Community Conversation => Transitioning => Real-Life Experience => Topic started by: stephanie_craxford on October 22, 2005, 10:16:11 PM Return to Full Version
Title: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: stephanie_craxford on October 22, 2005, 10:16:11 PM
Post by: stephanie_craxford on October 22, 2005, 10:16:11 PM
While I face and live my RLT everyday, so does my wife. Like me, she has had to make many adjustments, many as hard as mine. One of these is at her place of work, an internationally renowned University. Since going full time on Aug 8th, she has made the adjustment to referring to me as "she", and "her" etc... everywhere except at work. There she continued to refer to me as her husband, "he", "him", and "his". She has caught her self slipping up a couple of times by calling me "she". Although no one seemed to notice she was really upset with having to hide Stephanie. As my transition goes on my former self has completely disappeared, and my wife realised that the only way to get piece of mind at work was to come out to them.
We spoke for almost a whole week about this and she finally decided to approach her manager and reveal her secret. Before she did this she went to the University Human Rights Office to ensure what protections, laws and legislation's that the University had in place to protect her, and then while I while I was at an electro session, she stayed behind after work and discussed the whole thing with her manager.
My wife was very worried, but she shouldn't have been, her boss took the news well and reassured her that she didn't have to worry about a thing. She was so relieved and happy, and consequently has told many others in her office about Stephanie. Everyone seems to be taking the news OK and many have offered their support. Very similar to my coming out at work.
The biggest thing that she has noticed over all of this, is how she feels so much happier now that others know and she doesn't have to try and hide our secret anymore. Of course there will be those who will not agree or understand all of this but the fact that other now know have taken a great weight off her shoulders.
Yep I'm a lucky girl,
Steph
We spoke for almost a whole week about this and she finally decided to approach her manager and reveal her secret. Before she did this she went to the University Human Rights Office to ensure what protections, laws and legislation's that the University had in place to protect her, and then while I while I was at an electro session, she stayed behind after work and discussed the whole thing with her manager.
My wife was very worried, but she shouldn't have been, her boss took the news well and reassured her that she didn't have to worry about a thing. She was so relieved and happy, and consequently has told many others in her office about Stephanie. Everyone seems to be taking the news OK and many have offered their support. Very similar to my coming out at work.
The biggest thing that she has noticed over all of this, is how she feels so much happier now that others know and she doesn't have to try and hide our secret anymore. Of course there will be those who will not agree or understand all of this but the fact that other now know have taken a great weight off her shoulders.
Yep I'm a lucky girl,
Steph
Title: Re: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: Dennis on October 22, 2005, 11:31:46 PM
Post by: Dennis on October 22, 2005, 11:31:46 PM
My mother just came out to the women's tennis club (I used to be a member). The fact that she could do that says to me that she's getting way more comfortable with the idea. She laughed and said it was a conversation stopper.
Dennis
Dennis
Title: Re: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: Sheila on October 26, 2005, 01:53:25 PM
Post by: Sheila on October 26, 2005, 01:53:25 PM
Stephanie,
I feel it is harder for the partners, especially if you have been married for any length of time, than ourselves. We have known who we were all of our lives and the partner has to play catch up and absorb all of what we have told them. Then they themselves have to come out, like you said at work, and it is very hard. One minute you are straight hetero and the next you are Gay or lesbian. Whether you are or you are not, the world will perceive you as such.
My wife (36yrs) really didn't have to come out at work. I retired from where she worked. We both worked at the same company, doing different tasks though. They felt sorry for her at first, but most accepted me and so they accepted her and vice a versa. I know there was a lot of talk that went through the chain, we worked at a chain store (Fred Meyer) and we were both managers in different stores. When I retired at 22 years everyone knew why. It is now accepted there and in a way I think I made a difference there.
Sheila
I feel it is harder for the partners, especially if you have been married for any length of time, than ourselves. We have known who we were all of our lives and the partner has to play catch up and absorb all of what we have told them. Then they themselves have to come out, like you said at work, and it is very hard. One minute you are straight hetero and the next you are Gay or lesbian. Whether you are or you are not, the world will perceive you as such.
My wife (36yrs) really didn't have to come out at work. I retired from where she worked. We both worked at the same company, doing different tasks though. They felt sorry for her at first, but most accepted me and so they accepted her and vice a versa. I know there was a lot of talk that went through the chain, we worked at a chain store (Fred Meyer) and we were both managers in different stores. When I retired at 22 years everyone knew why. It is now accepted there and in a way I think I made a difference there.
Sheila
Title: Re: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: gina_taylor on October 26, 2005, 04:01:22 PM
Post by: gina_taylor on October 26, 2005, 04:01:22 PM
Stephanie,
I'm really glad to hear that things are working out so well for you from all angles. I'm sure that you were a little bit worried, but the more that people know about you and feel comfortable with you is the more that you will feel comfortablewith them. I've actually noticed that you've really started to blossom more in the last few months, and I'm really happy for you. Y'know, in a way I'm a little bit jealous of you, but I will soon over come my jealousy as I start my own journey. :)
Gina
I'm really glad to hear that things are working out so well for you from all angles. I'm sure that you were a little bit worried, but the more that people know about you and feel comfortable with you is the more that you will feel comfortablewith them. I've actually noticed that you've really started to blossom more in the last few months, and I'm really happy for you. Y'know, in a way I'm a little bit jealous of you, but I will soon over come my jealousy as I start my own journey. :)
Gina
Title: Re: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: stephanie_craxford on October 26, 2005, 06:38:00 PM
Post by: stephanie_craxford on October 26, 2005, 06:38:00 PM
Thanks everyone,
And Gina, please don't be jealous of me or anything about me. Just like everyone here I have had successes and failures, it's just that my circumstances are different from all those here. We are all living our lives the best way we can, taking advantage of the opportunities we have. You have to live your life, and only your life, and at this point in time it should be your life that has to be first and foremost.
