Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was asked this question by one of my friends I came out to. I honestly thought it was hard enough to come out, so I didn't feel like I wanted to nor needed to justify my decision. However, I thought about this question later and couldn't come up with a reason besides "I just do." There is no concrete reason as to why I want to transition; I just do. I don't like having a penis, but I don't hate it so much as to get surgery to convert it. (I really fear surgery and I can't afford to be out of commission for recovery since I want to be a firefighter, nor can I afford thousands of dollars for it.) Anyway, I've been feeling lately that there must be something wrong with me since I really can't think of a reason to transition besides just wanting to. I want to be a girl, but just can't think of an arbitrary reason as to why.

What do you all think? Do you have a reason to transition? Is there something wrong with me? I could really use some advice.

Thanks in advance.

Mostly because I want and can, and my body feels wrong. Continuing balding and hating every cell of my body, cursing every day I live, feeling that I keep acting, is far worse than transitioning. That's the only true reason I have, I can't face that future. And at my age I am already on the last frontier for doing it and getting decent results.


I have checked the possibles "why I should not do it", and the only things that come to me are "You won't have enough commitment to re-learn everything and care for that body", "Your family will hate you" and "you don't want to discover more things about yourself". My biggest issue was "Why I don't feel like a girl inside", but as other have pointed, my mind is still neutral, and not wanting to go under the knife. Although lately I stopped caring about the surgery. My real fear was accepting that I was willing to do it when the time was right. I don't have anything to lose, the new law protects me from being fire because of a trans status, and I have saved enough for FFS.



I don't know, and I can't find a logical reason that proves it, other than a gut feeling that this is what I have wanted for more than half of my life, but did not know that it was possible.

You say you "want to be a girl." Aren't you one already?

When my psychiatrist asked me why I wanted to transition all I could say was "I want to be female" (with a shrug of the shoulders).
His response was that is the best response, simple & to the point.
Too often people over burden themselves with the hang ups of others, a true friend is one who is happy with the answer "I just do", the closest friend you'll ever have in your life is yourself so be a true friend & be happy with your answer.

because I got to the point that I couldn't live and pretend to be male any longer and I hated the sight of my male body and I didn't want to try suicide again.

Quote from: UCBerkeleyPostop on August 29, 2012, 01:36:52 PM
You say you "want to be a girl." Aren't you one already?

Technically not, but that's because I haven't begun transition yet. I feel female, but I'm just not treated as such because TECHNICALLY, I'm not female, if that makes sense.

Thanks a lot for the replies, everyone. "Simple and to the point." I guess there's nothing wrong with that.

 I want to because having a male body makes me feel miserable. The hair, the shape, the everything - it's all so disgusting to me, and I can't stand it. The same applies to a male voice: I can't stand to use it, and when I do, I cringe with every word I speak. It feels extremely uncomfortable for me to be in a male body, and to have a male voice.

Furthermore, it is uncomfortable to be perceived as male. I don't like being called, "He", or to generally be thought of and classified as male. Some of that is just at a basic, emotional level, and some of it is at a more logical realization that being male excludes me from things that I would enjoy, like having female friends that don't treat me differently.

The fact that I had a male form caused me to hate myself, which affected every aspect of my life.

So, I guess I want to transition more out of a desire to be "not-male" than to be "female", precisely. But, I will note that every change I have experienced has been welcomed, and I truly desire a body that appears female. I am distressed because of the things that I yet lack in that regard, and at what I have that shouldn't be there. I want to be female, physically speaking, and I can't say why for any reason other than the fact that I hate the masculine traits my body possesses with an undying passion. At the same time, I love the feminine traits, and want to induce more of them.

I can't really define that desire clearly. As for my mind... well, I am who I am, and I don't know if my mind is male or female. I do know that my personality is very feminine - how I speak, how I act... they, too... but anything more than that falls into the realm of "I dunno".

Because I was tried of fighting.  I was depressed and suicidal.  I am no longer ether.

Quote from: DianaP on August 29, 2012, 01:58:53 PM
Technically not, but that's because I haven't begun transition yet. I feel female, but I'm just not treated as such because TECHNICALLY, I'm not female, if that makes sense.

Thanks a lot for the replies, everyone. "Simple and to the point." I guess there's nothing wrong with that.

The point is your identity is female which is more important than the outer shell. I would argue that technically you are female.

Quote from: UCBerkeleyPostop on August 29, 2012, 02:23:04 PM
The point is your identity is female which is more important than the outer shell. I would argue that technically you are female.

You do have a point, but I was referring to being a girl in society's eyes. After all, I can't have the full female experience if people don't treat me as a female.

Quote from: DianaP on August 29, 2012, 02:25:25 PM
You do have a point, but I was referring to being a girl in society's eyes. After all, I can't have the full female experience if people don't treat me as a female.

