Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Having gender issues and having thoughts pro and con about gender change we all seem to go through similar hoops to get to that certain place, but one thing that is rarely discussed when we wonder if we pass or not, and or how well we will be received by others, is how well do we accept ourselves? Thought I'd throw it out there because so many of my TG friends seem to have a difficult time of ever coming to the place where they are actually accepting of and happy with themselves.

I only at the start of my transition. Boobs are A-cup, voice working well enough to use on the phone, passing well enough in public that I can eat in restaurants or drink coffee on pavement cafes without attracting attention.

I am happier now than I have ever been. I know I am truly me.

Quote from: brc on September 17, 2012, 01:40:45 PM

I am happier now than I have ever been. I know I am truly me.

Truly the place we all want to be, it's the inner attitude shining forth that makes a difference, don't you think? I know a woman who is 100% finished, ffs, srs, implants, lipo and tucked, just perfect in every way who is still unhappy and even has misgivings about having transitioned, it seems rather strange but I get the feeling that what she's missing is self acceptance. Remember, for many the whole thing began with a sort of self loathing.

Those that try and rush through FFS, GRS, and etc tend to be unhappy because they forget about the important step of seeing the woman in the mirror.

With just that, I am content but its not easy all the the time to accept myself.

Being happy with yourself is the most important thing. I was pretty negative too for a while, but the story that I am posting as a link is what got me to start thinking positive. It turned me around and now I banish most negative thought.
http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html (http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html)

Right on the money Shan!!

Self acceptance comes from developing or increasing your emotional intelligence. Yopu have to learn to change the things you can, and forget and or acept the rest, compensate

I'm discovering that letting myself transition is leading to increased self-acceptance, and increased boundaries and ballsiness :). It turns out that the thing most likely to make others accept me is for me to be accepting myself. It still hurts when they don't, but it's in no way terminal. As a trans tomboy who's comfortable with herself, I get easy acceptance from just about everyone - except certain trans women. Go figure ::).

Quote from: ShaunaNinjagirl on September 17, 2012, 02:20:28 PM
Being happy with yourself is the most important thing. I was pretty negative too for a while, but the story that I am posting as a link is what got me to start thinking positive. It turned me around and now I banish most negative thought.
http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html (http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html)

Great article, says it like it is doesn't it?

Negativity creeps up on you. I would always think the worst of myself. Now when I have a negative thought, I tell myself "Bad Wolf be quiet" after a couple weeks I began to realize that all the bad thoughts I had were like poison to my soul.

Now I am HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY DAMNIT  :angel:

For me, I try to focus on the comparison. I am infinitely better off now than I was a couple years ago in basically every possible way. Yes, I still struggle sometimes with my body and my life, but so what? So does everyone.

I'm not half-dead anymore. I'm actually a complete person. That's the main thing.

I think some of the people who end up miserable afterwards... their expectations are just too high. This doesn't fix everything. This fixes ONE thing. That's it. The rest is up to you.

I dunno. Sometimes the trans community scares me. I see a lot of really damaged, really broken people lying to themselves super, super hard. Maybe that's the best option for them. But I'd rather hurt than play pretend. At least the hurt is honest. At least acknowledging the hurt gives me a chance to get past that, to move on with my life in a way that is... functional.

Life is not unicorns puking rainbows. It just isn't. For anyone. Sorry. And the idea of losing my grip on reality scares me more than anything.

Reading that story... I think if you only feed the one wolf. Either one. You'll lose your mind, or at least your way. I want balance. Like maybe, honestly, your life really sucks right now, and you are really miserable about your body, and maybe you need some space to just bleed a bit. And that's okay. This dream of being happy all the time. I think that's kind of sick.

I don't want to be happy all the time. I want to be happy when I'm happy, and miserable when I'm miserable. And overall I just want to be okay.

Quote from: Padma on September 17, 2012, 02:23:50 PM
I'm discovering that letting myself transition is leading to increased self-acceptance, and increased boundaries and ballsiness :). It turns out that the thing most likely to make others accept me is for me to be accepting myself. It still hurts when they don't, but it's in no way terminal. As a trans tomboy who's comfortable with herself, I get easy acceptance from just about everyone - except certain trans women. Go figure ::).

Definitely true!, when I was masquerading as a guy I would hold so much back emotionally.  But as a woman, in girl or boy mode its like the gates have been unleashed and I am generally a happier brighter person who is not fearful.

_____

For those that moved emotionally, its sometimes hard to move physically.  I spend at least 5 minutes every day staring at myself in the mirror looking for what makes it feminine.  Usually all I have to do is smile  :laugh:

How well do I accept myself? That's an interesting question.

At this point, I've been living as the real me full time for 1 year, I've completed 2 years of laser on my face & neck, I've been on hormones for 15 months, and I've been officially divorced for about 7 months. I'm both happier and unhappier than I've ever been in my life.

I've accepted that this is who I really am: Constance Anne McEntee. It's been a little harder to accept the divorce, but it is what it is.

Overall, I'm please with my progress. I'm hoping things will continue to improve for me.

Quote from: Rita on September 17, 2012, 03:02:11 PM
Usually all I have to do is smile  :laugh:

Aye :D.

