Susan's Place Transgender Resources

OK, so I was scanning through a thread about whether or not to let ones wife/SO read ones posts on Susan's and in it Nooney Noonesson wrote a really interesting post about how wives might be suspicious that their TS partners might be using forums like this and meetings with other TS's as cover for sexual activities.

And Nooney said, 'I know not everyone who transitions or is trans or who crossdresses is wanting sex with strangers but due to the nature of testosterone and biology a whole lotta peeps are.'

Now here's the thing ... I'm sure that's correct.

But I don't get it.

To me, one of the defining aspects of my experience as a TS is that I don't have, and have never had a conventional masculine sexuality (gay or straight). I've never had that guy thing of being driven by your prick; that physical need to f***. I've never been turned on by visual pornography (words are another matter altogether) ... I've found girls and women attractive, I've fallen in love with them, I've had sex with them - tho it's often been VERY problematic: sometimes great, tho, too ... But I've always been driven more by a longing for intimacy and emotional closeness, which is what would normally be classified as a female approach (tho' girls can get plenty horny, too, when they're in the mood).

My point is, I can't imagine having that regular, male dick-centered sex-drive, and being TS. I'm not saying it's wrong, or doesn't exist, or makes anyone less of a TS. I just don't personally get it.

So can anyone please explain how a person can be driven to f*** like a man, but not feel like a man, or want to be a man?

How is it that there are girls on here wondering how they can maintain their erections?

Again, I'm not mocking, criticising or being judgemental in any way. I just want to know how that works, or feels ...

That's really just their choice, isn't it, hon?

I can only explain how it is for me.

Yes, I desire to be with women and at some level that gets mixed up with that's what I want to be like. 

I always knew that it was counterproductive not to try and be more masculine but it is what it is.

IMPO men desire intimacy far more than women, except when they're conforming to a false stereotype.

Alrighty... there A LOT of horny cis-FAAB out there ---- BUT, they were trained from early on (most!) NOT to show it. Since they don't really get and experience a boner, NOTHING other than getting wet would be an indication. So those of you that do get (wet) best not to sit down then  >:-)

The socialization with males is different, they are OK to show some of this sex-drive of theirs (without, there be no babies I guess :))

So, it is the socialization, and of course far more noticeable with the younger folks, THAT in many a case makes the difference.

Axélle

Quote from: sandrauk on September 19, 2012, 06:59:59 AM
I can only explain how it is for me.

Yes, I desire to be with women and at some level that gets mixed up with that's what I want to be like. 

I always knew that it was counterproductive not to try and be more masculine but it is what it is.

IMPO men desire intimacy far more than women, except when they're conforming to a false stereotype.

Well, taking each of those propositions ...

I totally relate to that 'mix up' ... As my shrink once said to me: 'Your problem with women is that you can't decide whether to f*** them or be them.'

I also understand that you gotta work with what you've got. As long as we have male bodies, if we feel desire it will be expressed in a male way.

I absolutely agree that men routinely understate their desire for intimacy and women routinely understate their desire for a straightforward shag because they want to conform to gender stereotypes.

I guess the only thing I don't understand is the duality (quite common, I think, may  be wrong) of wanting on one level to transition and on another to preserve the strength of male sexuality and the male phallus.

Kind of a 'having your cake and eating it' thing ...

I dunno but it's my case where I am a straight trans who likes to be drilled non-stop by straight men. My friends say I'm a sick nympho. My sex drive is so powerful that it overwhelms the anti-androgens blockers while I hear others say their sex drive is dead, mine is well alive. Perhaps as I use Spiro and not Androcur. The strangest thing is I can't get erect enough to penetrate anyone but I am always super horny to be f.... to death.

Oh dear, if you don't think there are horny and slutty FAAB you must not be part of the younger generation :D.

Quote from: Ave on September 19, 2012, 08:21:37 AM
Oh dear, if you don't think there are horny and slutty FAAB you must not be part of the younger generation :D.

OF COURSE natural-born females can be horny and slutty ... there wouldn't be a word for 'slutty' otherwise!  ;)

And if a girl wants to be drilled by guys, well, that just strikes me as perfectly natural. You keep right on at it, Silent Killer!

