cloud. sometimes everyone and everything just pisses me off. it's like you can literally feel that dark cloud hanging over you. but im glad top surgery has helped you and made you happier! that's good to hear. :)

@ Natkat again - you're a funny kid :P oh the irony haha

@ DianaP - i should try your philosophy more often. looking on the bright side and thinking of happy things is a great idea.
"Plus, it makes us trans folks look bad" my only issue with that is, if you don't defend yourself then who will?

@ Shantel - don't be sorry for eavesdropping, i wanted a variety of opinions and yours is very valuable! identifying my triggers is a great idea, im gonna have to sit down and really figure that out because sometimes i dont know why i get mad. i never thought of it that way before, like someone purposely trying to get me mad. sometimes i find it hard to read people. im a very sarcastic person but sometimes other peoples sarcasm flies right over my head so im gonna have to work at figuring out when people are trying to get me mad for their own amusement. you're right though. if i ignore those idiots and don't give them the satisfaction i really will be the winner. thank you for your advice :)

Quote from: Jude on August 23, 2012, 12:16:49 PM
@ edderkopp - distraction is a great deterrent from anger i think. do you find that you're less angry since starting HRT?

Yeah. I am 4 months on T and the difference is huge. The only time I really feel it is if I am around people who entirely reject my identity, like my grandparents - it can send me back into that mental spiral I felt pre-HRT. But my emotions feel a lot easier to handle now that I have the right hormone and am on the right path for me.

Quote from: Jude on August 23, 2012, 12:16:49 PM
"Plus, it makes us trans folks look bad" my only issue with that is, if you don't defend yourself then who will?

You can defend yourself; just do it without going into a hyper hissy fit. If you do, it only encourages those ignorant people to keep thinking of us as bad people. For example, someone once said "that's gay" in that derogatory sense people use it in these days. Instead of flipping out, I just calmly said, "That's not very nice. How would you feel if your people's name became synonymous with 'horrible'? Just try to be a bit more considerate."

The best thing I have found is this: don't give anyone else control over your emotions. At the end of the day, the only person who can make you feel bad is you. If you let yourself get upset that other people are calling you by pronouns that you dislike, then you give them power over you, and that's both discrediting yourself and giving people power they certainly don't deserve. Its easier said than done - I know from experience, but I have found that I am much more at peace and confident now. My husband's co workers know me as his wife - that's cool, I think of it like the joke my father in law is so fond of: "A little lizard walked up to me and told me he was a TRex on his father's side. I believed him. Wasn't hurting him and didn't hurt me."

@ edderkopp - that's good to hear. i hope i mellow out a bit too when i start t. being angry all the time is tiring.

@ DianaP - yeah that's a good idea. it makes people feel bad and embarassed if you do it like that. i just need to remember to take deep breaths. i'll be thinking of you next time i get mad :P

@ Ayden - you're absolutely right. i just gotta give it the good old college try

No. Anger is something I rarely feel about anything. I do feel hopeless and inferior at times though and like this condition makes me less than human. I know logically it doesn't but feelings are illogical. When I feel this way I just smoke weed and chill, that always helps. I never drink it away anymore because that usually backfires and multiplies those feelings to the point where I want to throw myself off a building.

Quote from: Poptart on August 31, 2012, 09:44:03 PM
No. Anger is something I rarely feel about anything. I do feel hopeless and inferior at times though and like this condition makes me less than human.

Seriously, you took the words right out of my mouth, although it is minus a few details.

I've been feeling this way a lot recently too.

@ Poptart - i feel hopeless and inferior sometimes too. i think its because other people sometimes view us as less than human and it's not fair. i used to smoke A LOT (and i mean a lotttttt) of weed and i find that it was only a bad distraction and not a solution. still do smoke weed just not as often or as much. i could've gone bowl for bowl with snoop lion :P i dont drink anymore either because i end up feeling the same way as you.

Quote from: Jude on August 22, 2012, 11:34:10 AM
I went to the bar with some friends last week and it was a lot of fun till the ride home. We took a cab with some guys we never met before and they kept calling me lady. At first i just corrected them and said "im not a lady" but they kept going and it escalated to the point where i told the one guy if he said it one more time i was gonna punch him. after they left i was so furious i smashed eight beers and ended up cutting my hand on one of the bottles... so you can see why im looking for advice here.

Just out of curiosity, in this particular encounter, which aspect do you feel started to make you angry? Was it what was being said? Or that they didn't stop even after you'd corrected them?

Anger can come from many different sources, sometimes ones you aren't aware even exist. As Shantel alluded to, understanding parts of yourself which may give rise to this can be an important step in overcoming it.

I have a really hard time with anger because if I show it my kid just amplifies it times a million and reflects it back at me. So I have to keep ahold of myself and try to be serene and stoic even when I'm being kicked or called names or whatever. When my ankle hurts really bad or when I start feeling insecure about myself is when I lose my temper, and I always regret it even if I don't do anything.

What I do when I'm really angry is I pretend that I'm operating a machine, that my corporeal self is a tool and I'm just playing a video game or acting in a play or something. All the horrible feelings are fire and I have to walk through it skillfully. It doesn't always work.

I'm angry or sad a lot of the time, and I wish the world was more fair, and I'd probably break things too if I thought I could get away with it. Hang in there. It does suck. It's okay to be upset about it.

Quote from: JasonRX on August 31, 2012, 10:03:29 PM
Seriously, you took the words right out of my mouth, although it is minus a few details.

I've been feeling this way a lot recently too.

Hopefully the feeling will fade with time and getting further in transition... that'd be cool.

Quote from: Poptart on September 01, 2012, 01:43:33 AM

Hopefully the feeling will fade with time and getting further in transition... that'd be cool.

You and I are both stuck in a very similar place right now (transition wise anyway), so I assume you'd understand how I feel too.
It really sucks though.

But thanks, dude.

@ Felix - "What I do when I'm really angry is I pretend that I'm operating a machine, that my corporeal self is a tool and I'm just playing a video game or acting in a play or something. All the horrible feelings are fire and I have to walk through it skillfully. It doesn't always work." thats an interesting way of dealing with your anger. ive never heard of anyone thinking that way before. that's really creative

"I'm angry or sad a lot of the time, and I wish the world was more fair, and I'd probably break things too if I thought I could get away with it. Hang in there. It does suck. It's okay to be upset about it."

im angry or sad a lot of the time too. it's like i flip from one to another without a break of peacefullness or anything. i only feel the need to destroy things because if i dont i feel like i'll end up doing something destructive to myself. and thanks for your support and kind words bud, i really appreciate it.

@ Sephirah -

Quote from: Sephirah on August 31, 2012, 10:42:17 PM
Just out of curiosity, in this particular encounter, which aspect do you feel started to make you angry? Was it what was being said? Or that they didn't stop even after you'd corrected them?

it was mostly that they didnt stop even after i corrected them. and the fact that they didnt take me seriously. whenever people dont take me seriously it makes me mad