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Title: Sharing
Post by: acropolis on September 20, 2012, 03:13:31 AM
Post by: acropolis on September 20, 2012, 03:13:31 AM
I was a father of a transgender child who was loved very much from his family. All the support was there, had many friends, good job, had the top surgery done he seemed so happy. He looked like a male. Sunday night, something went wrong, no note, calls or signs. He ended his life alone in his apartment. I am full of grief, guilt and confusion. We are a community that needs to give more support to prevent this. Thanks for letting me vent I have cried so much!
John
John
Title: Re: Sharing
Post by: V M on September 20, 2012, 03:27:24 AM
Post by: V M on September 20, 2012, 03:27:24 AM
Hi John
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and very saddened to learn that we have lost a member of our community as they are viewed as family to many of us
My heart felt thoughts are with you
Love and hugs
- Virginia
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and very saddened to learn that we have lost a member of our community as they are viewed as family to many of us
My heart felt thoughts are with you
Love and hugs
- Virginia
Title: Re: Sharing
Post by: Cindy on September 20, 2012, 05:08:26 AM
Post by: Cindy on September 20, 2012, 05:08:26 AM
Dear John,
There no words to describe the grief you must feel or to feel your loss. You should however take counsel in that you were a true parent. You loved your son and allowed him to be himself. Far too many of our people are rejected and scorned and abused by not only the ignorant but also by their parents.
Being TG is not easy and the despair many feel can be all consuming.
You loved your son. Be proud of that and be proud of him. His courage was great. But sometimes the horror of our lives can overwhelm before we have a chance to cry for help.
My thoughts, my love and my tears are with you
Cindy James
There no words to describe the grief you must feel or to feel your loss. You should however take counsel in that you were a true parent. You loved your son and allowed him to be himself. Far too many of our people are rejected and scorned and abused by not only the ignorant but also by their parents.
Being TG is not easy and the despair many feel can be all consuming.
You loved your son. Be proud of that and be proud of him. His courage was great. But sometimes the horror of our lives can overwhelm before we have a chance to cry for help.
My thoughts, my love and my tears are with you
Cindy James
Title: Re: Sharing
Post by: Devlyn on September 20, 2012, 06:10:18 AM
Post by: Devlyn on September 20, 2012, 06:10:18 AM
John, I am so sorry about your loss. We are always here if you need someone to talk to. Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Sharing
Post by: janis on September 20, 2012, 06:37:12 AM
Post by: janis on September 20, 2012, 06:37:12 AM
Hi John,
My sympathy goes out to you and your family,
I will say a pray for you.
janis
Title: Re: Sharing
Post by: kelly_aus on September 20, 2012, 07:50:02 AM
Post by: kelly_aus on September 20, 2012, 07:50:02 AM
Hi John,
My deepest condolences on your loss. I'm saddened to hear about another member of my extended family.
Love, hugs and tears,
Kelly
My deepest condolences on your loss. I'm saddened to hear about another member of my extended family.
Love, hugs and tears,
Kelly
Title: Re: Sharing
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on September 20, 2012, 10:03:27 AM
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on September 20, 2012, 10:03:27 AM
John,
I am saddened by yous loss and a loss for the community. You and your family have my deepest condolences.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-1.gif&hash=4a7edb8e10f639196821bd403e6dc36860459f64),
Janet
I am saddened by yous loss and a loss for the community. You and your family have my deepest condolences.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-1.gif&hash=4a7edb8e10f639196821bd403e6dc36860459f64),
Janet
Title: Re: Sharing
Post by: Catherine Sarah on September 20, 2012, 10:42:28 AM
Post by: Catherine Sarah on September 20, 2012, 10:42:28 AM
Dear John,
I'm deeply saddened by the loss of your son, and a member of our family. My heart felt feeling are extended to you and your family and his friends.
I know it is hard to see beyond the present devastation, however be reassured he would want us to celebrate his profound achievements.
To admit to yourself, your true feelings
To have the understanding required to announce to you family and friends, just how important it is to demonstrate these feelings.
To elect, with full knowledge, understanding and desire, the appropriate surgery to correct our incongruency.
To then stand on ones' own two feet and proudly move forward towards our dreams and desires.
Is truly set aside for the brave and courageous within our family.
Your son is truly a shining example to us all, in earning those achievements.
Each one of those achievements in its own right, is a monumental challenge, requiring its own special will and desire. Together with an enormous leap of faith.
You, your family and field of influence, all need to be especially proud of yourselves, as you formed the fabric of life, love and acceptance your son so needed to achieve what he achieved.
Celebrate your son. He stands a giant among men.
Love, condolenses and tears to all
Catherine
I'm deeply saddened by the loss of your son, and a member of our family. My heart felt feeling are extended to you and your family and his friends.
I know it is hard to see beyond the present devastation, however be reassured he would want us to celebrate his profound achievements.
To admit to yourself, your true feelings
To have the understanding required to announce to you family and friends, just how important it is to demonstrate these feelings.
To elect, with full knowledge, understanding and desire, the appropriate surgery to correct our incongruency.