What I'm intrigued by is trans-girls who want to do the drilling ... because that's what guys do ... so if an MTF wants to drill why does she want to be a girl??

And it's just curiosity. As I say, I'm not trying to criticise or judge .... I'm just fascinated by the endless permutations of gender and sexuality our funny little world comes up with.

Quote from: Carlita on September 19, 2012, 08:45:43 AM
OF COURSE natural-born females can be horny and slutty ... there wouldn't be a word for 'slutty' otherwise!  ;)

And if a girl wants to be drilled by guys, well, that just strikes me as perfectly natural. You keep right on at it, Silent Killer!

What I'm intrigued by is trans-girls who want to do the drilling ... because that's what guys do ... so if an MTF wants to drill why does she want to be a girl??

And it's just curiosity. As I say, I'm not trying to criticise or judge .... I'm just fascinated by the endless permutations of gender and sexuality our funny little world comes up with.

She could enjoy the duality of being trans and  being a beautiful woman, but also using her piece lmao.

Nochokin on YouTube is a good example.

Quote from: Carlita on September 19, 2012, 08:45:43 AM
What I'm intrigued by is trans-girls who want to do the drilling ... because that's what guys do ... so if an MTF wants to drill why does she want to be a girl??

Easy to understand: It is not what guys do.  It is merely what some people do.  It is not really a gender trait, only a sexual one.  The are cis-females that think it would be great to drill too.

P.S. What I dont really get is why the word sex is commonly used in the place of gender...  It kinda feels like they are 2 different things, sexual interests hardly ever align with external behaviours (or maybe that is just me...)

Well, put it this way. If you horny you want to hump, no matter if guy or girl...

Girls hump their cushions in the absents of a partner due to their equipment situation  :P

Humping is little different from 'drilling' as you would call it, right?

Axélle

Quote from: Abracadabra on September 19, 2012, 09:22:25 AM
Well, put it this way. If you horny you want to hump, no matter if guy or girl...

Girls hump their cushions in the absents of a partner due to their equipment situation  :P

Humping is little different from 'drilling' as you would call it, right?

Axélle

Not to be crass, but there are certainly women that want to drill.  Most of them make you call them mistress, but they are usually cis-female.

Like my Papi used to said: "It is the Testosterone Stupid!" Yeah, he did not mean to insult anybody, it was just the way he used to talk about obvious issues.

So, it does not matter what you chromosomal complement is, the level of "horniness is directly proportional to the levels of free circulating testosterone. This does not apply to people who have mutations on the enzymes involved in the metabolism of testosterone, or to people who do not have or have malfunctioning receptors for testosterone and/or estrogen.

Dr. Peky

I keep seeing this same sort of question come up, this failure to grasp that gender is a spectrum just like sexual orientation is a spectrum. Neither is black and white. Another myth that I've seen myth-busted on this site is the notion that gender is all about genitals. If anything, the genitals are just a very small part of what gender is. We go through 99% of our lives without getting our genitals involved at all. It doesn't surprise me that some trans people would not consider that a very important part of their transition. Alternatively, some just wouldn't quite be comfortable enough with the surgical or prosthetic options out there to want to mess with it. Surgery is a pretty big deal. There are significant costs and there are some risks. I don't find it hard to grasp that some trans women just don't care for it for themselves, or at least not at this time. So maybe they want what's there to continue to function because it's what's there. Or maybe some even prefer it that way and don't have intentions of changing it and just want other things to change in order to be in alignment with their notion of self.

Thoughts from the peanut gallery, for what little they're worth.

Quote from: Carlita on September 19, 2012, 05:39:33 AM
So can anyone please explain how a person can be driven to f*** like a man, but not feel like a man, or want to be a man?

How is it that there are girls on here wondering how they can maintain their erections?

Can only speak for myself. I'd much rather have female hardware, but given that I'm stuck (for now) with male hardware, I'm going to make the best of it. I've learned to use it very effectively.

Also I'm fascinated about just about anything female, and that includes female sexuality. I've never been attracted to men, only women, so that's the sexual expression that I'm most comfortable with anyway.

I figure I can either enjoy my junk or hate it. I vote for enjoy.

