Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Felix on September 01, 2012, 12:50:58 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Bills and utilities
Post by: Felix on September 01, 2012, 12:50:58 AM
Post by: Felix on September 01, 2012, 12:50:58 AM
This topic has come up before but I hope I'll be forgiven for bringing it up again. I'd like to complain a bit.
CenturyLink just established itself in my neighborhood, and I jumped at the chance to leave Comcast. The price is slightly lower than what I've been paying, and the local rep is a nice guy, but I'm having trouble with my identity as far as the credit check goes. I explained that I've had a name change and that I'm trans, and they keep insisting that my social security number belongs to a woman and I'm not a woman. I keep telling them that yes I am a woman in SSA records but my name is what it is and I am the same person. I swear they kept trying to trick me into admitting that I'm using a stolen identity, or that I shared my ss number with someone else. They keep talking to me like I'm five and slowly reiterating that a social security number can only ever belong to one single person. It's taken several days and 9 phone calls so far (per my cell logs). I faxed them my court order, my old and new DMV license, and my old and new SSA cards.
It's demeaning, and my daughter was there for a lot of it and she got really upset. How can I convince her that I have things under control and the world is safe when she sees people insisting that what I am is not possible, when I can't even get the internet turned on without discussing my genitalia? Lack of surgery is the only reason SSA says I'm a woman, and I can't do anything about that.
I wish I could turn off the questions. Grr.
CenturyLink just established itself in my neighborhood, and I jumped at the chance to leave Comcast. The price is slightly lower than what I've been paying, and the local rep is a nice guy, but I'm having trouble with my identity as far as the credit check goes. I explained that I've had a name change and that I'm trans, and they keep insisting that my social security number belongs to a woman and I'm not a woman. I keep telling them that yes I am a woman in SSA records but my name is what it is and I am the same person. I swear they kept trying to trick me into admitting that I'm using a stolen identity, or that I shared my ss number with someone else. They keep talking to me like I'm five and slowly reiterating that a social security number can only ever belong to one single person. It's taken several days and 9 phone calls so far (per my cell logs). I faxed them my court order, my old and new DMV license, and my old and new SSA cards.
It's demeaning, and my daughter was there for a lot of it and she got really upset. How can I convince her that I have things under control and the world is safe when she sees people insisting that what I am is not possible, when I can't even get the internet turned on without discussing my genitalia? Lack of surgery is the only reason SSA says I'm a woman, and I can't do anything about that.
I wish I could turn off the questions. Grr.
Title: Re: Bills and utilities
Post by: Flan on September 01, 2012, 01:11:09 AM
Post by: Flan on September 01, 2012, 01:11:09 AM
Usually I would just say meh vote with money, but that sounds awfully close to a violation of the Fair and Accurate Credit Transaction Act of 2003 , I would recommend asking a lawyer about it.
Title: Re: Bills and utilities
Post by: suzifrommd on September 01, 2012, 06:05:10 AM
Post by: suzifrommd on September 01, 2012, 06:05:10 AM
Yucky, Felix. Cable people are hard enough to deal with even when they're not firing questions about your identity.
And, shouldn't surgery be a private decision? It sucks that SSA sees you as a "lesser trans" because of it.
There's one thing in your story I want to comment on.
Children are very resilient and adaptable. Uncertainty upsets them, but seeing a parent helpless is simply a fact of the world that a child at any age can accept.
The only thing you owe your daughter is to be honest and be yourself and do the best job you can as a parent. When seeing you distressed upsets her, she'll learn to deal with the upset and to comfort herself (probably in whatever way you comfort yourself.)
It's your love for her that makes her feel safe and not the feeling that you have everything under control.
I hope this helps. Good luck battling the forces of darkness.
And, shouldn't surgery be a private decision? It sucks that SSA sees you as a "lesser trans" because of it.
There's one thing in your story I want to comment on.
Quote from: Felix on September 01, 2012, 12:50:58 AM
It's demeaning, and my daughter was there for a lot of it and she got really upset. How can I convince her that I have things under control and the world is safe when she sees people insisting that what I am is not possible, when I can't even get the internet turned on without discussing my genitalia?
Children are very resilient and adaptable. Uncertainty upsets them, but seeing a parent helpless is simply a fact of the world that a child at any age can accept.
The only thing you owe your daughter is to be honest and be yourself and do the best job you can as a parent. When seeing you distressed upsets her, she'll learn to deal with the upset and to comfort herself (probably in whatever way you comfort yourself.)
It's your love for her that makes her feel safe and not the feeling that you have everything under control.
I hope this helps. Good luck battling the forces of darkness.
Title: Re: Bills and utilities
Post by: Diane Elizabeth on September 01, 2012, 06:08:01 PM
Post by: Diane Elizabeth on September 01, 2012, 06:08:01 PM
I was at my bank trying to get some insurance canseled on my mortgage and a name change. The bank had already changed my name on all docs. The morgage ins was with someone else. They kept saying I had to submit another name change before they would recognize me (over the phone). So to expedite everything I said here is D!@#(male name) and then answered the questions that she wouldn't recognize from me. Now I don't need to do a name change with them. She did keep hounding me as to why I want to cancel and then offered other programs. Sometimes its hard to understand how they operate.
Title: Re: Bills and utilities
Post by: Felix on September 01, 2012, 11:16:59 PM
Post by: Felix on September 01, 2012, 11:16:59 PM
Thanks. The kid's okay. When the cable rep left, she announced that she wanted to put spiders in his hair. She told me she was angry and I talked to her about it. You're right about what makes her feel safe. She doesn't see the world so complicatedly as adults do, and she isn't as worried as I am about my power over circumstances. She knows I care about her and she thinks I hung the moon.
I comforted myself that day in ways that felt pretty driven and compulsive, and I do wonder how that affects her. I turned to music, but also to a jigsaw puzzle and to cleaning and cooking. And our cat, of course, who does not like her. Eh.
It's the weekend so idk how things go forward with the cable company. I'm relying on public wifi at the moment.
I comforted myself that day in ways that felt pretty driven and compulsive, and I do wonder how that affects her. I turned to music, but also to a jigsaw puzzle and to cleaning and cooking. And our cat, of course, who does not like her. Eh.
It's the weekend so idk how things go forward with the cable company. I'm relying on public wifi at the moment.