Susan's Place Transgender Resources

On Dominant Narratives and Why Trans People Lie
Posted by helenboyd – October 8, 2012

http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/2012/10/08/on-dominant-narratives-and-why-trans-people-lie/ (http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/2012/10/08/on-dominant-narratives-and-why-trans-people-lie/)

This is a really fascinating article written by a trans person and sent to me by one too, and it echoes a lot of the thought and sentiment of the MHB Boards over the years.

    But it's true that, before I said it, I carefully mined my personal history for examples of how I was never really a girl. And when I presented my decision to transition to my friends and family, it was with the "always knew" narrative well rehearsed. In that, I'm like almost every other trans* person I've ever talked to about the coming out process.

    Why is "I always knew" the common narrative? Why do so many of us tell some version of that story even if it isn't true?

-------


Transgender Narratives: Why We Lie

October 1, 2012 in Zach McCallum by Zach

http://www.owldolatrous.com/?p=838 (http://www.owldolatrous.com/?p=838)

I really couldn't tell you why trans* people have become so much more interesting to the media and acceptable to governments than they once were, but I welcome the change, since I'm one of them.

But as the cultural narrative expands to include 'transgender person' as a stock character, it does so in a way that's, well, just a stock character. The trans* person in the public eye is almost always some variant on the woman who was born with a penis and just "always knew" she was female, or the boy born with a vagina who refused to wear a single dress and never touched a Barbie Doll.

It's a nice, easily packaged, easily understood story, and sometimes it's even true. Some of us do know (and as those recent news articles reported, some are even lucky enough to begin transition) before puberty. But others live entire lifetimes as one sex, and then at the age of seventy or eighty or ninety, make the change. Many, like me, transition in early-to-mid adulthood after months or years of soul-searching and introspection. And there are people who identify as something other than male or female, who don't jump across the line from boy to girl or girl to boy, but take up residence in the broad middle plain known as genderqueer.

Very interesting - I've left a comment on how this pressure to conform to the Standard Revised Version comes from deep inside the trans community itself, too, sometimes.

Good article!

I always used to smirk at people who would say I've known since I was three or "I always knew," because I myself didn't always know and I'm smart enough to realize that is simply the patent comment one makes to his/her therapist to be able to proceed ahead down the road to HRT and eventually SRS. That's what they look for! On another level, it has everything in the world to do with self justification and validation. Then there are some who have always known as opposed to those who were just bored stiff being stuck in their assigned role and subconsciously took a change in direction which eventually manifested itself after a long struggle as a reality. I can attest to being one of the latter types, no BS from this sister!

I think some people have always known what they were - and some of us have known what we weren't, but not what we were, for a long time.

Even I find what I just wrote hard to read ::).

I told my therapist that I always knew something was different, when I was about 8 I realised that I enjoyed playing with girls toys but at that age I thought the desire to be a girl meant I was gay, at that age in the 80's we had no internet so I had no clue that transpeople existed.

It wasn't until I was in my teens that I learnt that there was such thing as a transperson & I instantly knew that was me.
It's very difficult not to project my adult perspective on my childhood memories, maybe some people aren't lying & it's just that it's very confusing trying to sort out these feelings & emotions

I think if I'd heard less of the "I've always known" narrative (or the "trapped in a man's body" narrative), I might have been in touch with my true gender earlier. But I always WISHED I was one of those transsexuals who knew they were women because then I'd get to have a women's body. Didn't occur to me that it might be the same thing.

I've known since I was 4. I am not making that up to please anyone. I don't even have a therapist to tell lies to. I'm not concerned in the slightest that someone might not believe me. Is it a basis to believe someone is "more trans" than another person? I honestly don't know or care.

No, that's not what this is about, I don't think.

It's just saying that only some trans folk knew they were trans right from the start, but that the ones who didn't can feel under pressure to say they did anyway.

I can relate to that, since within the trans community you do get some trans 'elitism' that implies that 'late onset' trans folk are less of the real deal (fortunately, most people don't buy into that crap) - and outside the trans community, you also get people, especially in the medical profession, who don't take you seriously unless you "knew right from the start". It makes it tempting to have that story handy.