Quote from: Carlita on September 19, 2012, 08:08:05 AM

I guess the only thing I don't understand is the duality (quite common, I think, may  be wrong) of wanting on one level to transition and on another to preserve the strength of male sexuality and the male phallus.

Kind of a 'having your cake and eating it' thing ...

Well, I find men repulsive. I want nothing to do with them and the thought of transitioning and then going out and seeking a man is a real no go for me. Even Johnny Depp (I never quite got the Brad Pit thing) who I can just see as a good looking man holds no appeal.
By extension (in my screwed up mind) I don't want to be one either. Note that I'm talking about the exterior and the stereotype.

At the same time a lesbian relationship doesn't really work, although would be preferable to a man.

Not sure I understand what the "strength of the male sexuality", is but 90% of my pleasure derives from giving pleasure, and penetration is part of that. In that sense it's the natural order of things and frankly I enjoy it, why would I give that up to please anyone else?

I see the penis as sexuality and nothing else, certainly not as gender. This is in the same way as my hands are useful for feeling

I did wonder at one time if my desires were testosterone based but with a long time on E, nothing changed at least re the MTF thing.

My trickcyclist told me I was just a TV . Maybe so, but it doesn't mean that's what I want to be.
A TV is after all a man and you know how I feel about them.
The first question he asked me was "what's wrong with you" I answered ,honestly, That there was nothing at all wrong with me I just couldn't understand why everyone else was different.

Now, did someone mention cake?

Having experienced both "male" and "female" aspects of sexuality, I can understand why some people want both.

It's not what I want, though. The idea of penetrating is just...wrong...for me. But, I have memories of "being a guy" and thoroughly enjoying it. If one could keep *that* aspect of the mind's sexuality, of course one would want to keep it.

I just enjoy cuddling, caressing, etc a lot more...and yes, it leads to horniness and the need to "hump" something.  :P

To each their own...actually I think it'd be kinda cool to have an MTF with their "lower" equipment intact and functioning do me, once I have a vag...tribbing, but with a surprise...LOL

Quote from: ashrock on September 19, 2012, 09:36:31 AM
Not to be crass, but there are certainly women that want to drill.  Most of them make you call them mistress, but they are usually cis-female.

Well, of course - it's why there are strap-on dildos, yes?
Nothing crass about that, I think. Just a wakeup call for some to take note that 'drilling' is WORK, cardiac work! Needs plenty motivation.  :P

Axélle

Gay girls like strap-ons too, you know :). It's all down to what works for you and what doesn't.

Quote from: Carlita on September 19, 2012, 05:39:33 AM
My point is, I can't imagine having that regular, male dick-centered sex-drive, and being TS. I'm not saying it's wrong, or doesn't exist, or makes anyone less of a TS. I just don't personally get it.

Hi Carlita,

It appears to me as though there's a big assumption being made in this conversation that sex is about copulation, period.  I can only speak from my own point of view on the topic (and it is a little complicated).  I am a woman with a trans background who is deeply in love with and married to another woman (who happens to not have a trans background.)  I've been on estrogen for a very long time, and have been free of the influence of testicles for a very long time too.  And.... I'm still as horny as a caffeinated bunny rabbit!

First off, I love my spouse, and infidelity is not in my ken.  Fortunately for me, even though my spouse does not share my intense sex drive, she is perfectly happy to make the effort to drive me to screaming multiple orgasms regularly (2 to 3 times a week, typically.)  As she puts it, "I gotta keep my doll happy."  When she wants it to be reciprocal, she lets me know... and I'm always happy and enthusiastic to comply.

That said, I do obsess.... OBSESS... about going down on men.  I think about it everyday... many times a day.  There are 2 really good reasons that I just don't see myself acting on my obsession.  The first is my love and devotion to my partner; I wouldn't do such a thing without her full knowledge and consent, and that ain't happenin'.  The second reason is disease.  That one is self evident and requires no elaboration.

I can see how someone in my position, someone with my sex drive and with less self restraint than I have, could make, as you suggest, a habit of trolling the internet (or wherever) for sexual experiences that have nothing to do with "drilling".... what can I say?  Oral is thrilling... who needs drilling?  (Though I like it all.)

Anyway, that's my take on your question.  I hope that I cast a little light on the subject for you.