Of course not, and now you have articulated why you need to transition. Call me Socrates. Or the female version of him anyway.  :)

Quote from: UCBerkeleyPostop on August 29, 2012, 03:04:27 PM
Of course not, and now you have articulated why you need to transition. Call me Socrates. Or the female version of him anyway.  :)

Well played.

Its a "Why did I want..." but I wanted because I could not live the lie anymore.

Quote from: TessaM on August 29, 2012, 03:34:58 PM
Diana, I dont see it as transitioning, but rather, becoming. I am already a woman, and always was. I just took necessary steps to both look at feel better, knowhatimean? I feel much better now, these last 6 months have been the best of my life!

Good point. Glad to hear you feel better.

I don't want to transition at all.  It's just that at my age, 62, I just can't pretend to be male anymore.

I did all the things that were expected of me and was good at it.

I've been living in the wrong body for decades.  Thanks to estrogen I can change that to some degree.  Frankly it's miraculous that I can feminize my body to be congruent to what it should have been 50 years ago.

Like many, I used to pray that God would make me a girl.  Evidently my prayers are being answered.

Randi

Quote from: DianaP on August 29, 2012, 01:58:53 PM
Technically not, but that's because I haven't begun transition yet. I feel female, but I'm just not treated as such because TECHNICALLY, I'm not female, if that makes sense.

Thanks a lot for the replies, everyone. "Simple and to the point." I guess there's nothing wrong with that.

Technical, it dependeds on what is your definition of a girl, and by girl I mean the female of the human specie.

So, what make us female? or males for that matter.

Let see:

Could it be the chromosomes, XY = male, XX = female, right? No, ample examples of female bodied XY individuals,

Could it be the type of external genitalia? Say penis = male, vagina = female, right? wrong! Plenty of us XY-females born with the wrong external genitalia!!!

Could it be in the brain? I think I am females therefore I am a female? Right, ding, ding, ding, Bingo, Yahtzee!!!


So you see, it is all on you head.

In my case, I never 'transition," I dropped the act, abandoned the role, plain and simple, I was always and I am a female.

Now, what I am currently trying to do is to correct a biological mishap, and sociologically correct a miscued gender designation.

Quote from: peky on August 29, 2012, 04:15:13 PM
Technical, it dependeds on what is your definition of a girl, and by girl I mean the female of the human specie.

So, what make us female? or males for that matter.

Let see:

Could it be the chromosomes, XY = male, XX = female, right? No, ample examples of female bodied XY individuals,

Could it be the type of external genitalia? Say penis = male, vagina = female, right? wrong! Plenty of us XY-females born with the wrong external genitalia!!!

Could it be in the brain? I think I am females therefore I am a female? Right, ding, ding, ding, Bingo, Yahtzee!!!


So you see, it is all on you head.

In my case, I never 'transition," I dropped the act, abandoned the role, plain and simple, I was always and I am a female.

Now, what I am currently trying to do is to correct a biological mishap, and sociologically correct a miscued gender designation.

Well said.

I like your argument. To continue, females only have one active X chromosome and the Y chromosome has a function simply to activate the testes, so we were all female at one point and there's really not much difference between men and women from a purely biological standpoint.

I love science.  ;D :icon_bumdance-nerd:

My short answer is like LillacWoman's. Because I can't stand being a guy any longer. Actually more like finding it incredibly difficult and grows more difficult as I spend more time being Joanne.

Quote from: Elena G on August 29, 2012, 02:21:56 PM
Because I was tired of fighting. I was depressed and suicidal. And we'll see what happens next...

It was not really a case of wanting to change my body as such (it was there but not as important). It was more a case of wanting people to see and recognise me as I see and recognise myself.

To walk down the street and be referred to by passerbys as 'that young lady' really made me feel ill.
It made me cringe, it was the exact opposite of the masculine young lad I knew myself to be.
To be called 'she' 'her' 'young lady' was far more painful to me then going home and getting a shower.
I felt like a young man who was being forced to dress in drag, a man who had hormones forced upon him to give him the curves of a women. Everyday felt like a humiliating experience, as much as I tried to accept the body and role in life I had been given  I could not. I admire women a lot, but ultimately I am not one.

I decided I could not and would not spend my life being someone else for the sake of giving others a more comfortable life. I had to be myself and that is why I transitioned. Not for a penis, not for a flat chest, but to be me.

I was faced with this situation at my neighbors house a few nights ago where my buddy was asking me why I wanted to do it an the only thing that came to mind was that answer; apple jacks logic an there's nothing wrong with that type of explanation imo. In the end if you feel right doing it then keep going despite the questions people throw at you because it could end up causing more internal conflict that isn't necessary if you allow yourself to dwell on 'em. For me personally it came down to either live a sad miserable life that would have inevitably led to suicide or transition, so far transition has been a blast an everything is falling into place beautifully; but there are some people I rather not go into detail with ya know?