Quote from: Padma on October 09, 2012, 06:50:59 PM
I can relate to that, since within the trans community you do get some trans 'elitism' that implies that 'late onset' trans folk are less of the real deal (fortunately, most people don't buy into that crap) - and outside the trans community, you also get people, especially in the medical profession, who don't take you seriously unless you "knew right from the start". It makes it tempting to have that story handy.

As one of the late onset people, I definitely feel this, Padma.

Even from myself.

After all, I've known since I was a teenager that I "wished" I had a female body. But I didn't feel bad enough to *do* anything about it. So maybe I was "less trans" than the person who, at that age, just had to transition so badly that she snuck daily into her sister's room to romp around in her Mary Jane's (among other things).

Of course that doesn't make me less trans now that, for some reason, I can't stand the idea of living another day without the world seeing me as a woman.

I am surprised Helen miss the explanation. If you always knew, since you can remember, well then everything is honky dory, but if the discovery was later on, then there is a perception that people may question this sudden change, and to avoid this questioning, some of us lie.

As a woman of science I am more interested in knowing why in some it manifest so early, and why in others it takes a life long.

I known several people who started CD late in their teens, and remain CD for decades, just to start transitioning and recognizing themselves as TS late in their 40's or 50's.

I think this is a developmental, and I mean a neuro-developmental one. Earlier, I wanted to believe that gender identity was ascribed to single center in the brain, but the preponderance of the emerging biological evidence indicates that gender identity like other complex brain personae (e.g sexual orientation) is holographic in nature, that is, the product of the interaction of many centers.

So, developmentally, the events that make your brain female happen in many areas of the brain with different degrees of penetrance, and thus leading to a syndrome. If I am correct, its effects are not only a temporal expression (e.g. when I discovered my true gender) but also in terms of the skewness of your identity (e.g. how much female I am in the gender continuum).

I would even argue that a similar case could be made for sexual orientation, albeit with different brain centers participating on it.

We will see if future data proves me right or wrong.

Dr. Peky
 

One could wonder if they are lying but that person should wonder what makes them so special in the eyes of who the "liar" that they should give a rat's patoot over whether they believe them or not. I for one don't care what others believe. Their thoughts on my life are roughly the same as whether that speck of dirt in the corner of the room is bothering me. I don't even notice it.

Frankly mine began around puberty. It's hard to pinpoint really. However i was trying on clothes and my confusing sexual feelings began around that time too. May have been further back because I had other thoughts then on being "different" but there are only a few people here I will delve into such a conversation with.

Quote from: Jayne on October 09, 2012, 12:47:02 PM
I told my therapist that I always knew something was different, when I was about 8 I realised that I enjoyed playing with girls toys but at that age I thought the desire to be a girl meant I was gay, at that age in the 80's we had no internet so I had no clue that transpeople existed.

It wasn't until I was in my teens that I learnt that there was such thing as a transperson & I instantly knew that was me.
It's very difficult not to project my adult perspective on my childhood memories, maybe some people aren't lying & it's just that it's very confusing trying to sort out these feelings & emotions

"I always felt different, but never talked about it" is what I put on my therapy registration when it asked about orientation. Sadly, there was no check box or question asked about gender, so I had to put it there. As I said in a thread elsewhere on this forum...I knew from the time I was 7 or 8. Like you, I didn't know that there was a word or category for what I was feeling and what I recognized.

I come from a LGBT home, and was exposed to the reality of people living their own lives in the LGBT spectrum at about age 10. I saw what I thought I recognized as men dressed like women, but was told they were entertainers. My dysphoria REALLY creeped back on me while watching the movie, "Casper" after it came out for private home viewing. The scene where the teen age girl said to her father that she wanted to look "date nice" took me for a such a spin that I KNEW once again that I was a female. WHY? Because I identified and felt with her deeply about wanting to look "date nice".

I always looked at my female role models and had very clear thoughts that I liked what they were wearing, that I wanted to look that nice and well put together. I liked their make-up and wanted to look as beautiful as they did. The dysphoria was REALLY bad when I was 15, but I used other issues that were actually happening with me at the time to cover it up for fear that no one would understand, and I would be diagnosed as certifiably crazy.

Honestly, I am one of those who always knew.

Quote from: peky on October 09, 2012, 07:41:20 PM
I am surprised Helen miss the explanation. If you always knew, since you can remember, well then everything is honky dory, but if the discovery was later on, then there is a perception that people may question this sudden change, and to avoid this questioning, some of us lie.