Hugs,
Miharu

Quote from: sandrauk on September 19, 2012, 10:43:43 AM
Now, did someone mention cake?

just so I will apear as a nice person.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg4-3.myrecipes.timeinc.net%2Fi%2Frecipes%2Fsl%2F06%2F01%2Fchocolate-cake-sl-1110246-l.jpg&hash=70a6f7ff02550de943d8823da77a39f42d68492a)
--
Well.. okay let me get this, this topic is about why some mtfs want to penetrain others with there penis? did I get it right?

I dont really understand why it should be less or more female or have anything to do with gender.
for guys some guys love to be penetained and some dont, for the ftm some people do use there part and some dont, I bet the same goes for mtf's as well as some cisgender women really like to be top and dominated while some dont.

and to face it, some guys/girl also think its pretty hot getting penetrained by a woman.
--
For me its pretty strange to say that its just female or male sexualety.
I think it might be the most "easy" sexualety, and the sexualety who got less taboo, if your a girl who likes to be penetrained and a guy who likes to penetrain.

BUT.

being without jugment dosent mean its nessesarry the most common, or that its normal.

Sexually guys and girls are into alot of diffrent stuff but usunally we dont really get a normal view of how fluent it is because we are surounded by taboos of what is right and wrong sexually.

like its already mentions
from a gay-perspective, having a guy being top or bottom dosent make him more man or women, neither is having a lesbian penetrain another girl with a dildo gonna make her a man.

its just because the world want to make things simple they put up kategories for us.

This thread makes me feel a bit better in knowing I'm not alone in some of my thoughts.

I always liked being with girls in intimate situations, I loved to explore their bodies, wishing I could have what they have, any sex while doing that was just a by-product of the situation...never my quest in the first place.

And with the disconnect I've had with my boy parts, sex was usually very awkward which led to apologizing and some embarrasment, the girl would think it was her fault, I would ensure them it was "me" ugh!

Also growing up, according to most girls I was an attractive guy and I would get hit on by them all the time...not a bad thing as I enjoyed the attention regardless that I was in boy mode on the outside but all girl on the inside. Never ever physically attracted to males at all even though I have many gay as well as straight friends.

Mother Nature is SO cruel..grrrr

It's a natural consequence of having high testosterone... Maybe your testosterone has always been below average that's all.

That being said I used to have a very active libido before T blockers destroyed it but I never seemed to have the "predator" instinct that so many men seem to have too.

sex=/=gender

thats all you need to know right there

Quote from: Carlita on September 19, 2012, 05:39:33 AMMy point is, I can't imagine having that regular, male dick-centered sex-drive, and being TS. I'm not saying it's wrong, or doesn't exist, or makes anyone less of a TS. I just don't personally get it.

So can anyone please explain how a person can be driven to f*** like a man, but not feel like a man, or want to be a man?

How is it that there are girls on here wondering how they can maintain their erections?

What I was talking about had nothing to do with what you refer to as, "dick-centered sex-drive" or maintaining erections.

If you pumped a young girl full of testosterone every day for the rest of her life, even if you gave her electrolysis and gave her only sundresses to wear it would change how she experienced life.  Just imagine how much it would change her perspectives if instead of being able to get pregnant she was able to impregnate others.  But maybe she would still think of herself as a woman, why not?

I'm not sure there is an answer here.  There is no "right or wrong", there is just humanity.

Going from M2F is not generally a "smooth" transition.  I don't even know why... but I used to concern myself (a little bit) with who was a "real" transsexual and who wasn't.  But don't fall into that trap.  There is no such thing as a "real" transsexual.  The "reality" is what you do with your life.

The facts are simply that testosterone generally has an influence on how people act and think, sometimes even years after transition.  But even more powerful than testosterone (perhaps) is ego.  Ego can be just as powerful a drug.

The sexual activity that I encountered at conventions was basically a lot of people who were doing things as a result of testosterone.  It had nothing to do with boners or "dick-centeredness".  Transition can be embarrassing and awkward, it can be ugly...  Transition can be creepy.  Transition can be all those things that puberty generally is.  Transition can seem worse though because by the time most people transition they are much better at psychological projection than they were during puberty.

