Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey, newbie here!

I'm Joey, a British guy living in Australia, 22.

So I was chatting with a friend this morning, a lesbian who's well-versed in these sort of things, who told me I'm quite androgynous. I mostly understood what she meant but asked her to elaborate a little. She said I don't fit ordinary male gender norms at all, in the way my mind works, how I act, mannerisms, things I say, and how I dress. I agreed, and I've known this for a long time, but I'd never thought to use the word androgynous to describe myself. So I was doing a bit of googling and wikipediaing, came across a few sites including this one, and I'm still a little confused where I fit in. I understand its about self-identification, though, and if I'm happy that's what matters, but I'd still like to know peoples thoughts, if anyone would be so kind :)

I have had a fairly confusing life. In high school and slightly beyond so many people would tell me I'm gay on a daily basis I actually came out as gay just because I felt it was "my place", like that's where I "fit in" and that was the only way I could be myself. It was a stupid decision because I'm not gay at all, so embarrassingly I had to come out of the gay closet, so to speak, a few years on, when I'd matured. I might possibly be the only male in history to (genuinely) have done that ;)

These days I am a LOT less feminine, but still pretty feminine in some ways, and people still constantly ask me if I'm gay. I don't cross-dress, (although if I'm honest I have thought about it before), the most I'll do is wear feminine accessories such as watches, rings, sunglasses and such, but the kind that don't look too obviously feminine, just less "chunky" than the male stuff, and also I have a few pairs of women's jeans, because I wear skinny jeans and sometimes good women's pairs are easier to find and I prefer the style of them. Basically I just have a "don't give a ->-bleeped-<-" attitude when it comes to what I wear; I wear what I like. :D I also consider myself male and refer to myself as male, and I'm happy with that, but I don't feel like I really fit in or connect with other men. It's more about my personality I think. I can't communicate with most men, I have much easier time and I'm much more comfortable around women. I have a lot of LGBT friends as well.

This is where it gets stranger. Sometimes I feel like I'm more of a lesbian than a straight man. I have quite a few lesbian/bi female friends, I get on with them so well, and if I want to talk about women (latest crushes, romantic interests) I go to them, because they understand what I'm saying a lot more than anyone else. I also find that my "best friend" (lesbian again) always comes to me when she wants relationship advice, despite the fact that I shouldn't really know anything about the dynamics of a lesbian relationship. But sometimes the thought of it is fantastic to me, the sort of relationships I see my lesbian friends having are just exactly what I'm looking for, a sort of feminine duality with much less defined "roles", where you look after each other more than anything else, where I don't have to be part of a single-minded "protective" role I'm not comfortable with. I rarely have anything going on in my life in the relationships department, simply because I'm seemingly too feminine for the average straight woman (which is fair enough, sadly). So that's not so nice for me, because despite being comfortable in my body, I do sometimes genuinely think I would be better suited to be a woman.

So its a weird predicament. :-\ I'm comfortable being a man, but I don't particularly fit in as a man, and this might be a problem for me. If I could click my fingers and turn female forever, to be honest I probably would, but I don't have the interest in going through a long transition, and its not something I need to do. At the end of the day I do have some masculine qualities, and some feminine qualities, but considerably more feminine ones. Does this make me androgynous?

By the way, I also have two mums (one is MtF transsexual), so in any case it's nice being here anyway and showing some kind of support. Sorry for the lengthy post :D

Hi and welcome, Joey :). It sounds to me like you know yourself pretty well already, and you do sound pretty androgynous. It couldn't hurt to find a gender therapist to talk over some of this stuff with, if it's bothering you - as they'll likely not have an agenda about you being this or that. But if you're comfortable being how you are, there's no need to be going anywhere different.

There's a lot of social pressure to be non-androgynous - from within the trans community too, sometimes. I think you'll find this a good site to be on, because we're such a diverse crew :) - check out the Androgyne section in the forum, plenty of like-minded folk there.

...and oh yeah: take you time, enjoy playing with your identity, that can help a lot.

Thanks for your input Padma, I'm just browsing around the rest of the site now, seems like a friendly community :)

Hi Joey, and welcome from Tassie.
It sounds like you have done a lot of self-work already, and as Padma suggested a GT could really be a big help as you seem to have a lot of the basic issues of gender and sexuality sorted already.  Transition is really a pretty vague term so it would be quite reasonable to say that you have already transitioned, but without a clear destination.  As long as you know who you are, the rest is of lesser importance in some ways.
I have gone from considering that I had transitioned to being a Lesbian with no ambiguities about my identity,  to somewhere else altogether.  In the last month I have transcended the concept of Gender itself, and now only make use of it when I want to, in order to function more smoothly in society. 
Whatever works for you in trying to live an authentic life is all that matters really.  To answer the r question you pose in the title, I would suggest ; a happy human.  ;D


Karen.

Hi Joey, and welcome from southern California.

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I have found, from my own experience, you can be just about anything you want to be.

We have an active Androgeny forum, in which we discuss all sort of issues the pertain to non-binaries, like you and me.

Hi Joey, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 8393 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another Andro. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet  (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2F3%2F32%2FPentacle_1.svg&hash=99e763d33bc5c4d79014cb34bf6acb3dfec8befb)

Joey, there is literally only one answer to the question you asked..."what am I?"

You are human! You are a human being who has brought there treasure here to a safe place where you can explore all of the most important and meaningful topics on your mind! You're obviously an intelligent person who just needs a little time, some room to think, a it of support, and some people here at Susan's to help you feel like the person you identify as. You'll have fun, laughs, you'll also see the more serious side of life in certain forums here, where you can chime in and be a part of the family of common interests with people of like mind.

Welcome, have a pleasant stay, and we'll be serving refreshments shortly :)

Be sure to check out Aunty Cindy's Agony Column where sarcasm is spoken fluently, and the whole object is to enjoy being in the moment.

And experience her wonderful collection of whips and branding irons.  This is a safe, fun place.
Honest. ;)

Hi Joey, it's nice to meet you! Don't worry about the branding irons, after several dozen you don't even feel the pain anymore! See you around, hugs, Devlyn