As a woman of science I am more interested in knowing why in some it manifest so early, and why in others it takes a life long.

I known several people who started CD late in their teens, and remain CD for decades, just to start transitioning and recognizing themselves as TS late in their 40's or 50's.

I think this is a developmental, and I mean a neuro-developmental one. Earlier, I wanted to believe that gender identity was ascribed to single center in the brain, but the preponderance of the emerging biological evidence indicates that gender identity like other complex brain personae (e.g sexual orientation) is holographic in nature, that is, the product of the interaction of many centers.

So, developmentally, the events that make your brain female happen in many areas of the brain with different degrees of penetrance, and thus leading to a syndrome. If I am correct, its effects are not only a temporal expression (e.g. when I discovered my true gender) but also in terms of the skewness of your identity (e.g. how much female I am in the gender continuum).

I would even argue that a similar case could be made for sexual orientation, albeit with different brain centers participating on it.

We will see if future data proves me right or wrong.

Dr. Peky

OK Dr. Peky, You might have something there! Having sex with a few other boys when I was a kid didn't make me gay, it was normal curiosity that a lot of kids have and so they experiment a bit. Trying on my mothers clothes on the sly during puberty didn't turn me into a cross dresser or MtF overnight either, once again it was fantasy coupled with curiosity. But when I was twenty years old in a war zone and looked at a playboy centerfold something snapped. Perhaps it had to do with being 7000 miles away from home, covered with mud and leeches at times, people trying to kill me, and the whole idea that men are born to war and to kill one another, I don't know for certain. But the girl on the page was beautiful, clean, dry safe and adored by everyone that laid eyes on her. I wanted to be like her instead of like me. I wrestled with it off and on for years before I made it happen albeit way late in life. Woulda, coulda, shoulda and if only as no doubt so many of us here have often said.

If I understand correctly, for me the "always knew" was more of a retrospective thing.  I put a lot of effort into trying to fit into my assigned gender.  When I eventually got to a point of accepting myself as I am, then I could acknowledge the dreams and fantasies where I was female, thinking I was born female and "grew out of it" when I was very young....understanding why I might have been mistaken for gay as a teenager.....and so on...

All of that really was happening for as long as I can remember, but it wasn't until I stopped denying it that I was able to acknowledge it.

.....having a hard time writing this without it seeming awkward  :-\

I think I get that. I technically didn't really question my gender until I was 23, but several things make a lot more sense now. Like why I thought I'd end up physically at least part boy when I was a preteen and a few other things that make me wonder why it took me so long.

For me though, the fact that it did take me so long and that it doesn't fit with the "trans narrative" ended up causing me to doubt myself.

I dunno, I think we are all individuals. I knew I felt like a freak since 1974 and "felt like a girl." I don't think that makes many any more or less of anything else. I never played with dolls, I never wore make up or played in my Mom's clothes. I didn't get ma'amd, I wasn't effeminate. I played soccer and lacrosse in high school. I find myself kind of playing up my boy side before I transitioned when I talk to people I tell. "Oh, yeah, you wouldn't have recognized me or anything about me before, you would think I was a duuuude!" Then we laugh about it and move on. In reality, the only real trans narrative is the one each person tells, themselves. To a therapist, the media, speaking groups, friends, lovers, families, etc. My narrative is mine and I emphasize and de-emphasize (um, is that a word?) different parts of it depending on who I'm talking to. If I'm on a radio station, I speak a very basic language the listeners will understand. If I'm talking to the parents of a young trans kid and trying to help them, it's different. An older transitioner, maybe something different. It's all true, it's just different parts for different people. Transpeople ask me much different questions than non trans but I try to make sure the language I use and the narrative I tell makes sense to them and has them understanding a bit better whatever I'm trying to help them understand, if that makes any sense?

