Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Do you ever find yourself looking at old pictures of your former self and calling them a different person? I've been doing that a lot recently, and it's hard to believe just last year I was still "female." When I look at my photos I say "her" or "she", and I feel myself separating farther and farther from my former self, as I become who I really am. Do ya'll feel the same way or is that strange?

It's so strange, how I got all the way to where I am from this:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-snc7%2F301660_307536672597258_1380822109_n.jpg&hash=a125ba3a295edc3fc79f51030434da0d37c0f033)

To me "Two separate people" is all I've ever been. For all my life I was 2 different people. One, mostly male that was presented to the world. The other, the real me kept hiden deep inside me, female. Both kept well separated, compartamentalized.

My first steps towards a healthier emotional, spiritual, and physical life were to bring those two distinct persons together. To make one whole health and hopefully happy one. It has been working. So much so that while my two physical presentations are as different as night and day (I am only part time) when I look in the mirror I tend to see just one now

That is a good outlook on things. I hope one day I will be able to see that, that I am this person I used to be, right now it is a bit hard to come into terms with that though. But hopefully in the future. :)

I felt that way, especially as I was changing my name. My old name became unknown, strange to me...like I was using a totally random person's name...(Like if you wrote, "Hi, my name is Ralph Smith" and felt no connection to "that name" and "yourself", that was me)

Same thing with old pics...I almost feel like someone should say, "That's your cousin, who you never met. But he looked just like you did back then..."

For me, it's both painful and a relief. Painful, because that "part" of me is no longer part of me; and a relief because that "part" of me is no longer a part of me.

I get the same feeling, there are very few pictures of me remaining in girl mode but one will crop up occasionally and I'm like woah....is that really me?

I pretty much don't even remember being there at the time....like I remember it....but in the same way I would remember seeing something on TV.

I feel the same way when talking about my past, things that happened before I was Nick don't seem real any more. I feel like I'm talking about somebody else.

My people, Ojibwas (Chippewa), believe that two-spirited people.  In fact, we are revered as shaman (or should that be shawomen (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f))

When I look at old photos of "him", I just see how unhappy "he" seems.

Pictures of myself early on really do feel like a different person, because there was a lot I hid away and lied about.

Though I did see some family videos that showed me my personality was the same, and it was there...so I've made a bit more peace with it now.

That's what I was thinking, Ms.OBrien.

I sometimes wonder how I could ahve survived, being so miserable, but then I realise that what I also seeing is a present perspective of somehting that makes me miserable to see it.

Another thing I see is the misery of those around me. Since I was so agitated and depressing, I much have been difficult company.

I suppose, fortunately, I threw out almost all the old photos I had, in one of my manic clear outs many years ago. Though thinking back, I find it difficult to really understand why.