Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've been getting more and more upset and anxious about this low estrogen prescription, and the damned dysphoria is coming back full force.  At first I thought I'd be worried that feminizing would come to a complete stop with this ultra-low dose.  Then I kinda realized that wasn't the issue for me, and although feminizing might be slow, I could manage.  But everything mentally is going to hell, and just as I started to realize the "new me" it all came crashing in.

Yes, I got to the point where I can't stand this.  So I finally found the proper information about my prescription, and then recalculated my dose just to find it's actually way lower than I ever thought.  It's 1/8 of the recommended dose on the low end of the MTF scale, and 1/64 of the upper end.  My antiandrogen is about right, but then I've been taking other androgen-receptor blockers (of verious types) routinely for 7 years, and sporatically for the last 25 years.  So low testosterone effects are more than familiar to me. 

I'm like a walking zombie.  The warm and complete feeling is fading so quickly my head hurts, and there is no longer the thoughtful and peaceful acceptance of inevitable occurances.  I'm constantly on edge, getting mad at people without thinking things through, and then nervously trying to find someplace where there's a little peace and quiet.  No wonder I'm ready to flip out.   

I don't care anymore about feminizing now, and just want this all to go away again.  If I had stayed as I was 8 months ago maybe I'd be better off now, but the anxiety was so difficult to deal with that I emotionally couldn't live that way anymore.  And I really can't live like this anymore either.  It's actually mentally and physically painful.   

I refuse to turn back, and I can't go on like this.  WTF.

Kathy

Quote from: kathy b on September 30, 2012, 11:02:55 AM
I've been getting more and more upset and anxious about this low estrogen prescription, and the damned dysphoria is coming back full force.  At first I thought I'd be worried that feminizing would come to a complete stop with this ultra-low dose.  Then I kinda realized that wasn't the issue for me, and although feminizing might be slow, I could manage.  But everything mentally is going to hell, and just as I started to realize the "new me" it all came crashing in.

Yes, I got to the point where I can't stand this.  So I finally found the proper information about my prescription, and then recalculated my dose just to find it's actually way lower than I ever thought.  It's 1/8 of the recommended dose on the low end of the MTF scale, and 1/64 of the upper end.  My antiandrogen is about right, but then I've been taking other androgen-receptor blockers (of verious types) routinely for 7 years, and sporatically for the last 25 years.  So low testosterone effects are more than familiar to me. 

I'm like a walking zombie.  The warm and complete feeling is fading so quickly my head hurts, and there is no longer the thoughtful and peaceful acceptance of inevitable occurances.  I'm constantly on edge, getting mad at people without thinking things through, and then nervously trying to find someplace where there's a little peace and quiet.  No wonder I'm ready to flip out.   

I don't care anymore about feminizing now, and just want this all to go away again.  If I had stayed as I was 8 months ago maybe I'd be better off now, but the anxiety was so difficult to deal with that I emotionally couldn't live that way anymore.  And I really can't live like this anymore either.  It's actually mentally and physically painful.   

I refuse to turn back, and I can't go on like this.  WTF.

Kathy

Welcome to womanhood, is the best way I could sum up this thread.

Low estrogen(in fact all changes to E levels can make you loca) will do that...  is there any reason why your E prescription is so low? I have heard of many quack doctors, especially from many GP's that have their own crazy ideas.   My doctor put me on the standard dose of E right away~

No idea why the Endo dosed me so low, but it's driving me up a wall.  I'm seeing my GT on Wednesday during a group session and there's one individual appointment in October, so I'll keep trying to talk to her about this.
K

Have you tried asking your Endo why they put you on a lower dose?

Quote from: MaidofOrleans on September 30, 2012, 12:45:39 PM
Have you tried asking your Endo why they put you on a lower dose?

I'll call him tomorrow and leave a message.  I guess he will always call back the same day if he's in the office.

Quote from: kathy b on September 30, 2012, 02:54:21 PM
I'll call him tomorrow and leave a message.  I guess he will always call back the same day if he's in the office.

Let us know what he says.

I would get his reasoning before over thinking or worrying about it too much.

any updates? :icon_poke:

Quote from: kathy b on September 30, 2012, 12:40:14 PM
No idea why the Endo dosed me so low, but it's driving me up a wall.

Seems here in the USA endos tend to go really low compared to what was typical in the late 70s/early 80s. So "Low Dose" HRT can get really really low. My version of low dose was about 1/4 of what was typical in the Pre-Jurasaic period  :P

You didn't mention how long you've been taking E, nor if you are also taking an anti-androgen. Things do take a few weeks to months to settle in.