I welcome the world when some girl can come on Susan's, say she just figured out she's trans, says she didn't always know, says no one "ever would have suspected anything at all," maybe crossdressed a ton or something and isn't sure transition is for her and seeing an entire thread with nothing but support and love for her and her situation. So many times we get way too caught up in using each other for some kind of measuring stick, validation, etc. Hugs to all of you, I don't care where you are on the gender spectrum, who you love, what you wear or what you identity is. You'll always have a place in my heart for being honest with yourself and saying "this is who I am"   :) Meghan

I realize I am probably out of touch with the community but The first thing I noticed after reading these boards were the number of MTF's who did not have the "woman trapped in a mans body" thing.   It's simply a lot easier to explain to outsiders than the varied and complex paths we follow. Not fitting the woman trapped in a mans body concept caused great confusion and anxiety. It was the source of my trouble. I thought I can't be a MTF TS because I didn't feel that way. That's why I gave up on labels. They don't work for me.

  I knew something was wrong from a very young age but my thought process was simple. Look below and what do you see? Male parts. Therefore I am male. But the thing is  I didn't feel male with certainty. I just felt like me.  As puberty approached I knew something was simply wrong inside. I just was not matching up with the other boys.  But I wanted more than anything to have a female body. 

I wish boards like this were around years ago. It would have made life allot easier. I must say it  feels nice to feel apart of a like minded community.   

Quote from: Christine on October 09, 2012, 10:41:11 PM
I realize I am probably out of touch with the community but The first thing I noticed after reading these boards were the number of MTF's who did not have the "woman trapped in a mans body" thing.

Lol, I always hated that phrase. It sounds like a bad episode of Star Trek or something, not to make light of people who really felt that, because it would stink to feel that way. Christine, I felt like I had the right body, it was the brain that was all messed up. Brains are easier to fix and be messed up than bodies, right? I felt more comfortable thinking to myself that my brain was just stupid and I was a freak. Then when I came out I just told people "yeah, I dunno, I'm just going to be a lot happier this way, it just makes a lot more sense to me if I lived female and not male. Be happy for me!" I think it sounds really simplistic, but it kinda was, I think. Problem = I think I'd feel more comfortable and happy living female based on how and feel and felt. Solution = Live as female. Outcome =  ;D

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on October 09, 2012, 10:49:43 PM
Lol, I always hated that phrase. It sounds like a bad episode of Star Trek or something, not to make light of people who really felt that, because it would stink to feel that way. Christine, I felt like I had the right body, it was the brain that was all messed up. Brains are easier to fix and be messed up than bodies, right? I felt more comfortable thinking to myself that my brain was just stupid and I was a freak. Then when I came out I just told people "yeah, I dunno, I'm just going to be a lot happier this way, it just makes a lot more sense to me if I lived female and not male. Be happy for me!" I think it sounds really simplistic, but it kinda was, I think. Problem = I think I'd feel more comfortable and happy living female based on how and feel and felt. Solution = Live as female. Outcome =  ;D

Yep.

It took me 25 years after first realising I was supposed to be female before I felt safe enough to do something about it. And then I questioned myself for a while after starting to visit trans forums, because my Story didn't fit the Standard Revised Version that I was seeing a lot, the "I knew since I was potty trained, played with dolls, wanted to be a princess" history that seemed dominant - until I got here and found more diversity - and watched She's A Boy I Knew.

My "Oh, *that's* what's always been going on!* has been retrospective, and my life only made sense to me after looking back 50 years. I never cross-dressed in the way people would normally understand this - but that's because the women I always wanted to be like were all trouser-wearing adventuresses :). I've basically been a closet dyke all my life, so it didn't show very clearly...

My "looking-back" has been cautious, since I know it's easy to reinterpret memories, or even rewrite them (I repressed abuse for years before it was safe to remember). But an obsession since childhood with trans stories is not in question. I always knew I was female, and I always knew it wasn't safe to know that until later.

The whole "validity" thing can sting - I often get people who, when they hear that I was abused, ask "do you think this was the cause of your gender issues?" like they need to find a reason for it to be unreal. I have to explain patiently that it's more the other way round - I was abused partially as a consequence of being gender-ambiguous.

I don't know all the details of my past, it's been too long - but I know that as soon as I began taking estrogen, something in me that had never, ever relaxed was able to sit down for the first time ever in the seat of me. That's all I need to know.

And see, I've just written this in some way to justify myself - it's hard not to do that, having been brought up not to consider myself a valid person. A lot of trans people have difficult pasts to deal with alongside their present.