"Because I'm more comfortable this way"

Well, I called my friend and answered her question. This was the exact conversation.

Me--> "To answer your question, I just want to be me and treated as me."
Her--> "Okay, do you want to get noodles?"
Me--> "Wait, that's it?"
Her--> "Yeah. So, what about noodles?"
Me--> "Sure...?"

This felt good.  :)

I've noticed that the only people that give a crap are the anal religious or the guys that think you're hot until you tell them you're pre op.

Thanks for posting this thread. :'(

I'm sick to death of those that back you in a corner and say hurtful things and leave you wondering what the point is of doing this. "you don't really seem feminine to me." this said by a man that is feminine but he does not wish to change his gender. He could not understand why, but I would say that would be because he is a man. " I don't feel one once of female in you" being judge by someone that  is feminine yet not female.

I have been reminded over and over about not having the money to do it."you will be nothing more than a feminine male because you will never have the money for it" This was a little funny just after being told by the feminine male that I don't seem to be very feminine I got told that all I would be was a feminine male. ??? :-\

talking to people who ask questions but don't really want to hear the answers has become a wast of my time. ::)

Quote from: jainie marlena on August 30, 2012, 12:22:36 AM

talking to people who ask questions but don't really want to hear the answers has become a wast of my time. ::)

Yeah like wtf is it with people like that? I got into a very uncomfortable situation a few nights back where my 'friend' an his gf out of the blue wanted to 'understand' it an started questioning me so the second I start busting out facts about the mind an body not matching up this guy pulls a 180 an just starts in with "it doesn't make sense, god gave you a penis, you're a man" an would not allow me to explain myself any further; his gf however was quite cool. What really hurt though was when the ->-bleeped-<- just had to rub it in that I would never be able to give birth like a 'real' woman an that "no matter what you do it doesn't matter because you're going to your grave a man". As hurtful as it was that statement about not being able to give birth made me realize just how much I wish I would like to.  :'(
 

People like that I cannot stand to be around. It's best to treat them as anybody else that's disrespectful to you, and that's to avoid them and not do a thing to them. I'm sure it would also throw them for a loop if you started calling him a "her" too....

Or you could just say "Well fine! I'm still gonna rock this life like a girl and be happy doing it!" Do a little girly wiggle and spin ... something flamboyant. Usually that shuts them up for a while. Continue correcting people on the pronouns around him, and if he interrupts just look at the person you're talking to like he's an attention getting idiot and keep talking. Pay him the lightest attention possible and make it seem like he is beneath you.

And I know... not being able to give birth is a really big bummer to me too  :( But you can always tell those idiots that bring it up "At least I don't need to take birth control!"

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on August 29, 2012, 08:55:10 PM
"Because I'm more comfortable this way"

^This

Also because I was tired of having to pretend to be someone I was not. I had no real connection to myself. It's hard to build any sense of pride or accomplishment in yourself when you don't even like the person whose associating with the world. In my case all my motivation came from outside and I was just, well, empty. Now I'm happy about not having to pretend and I'm just being me. I can use that happiness to motivate myself, rather than waiting for some external factor to do it for me.

Quote from: Andarta on August 30, 2012, 01:16:13 AM
Yeah like wtf is it with people like that? I got into a very uncomfortable situation a few nights back where my 'friend' an his gf out of the blue wanted to 'understand' it an started questioning me so the second I start busting out facts about the mind an body not matching up this guy pulls a 180 an just starts in with "it doesn't make sense, god gave you a penis, you're a man" an would not allow me to explain myself any further; his gf however was quite cool. What really hurt though was when the ->-bleeped-<- just had to rub it in that I would never be able to give birth like a 'real' woman an that "no matter what you do it doesn't matter because you're going to your grave a man". As hurtful as it was that statement about not being able to give birth made me realize just how much I wish I would like to.  :'(
 

we only seem to make sense when we talk with each other. Outsiders don't see as we do only because their not us.


@Diana I did not even realize why I was wanting to be seen as female so much until came here. I need to be seen as female because I am one. but knowing I am one has made be a better one. After seeing this thread I know why Have to keep going. I am a woman I won't be happy until I look like one.

I don't believe in reincarnation or an afterlife, and want to seize as much happiness as I can in the one life I do have. And I sincerely believe that it was only a matter of time until living as a man killed me.

I sometimes think I transitioned because the prospect of becoming my conformist and misogynist dad terrified me. But I look at all men and the prospect of becoming them terrified me too.

Because my body does not fit the template that I hold up to it.
Simple really.

ive never dressed as ' man" and have lived as a androgynous goth boy all my teen years and adult life now in i'm in my 20s the fear of ageing as a male and androgyny doesnt really seem to be cutting it anymore for me to be happy

good bloody question ridicule pain intolerance underhanded comments violence who wouldn't want this in their daily lives oh wait forgot inadequate medical care i mean where else can you hear a doctor say A. i wont treat you B. just live with it or my personal favorite C. its all in your head go see a shrink and come back in a couple of years.