Quote"Projecting our problems onto other people"

Psychological projection is the phenomenon whereby
one projects one's own thoughts, motivations, desires,
feelings, and so on onto someone else - http://karlrwolfe.com/psychological-projection.html (http://karlrwolfe.com/psychological-projection.html)

Psychological projection really puts the creep in creepy, it's what causes someone else's actions to make us feel dirty, simply by observing them.

I think this whole issue is about the observer more so than the observed.  I have a friend who is hyper-sexual.  She can't seem to get enough sex with strangers.  She has had SRS and seems to be going ape szhit.  When I look at her I recognize that her behavior is unhealthy and I see that she is giving herself away like worn-out hand-me-down clothes.  Like what she has to offer has no value, no worth, no utility.  She never even get's to know her sex partners.  I feel like I need to help her to see what she is doing to herself and the risk she is putting herself in.  But it's her life.  And talking to her about it just makes me less of a friend in her mind.

Really this is the kind of sexuality I am talking about.

Sexuality that is risk with no real reward.  Like behavior that is mindless, driven...  For whatever reason.  Whether it is caused by a powerful drug called testosterone or whether someone is reliving childhood trauma in a mis-guided effort to gain mastery over past experiences.

Really it's about me (the observer) or simply that there tends to be a lot of sexual acting out at gender conventions.

I see sexuality as a way to bond with a partner.  Intimacy for the sake of closeness.  Getting to know someone.  A relationship.  So for me anything else falls short of my desires for myself.  And the further it seems to fall from my desires, the less I am able to understand the motivation.

Nothing is either right nor wrong but some things would appear to be more expedient than others.  Apparently we don't all relate to things the same way.

In my experience there tends to be a lot of sexual activity at gender conventions.  For whatever that is worth.

I guess perhaps it is about mindfulness.

Some people seem more like insects than others.  They don't really ever make any conscious decisions, they simply act on instinct.  Eat, poop, mate, die.  "I am hungry, I eat."  "I am horny, I hump."  "I feel empty, I hump."  "I feel sad, I eat."  "I lack confidence, I hump."  "I feel sad, I drink."  "I'm lonely and un-fulfilled, I get high."

The insect only knows how to eat, hump and die so he or she tends to solve problems with food, sex and drugs.

There are a lot of insects out there and a vast number of them are human.  And that tends to be perfectly "normal", it's the way it is and always has been.  And insects have feelings, often more so than mindful human beings because an insect is more likely to react to a feeling than someone who is more mindful.  An insects feelings are it's operating system.

Personally I believe the following is one way to avoid living like an insect - http://www.mro.org/zmm/teachings/meditation.php (http://www.mro.org/zmm/teachings/meditation.php) 

Ok, personally, I would get SRS if I lived with different circumstances (I can't afford thousands of dollars or a long recovery period since the job I want, firefighter//paramedic, is very physical). However, if I have to keep my penis, I would gladly use it. It's like a bike; if you have one, you might as well use it, right? One of my guy friends actually had a girl use a dildo in his backside, so I don't think anything is concrete for genders. They were both straight cis folks, by the way.

I would rather get "drilled" by a guy until the cows come home, but if I love him, can maintain an erection somehow, and he wants me to do some of the work for once, why not? Who knows, it might be fun. After all, I've always been one to try anything once. If I don't like it, I just won't do it ever again. No harm, no foul.

PS--> Glad to see I'm not the only hump-crazy, intimacy-loving lady on this site.

Quote from: Noey Noonesson on September 19, 2012, 04:48:46 PM
I guess perhaps it is about mindfulness.

Some people seem more like insects than others.  They don't really ever make any decisions, they simply act on instinct.  Eat, poop, mate, die.  "I am hungry, I eat."  "I am horny, I hump."  "I feel empty, I hump."  "I feel sad, I eat."  "I lack confidence, I hump."  "I feel sad, I drink."

The insect only knows how to eat, hump and die so he or she tends to solve problems with food, sex and drugs.

Well, seeing as to how I can do so much more than that, I for one must be a very smart insect.  :P What's wrong with relieving your hornyness with sex? It seems like the logical progression and people can do whatever they want with their significant others.

Also, if you feel hungry, I hope that you eat, otherwise you eventually die.  :P

It's bigger than that.