Great thread girls;

I remember from bitter experience from a young age of "knowing" but denying. At the Age of just 12 I was discovered by friends dressing in their daughters underwaear. My Mum was in hospital at that time and my father very strict. Of course at that time no one understood Transgendered. So I was sent to a Physciatrist who prposcribed electric shock therapy to rid me of these feelings!. Of course it never worked as I had known from an early age that there was something different about me. But I then learnt to hide my true feelings, to hide away my femaleness. I must have gone though a dozen purges before meeting some Transexual s and understanding the words. By the time i was in my 20's, GIC Charing cross was up and running, but back then if you wanted approval, you had to coonform to their sterotype of a "real" woman. No trousers, no slacks, very feminine outfits and  I soon learnt that there was a sewt of things you had to say and do if you ever wanted  HRT.

The GIC put me through the ringer. Then one day I met Russel Reid. On my second appointment he told me he also took on private patients in Readsing noting that I was a professional person - and of course could afford the private route. From then there was no more "ltying" or bending the truth as he treated me as a human being . He listened too my fears, my needs and concerns and was incredibly supportive of me.



I was horiffied to hear the GMC  had him up on charges and I wrote a long letter to the GMC in support of this wonderful man.
Hugs'

Judith Lynn

Quote from: Padma on October 10, 2012, 02:19:12 AM
It took me 25 years after first realising I was supposed to be female before I felt safe enough to do something about it. And then I questioned myself for a while after starting to visit trans forums, because my Story didn't fit the Standard Revised Version that I was seeing a lot, the "I knew since I was potty trained, played with dolls, wanted to be a princess" history that seemed dominant - until I got here and found more diversity - and watched She's A Boy I Knew.

My "Oh, *that's* what's always been going on!* has been retrospective, and my life only made sense to me after looking back 50 years. I never cross-dressed in the way people would normally understand this - but that's because the women I always wanted to be like were all trouser-wearing adventuresses :). I've basically been a closet dyke all my life, so it didn't show very clearly...

My "looking-back" has been cautious, since I know it's easy to reinterpret memories, or even rewrite them (I repressed abuse for years before it was safe to remember). But an obsession since childhood with trans stories is not in question. I always knew I was female, and I always knew it wasn't safe to know that until later.

The whole "validity" thing can sting - I often get people who, when they hear that I was abused, ask "do you think this was the cause of your gender issues?" like they need to find a reason for it to be unreal. I have to explain patiently that it's more the other way round - I was abused partially as a consequence of being gender-ambiguous.

I don't know all the details of my past, it's been too long - but I know that as soon as I began taking estrogen, something in me that had never, ever relaxed was able to sit down for the first time ever in the seat of me. That's all I need to know.

And see, I've just written this in some way to justify myself - it's hard not to do that, having been brought up not to consider myself a valid person. A lot of trans people have difficult pasts to deal with alongside their present.

Make it 30 years instead of 25, and you've told my story for me. Thanks Padma for sharing it. In my case, I couldn't allow myself to remember my gendered past without working through the amnesia caused by abuse first, not that more doesn't come up as part of the ongoing healing processes since then.

Quote from: MadelineB on October 10, 2012, 02:32:08 AM
Make it 30 years instead of 25, and you've told my story for me. Thanks Padma for sharing it. In my case, I couldn't allow myself to remember my gendered past without working through the amnesia caused by abuse first, not that more doesn't come up as part of the ongoing healing processes since then.

Yes, that's been a price I'm (willingly) paying too - the only way to a whole self is through seeing it all, and some of it hurts a lot. I've been having to face exactly why it wasn't safe to be female as a child (and I have huge gratitude for the "male" me who tried to protect me from what was happening). But doing this is what's setting me free to be my own true self. So it goes - healing sometimes requires the rebreaking of bones. My dastardly revenge on my abusers is to become a better and happier person than they were :D.

Quote from: Jayne on October 09, 2012, 12:47:02 PM
I told my therapist that I always knew something was different, when I was about 8 I realised that I enjoyed playing with girls toys but at that age I thought the desire to be a girl meant I was gay, at that age in the 80's we had no internet so I had no clue that transpeople existed.

