Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I find my reaction to the procurement of my first purse rather interesting.  The first thing I wanted to do when I got it was to clutch it like it was some kind of faux-leather teddy bear.

I don't know why this item means so much to me.  It's not like it's a bra I can pad out to give me breasts or a shaper to get my tummy into a more feminine profile.  It's just a utility item since designers seem to think we women can't be trusted with decent pockets!

Last night I got to fill it for the first time so my wallet and keys are in there already.  I don't know why placing those items in there feels so momentous.  I should be getting my HRT letter next month.  I would think THAT would be a bigger deal!  Well actually it is.  On the testing they made me do I have one answer that I know the head doctor at the clinic is going to find real interesting, and I'm worried that's going to delay things.  I never brought it up before in my sessions but I found out in 2000, when I tried to transition the first time, that my dad cross-dresses.  I had no idea as a child, though it does explain some of the dresses mom never wore.  Anyway, there was a question on the test about does anyone in your family cross dress and while I thought about lying, I couldn't make myself do it so I answered honestly.   With lots of "I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW' adorning it. ( ´ο`)=3

But for now I have my purse.  Too bad I don't have someone who I can freak out with it.  I seem to recall a pop culture reference about men being afraid to go in purses, afraid of what feminine things they will bump into.  Maybe there's a hint of taking ownership of my femininity in getting my purse that's making me so happy.  I guess that makes some sense.

Or maybe I should stop over analyzing it and just be glad I'm glad.

I'm sure it will serve me well and get a lot of use too.  I was living near full-time for the first half of this year.  Every once and a while now, since needing to get a new job and go back into the closet (graduate school debt to pay back after all), I have flashbacks to the rhythm I enjoyed in my life back then.  Yes, it was hard to experience things like a woman going on a tirade on the bus about, "If God meant for men to be women he'd of given em' [colorful metaphor]s" every time she caught a glimpse of me.  Still, being authentic to who and what I am made life easier than what it's been for the last few months where I spend the bulk of my time faking being a man.  That and knowing I'm more ladylike than she was, despite our physical starting points in life.

My SO also moved in with me, ending two years apart.  In away that's been good.  She's seen me degrade in my ability to function as a man which has allowed her to say it's okay for me to begin HRT and she thinks dealing with me transitioning will be easier for her than dealing with me not transitioning.   I don't know what will come of HRT, I'm 34 and believe to my core I'll have to end up being happy with knowing estrogen is flowing through me.  Yes, I know other's have had great success starting at my age and later, but I'm prepping myself for the worst mentally.  If on the other hand it works, and I get to that blessed place where people "ma'am" and "miss" me even when I think I'm presenting as a guy, I fully expect happiness to come with no additional effort.  Though I do imagine I'll need a fleet of purses then. 

And shoes.

And tooth whitening toothpaste as I expect I'll be smiling a lot more.

All glory to the First Purse! But, what, no picture? Hugs, Devlyn

Just wait til it gets so full of crap, you can't find stuff.   

I totally get you Misato. Bought my first purse a couple weeks ago (US$3.00 at a Christian thrift shop, but that's another story). Something about proudly tossing a bag over your shoulder that amps up the female pride.

Quote from: crazy old bat on September 08, 2012, 10:45:35 AM
Just wait til it gets so full of crap, you can't find stuff.

+1

OMG, is there some Law of Nature that moves anthing you need to the bottom of The Purse...but only when the item is needed? It's like the other items are trying to protect it or something...

And yes, EVERYTHING is needed. Soon you'll step up to a Samsonite travel-tote set of luggage...

 "It's like the other items are trying to protect it or something..."  Now I have a stupid grin stuck on my face!

Congrats, my first purse is basically a bookbag/purse/messenger bag.  Its really cool, and versatile!

It is very androgynous but thats how I roll with my bags.

Rule of thumb, use a wallet still.  Stick it in your purse, nothing bothers me more than a lady stuffing money in her purse all willy nilly.  It bothers my OCD.

I have a lot of purses, but I still use the plain brown leather one I've had for about 7 years or so. I just like it too much to change, lol.

As a former member of Sea World security I have been through my fair share of other women's purses and seen some truely horrifying things. 

For the love of all that is holy, please remember to clean it out from time to time!

Quote from: MaidofOrleans on September 08, 2012, 01:57:16 PM
As a former member of Sea World security I have been through my fair share of other women's purses and seen some truely horrifying things. 

For the love of all that is holy, please remember to clean it out from time to time!

oh do tell you have piqued my interest with such a tease.

coool - all hail the first purse...

my ex gifted me a cool black purse the other day - and from certain angles it looks just like a woman's purse which I find just awesome and completely loving it... - does that count as a first purse?

a great replacement to my old worn out 5 year wallet.

Quote from: Rita on September 08, 2012, 02:13:33 PM
oh do tell you have piqued my interest with such a tease.

Lets just say that they could do a show called "Purse Hoarders" and get away with it.

By the way i'm trademarking that.

Just gross stuff like months worth of used tissues mixed with god knows what garbage, old makeup, etc.

As for weird items, I found everything from spiked brass knuckles to a giant dildo.

Better than a giant, spiked, um, whatever....

I suppose it was negligent of me to not post an image.  So I went for a little walkie this morning after seeing the replies, rockin' my suburban mom (Of two sassy wittle kitties) look to model the purse.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.csci5115.info%2Fimages%2Fsuburbanmom.jpg&hash=605ce814938a7ce28da35faedc45ca97ce7e5469)

I shoulda put lipstick on before going out.