Some people feel hungry so they eat.
Some people feel sad so they eat.
Some people feel lonely so they eat.
Some people feel angry so they eat.
Some people feel threatened so they eat.
Some people feel powerless so they eat.

Eat, hump... drink, smoke...

Pick your solution.

What I am saying is most people aren't capable of seeing the bigger picture.  And instead operate on impulses, emotions and "feelings".

Some people feel lonely so they drink.
Some people feel sad so they drink.
Some people feel like failures so they drink.
Some people have never gotten their Szhit together so they drink.
etc.

making sense now?

Some people try to solve all their problems with sex.

Make more sense now?

It's just part of the picture.

Insects only know how to eat, hump and die.  Many people resemble insects.  Sorry I didn't explain it well enough in my previous post, hopefully this will do.

Quote from: peky on September 19, 2012, 02:49:44 PM
Still, beauty is a must, so the  Danish cookies still get my full attention   :angel:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2F5%2F50%2FChocolate_chip_cookies.jpg&hash=3759cce63c09dcfee6c535dc09287602b3fd4127)
cookies??

Quote from: Noey Noonesson on September 19, 2012, 05:15:33 PM
It's bigger than that.

Some people feel hungry so they eat.
Some people feel sad so they eat.
Some people feel lonely so they eat.
Some people feel angry so they eat.
Some people feel threatened so they eat.

Eat, hump... drink, smoke...

Pick your solution.

What I am saying is most people aren't capable of seeing the bigger picture.  And instead operate on impulses, emotions and "feelings".

Some people feel lonely so they drink.
Some people feel sad so they drink.
Some people feel like failures so they drink.
Some people have never gotten their Szhit together so they drink.

Some people try to solve all their problems with sex.

Make more sense now?

No it doesn't.

Quote from: DianaP on September 19, 2012, 05:06:50 PM
Ok, personally, I would get SRS if I lived with different circumstances (I can't afford thousands of dollars or a long recovery period since the job I want, firefighter//paramedic, is very physical). However, if I have to keep my penis, I would gladly use it. It's like a bike; if you have one, you might as well use it, right? One of my guy friends actually had a girl use a dildo in his backside, so I don't think anything is concrete for genders. They were both straight cis folks, by the way.

I would rather get "drilled" by a guy until the cows come home, but if I love him, can maintain an erection somehow, and he wants me to do some of the work for once, why not? Who knows, it might be fun. After all, I've always been one to try anything once. If I don't like it, I just won't do it ever again. No harm, no foul.

PS--> Glad to see I'm not the only hump-crazy, intimacy-loving lady on this site.

Well, seeing as to how I can do so much more than that, I for one must be a very smart insect.  :P What's wrong with relieving your hornyness with sex? It seems like the logical progression and people can do whatever they want with their significant others.

Also, if you feel hungry, I hope that you eat, otherwise you eventually die.  :P

you mean topping?!?!

lol I couldn't. Just not my thing and never will be, besides i'd laugh at the idea of a grown guy asking a little waif to top him XD.

**besides, as a lot of mtf here on hrt will tell you, topping may never be an option after a while :D**

Quote from: Snowpaw on September 19, 2012, 05:17:30 PM
No it doesn't.

bummer

Quote from: Noey Noonesson on September 19, 2012, 04:32:07 PM
I think this whole issue is about the observer more so than the observed.  I have a friend who is hyper-sexual.  She can't seem to get enough sex with strangers.  She has had SRS and seems to be going ape szhit.  When I look at her I recognize that her behavior is unhealthy and I see that she is giving herself away like worn-out hand-me-down clothes.  Like what she has to offer has no value, no worth, no utility.  She never even get's to know her sex partners.  I feel like I need to help her to see what she is doing to herself and the risk she is putting herself in.  But it's her life.  And talking to her about it just makes me less of a friend in her mind.

I dont think it makes you less a friend to worry whatever or not its healthy.
if she really enjoy to be with whoever she want sure its fine,
But being hyper-sexual as in dignose is an addiction like drinking or smoking, and can be troublesome.

Quote from: Noey Noonesson on September 19, 2012, 05:23:25 PM

bummer

Yeah, not knowing what to say when a person refers to all people as insects for living and feeling. Bummer, I mean it sucks feeling that the only way one can be happy is meditation and ripping on the human race.