It wasn't until I was in my teens that I learnt that there was such thing as a transperson & I instantly knew that was me.
It's very difficult not to project my adult perspective on my childhood memories, maybe some people aren't lying & it's just that it's very confusing trying to sort out these feelings & emotions

I've just re-read my post & thought I should clarify, the last line makes it read like i'm saying some people are lying, it was badly worded.
The point I was aiming at is it's difficult to say what I thought at an early age, i'm sure memories get muddled up due to perspective changing with age, Did I really understand my desire to be one of the girls at 7 or 8 yrs old? Or am I projecting my newfound acceptance of my trans status on my childhood memories?
It's hard to say for sure as childhood was very confusing when I didn't feel comfortable with who I was & I was surrounded by a homophobic family so had to keep everything hidden.

I'm still not too happy with my answer but it's about the closest i've come so far to what i'm thinking

Quote from: Jayne on October 10, 2012, 03:35:54 AM
I've just re-read my post & thought I should clarify, the last line makes it read like i'm saying some people are lying, it was badly worded.
The point I was aiming at is it's difficult to say what I thought at an early age, i'm sure memories get muddled up due to perspective changing with age, Did I really understand my desire to be one of the girls at 7 or 8 yrs old? Or am I projecting my newfound acceptance of my trans status on my childhood memories?
It's hard to say for sure as childhood was very confusing when I didn't feel comfortable with who I was & I was surrounded by a homophobic family so had to keep everything hidden.

I'm still not too happy with my answer but it's about the closest i've come so far to what i'm thinking

Makes sense to me. I don't really know who I was at a young age either, but I remember how I felt sometimes, and what I did sometimes, and there are some obvious clues in there. I know my obsessive fascination with Amelia Earhart from when I was around 7 was significant, for example :).

My childhood obsession was Elizibeth the star child in V. From the point she went into a cocoon as a child & came out as a beautiful young woman I would go to bed praying i'd go into a cocoon state & emerge as a woman.
I'm 37 now & that childish wish still comes back to haunt me, all I have to do is pull the duvet over my head whilst trying to get to sleep & the memory of wrapping myself in my bedsheets as a child pretending it was my cocoon returns.

My first exposure to possibility was around 6, when I read The Marvellous Land of Oz, at the end of which the boy Tip gets transformed (back) into Princess Ozma - who I always imagined to be a kickass princess, not a frilly one :). It always made me cry when, after her transformation, this happens:

Speaking the words with sweet diffidence, she said:
"I hope none of you will care less for me than you did before. I'm just the same Tip, you know; only – only – "
"Only you're different!" said the Pumpkinhead; and everyone thought it was the wisest speech he had ever made.

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on October 09, 2012, 10:49:43 PM
... I felt like I had the right body, it was the brain that was all messed up. Brains are easier to fix and be messed up than bodies, right? I felt more comfortable thinking to myself that my brain was just stupid and I was a freak.  ;D

YES YES YES! I felt like a freak! Inside I didn't match up. As a child my self perception of gender was extremely confused.  The only way to describe it was "apparently" male. Everybody treated me as such and my parts all pointed to that fact. What else was I to conclude? It hurts just thinking about the past. I am absolutely sure there are people who experience the woman trapped in a mans body and who's identity was female from the git go.  But I am equally sure there are people who are not that way. Perhaps more of them. As a young person I can't say I felt male with certainty and that was my self identification as a kid. I just felt like me. Maybe I am wierd.

I am not speaking for anyone else but for me it would have been a lot easier to say to my therapist I played with dolls and I was a woman trapped in a mans body thing because I knew what it could do for me. Fortunately before going to therapy I promised myself that I would be brutally honest with the therapist and my wife. I was in such anxiety over this whole thing I thought the therapy was my last hope for a resolution. AND IT WAS!  The therapist allowed a Orchi after quite a bit of therapy because she knew it was the right thing for me and my wife who was extremely important to my happiness and she new it. It has indeed been the best decision for our family. I am a very happy person now. Orchi, not a full transition 100% but mostly, madly in love with my wife and children, Life has been good I am lucky. The therapist saved my life and preserved our family. Sadly she has passed on.

I am sure there are many who will not like what I say on these boards, because I will point out their are sometimes compromises that can be made and save your marriage and family. That's assuming you love them and they are the most important thing in your life after taking care of yourself. Please don't attack me for this. I feel I owe it to others in our community.