Quote from: MaidofOrleans on September 30, 2012, 03:59:25 PM
Let us know what he says.

I would get his reasoning before over thinking or worrying about it too much.

Quote from: Rita on October 02, 2012, 10:55:05 AM
any updates? :icon_poke:

Haven't heard back yet, and found out the Endo was off on Monday.  But thought that at least I'd get some sort of call today, or maybe just an email.  Have my first group therapy session tomorrow and I may try to get a short appointment with the Endo first.  (They are in the same hospital building.)

Quote from: JoanneB on October 02, 2012, 07:23:46 PM
Seems here in the USA endos tend to go really low compared to what was typical in the late 70s/early 80s. So "Low Dose" HRT can get really really low. My version of low dose was about 1/4 of what was typical in the Pre-Jurasaic period  :P

You didn't mention how long you've been taking E, nor if you are also taking an anti-androgen. Things do take a few weeks to months to settle in.

The Endo wanted my E to at half CIS female level, then bring it back up to near female range.  But he said maybe no higher than 150 (still 50 too low).  I unwisely self medicated with low-dose topical creams for nearly two months until June 6 when I saw my doctor and had tests.  At that time my E was 65 (normal male is about 50 or less).  I decided to go though the entire medical routine and get a prescription, but on July 12 I broke down, got a script, and ended up self medicating with a higher dose.  My E levels raised to 308 when the GT sent the message to the Endo for a prescription.  So my level must be way down now because the anxiety is worse than ever, and everthing good seems to have faded away.  But maybe the anxiety is covering the good.

I have to see this through and keep the promise to my wife and myself to stay on prescribed meds.  It's difficult and I feel so lost, but this has to be done the right way.

Well thanks girls.  I'll let you know when I actually get to talk to the Endo.

Kathy

Quick update.

The Endo said today that he will look into getting me on injections.  This will eliminate the problem with loose patches and getting water under the patches when I take showers.  Two patches have already come loose before the scheduled replacement date, and at least injections will have consistent dosing without losses from poor adhesion.  This isn't a real good solution, but I'll take it for now.

I'm going to see this transition through.  I had a good cry last night and felt completely drained this morning.  It was like a new start.  So now it's time to get ready for coming out to my brothers and sisters in mid November, then the rest this big, and super religious extended family before Thanksgiving. 

Kathy

Quote from: kathy b on October 03, 2012, 10:07:58 PM
Quick update.

The Endo said today that he will look into getting me on injections.  This will eliminate the problem with loose patches and getting water under the patches when I take showers.  Two patches have already come loose before the scheduled replacement date, and at least injections will have consistent dosing without losses from poor adhesion.  This isn't a real good solution, but I'll take it for now.

I'm going to see this transition through.  I had a good cry last night and felt completely drained this morning.  It was like a new start.  So now it's time to get ready for coming out to my brothers and sisters in mid November, then the rest this big, and super religious extended family before Thanksgiving. 

Kathy

IMHO injections are far from consistant. I can feel the peaking a few days after the shot. Not so much the coming down.

Or... he may be thinking less of a chance of you self-medicating taking extra pills or patches? Doctors have disdain for non-compliant patients.

I have a fairly rollie-pollie body thanks to loosing a lot of weight. Patches were a pain at first popping off. I found the best spots were above my natural waist on my back. Before applying bend or twist enough to tighten the skin even more. Finish off with some means of appling pressure to hold it down for a while. I use a shaper cami (think compression tee). An Ace bandage can also do the job I guess. I think it takes a bit of body heat and light pressure to get the glue to set. After I had that problem solved I discovered I tend to be "sensitive" to the adhesive. Sort of expected since Band-Aides tend to bother my skin after a few days to a week.

Joanne:  I'm stuggling to loose more weight, but still have a few big jelly rolls (and have a long way to go).  I'll take the peaks and valleys for a while with the injections.  But in the mean time I got a line on a clear medical film adhesive that they use to hold iv needles to the skin.  Was told they work like a dream and I hope they do in case I end up staying on the patches.  And I really like the weekly patch (if it sticks).

Kathy

YAY.  The Endo switched me to injections and raised the comperable dose a bit, and just had my first shot in the rear.     

Yes, I'm so very happy.   :D

Kathy

Grats ^.^ based on what everyone else says prepare for a month or 2 of hell and then sublime.

I am still on... the pill so I can't get pregnant........

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Jkjk xD Estradiol of course!