Seems everyone pulls from the same pool of reasons to change, here's what applies to me:

* I feel more comfortable as a girl, since it represents the real "Me". I'm comfortable with appearing as either gender, but moreso as female. I feel like there's a whole other side of me that I've been hiding most my life.
* I've never really felt like one of the guys; always wanting to hang out with the girls, feel pretty.

I've always been one of those socially well connected and strong people throughout my life, and I think transitioning would make me a very strong woman, which is exactly what I want to be.

After decades of transition wishes, and nearly two years of intense self-discovery and the coalescence of my own transsexual identity, one night something just popped into my head and has been stuck there ever since:

"I don't know why I want to be a woman, I just do."

I've tried every sort of reasoning, both to support the decision and to negate it, but all the thinking in the world doesn't change the above.

It doesn't make sense. I can't really explain it. Attempts to put more words behind it lead down weird rabbit holes. Making logical arguments doesn't really work because it's not a decision formed in the realm of logic. Making emotional arguments doesn't really work because it's so primal. It comes from so deep inside me that it's almost pre-language, pre-thought, pre-emotion.

As someone who spends a lot of time (outside of the realm of transition) trying to understand things and make logical arguments, this is the hardest thing to accept. There is no logic. My transsexuality just is, and my only decision is whether and how to act upon it. That's where I'm at right now.

Lora
http://translora.wordpress.com (http://translora.wordpress.com)

Quote from: TessaM on August 30, 2012, 04:39:56 AM
ive encountered these people as well. They can all ->-bleeped-<- right off !

You know... tbh the haters don't bother me nearly as much as the ones that accept you but cannot get the pronouns right. The haters I can write off as "oh they're just being douchey". The ones that accept it and slip up often, I start worrying if I pass and if anybody will ever accept me as female (basically doubting myself), and that hurts more than any intentional haterism. Intentional haterism I can mock and make someone look stupid, but the accepting ones it's harder because they're generally nice people... they just slip up!!

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on August 30, 2012, 11:32:31 PM
You know... tbh the haters don't bother me nearly as much as the ones that accept you but cannot get the pronouns right. The haters I can write off as "oh they're just being douchey". The ones that accept it and slip up often, I start worrying if I pass and if anybody will ever accept me as female (basically doubting myself), and that hurts more than any intentional haterism. Intentional haterism I can mock and make someone look stupid, but the accepting ones it's harder because they're generally nice people... they just slip up!!

I can understand your resentment, but it's to be expected. After all, they're used to you being your birth gender. It'll take time to adjust an ingrained habit. When I came out to my friends and told them my decision for my new name, they seriously said, "You couldn't pick something closer to your birth name? I got used to that one. Great, now I'm probably going to screw it up..."

Not kidding, they were actually concerned more about my name than the fact that I was transitioning, so regardless if they screw up my name every once in a while, I'll love all of the people who can truly accept me for who I am.

Quote from: translora on August 30, 2012, 11:26:30 PM
After decades of transition wishes, and nearly two years of intense self-discovery and the coalescence of my own transsexual identity, one night something just popped into my head and has been stuck there ever since:

"I don't know why I want to be a woman, I just do."

I've tried every sort of reasoning, both to support the decision and to negate it, but all the thinking in the world doesn't change the above.

It doesn't make sense. I can't really explain it. Attempts to put more words behind it lead down weird rabbit holes. Making logical arguments doesn't really work because it's not a decision formed in the realm of logic. Making emotional arguments doesn't really work because it's so primal. It comes from so deep inside me that it's almost pre-language, pre-thought, pre-emotion.

As someone who spends a lot of time (outside of the realm of transition) trying to understand things and make logical arguments, this is the hardest thing to accept. There is no logic. My transsexuality just is, and my only decision is whether and how to act upon it. That's where I'm at right now.

Lora
http://translora.wordpress.com (http://translora.wordpress.com)

This.

Like you, I pride myself on my rational, clear-thinking mind. Like you I am faced with a collision between everything that logic tells me should be in my best interests - and that anyone looking from the outside would certainly say was in my best interests - which is to stay exactly as I am ... and the emotional, physical, bone-deep and undying conviction that the only way I can be true to myself is to change my present existence utterly.

Quote from: DianaP on August 31, 2012, 06:10:49 AM
I can understand your resentment, but it's to be expected. After all, they're used to you being your birth gender. It'll take time to adjust an ingrained habit. When I came out to my friends and told them my decision for my new name, they seriously said, "You couldn't pick something closer to your birth name? I got used to that one. Great, now I'm probably going to screw it up..."

Not kidding, they were actually concerned more about my name than the fact that I was transitioning, so regardless if they screw up my name every once in a while, I'll love all of the people who can truly accept me for who I am.

