Community Conversation => Significant Others talk => Topic started by: demackison on August 28, 2012, 06:07:32 AM Return to Full Version
Title: "Supportive" and other meaningless words
Post by: demackison on August 28, 2012, 06:07:32 AM
Post by: demackison on August 28, 2012, 06:07:32 AM
I really need to crack open a thesaurus and find some words other than "supportive". Everyone wants to be "supportive" of Mikael's transition from female to male, but I don't think any of them mean the same thing when they use the term.
The incident that really cast a spotlight on this was yesterday when I drove a friend home. Mikael and I are very early in the process: have not started hormones yet and had our first psychotherapy session earlier that day.
Our friend asked me what I thought about the changes we are contemplating, and how it would affect me as Mikael's spouse. I said that Mikael wanting these changes wasn't really a surprise to anyone that knew him, I was supportive, and that I had honestly given more thought whether or not to get a big fishtank for the house the year before. He has the advantage of being married to a bisexual man in a fairly open community, and I predict this change will be less dramatic for us than some other couples.
The friend replied, "I feel the same way. I'm against it, but will be supportive of anything she decides."
What?! Other than the use of the word "supportive", did anything I said sound similar to the opinion reflected back at me? I really want to go out and find two different words for supportive: one that means what I mean and one that contains his use of the word.
The incident that really cast a spotlight on this was yesterday when I drove a friend home. Mikael and I are very early in the process: have not started hormones yet and had our first psychotherapy session earlier that day.
Our friend asked me what I thought about the changes we are contemplating, and how it would affect me as Mikael's spouse. I said that Mikael wanting these changes wasn't really a surprise to anyone that knew him, I was supportive, and that I had honestly given more thought whether or not to get a big fishtank for the house the year before. He has the advantage of being married to a bisexual man in a fairly open community, and I predict this change will be less dramatic for us than some other couples.
The friend replied, "I feel the same way. I'm against it, but will be supportive of anything she decides."
What?! Other than the use of the word "supportive", did anything I said sound similar to the opinion reflected back at me? I really want to go out and find two different words for supportive: one that means what I mean and one that contains his use of the word.
Title: Re: "Supportive" and other meaningless words
Post by: Padma on August 28, 2012, 06:12:13 AM
Post by: Padma on August 28, 2012, 06:12:13 AM
Oh yes, I "know what you mean" :) - I keep getting that on forums, people say "I know exactly what you mean", and then tell me about their experience which is nothing like mine at all. Baffling sometimes.
I notice this as well with when people say "I don't understand what you're doing" - where there's no point waiting for them to then ask for clarity, explanation, because they're not really saying "I don't understand" at all, what they're actually saying is "I don't approve", but they're too mealy-mouthed to admit it.
I notice this as well with when people say "I don't understand what you're doing" - where there's no point waiting for them to then ask for clarity, explanation, because they're not really saying "I don't understand" at all, what they're actually saying is "I don't approve", but they're too mealy-mouthed to admit it.
Title: Re: "Supportive" and other meaningless words
Post by: muffinpants on August 28, 2012, 08:37:46 PM
Post by: muffinpants on August 28, 2012, 08:37:46 PM
That sounds awful! I find it so hard to believe that there are so many people out there that wouldn't want someone to pursue their own happiness. Ugh. The world is depressing sometimes. Some people are just socially retarded, gotta ignore em sometimes.
Title: Re: "Supportive" and other meaningless words
Post by: JoanneB on August 28, 2012, 09:33:07 PM
Post by: JoanneB on August 28, 2012, 09:33:07 PM
Sounded like "Supportive" was the knee jerk PC response. Sort of a way of apologizing for their comment on being against.
Title: Re: "Supportive" and other meaningless words
Post by: Cindi Jones on August 28, 2012, 10:45:27 PM
Post by: Cindi Jones on August 28, 2012, 10:45:27 PM
It's common. You must realize that many people don't know how to react. We live with this all of our lives. Those around us have a few minutes with it. I give them a pass. You'll know sooner than later whether they are truly supportive. I'm still giving my mother a pass. It's been many years. She still goofs up. She loves me. I love her. With her, I ignore it.
Cindi
Cindi
Title: Re: "Supportive" and other meaningless words
Post by: Padma on August 29, 2012, 02:00:38 AM
Post by: Padma on August 29, 2012, 02:00:38 AM
Yes, "supportive" is very different from "supporting". It means you don't have to actually do anything except not show obvious signs of actively being "unsupportive" (not that some people are even aware of doing that) ::).
Title: Re: "Supportive" and other meaningless words
Post by: lilacwoman on August 29, 2012, 02:36:27 AM
Post by: lilacwoman on August 29, 2012, 02:36:27 AM
from everyone else to a transsexual supportive means well there's no law again it but don't involve us.
Title: Re: "Supportive" and other meaningless words
Post by: justmeinoz on August 29, 2012, 07:12:19 AM
Post by: justmeinoz on August 29, 2012, 07:12:19 AM
I know what you mean I think.
I had a run in with CentreLink, over addressing of my student support mail with my old name after being told they would use Karen.
The woman I ended up seeing, herself a Lesbian I found out later, said "I can understand why you are upset." At which I cut her off with, "I don't think you really do. Do you have a friend who has been the victim of several murder attempts because of their gender identity? I do! "
Set her back on her heels real quick.
I had a run in with CentreLink, over addressing of my student support mail with my old name after being told they would use Karen.
The woman I ended up seeing, herself a Lesbian I found out later, said "I can understand why you are upset." At which I cut her off with, "I don't think you really do. Do you have a friend who has been the victim of several murder attempts because of their gender identity? I do! "
Set her back on her heels real quick.
Title: Re: "Supportive" and other meaningless words
Post by: Cindi Jones on September 01, 2012, 04:24:00 AM
Post by: Cindi Jones on September 01, 2012, 04:24:00 AM
Quote from: justmeinoz on August 29, 2012, 07:12:19 AM
I know what you mean I think.
I had a run in with CentreLink, over addressing of my student support mail with my old name after being told they would use Karen.
The woman I ended up seeing, herself a Lesbian I found out later, said "I can understand why you are upset." At which I cut her off with, "I don't think you really do. Do you have a friend who has been the victim of several murder attempts because of their gender identity? I do! "
Set her back on her heels real quick.
Oh, you are a quick one. I have to hold a pregnant pause to think of something to come back with. I've had the death threats, been beat up, and raped. You'd think that'd be on the tip of my toungue.