To then stand on ones' own two feet and proudly move forward towards our dreams and desires.
Is truly set aside for the brave and courageous within our family.
Your son is truly a shining example to us all, in earning those achievements.
Each one of those achievements in its own right, is a monumental challenge, requiring its own special will and desire. Together with an enormous leap of faith.
You, your family and field of influence, all need to be especially proud of yourselves, as you formed the fabric of life, love and acceptance your son so needed to achieve what he achieved.
Celebrate your son. He stands a giant among men.
Love, condolenses and tears to all
Catherine
Title: Re: Sharing
Post by: Shantel on September 20, 2012, 11:28:04 AM
Post by: Shantel on September 20, 2012, 11:28:04 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss John, be comforted and thankful for the time you had with him. Try not to take on guilt, you were an excellent parent, loving unconditionally you gave your best. We will never know what triggered this sad event, but be comforted by the thought that you may see him again.
Title: Sharing
Post by: Padma on September 20, 2012, 12:49:23 PM
Post by: Padma on September 20, 2012, 12:49:23 PM
My love to you and all your family xxx
Title: Re: Sharing
Post by: gennee on September 20, 2012, 04:59:52 PM
Post by: gennee on September 20, 2012, 04:59:52 PM
John, you hav my condolences.
Title: Re: Sharing
Post by: Felix on September 23, 2012, 12:57:10 AM
Post by: Felix on September 23, 2012, 12:57:10 AM
Thank you for being there and letting him be who he was while he was alive. I'm so sorry he didn't stay.
Title: Re: Sharing
Post by: MadelineB on September 23, 2012, 01:36:02 AM
Post by: MadelineB on September 23, 2012, 01:36:02 AM
John, I'm afraid that any comfort I have to offer you is so small compared to the enormity of your loss, but as someone who very nearly left my loved ones in the same crying city of the dead because of my own silent struggles with depression, I offer you something I think your son would want you to know if only he could tell you now.
Depression is a disease that is no one's fault, it is like cancer in many ways because it takes too many wonderful lives and cuts them short, and losing even one is one too many, so we struggle to keep each other alive, to recover, and to avoid relapses. Transgender youth are especially prone to depression, not because of anything wrong with them or with their families, but because of how cruel this world is to those who are different, and how cruel the internalized rejection with which we can reject ourselves because we aren't 'really real'. No one can know why some of us who suffer will eventually succumb, why our strength will reach a crisis that we can't overcome. So we and the people who love us do all we can and hope it will always be enough.
When a wonderful child fights a long fight against cancer, and eventually has a sudden complication they couldn't overcome, we mourn, but we take comfort in the belief that the support we gave them and the help from medical professionals they received, together extended their lives many months or years beyond what it would have been if we had done nothing and they had not gotten the help they needed.
With suicide it is the same truth. Your loved one might have died many years ago, and you would never have gotten to know the good years you shared, if they hadn't have gotten every bit of the love and support you gave, and the treatments they received to enable them to live with their gender dysphoria and the terrible depressions it can create or exacerbate.
I wish with all my heart that your son would be here still now in the city of the living where you raised and loved him. But please know, he and you didn't ever have a choice to pick the challenges he would face or the odds stacked against him. From what you have said, you all did a wonderful, even heroic job, of being there for him. Thank you. Thank you for giving him a better life, and a much longer life, than he would otherwise have had if he didn't have all that you gave him. May their be more parents and families like you. And may you come to know that he is with you still, because he is loved and will always be.
Depression is a disease that is no one's fault, it is like cancer in many ways because it takes too many wonderful lives and cuts them short, and losing even one is one too many, so we struggle to keep each other alive, to recover, and to avoid relapses. Transgender youth are especially prone to depression, not because of anything wrong with them or with their families, but because of how cruel this world is to those who are different, and how cruel the internalized rejection with which we can reject ourselves because we aren't 'really real'. No one can know why some of us who suffer will eventually succumb, why our strength will reach a crisis that we can't overcome. So we and the people who love us do all we can and hope it will always be enough.
When a wonderful child fights a long fight against cancer, and eventually has a sudden complication they couldn't overcome, we mourn, but we take comfort in the belief that the support we gave them and the help from medical professionals they received, together extended their lives many months or years beyond what it would have been if we had done nothing and they had not gotten the help they needed.
With suicide it is the same truth. Your loved one might have died many years ago, and you would never have gotten to know the good years you shared, if they hadn't have gotten every bit of the love and support you gave, and the treatments they received to enable them to live with their gender dysphoria and the terrible depressions it can create or exacerbate.
I wish with all my heart that your son would be here still now in the city of the living where you raised and loved him. But please know, he and you didn't ever have a choice to pick the challenges he would face or the odds stacked against him. From what you have said, you all did a wonderful, even heroic job, of being there for him. Thank you. Thank you for giving him a better life, and a much longer life, than he would otherwise have had if he didn't have all that you gave him. May their be more parents and families like you. And may you come to know that he is with you still, because he is loved and will always be.