Quote from: Connie Anne on September 17, 2012, 03:14:24 PM
How well do I accept myself? That's an interesting question.

At this point, I've been living as the real me full time for 1 year, I've completed 2 years of laser on my face & neck, I've been on hormones for 15 months, and I've been officially divorced for about 7 months. I'm both happier and unhappier than I've ever been in my life.

I've accepted that this is who I really am: Constance Anne McEntee. It's been a little harder to accept the divorce, but it is what it is.

Overall, I'm please with my progress. I'm hoping things will continue to improve for me.

Accepting her abandoment was hard for me too!!!

In another matter, Connie Girl, you are looking fab!!

Quote from: ShaunaNinjagirl on September 17, 2012, 02:20:28 PM
Being happy with yourself is the most important thing. I was pretty negative too for a while, but the story that I am posting as a link is what got me to start thinking positive. It turned me around and now I banish most negative thought.
http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html (http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html)

Thank you for that. I will always remember it.

Quote from: Shantel on September 17, 2012, 02:12:34 PM
Truly the place we all want to be, it's the inner attitude shining forth that makes a difference, don't you think?

I agree 100%

Quote from: Padma on September 17, 2012, 02:23:50 PM
It turns out that the thing most likely to make others accept me is for me to be accepting myself

I was saying the same thing this morning in a different thread.

Quote from: Padma on September 17, 2012, 02:23:50 PMI get easy acceptance from just about everyone - except certain trans women. Go figure ::).

There are always people who will fit black clouds to your silver linings. I ignore them. Life is difficult enough without dealing with professional nay-sayers....

Quote from: peky on September 17, 2012, 03:55:15 PM
Accepting her abandoment was hard for me too!!!

In another matter, Connie Girl, you are looking fab!!

Well, she hasn't abandoned me completely as we are still friends. I don't know about her, but that's tough getting used to for me.

Thanks, Peky.

It took a lot of months of hard work to get to a point where most of the shame and guilt about being trans abated and no longer drove every decision, consciously or otherwise. As I ventured out more and more in the real world as the real me the overwhelming joy I feel never abated either. A far cry different from years ago when all I felt was "Some guy in a dress"

The most amazing, to me, realization of self acceptance came one day during a therapy session. Although I've said many times in the past that I am a transsexual, that time I got that funny tingle in my gut and to some point even felt empowered. It was the first time hearing myself say it that I fully embraced it.

Quote from: Padma on September 17, 2012, 03:16:38 PM
Aye :D.

I know the sun comes out when you smile, that's no fair you're cheating with that cute dimple face!  :laugh:

When I look in the mirror I always say "Damn I love being a woman".

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on September 17, 2012, 06:53:25 PM
When I look in the mirror I always say "Damn I love being a woman".

That's pretty healthy!

I am of the opinion that self-acceptance is the first step of the journey, not the last step. Once you can accept yourself, you're in a better head space to be able to affect the changes to physically become yourself, whoever that may be. Mentally, well, you're pretty much already there. The thought guides the hand rather than the other way around, as it were.

Quote from: Sephirah on September 17, 2012, 07:04:21 PM
I am of the opinion that self-acceptance is the first step of the journey, not the last step. Once you can accept yourself, you're in a better head space to be able to affect the changes to physically become yourself, whoever that may be. Mentally, well, you're pretty much already there. The thought guides the hand rather than the other way around, as it were.

That would be the norm, but there are those who vacillate back and forth from one phase to the next as a result of self doubt and fear. Others have seemingly insurmountable obstacles in their path which brings their transition to a screeching halt. I for one am not immune, having been on HRT for several years, FFS, electro, and orchiectomy I quit cold turkey. Of course going back to Testosterone was out of the question and I lived for two years as a eunuch with no hormonal base at all and almost died. I'm back on female HRT having had my thyroid jump started and have modified my journey to womanhood opting for androgyny instead. There were mitigating circumstances and pressures that caused all that, it wasn't any kind of mental illness. One day after being ma'am ed several times something just clicked and I said I can't do this anymore and pulled my diamond earrings out and let the holes grow shut, had all my near shoulder length hair buzzed off, dumped my clothes at Goodwill and put on my baseball cap. Mine is an extreme case, but I know there are many who have those self doubts hammer them continually, and although they don't react in such an extreme manner this is what this thread is all about.

 

Quote from: Sephirah on September 17, 2012, 07:04:21 PM
I am of the opinion that self-acceptance is the first step of the journey, not the last step. Once you can accept yourself, you're in a better head space to be able to affect the changes to physically become yourself, whoever that may be. Mentally, well, you're pretty much already there. The thought guides the hand rather than the other way around, as it were.

This step imo is probably the most challenging. I have been struggling with this and some days it gets the better of me.  Lately I've been feeling that I will never be able to just let myself be free. It's so hard to just let go and surrender to the acceptance of who I am. It's not likely that I will give up, but some days  it's all i can do just to get out of bed. My physical changes are happening and it's hard for the mental changes to keep up. I was explaining this to my spouse about a week ago. I feel that the mental impact of what's going on is the most challenging to over come. It was difficult for her to understand.