Yeah, I did pick something very close to my old name and nobody had trouble using it (well except my mom.. but she was the one that named me the first time so I can understand). It's the pronouns that kill me though. Sometimes I want to yell at them and be all "I DON'T WALK, TALK, LOOK, ACT, SOUND, MOVE LIKE A GUY! HOW ARE YOU STILL THINKING I AM ONE?!!!" but at the end of the day I do understand (well.. after I take my lil blue pill :D )

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on August 30, 2012, 11:32:31 PM
You know... tbh the haters don't bother me nearly as much as the ones that accept you but cannot get the pronouns right. The haters I can write off as "oh they're just being douchey". The ones that accept it and slip up often, I start worrying if I pass and if anybody will ever accept me as female (basically doubting myself), and that hurts more than any intentional haterism. Intentional haterism I can mock and make someone look stupid, but the accepting ones it's harder because they're generally nice people... they just slip up!!

Fortunately I never had to deal with any haters but the slip-ups were bad. It does eventually stop happening. The last time for me was about 3 years ago when my mom for some odd reason called me by my old name. Luckily no-one was around to hear it.

The slip-ups are bad and they leave deep-seated scars and it seems impossible for others to comprehend how bad it feels when it happens. I tried to explain it but it was almost like describing the color red to a person born blind. For me the slip-ups always nullified my progress. People would always tell me I shouldn't let it get to me because it's so hard to remember to get it right every time. I found this statement extremely troublesome because what it really implies is that they were just humoring me to be nice. ie. they still saw me as male but they were nice enough to substitute what was to them the naturally appropriate pronouns for the ones that would please me. I always thought that once I looked, sounded and acted female it wouldn't take a conscious effort to get it right, but people would still get it wrong even years after this had happened. I've had friends that changed their name for some reason or another, and even though I made a slip-up or two in the beginning it didn't take me years of hard concentration and effort to get it right, so what's up with these people? Is it them or am I just delusional?

Like I said, eventually it stopped, but some sort of irreparable damage seems to have been done. Still it happens that I hear someone that knew me from before refer to me with the proper pronoun and I can't help but wonder if they are for real or they've just gotten so good at it they never slip-up anymore.

Quote from: MariaMx on August 31, 2012, 08:54:33 AM
Fortunately I never had to deal with any haters but the slip-ups were bad. It does eventually stop happening. The last time for me was about 3 years ago when my mom for some odd reason called me by my old name. Luckily no-one was around to hear it.

The slip-ups are bad and they leave deep-seated scars and it seems impossible for others to comprehend how bad it feels when it happens. I tried to explain it but it was almost like describing the color red to a person born blind. For me the slip-ups always nullified my progress. People would always tell me I shouldn't let it get to me because it's so hard to remember to get it right every time. I found this statement extremely troublesome because what it really implies is that they were just humoring me to be nice. ie. they still saw me as male but they were nice enough to substitute what was to them the naturally appropriate pronouns for the ones that would please me. I always thought that once I looked, sounded and acted female it wouldn't take a conscious effort to get it right, but people would still get it wrong even years after this had happened. I've had friends that changed their name for some reason or another, and even though I made a slip-up or two in the beginning it didn't take me years of hard concentration and effort to get it right, so what's up with these people? Is it them or am I just delusional?

Like I said, eventually it stopped, but some sort of irreparable damage seems to have been done. Still it happens that I hear someone that knew me from before refer to me with the proper pronoun and I can't help but wonder if they are for real or they've just gotten so good at it they never slip-up anymore.

You hit it. 100% perfect explanation of how it feels and what it's like. Some people like family that's known me my entire life, it doesn't bother me as much. But people that do it that have only known me for like a couple months pre transition... those are the ones that hurt me the most. And when I finally popped... everyone was scared to even talk to me, which is pretty sad because they ARE very accepting (or at least tolerant). But it's so frustrating that every time a new class comes onto clinicals, I have to deal with that new class getting to know to use the right pronouns because they all know I was born male. I just get fed up with ... ok the old class got the hang of getting the pronouns right, now I have to deal with another class in trying to get them right. After that will be another class... I AM SO READY TO GRADUATE... I'm moving to New Orleans after I get licensed :)

I have delt with 1 hater... and she stopped hating after the entire class jumped on her before I could even respond. It was pretty touching. She even started calling me she the next day.

Quote from: MariaMx on August 31, 2012, 08:54:33 AM
Fortunately I never had to deal with any haters but the slip-ups were bad. It does eventually stop happening. The last time for me was about 3 years ago when my mom for some odd reason called me by my old name. Luckily no-one was around to hear it.