I think you know where I'm coming from Gina, take care and I'm sure we'll chat later.
Steph :)
And Gina, please don't be jealous of me or anything about me. Just like everyone here I have had successes and failures, it's just that my circumstances are different from all those here. We are all living our lives the best way we can, taking advantage of the opportunities we have. You have to live your life, and only your life, and at this point in time it should be your life that has to be first and foremost.
I think you know where I'm coming from Gina, take care and I'm sure we'll chat later.
Steph :)
Title: Re: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: gina_taylor on October 27, 2005, 11:16:39 AM
Post by: gina_taylor on October 27, 2005, 11:16:39 AM
I'm sorry Stephanie, but it just seems that everything has been going so well for you in your transaction and everytime I try to make a step forward with my transaction, I always seem to goof up and it always puts me back, and I feel like a failure. But hopefully with my goals set up now, everything should work out well, and everything should go as planned. :)
Gina
Gina
Title: Re: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: stephanie_craxford on October 27, 2005, 11:31:06 AM
Post by: stephanie_craxford on October 27, 2005, 11:31:06 AM
Hey there Gina,
You don't have to be sorry hon, and don't ever consider yourself as a failure. Based on circumstances it just takes different people different ways of reaching their goals. And don't forget this is equally true of transitions. The important thing is to have those goals, have a plan and equally important, have a alternate plan cause we all know about the "best laid plans".
Take care and we'll chat later,
Steph :)
You don't have to be sorry hon, and don't ever consider yourself as a failure. Based on circumstances it just takes different people different ways of reaching their goals. And don't forget this is equally true of transitions. The important thing is to have those goals, have a plan and equally important, have a alternate plan cause we all know about the "best laid plans".
Take care and we'll chat later,
Steph :)
Title: Re: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: Valerie on October 27, 2005, 12:17:13 PM
Post by: Valerie on October 27, 2005, 12:17:13 PM
Oh, Steph! It's so nice to hear that your wife didn't have a problem at work. I think even that she is for you in all of this despite the personal sacrifies she makes is terriffic...you've often mentioned how supportive she is of you. But by her coming out at work, by making choices to ensure your dignity, she's really showing that she is ONE with you... I hope the goodness continues.....
Valerie
Valerie
Title: Re: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: Shelley on October 27, 2005, 03:40:32 PM
Post by: Shelley on October 27, 2005, 03:40:32 PM
Another step forward Steph,
Once again I am so happy for you and your wife. I feel so good when I read success stories but when it happens to some one you know and really care about it is just that much more special.
Hugs Shelley
Once again I am so happy for you and your wife. I feel so good when I read success stories but when it happens to some one you know and really care about it is just that much more special.
Hugs Shelley
Title: Re: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: unicorn on October 27, 2005, 05:29:58 PM
Post by: unicorn on October 27, 2005, 05:29:58 PM
Hi Steph, (again, delayed reaction...)
I'm glad for you that things are going so well for you and your wife! I hope your journey will continue in this way. Good luck!
take care
Alex
I'm glad for you that things are going so well for you and your wife! I hope your journey will continue in this way. Good luck!
take care
Alex
Title: Re: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: Debtv on October 27, 2005, 11:41:17 PM
Post by: Debtv on October 27, 2005, 11:41:17 PM
Hi Steph
Yep you are....but you and I know their is the unsaid price you have paid...to make that so.
"It is you that paints your sky blue" does mean how you see it....but it also means how work to make it so.
Congrates
DebTV
QuoteYep I'm a lucky girl,
Yep you are....but you and I know their is the unsaid price you have paid...to make that so.
"It is you that paints your sky blue" does mean how you see it....but it also means how work to make it so.
Congrates
DebTV
Title: Re: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: stephanie_craxford on October 28, 2005, 05:22:54 AM
Post by: stephanie_craxford on October 28, 2005, 05:22:54 AM
Quote from: Debtv on October 27, 2005, 11:41:17 PM
Hi Steph
Yep you are....but you and I know their is the unsaid price you have paid...to make that so.
"It is you that paints your sky blue" does mean how you see it....but it also means how work to make it so.
Thanks for that Deb. It's only too true, many on the outside do not see the pain we often have to endure to be able to live our lives as they were meant to be. It's sad but it's a part of our life I guess.
Take care,
Steph
Title: Re: RLT affects my SO as well
Post by: Sheila on October 29, 2005, 01:04:39 PM
Post by: Sheila on October 29, 2005, 01:04:39 PM
Stephanie,
I also want to point out that everything in life is not perfect. We all make our mistakes and we have to live with them. If you don't dwell on the mistakes and only learn from them, the next time out will make a big difference. Think positive and try to carry that with you at all times. Stephanie, you are making great strides and trying to do the right thing in your life with your spouse, I commend you. You are a role mode.
Sheila
I also want to point out that everything in life is not perfect. We all make our mistakes and we have to live with them. If you don't dwell on the mistakes and only learn from them, the next time out will make a big difference. Think positive and try to carry that with you at all times. Stephanie, you are making great strides and trying to do the right thing in your life with your spouse, I commend you. You are a role mode.
Sheila