Now that I have bored you to death my job is done

This wonderful blog post really resonated with me! The standard trans narrative has never felt exactly right (for me), although I'd previously quoted bits of it in my early therapy experiences, particularly when it seemed necessary for dealing with gatekeeper aspects of getting a letter, etc. As a kid I didn't know any wording or terminology for how I felt, however there were definitely some signs of gender variance, I always felt different. Even in adulthood, it has taken considerable soul searching to find the place on the gender continuum that feels right for me. Still finding that place, and enjoying the journey.

Z

Very nice article. Personally, I actually have always felt from a young age that I was a boy, even if other people didn't see it immediately. This lead to a lot of things, including me believing in reincarnation because I didn't understand how else I could possibly be a man if I hadn't been born with the genitals every other little boy has. Unfortunately, being a young depressed person who believes in reincarnation can also lead to feelings of hopelessness and losing the will to live. After all, why bother if the next life will be so much better? That is how I used to feel, and I also spent all of my time reading and playing video games, anything I could do to "be" somebody else.

At the same time, I know that for many people, cisgender people included, it can be hard to know exactly who you are and not have doubts or fluctuations. For that reason I do believe that surgery and hormones should be available to EVERYONE, provided they sign the consent forms, liability waivers, express and understanding of the risks and limitations, and undergo a waiting period of 1 month before having surgery, as is the recommended standard when doing things such as vasectomy or tubal ligation, which cannot be guaranteed reversible.

I think that the current medical restrictions on obtaining treatment DO motivate a lot of people to lie, and at the same time they make some transgender people think they -need- to have certain things done, because it's all so graphed out and linear. That's not beneficial to anybody.


In reality, the LAW does NOT require psychotherapy. The law does not require recommendation letters. The law does not require anything other than you being healthy enough to undergo the effects of medication or surgery on your body. What DOES require that is the institution composed of certain doctors, but not all doctors force you to undergo waiting periods and jump through hoops, scattering pockets full of cash on your way. Transgender health clinics, though few and far between, are able to make sure that an individual is mentally healthy and assess whether they feel transition is what that person truly wants and what will help them to become more complete as an individual. I go to one such doctor, and it is definitely worth it. If not for them I would still be unemployed and too uncomfortable with myself and my life to join the work force and be a productive member of society.

Ever since I was quite young I knew there was something "wrong" with my physical body. However, every time I tried to express myself it was literally beat out of me. I learned the what I was feeling was not right, and I needed to avoid it. I did not know what transgender, or transsexual were. I just knew I was not supposed to be in a boys body. However, due to the incidents of abuse I tried everything I could to escape the "wrong" feelings. I would not say that I have always known. But, I have known since a young age.

To me "boy" was just the label of the body I owned. I was taught to believe the only real difference was your body, that everyone was really the same under all the social and cultural conditioning. (I still think that is mostly the case, though obviously being trans has shaken that faith somewhat.) I always wished I was female, which was really confusing and seemed crazy and wrong because I couldn't understand why I'd feel that way. But I never believed I was female till I found out that it was possible, till I found out about transitioning and hormones and surgery.

Quote from: Shantel on October 09, 2012, 11:17:16 AM
Good article!
........ Then there are some who have always known as opposed to those who were just bored stiff being stuck in their assigned role and subconsciously took a change in direction which eventually manifested itself after a long struggle as a reality. I can attest to being one of the latter types, no BS from this sister!

That is really interesting. I have never thought of that. As long as it was a positive move then it is a good thing.  I admire your honesty. 
If something isn't working try plan b. This is such a fascinating subject especially since I am no longer living the nightmare. I have accepted my self. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Quote from: Christine on October 10, 2012, 05:19:01 PM
That is really interesting. I have never thought of that. As long as it was a positive move then it is a good thing.  I admire your honesty. 
If something isn't working try plan b. This is such a fascinating subject especially since I am no longer living the nightmare. I have accepted my self. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I think everyone here has their own unique story and it's interesting to see some honest introspection going one. Let's face it, we're all unique individuals and not cast from a cookie cutter mold. Going back to several years of gender group meetings I can attest to the fact that there is a lot of inadvertent pressure imposed on everyone to be able to convince therapists that they are indeed a good candidate for HRT and gender altering surgeries. The letters being the prize and often one's honesty and integrity put to the test in order to qualify.