The slip-ups are bad and they leave deep-seated scars and it seems impossible for others to comprehend how bad it feels when it happens. I tried to explain it but it was almost like describing the color red to a person born blind. For me the slip-ups always nullified my progress. People would always tell me I shouldn't let it get to me because it's so hard to remember to get it right every time. I found this statement extremely troublesome because what it really implies is that they were just humoring me to be nice. ie. they still saw me as male but they were nice enough to substitute what was to them the naturally appropriate pronouns for the ones that would please me. I always thought that once I looked, sounded and acted female it wouldn't take a conscious effort to get it right, but people would still get it wrong even years after this had happened. I've had friends that changed their name for some reason or another, and even though I made a slip-up or two in the beginning it didn't take me years of hard concentration and effort to get it right, so what's up with these people? Is it them or am I just delusional?

Like I said, eventually it stopped, but some sort of irreparable damage seems to have been done. Still it happens that I hear someone that knew me from before refer to me with the proper pronoun and I can't help but wonder if they are for real or they've just gotten so good at it they never slip-up anymore.

I know it must suck to be referred to by the wrong pronoun, but just try not to let it get to you. People make mistakes and while, frankly, a few years is a bit much, people who knew you have memories of you from before transition, affecting what they say.

For example, I wanted to say to my friend, "Hey, can you hand me a knife to cut this orange with?" However, I was hungry and I was thinking about cheese, so I said "Hey, can you hand me that cheese to cut this orange with?"

My point is that thoughts can affect people's words and I'm sure they're not trying to hurt you, so don't let their past mistakes hurt you. Transition is a difficult change for you and everyone in your life, so if it takes time for us to adapt, we shouldn't expect our loved ones to have any easier time.

As for people that knew you for a couple of months, I don't know what to say to that.

Quote from: DianaP on August 31, 2012, 09:36:17 AM
I know it must suck to be referred to by the wrong pronoun, but just try not to let it get to you. People make mistakes and while, frankly, a few years is a bit much, people who knew you have memories of you from before transition, affecting what they say.

I totally get that this happens in the beginning, but what I found so troubling was how my concerns were sort of dismissed when I brought it up. I always got the distinct impression they thought I was merely after token gesture on their part. It wasn't the fact that they couldn't always remember to get it right that bothered me so much. What really bothered me was that they had to make a conscious effort to get it right. If they can only get it right by a feat of strength then they aren't really seeing me as female, and if they aren't seeing me as female then my conclusion is that I've failed in my transition. It's not really about them, it's about me, and this distinction is for some reason very hard to get across to people. It wasn't the sound of the word "he" that got me so upset, it was the implication of it being used and the inability of people to understand why it upset me that was the real problem. I mean, why would they keep saying he if I come off as female? You'd think getting it right then would be a spinal reflex.

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For example, I wanted to say to my friend, "Hey, can you hand me a knife to cut this orange with?" However, I was hungry and I was thinking about cheese, so I said "Hey, can you hand me that cheese to cut this orange with?"

Thar's the Freudian slip and it is exactly what I'm talking about. In their mind they are thinking "male" and get it wrong if they aren't consciously making an effort.

But like I said, eventually it stopped happening, but I can't help but wonder sometimes they truly see me as female or if I'm just in the presence of grand masters.

Quote from: MariaMx on August 31, 2012, 10:11:08 AM
I totally get that this happens in the beginning, but what I found so troubling was how my concerns were sort of dismissed when I brought it up. I always got the distinct impression they thought I was merely after token gesture on their part. It wasn't the fact that they couldn't always remember to get it right that bothered me so much. What really bothered me was that they had to make a conscious effort to get it right. If they can only get it right by a feat of strength then they aren't really seeing me as female, and if they aren't seeing me as female then my conclusion is that I've failed in my transition. It's not really about them, it's about me, and this distinction is for some reason very hard to get across to people. It wasn't the sound of the word "he" that got me so upset, it was the implication of it being used and the inability of people to understand why it upset me that was the real problem. I mean, why would they keep saying he if I come off as female? You'd think getting it right then would be a spinal reflex.

Alright, I understand what you're saying. I'm sure you didn't fail in your transition. If you want to be sure, just walk outside around some strangers and see what they say. I guess you do have a point in that they don't see you as female, but to be fair, changing your gender is a pretty big sandbag to slap someone with.

In reference to how others view you, my loved ones have said the same thing in terms of getting used to the change. They said that I would be changing my entire identity, which would be a significant change. I can understand that. One of the hardest things for people to do when they love you is to let you go, and letting go of the person they came to love and accepting another identity 100% is rather difficult. Just my opinion, but if my loved ones could let the old me go easily, I would be a bit worried, but that's just me. I suppose the only thing I can say is to not take it with such sensitivity.

A better word (for me anyways) would be need. I NEED to transition to even have the desire to live. I feel as though nearly all the problems I've had in life stem from that need. I have always struggled with depression and self-confidence because of the way I felt about myself. I've never seen myself as one of the guys, as being anything but ugly, scrawny, and awkward. Though I have at least an above-average intelligence, I've never applied myself and failed classes just from sheer lack of effort, I never felt like there was a point, I just hated myself. Now that I know why, I know transitioning is the only chance I have at ever being truly happy.