It's a small one but I can fit my camera, phone, wallet (indeed, I won't be giving that up.  It's an androgynous paper craft thing so I think that'll be okay going forward) and keys with room for some other stuff in there.  I'm going to miss it come Monday I'm sure.  But it won't be too much longer before I'm out again.  As I hinted earlier, the psychological dissonance of woman on the inside and male on the outside is getting to be too much for me to stand.

I was using a messenger bag while I was in school.  Worked great when I needed to haul my textbooks around, but I wanted something smaller for day to day use.

I got a brown leather bag/purse.. does get full of junk, and nope can't find a thing I need at the time ! I often wonder why my jeans pokets are so small also ! they are there like an after thought more than anything practical xD

Catherine <3

Since I'm still just starting to go out en femme, I have a checklist of things to load into my purse before I head into the world. It's getting a little longer each time I find I need something and don't have it.

Quote from: Kitty_Babe on September 09, 2012, 09:35:23 AM
I got a brown leather bag/purse.. does get full of junk, and nope can't find a thing I need at the time ! I often wonder why my jeans pokets are so small also ! they are there like an after thought more than anything practical xD

Catherine <3

Count your blessings...at least jeans have pockets! So many women's clothes don't...

;)

Quote from: Beth Andrea on September 08, 2012, 11:17:04 AM
+1

OMG, is there some Law of Nature that moves anthing you need to the bottom of The Purse...but only when the item is needed? It's like the other items are trying to protect it or something...

Yes. Those are the first two laws of pursodynamics.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on September 08, 2012, 11:17:04 AM
And yes, EVERYTHING is needed.

That is the third law.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on September 08, 2012, 11:17:04 AM
Soon you'll step up to a Samsonite travel-tote set of luggage...

And that is the first prediction of Anna Stein's Theory of Purse Relativity.

BTW, when I was celebrating my new legal name, I bought my first deep purse (able to swallow all of my daily routine items without spitting) for the light days of my cycle and my first padded women's briefcase, for my heavy days.

We need a Pursodynamics thread!

At one time I carried a duffel bag to work every day.  It contained all the small stuff I used to have in my pockets, along with anything I needed at work.  Later switched to a blue dennim purse that came from Walmart.  It was relatively small, cheap, durable, but looked more like a Murse than a purse.  I kept it and plan to carry it again soon.

K

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 09, 2012, 10:30:12 AM
We need a Pursodynamics thread!

OK, that is just too appealing to the mad scientist in me. I promise I'll create a pursodynamics thread on my blog, but first I have to attack our apartment. It looks like the inside of some of those purses that Joan of Arc described:

Quote from: MaidofOrleans on September 08, 2012, 01:57:16 PM
As a former member of Sea World security I have been through my fair share of other women's purses and seen some truely horrifying things. 

For the love of all that is holy, please remember to clean it out from time to time!

Amen.

Quote from: Misato33 on September 09, 2012, 09:07:29 AM
I suppose it was negligent of me to not post an image.  So I went for a little walkie this morning after seeing the replies, rockin' my suburban mom (Of two sassy wittle kitties) look to model the purse.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.csci5115.info%2Fimages%2Fsuburbanmom.jpg&hash=605ce814938a7ce28da35faedc45ca97ce7e5469)

I shoulda put lipstick on before going out.

That purse is perfect for you. You don't even need lipstick.

Quote
It's a small one but I can fit my camera, phone, wallet (indeed, I won't be giving that up.  It's an androgynous paper craft thing so I think that'll be okay going forward) and keys with room for some other stuff in there.  I'm going to miss it come Monday I'm sure.  But it won't be too much longer before I'm out again.  As I hinted earlier, the psychological dissonance of woman on the inside and male on the outside is getting to be too much for me to stand.

I was using a messenger bag while I was in school.  Worked great when I needed to haul my textbooks around, but I wanted something smaller for day to day use.

Looking back, I had a backpack satchel kabang messenger bag or briefcase every day of my life since I was 13 and could buy my own. How aware I was that it was my purse vs whatever "manouflage" it came in, depended on how buried my gender identity was at the time. I was always the kid that volunteered to carry my mother's purse, and later my wife's - with pride and a feeling of longing.

By the way, my very last "man-purse" was my beautiful purple backpack that I bought at the same time that I started wearing only women's clothing, even though it would be another five months before I came out and went full time. The backpack has patches on the strap and a big one on the back that say "trans". It made me smile every time I looked at it in public.

Quote from: TessaM on September 09, 2012, 09:28:03 AM
Lookin good! (you and your purse)

Quote from: MadelineB on September 09, 2012, 11:54:28 AM
That purse is perfect for you. You don't even need lipstick.

Thanks!

I understand completely why it felt like such a big deal.

While my first purse really didn't feel like a big thing (I threw it away some 20 years ago on one of numerous purges back then), a similar item did affect me emotionally.

I had a very similar emotional reaction to my first femal wallet, which I bought earlier this year.  As I was putting all my cards in it, it occurred to me that the items that I carry on me that identify me and are uniquely mine were now in a female carrier.  I remember staring at my drivers license in my new wallet and got choked up and cried a few happy tears.  Just seeing it in there felt like a major stepping stone in the road to confirming who I am becoming.  It was really odd...nothing else, not the dresses, skirts, shoes, lingere, makeup, jewlery, etc. ever made me feel as feminine as seeing my ID in my womans-style wallet.  Funny how things happen on this journey.  :)

I get what you're saying gats2b.  I realized tonight that the purse will fit in my afforementioned messenger bag.  Since I was already using the messenger bag to haul my lunch to work on occasion,  I have a way to keep my purse with me and my cards that id me in their more suitable carrier (though still in a wallet too).  Don't know if I'll cry but I am happy!