Quote from: Snowpaw on September 19, 2012, 05:26:02 PM
Yeah, not knowing what to say when a person refers to all people as insects for living and feeling. Bummer, I mean it sucks feeling that the only way one can be happy is meditation and ripping on the human race.

No, I mean it's a bummer that you aren't able to appreciate what I am saying without twisting my words and accusing me of stuff that I never intended.

Kinda sad really.  But a good reminder to avoid posting.

Quote from: Ave on September 19, 2012, 05:19:25 PM
you mean topping?!?!

lol I couldn't. Just not my thing and never will be, besides i'd laugh at the idea of a grown guy asking a little waif to top him XD.

**besides, as a lot of mtf here on hrt will tell you, topping may never be an option after a while :D**

Oh well. It would have been nice to try, but I think you may be right. Not many guys would actually ask a lady to go down on them.  :laugh:

Quote from: Snowpaw on September 19, 2012, 05:26:02 PM
Yeah, not knowing what to say when a person refers to all people as insects for living and feeling. Bummer, I mean it sucks feeling that the only way one can be happy is meditation and ripping on the human race.

Quote from: Noey Noonesson on September 19, 2012, 05:30:19 PM

No, I mean it's a bummer that you aren't able to appreciate what I am saying without twisting my words and accusing me of stuff that I never intended.

Kinda sad really.  But a good reminder to avoid posting.

Ladies, no need to get into a cyber cat-fight. Let's just be civil and agree that everyone has their own opinions.

  In my life everyone who was irresponsibly over-sexual ridiculed me for not wanting to be that way.  I never said a thing to any of them about their habits.  The problem goes both ways.

  Quite seriously there are plenty of people on this earth who live like mindless insects and it causes all sorts of problems that they are not willing to own up to.  If this is not you then you shouldn't take it personally.

Quote from: Noey Noonesson on September 19, 2012, 05:30:19 PM

No, I mean it's a bummer that you aren't able to appreciate what I am saying without twisting my words and accusing me of stuff that I never intended.

Kinda sad really.  But a good reminder to avoid posting.

Look, I just want to apologize for the snippy posts... Today has just been a horrible day for me and what with being told im fat then some other things I have come to realize I don't really belong anywhere. Please don't stop posting, if you were referring to me to stop posting I understand. Peace. Again very sorry :/

(Eurgh, this is my third attempt trying to reply to this thread, let's see if I scrap this one too).

I think we have already established that all women, cis or trans, can be very sexual and have that basic "hump" instinct, so I won't go there. And the whole cisgender women using strap-ons, too.

But I think we need to consider issues of context, as well. As a transgender man, I have a bit of an advantage - I can enjoy my outside bit without ever having to use the "hole." Having a vagina is certainly not ideal, and God willing, I won't have it forever. I've never used it nor do I have any desire to. But an important point to consider is that I've never had to. I've only been with a cisgender woman. It's conveniently worked out. Between some creativity on my part and my "prosthetic", I can give a cisgirl a lot of pleasure, because of the way she is configured. Everyone wins and it doesn't take a lot of effort all in all.

But what if I was with someone with a penis? It's something I never considered, because I never really had to. Besides the fact that going through the "back" does very little for me, a big part of sex (imo) is that face to face intimacy. If my partner didn't have a vagina, it's sort of hard to achieve that. Not impossible...but it would require some acrobatics which is not my forté. :P If using my vagina would let me have that sort of intimacy with someone I love, you know what, it's something I'll consider. Dysphoria is a big thing, certainly, but it's not everything, and if there is a level of trust and understanding...I think that would have an awfully strong chance of working out. But I'd only do it with someone I really cared about. It would never, ever be a casual thing, because I'd have to be sure they saw me as a guy, and that they respected the fact that opening up the "cave of wonders" is a pretty big deal for me.

So similarly, if a trans woman has her penis, and it's the easiest/most intimate way to be with her partner...why not? It might not be ideal for her either, but it's working with what you have.

I also don't think that acting on one's baser instincts makes one an "insect." My father is quite hedonistic, and that has led to some issues with him in the past, but he certainly isn't an insect. A bit lost, but not an insect.