Quote from: kristin? on August 31, 2012, 08:40:30 PM
A better word (for me anyways) would be need. I NEED to transition to even have the desire to live. I feel as though nearly all the problems I've had in life stem from that need. I have always struggled with depression and self-confidence because of the way I felt about myself. I've never seen myself as one of the guys, as being anything but ugly, scrawny, and awkward. Though I have at least an above-average intelligence, I've never applied myself and failed classes just from sheer lack of effort, I never felt like there was a point, I just hated myself. Now that I know why, I know transitioning is the only chance I have at ever being truly happy.

Just remember that you shouldn't pin a lot of things wrong in your life to you not having transitioned. I would say prepare for the worst, and accept that transition may make other things in your life worse.

Quote from: SilentOwls on August 31, 2012, 10:10:06 PM
Just remember that you shouldn't pin a lot of things wrong in your life to you not having transitioned. I would say prepare for the worst, and accept that transition may make other things in your life worse.

Agreed. If you do this, it would only hurt more if things aren't perfect after transition.

Quote from: SilentOwls on August 31, 2012, 10:10:06 PM
Just remember that you shouldn't pin a lot of things wrong in your life to you not having transitioned. I would say prepare for the worst, and accept that transition may make other things in your life worse.

Trust me, I don't go into anything expecting everything to be sunshine and rainbows, I'm more pessimistic than most :\
I expected half my friends to just shun me after coming out to them, but thankfully they have been really accepting. My family is another matter entirely, being all conservative Republican southern Christian. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if they just disowned me once they find out. I worry all the time that I won't be able to afford my trachea shave after hormone therapy takes effect and I'll look like a really feminine guy or a masculine girl with an Addams apple. I'm worried my complete inability to gain any weight my whole life means I won't be able to grow breast, so I'll either be flat-chested or need implants, which is another cost I really don't need. Mostly I'm worried no one will ever want to be with me because of my complicated medical history. Despite all that, I know this is what I want, I've known for quite a while, and I know I'll try my damned hardest to make it work. Because I tried hiding it away, and I couldn't. My life would be so much easier if I could just stay the same, but I can't. I need to be myself, and that's who I'm going to be, through thick or thin.

I want to be happy and live my life the way I was supposed to.


I am seriously afraid to death to age like an old man, I would have killed myself before I became 30 if I had not found out about HRT.



So for me there is no choice, transition or die.. Thats how it is!

I don't really think you need to justify it. I don't understand why people always want a "why" to everything.

"Why are people transgender?" should be answered with: "Why are people cisgender?"

It's just like that. Why does it need a reason?

Quote from: DianaP on August 29, 2012, 01:11:50 PM
I was asked this question by one of my friends I came out to. I honestly thought it was hard enough to come out, so I didn't feel like I wanted to nor needed to justify my decision. However, I thought about this question later and couldn't come up with a reason besides "I just do." There is no concrete reason as to why I want to transition; I just do. I don't like having a penis, but I don't hate it so much as to get surgery to convert it. (I really fear surgery and I can't afford to be out of commission for recovery since I want to be a firefighter, nor can I afford thousands of dollars for it.) Anyway, I've been feeling lately that there must be something wrong with me since I really can't think of a reason to transition besides just wanting to. I want to be a girl, but just can't think of an arbitrary reason as to why.

What do you all think? Do you have a reason to transition? Is there something wrong with me? I could really use some advice.

Thanks in advance.

I never wanted to be female or to transition, I just wanted my life back.  Although it was a conundrum I had always been female, understanding on a knowledge level that I had always been female, having nothing concrete to point to, took some faith but I had nothing to loose and I never would have had anything to loose had I not transitioned.

Once I began transitioning I felt like for the first time in my life I existed.

Quote from: DianaP on August 31, 2012, 09:36:17 AM
I know it must suck to be referred to by the wrong pronoun, but just try not to let it get to you. People make mistakes and while, frankly, a few years is a bit much, people who knew you have memories of you from before transition, affecting what they say.

First impressions tend to be the ones that last.

Unless people find out you transitioned later, then all bets are off the table because people will most often see that first impression as having been fooled and their egos won't let them forget that slight.

Cause i dont feel connected to my body. When ever i look at it i sigh and wish i could change. Il get there someday:)

Im not sure I "wanted" to transition, for me it just seemed like an inevitable thing and so far the process has been a very organic one. To the point that Im not even sure how long I've been "full-time" My identity has just kind of unfolded and developed in the way it was always going to. I am happier now than I have ever been though, so no matter how I look at it, it's been a fundamentally positive experience
I should point out though, I live in a very liberal, non-religious and well educated 1st world country with (almost) free hrt and monitoring (I think I pay about 1:50$ per month) I believe I pass well enough to blend and I have yet to meet a friend or family member who hasn't been completely accepting so yeah... I count myself as intensely lucky to have, so far, had such an easy time.

