Susan's Place Transgender Resources

...I will call you Beth."

I was at an "adult day health" facility, and had just dropped off several people. With the last one, a staff person came out and said, "Thank you, sir!"

As I was pressed for time, I didn't say anything and just went back to my l'il bus...but as I was doing the paperwork, what she said started to bother me...I mean, she (and all the staff there) know about me and my transition, and--on the off chance that she'd just forgotten--I decided it was worth it to gently remind her that I would prefer to be called "ma'am", and definitely not "sir."

I don't pass, btw. Physically, I look like a guy with makeup and small boobs. But, I have a name tag that clearly says, "Beth."

So I find her, and ask nicely if she'd call me "ma'am" the next time...she says, "I can't call you ma'am, but I will call you Beth."

I thanked her, and left.

Tell me what ya'all think. I've had it really easy so far, not a single word of badness or evil (some unpleasant looks though), transition process has been pretty non-eventful. This is the second time someone's said something like this. (The first time was with the ex; she still doesn't call me "Beth" to my face, only on the occasional texts)

At least she will call you Beth. But, I don't know why she couldn't call you ma'am. That does not make any sense to me. Do you happen to have any idea why she said that?

Quote from: Brooke777 on November 05, 2012, 12:03:40 PM
At least she will call you Beth. But, I don't know why she couldn't call you ma'am. That does not make any sense to me. Do you happen to have any idea why she said that?

I suspect she doesn't recognize transgendered people as trans. Just something about her overall demeanor--strictly neutral, no smiles or greeting, etc.

I have a little familiarity with people who are racist, and they also refuse to call black men "sir", preferring to use the person's name. That's the impression I get.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on November 05, 2012, 12:10:53 PM
I suspect she doesn't recognize transgendered people as trans. Just something about her overall demeanor--strictly neutral, no smiles or greeting, etc.

I have a little familiarity with people who are racist, and they also refuse to call black men "sir", preferring to use the person's name. That's the impression I get.

In that case, I would consider this to be descriminatory. If you have to deal with her on a regular basis, I would suggest informing her manager about this. You are a great woman, and deserve to be treated as such!

Quote from: Beth Andrea on November 05, 2012, 11:34:01 AM
...I will call you Beth."

I was at an "adult day health" facility, and had just dropped off several people. With the last one, a staff person came out and said, "Thank you, sir!"

As I was pressed for time, I didn't say anything and just went back to my l'il bus...but as I was doing the paperwork, what she said started to bother me...I mean, she (and all the staff there) know about me and my transition, and--on the off chance that she'd just forgotten--I decided it was worth it to gently remind her that I would prefer to be called "ma'am", and definitely not "sir."

I don't pass, btw. Physically, I look like a guy with makeup and small boobs. But, I have a name tag that clearly says, "Beth."

So I find her, and ask nicely if she'd call me "ma'am" the next time...she says, "I can't call you ma'am, but I will call you Beth."

I thanked her, and left.

Tell me what ya'all think. I've had it really easy so far, not a single word of badness or evil (some unpleasant looks though), transition process has been pretty non-eventful. This is the second time someone's said something like this. (The first time was with the ex; she still doesn't call me "Beth" to my face, only on the occasional texts)

Where you in that establisment as a costumer? Do you do bussienss with these people? Does she and you work ifor the smae company? I am asking all of this, because it is seminal to the type a response to be offered.

IMHO this is BS, I would not put up with that BS.

I work as a bus driver, and the agency is a program that is setup for people with Alzheimer's and other disabilities...basically it's a respite program for the home care people.

I've not ever been discriminated against by them, but have noticed a little "chill" among a couple of the employees since coming "out" (this woman is one of them, but then, she's always been "cold", socially, to all the other drivers).

I was just taken aback by her comment, "I can't call you ma'am..." I mean, obviously she *can* say the word "ma'am", but chooses to not use it with me. I plan on just keeping an eye on things for a bit, see if it was just me or if this is an unwanted..."beginning".

Quote from: Beth Andrea on November 05, 2012, 01:39:40 PM
I work as a bus driver, and the agency is a program that is setup for people with Alzheimer's and other disabilities...basically it's a respite program for the home care people.

I've not ever been discriminated against by them, but have noticed a little "chill" among a couple of the employees since coming "out" (this woman is one of them, but then, she's always been "cold", socially, to all the other drivers).

I was just taken aback by her comment, "I can't call you ma'am..." I mean, obviously she *can* say the word "ma'am", but chooses to not use it with me. I plan on just keeping an eye on things for a bit, see if it was just me or if this is an unwanted..."beginning".

So, I take you and her work for different companies. If that is the case, perhaps the best tacti is to call her "Sir" or ignor her al together

I she and you work for the same company, what is the company position as far as TG/TS? If it is in the books, then she is "toast," all you need to do is biring it up with the HR person in you company.

Beth, this sucks. I'll provide a somewhat different perspective.

If this person really has a moral problem calling people by their true gender, there's no benefit to forcing her into it. She doesn't respect your transition, you know it, I'd just act accordingly. Don't waste energy or bad feelings trying to get her to change.

I feel sorry for her. She's missing out on winning the respect of a terrific person.