Quote from: edderkopp on September 19, 2012, 06:23:22 PM
I also don't think that acting on one's baser instincts makes one an "insect." My father is quite hedonistic, and that has led to some issues with him in the past, but he certainly isn't an insect. A bit lost, but not an insect.

Well sure - if he was an insect, you couldn't be a spider ;D.

elderkpop a little off topic, but you can totaly have penetrative anal sex while being face to face :P

Quote from: Ave on September 19, 2012, 06:37:47 PM
elderkpop a little off topic, but you can totaly have penetrative anal sex while being face to face :P

I agree. Anything's possible. After all (graphicness alert), thanks to vinyasa yoga, I could give myself a B-job if I wanted to.

I agree that the term "insect" may have been a bit simplistic.  There are many other factors at play.  However, enjoying your life is one thing, enjoying it irresponsibly is another, and living irresponsibly while not actually enjoying it but telling everyone you do and berating anyone who challenges them is another thing entirely.  If anyone manages to live wildly without being a drain on society then by all means have at it.  Almost always it doesn't work out that way.  I can tell you personally that I've grown pretty sour about the undeserved distrust I face daily because so much societal bad behavior has ruined trust for everyone.

Quote from: DianaP on September 19, 2012, 06:42:11 PM
I agree. Anything's possible. After all (graphicness alert), thanks to vinyasa yoga, I could give myself a B-job if I wanted to.

LMAO, you're too much,

But yeah, it's totally not difficult at all, gay guys don't go around doing it doggy style only O,O

Oh, I know that, because of my brother. But I didn't know you could do anal face to face.

Quote from: edderkopp on September 19, 2012, 06:48:54 PM
...I didn't know you could do anal face to face.

  I heard it works better if you put a pillow under your 'bottom's' bottom.  And no, I don't have any direct experience.

Quote from: Violet Bloom on September 19, 2012, 07:01:16 PM
  I heard it works better if you put a pillow under your 'bottom's' bottom.  And no, I don't have any direct experience.

As long as your guys not like 3 inches or something you don't even need a pillow.

And I refuse to say if I've had direct experience :P

Some lesbians use strap ons...they engage in sex in a more masculine perceived position but they are still very much a woman. Same thing heere

ATTN Moderator:
Shouldn't this thread be in the sexuality section of the forums?

Quote from: Ave on September 19, 2012, 07:04:14 PM
And I refuse to say if I've had direct experience :P

  Tease!

QuoteI also don't think that acting on one's baser instincts makes one an "insect."

It's not the "acting", it's the "they can only act on their base instincts..."

There are people who can do nothing unless it is with their base emotions/instincts. Rational thought is not present in these people. I used to live in Idaho, and believe you me, there are a LOT of people there who simply do not think. It's probably true everywhere, just worse in extreme rural areas.

They eat, they sleep, they work, they ->-bleeped-<-, they die...their most in-depth thinking is, "Should I get the 80 proof stuff, or the 150?"

Quote from: Michelle G on September 19, 2012, 01:17:01 PM
This thread makes me feel a bit better in knowing I'm not alone in some of my thoughts.

I always liked being with girls in intimate situations, I loved to explore their bodies, wishing I could have what they have, any sex while doing that was just a by-product of the situation...never my quest in the first place.

And with the disconnect I've had with my boy parts, sex was usually very awkward which led to apologizing and some embarrasment, the girl would think it was her fault, I would ensure them it was "me" ugh!

Also growing up, according to most girls I was an attractive guy and I would get hit on by them all the time...not a bad thing as I enjoyed the attention regardless that I was in boy mode on the outside but all girl on the inside. Never ever physically attracted to males at all even though I have many gay as well as straight friends.

Mother Nature is SO cruel..grrrr

This!!

Well, surprise, surprise, once you have those 'intriguing' girl parts yourself, something tends to happen.

Someone said: "We always look for/want, what we do not have..."

It is something not that's fully appreciated in all this non-/pre-op <-> post-op chit-chat.

"What we cannot feel, we cannot understand..." and believe me... it is just like that.

Axélle
PS: as it turns out, girl-parts are no more intriguing than boy-parts, once you are the 'holder' of either one... QFT