Quote from: MariaMx on August 31, 2012, 10:11:08 AM
It wasn't the fact that they couldn't always remember to get it right that bothered me so much. What really bothered me was that they had to make a conscious effort to get it right. If they can only get it right by a feat of strength then they aren't really seeing me as female, and if they aren't seeing me as female then my conclusion is that I've failed in my transition.

Hmm ... I think you're being too hard on other people, and yourself. We're all creatures of habit, and that applies to the names we give things. For years we had a black labrador at home. He died and we got a new labrador. It's a different dog. It's a different colour to the old dog - chocolate-brown instead of black. And it's a really sweet dog, too, that I really like. But dammit, after four years I still occasionally call it by the old dog's name.

It's not because I'm thoughtless, or can't recognise that it's a different dog. It's just I spent about a dozen years calling out one name and my brain sometimes pulls it up again out of the memory-bank by mistake. That's just what happens - and the older a person gets the more often it's likely to happen. So I often have to make that conscious effort you describe, just to get the name right, and I'll sometimes stop myself just as I'm about to use the old one because I remember - oh, yeah, it's a different dog.

My point is, if a person has to take an effort to readjust to your new name and new status, it's not in any way a judgement on your transition or your femininity - any more than me getting its name wrong is a judgement on the dog. It's just an unfortunate quirk of the human brain.

I want to transition because I want people to see me as I really am.

I want to transition because I have finally been honest with myself about who I am, and having accepted a spiritual truth of my feminine nature, I want to relinquish my attachment to this male body, not to run from it, but to embrace it as it changes. I need to transcend this body, because I believe in my identity as a third sex - as something outside the restrictive binds of modern gender binary. That being said, I also simply want a more feminine body, I know in my heart its the right decision, and it is one that is made in acknowledgment of my spiritual self.

Quote from: Noah on September 02, 2012, 07:58:33 PM
I want to transition because I have finally been honest with myself about who I am, and having accepted a spiritual truth of my feminine nature, I want to relinquish my attachment to this male body, not to run from it, but to embrace it as it changes. I need to transcend this body, because I believe in my identity as a third sex - as something outside the restrictive binds of modern gender binary. That being said, I also simply want a more feminine body, I know in my heart its the right decision, and it is one that is made in acknowledgment of my spiritual self.

is that you in your display ? is so you look AMAZING , i also identify as a third sex too

Thanks! Yes, that is me in my avatar :)
nice to meet you!!

Quote from: Noah on September 02, 2012, 07:58:33 PM
I want to transition because I have finally been honest with myself about who I am, and having accepted a spiritual truth of my feminine nature, I want to relinquish my attachment to this male body, not to run from it, but to embrace it as it changes. I need to transcend this body, because I believe in my identity as a third sex - as something outside the restrictive binds of modern gender binary. That being said, I also simply want a more feminine body, I know in my heart its the right decision, and it is one that is made in acknowledgment of my spiritual self.

same here.

Quote from: mementomori on September 03, 2012, 03:38:56 AM
is that you in your display ? is so you look AMAZING , i also identify as a third sex too

she does look AMAZING and same here on the identiy of third sex also.

This may sound weird but, I don't want to transition. I just want a horrible error fixed.

Quote from: agfrommd on September 02, 2012, 07:53:11 PM
I want to transition because I want people to see me as I really am.

My thoughts exactly

Quote from: jainie marlena on September 03, 2012, 09:25:09 AM

she does look AMAZING and same here on the identiy of third sex also.

Isn't 3rd sex like ze, hir and zim as opposed to he or she or him?

Quote from: Noey Noonesson on September 10, 2012, 10:32:42 PM

Isn't 3rd sex like ze, hir and zim as opposed to he or she or him?

Probably for most non-binary conceptions. From my perspective, my transgender identity is a third sex, but trans woman is an adequite descriptor for that identity. I identify as a woman, and with female pronouns, but I witness myself as a unique gender and sex, not in the cis binary.

Quote from: Noah on September 10, 2012, 10:36:43 PM
Probably for most non-binary conceptions. From my perspective, my transgender identity is a third sex, but trans woman is an adequite descriptor for that identity. I identify as a woman, and with female pronouns, but I witness myself as a unique gender and sex, not in the cis binary.

what she said is what I mean also.

I prefer the blunt answer as well, there really isn't much other or better way to explain it.  Transitioning as a word itself is probably improper,  in short we already transitioned mentally to what makes us feel alive.  Now we just want our bodies to match our reality.

If the smile I have on my face when my hormones are in balance and I am feeling pretty is not telling I don't know what is lol.

I think the emphasis on before, rather than after is a mistake as our body has protections against this sort of thing.  A true man would probably feel terrible on a female hormonal balance.

Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? I would like to be the person externally I am internally. I am woman.